說聲謝謝您

陳金文

A year ago, at a get-together of a dozen girlfriends from college, I saw my old friend, Therese Gibson. When I told her I was writing a book called Happy for No Reason, which focuses on the 21 core habits of unconditionally happy people, she told me about the daily gratitude ritual she practices with her 95-year-old father, Charlie, that keeps them smiling and feeling good.

Therese moved in with Charlie, whos still sharp as a tack, during a bad time in both their lives. Charlies wife had just died, Therese was at the tail end of a painful divorce, and money was tight. They were as glum as any two people could be. But both had heard that gratitude was a great way to feel better, so they decided to sit together for a few minutes each morning before Therese headed off to work and tell each other three things they were grateful for in their lives.

“It was slow going in the beginning,” Therese told me. “The first time we did it, I had a hard time thinking of even one thing I was grateful for.” Finally, she looked around the room and saw a vase she liked. She told Charlie, “Im grateful for how pretty that vase is.” It sounded silly, but it was the best she could do. Charlie wasnt any better at it, often waiting for Therese to give him a clue about what to say. But she and Charlie both noticed that even a thank-you for something superficial had a good effect.

Soon, their decision to focus on what was right in their lives began to pay off. Both Therese and Charlie started to feel happier, and to notice that more and more things were going their way. Even their money situation improved. Three thank-yous became five, then ten, and soon they had to stop listing the good things in their lives long before they ran out of things to say or Therese would be late for work.

One day, they were feeling so light and happy after finishing their lists that Charlie, whod always liked the musical Oklahoma, started singing “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning.” Therese joined in. It was the perfect expression of how being grateful made them feel. They added this song to their ritual and now “saying their thank-yous” and singing together has become one of the highlights of their day.

Ive experienced myself just how powerful gratitude is. Once, after going through a heartbreak, a friend told me to write down five things I was grateful for each night before I went to bed for three weeks straight. I knew that psychologists say it takes 21 days to change a habit, so I agreed. At first I struggled to come up with anything, but I continued doing it every night and over time the pain in my heart eased.

Try doing the gratitude exercise yourself. Every night before you go to sleep, list five things that youre grateful for that day, and notice how you feel when you wake up the next morning. A grateful heart can send your happiness level soaring.

一年前，在十二位女大學(xué)生舉行的一次聚會上，我看到了我的老朋友，特里薩·吉布森。我告訴她我正在寫一本叫《幸福不需要理由》的書，這本書瞄準(zhǔn)了絕對幸福人群的21個核心習(xí)慣，她向我講述了她與自己95歲的父親查理一起做的感恩儀式，它使他們微笑并感覺良好。

在他們倆生活的艱難時刻，特里薩正處于與查理一起生活，他至今依然思維敏捷。查理的妻子剛剛?cè)ナ?，而特里薩正處于痛苦的離婚快要結(jié)案的時期，當(dāng)時經(jīng)濟(jì)拮據(jù)。他們非常憂郁。但他們二人都聽說感恩是使自我感覺更好的好法子，因此他們決定每天早上在特里薩離家上班之前抽出幾分鐘坐在一起，并相互告訴對方在他們生活中值得感激的三件事情。

“起初這個事情進(jìn)行得非常緩慢，”特里薩對我說?！捌鸪跷覀冞@樣做時半天都想不出一件為之而感激的事。”終于她環(huán)顧房間，看到了她喜歡的一個花瓶。她對查理說，“這個花瓶太美麗了，我很感激?！边@聽起來有點(diǎn)傻里傻氣，但這是她能夠感激的最好借口。查理對此也高明不了多少，經(jīng)常等待特里薩給他一個線索該說什么。但她和查理兩個人都注意到，即使說一聲“謝謝您”都會在表面上產(chǎn)生良好的效果。

不久他們感到將話題重點(diǎn)放在他們生活中哪些是對的事情上并開始有所回報。特里薩與查理開始感到更加幸福，并開始留心越來越多值得感激的事情出現(xiàn)在他們的生活中。甚至他們的經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況也開始得到好轉(zhuǎn)。三個“謝謝您”變成了五個，然后十個，他們不得不及早停止將他們生活中值得感激的事情列出，否則特里薩上班就要遲到了。

一天，在完成列舉值得感激的事情后他們感到非常輕松愉快，總是喜歡樂曲《俄克拉何馬》的查理開始唱起了“哦，多么美好的早晨?！碧乩锼_也一起唱起來。這是對感恩使他們產(chǎn)生何種感受的最好表現(xiàn)。他們將這首歌曲加入到了他們的感恩儀式中，如今“說聲謝謝您”和一起唱歌已經(jīng)成為他們一天生活中的亮點(diǎn)之一。

我也親自經(jīng)歷過感恩的力量到底如何強(qiáng)大。從前，在經(jīng)歷過一個傷心的事情后，一位朋友告訴我在三周時間內(nèi)每天晚上在我睡覺前寫下五件值得感激的事情。我知道心理學(xué)家說要改變一個習(xí)慣需要21天的時間，于是我同意了。最初我努力去想任何值得感激的事情，但我堅持每天晚上這樣做，隨著時間的過去我心中的傷痛減輕了許多。

自己試著做一些感恩嘗試吧。每天晚上在你睡覺前，列舉出你今天值得感激的五件事情，然后在次日早上醒來后體會一下自己的感覺。一份感激之心能夠使你的幸福感不斷高漲。