美式教養(yǎng)觀

孟志欣

The job of raising children is a tough one. Children dont come with an instruction manual. And each child is different. So parents sometimes pull their hair out in frustration, not knowing what to do. But in raising children—as in all of life—what we do is influenced by our culture. Naturally then, American parents teach their children basic American values.

To Americans, the goal of parents is to help children stand on their own two feet. From infancy, each child may get his or her own room. As children grow, they gain more freedom to make their own choices. Teenagers choose their own forms of entertainment, as well as the friends to share them with. When they reach young adulthood, they choose their own careers and marriage partners. Of course, many young adults still seek their parents advice and approval for the choices they make. But once they “l(fā)eave the nest” at around 18 to 21 years old, they want to be on their own, not “tied to their mothers apron strings.”

The relationship between parents and children in America is very informal. American parents try to treat their children as individuals—not as extensions of themselves. They allow them to fulfill their own dreams. Americans praise and encourage their children to give them the confidence to succeed. When children become adults, their relationship with their parents becomes more like a friendship among equals. But contrary to popular belief, most adult Americans dont make their parents pay for room and board when they come to visit. Even as adults, they respect and honor their parents.

Most young couples with children struggle with the issue of childcare. Mothers have traditionally stayed home with their children. In recent years, though, a growing trend is to put preschoolers in a day care center so Mom can work. Many Americans have strong feelings about which type of arrangement is best. Some argue that attending a day care center can be a positive experience for children. Others insist that mothers are the best caregivers for children. A number of women are now leaving the work force to become full-time homemakers.

Disciplining children is another area that American parents have differing opinions about. Many parents feel that an old-fashioned spanking helps youngsters learn what “No!” means. Others prefer alternate forms of discipline. For example, “time outs” have become popular in recent years. Children in “time out” have to sit in a corner or by a wall. They can get up only when they are ready to act nicely. Older children and teenagers who break the rules may be grounded, or not allowed to go out with friends. Some of their privileges at home—like TV or telephone use—may also be taken away for a while. Although discipline isnt fun for parents or children, its a necessary part of training.

Being a parent is a tall order. It takes patience, love, wisdom, courage and a good sense of humor to raise children (and not lose your sanity). Some people are just deciding not to have children at all, since theyre not sure its worth it. But raising children means training the next generation and preserving our culture. What could be worth more than that?

養(yǎng)育孩子是件傷腦筋的差事，孩子們并不是生下來就附有說明書的，而每個(gè)孩子又都不盡相同，所以有時(shí)候父母們真是挫折地扯光了頭發(fā)，還不知該怎么辦。然而以教養(yǎng)孩子而言，就像生活中所有的事一樣，我們的行為都受文化的影響，因此，美國父母很自然地會教導(dǎo)他們的孩子基本的美國價(jià)值觀。

對美國人而言，教養(yǎng)的目標(biāo)在于幫助孩子們自力更生。從嬰幼兒期開始，每一個(gè)孩子都可能擁有自己的房間；隨著孩子的成長，他們有更多機(jī)會自己作決定；青少年們選擇自己喜歡的娛樂方式以及跟什么樣的朋友一起玩；當(dāng)他們進(jìn)入了青年期之后，他們選擇自己的事業(yè)和結(jié)婚伴侶。當(dāng)然，很多的年輕人在做選擇時(shí)，還是會尋求父母的忠告和贊同，但是當(dāng)他們一旦在十八到二十一歲左右離了巢之后，就希望能夠獨(dú)立，不再是個(gè)離不開媽媽的孩子了。

在美國，親子之間的關(guān)系不是那么地嚴(yán)肅，美國父母們試著將孩子視為個(gè)體，而不是他們自我的延伸，他們允許孩子去實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的夢想。美國人會贊美并鼓勵(lì)孩子以給予他們成功的信心。當(dāng)孩子長大成人之后，親子之間的關(guān)系會更像地位平等的朋友，可是與大家一向所以為的恰好相反，當(dāng)父母來訪時(shí)，大部分的美國成年人并不會要求父母付食宿費(fèi)，因?yàn)榫退阋呀?jīng)成年，他們還是很敬重父母的。

大部分有孩子的年輕夫妻們都為了養(yǎng)育孩子的問題而大傷腦筋。傳統(tǒng)上，母親們會和孩子待在家里，但是近幾年來，把孩子放在幼兒園好讓媽媽去工作的趨勢漸長。對于哪一種安排才是最好的，許多美國人都有自己強(qiáng)烈的主張，有些人認(rèn)為進(jìn)幼兒園對孩子而言是很極積影響的經(jīng)歷，另一群人則堅(jiān)持母親是照顧孩子的最佳人選，許多婦女現(xiàn)在也離開工作市場成為全職的家庭主婦。

訓(xùn)誡孩子是另一項(xiàng)引起美國父母們爭議的議題。許多父母覺得老式的責(zé)打能夠幫助年幼的孩子明白：父母說不就絕對禁止去做，然而某些人則較贊同其它的訓(xùn)誡方式。例如：隔離法即是近年來頗被接受的方式，被隔離的孩子必須坐在墻角或是墻邊，除非他們肯乖一點(diǎn)才可以起來；年紀(jì)稍大的孩子或是青少年若是違反規(guī)定，則可能受到被迫停止某項(xiàng)權(quán)益或是不準(zhǔn)和朋友出去的處罰，而他們在家中的某些特權(quán)，像是看電視或是打電話，也會被取消一段時(shí)間。雖然處罰對于親子雙方都不是什么有趣的事，但是它仍是訓(xùn)誡孩子時(shí)必要的一部分。

擔(dān)任親職是必須付出極大代價(jià)的，教養(yǎng)孩子需要付出耐心、愛心、智能、勇氣以及高度的幽默感（同時(shí)不失去你明智的判斷力）。有些人根本就決定不生孩子，因?yàn)樗麄儾淮_定這樣的付出值不值得，但是養(yǎng)育孩子意味著訓(xùn)練下一代并且保留我們的文化，又有什么會比這更有價(jià)值呢？