A Modest Proposal1芻議一則

th December 2020

2020年12月某日

H. M. Treasury

于英國(guó)財(cái)政部

Dear B.C.，

親愛的英國(guó)公民：

I write to you because accountancy is tiring my patience and I have developed some better schemes which will propel me to fame. It is melancholy to consider the bank statements and tax returns of common people while they hang in doubtful circumstances; and， only being trained to contend with positive numbers， I have not enjoyed examining the arrears， debts， and bankruptcies which now litter my desk， from which I can not extract my usual fees or benefits.

寫信給你，是因?yàn)闀?huì)計(jì)工作讓我不勝其煩，我已想出了一些更好的方案，將會(huì)促我聲名鵲起。斟酌普通人的存疑銀行對(duì)賬單和納稅申報(bào)單讓人心情郁悶，而且，我僅僅是正在接受與正數(shù)打交道的訓(xùn)練而已，不喜歡審核如今攤滿我辦公桌的欠款、債務(wù)和破產(chǎn)文件，我無(wú)法從中抽取平時(shí)的費(fèi)用或好處。

I do not pay much attention to the comings and goings of the world， but I am perfectly capable of an inference： the nation is suddenly very poor. There may be some root cause of our fiscal decline， some point of origin， but I am not one to speculate on grave matters of that sort. Between you and I， my only wish is to avoid these people who clearly spend their money irresponsibly and have， for some reason， stopped contributing to their local economies， much to the loss of everyone involved. Businesses are sinking left， right， and centre because the population has developed an unaccountable love of the hearth and home.

我對(duì)世事的興衰起伏其實(shí)并不那么在意，但我完全有能力做出推斷：國(guó)家突然很窮了。我們的財(cái)政收入下降或許有其根源，其來(lái)有自，但我可不想去揣測(cè)這類嚴(yán)肅的問題。不妨悄悄告訴你吧，我唯一的愿望是避開那些明顯花錢不負(fù)責(zé)任之人，這些人由于某些原因，不再為當(dāng)?shù)亟?jīng)濟(jì)做貢獻(xiàn)了，弄得所有牽涉之人都損失慘重。企業(yè)山窮水盡、危機(jī)四伏，原因就在于民眾莫名其妙地迷上了溫情脈脈的居家生活。

On a cold morning in November， taking my daily exercise before taking my toast and tea， I passed the black railings of Downing Street， which—have you been there？—looks out on the well-enclosed and confined land of St. James’s Park. I thought it very quiet for a Monday morning， but the unaccountable emptiness afforded me some benefits. In the absence of a crowd， I took notice of the road， pavement， and doorway which leads to the Prime Minister. As his white hair flashed across the dark window， I realised that a man of my training and experience， well-acquainted with numbers and profits—and working next door—could offer a humble proposal to stimulate our economy.

11月的一個(gè)寒冷早晨，在吃烤面包和早茶之前，我按著每天的慣例晨練，經(jīng)過唐寧街的黑色欄桿——你去過那里嗎？那兒正對(duì)著圣詹姆斯公園那片封閉而狹窄的土地。以周一的早晨而言，我覺得那里非常安靜，但這種莫可名狀的空曠卻給了我一些好處。因?yàn)闆]有人群經(jīng)過，我留意到了通往首相官邸的道路、人行道和門口。當(dāng)首相的白發(fā)掠過黑暗的窗戶時(shí)，我意識(shí)到，一個(gè)像我這樣受過訓(xùn)練而富有經(jīng)驗(yàn)之人，對(duì)數(shù)字和利潤(rùn)了如指掌——而且就在隔壁工作——可以提出一個(gè)微小的建議來(lái)刺激我們的經(jīng)濟(jì)。

I began to take notes in a pocket-book about the financial state of our island and the future prospects for our trade. Because we are ever-allied to Europe， we may rely on continental support on all matters related to the free-market. I have not read the news for a couple of days， which means that I can not comment on the finer points of our eternal alliance： but I do know that we are forever bound to a mutual agreement about fishing waters， which is never likely to falter. I would suggest that we invest heavily in a campaign to make sea water the national beverage. Being an island surrounded by—even submerged in—our chosen commodity this is certain to work， and because our environment is warming to a delicious and desirable temperature， we will have more seawater to trade as time progresses： the compound interest will pay dividends. The plentiful supply of warm sea water will also mean that we can trade our national beverage at a fair rate with our global allies， on the condition that they reciprocate with nuclear weapons and other cheap， easy， and effectual items.

我開始在一個(gè)小筆記本上就我們這個(gè)島國(guó)的財(cái)政狀況和未來(lái)貿(mào)易前景做些筆記。由于我們一直與歐洲結(jié)盟，我們可以在與自由市場(chǎng)有關(guān)的所有問題上依賴歐洲大陸的支持。我已經(jīng)好幾天沒看新聞了，因而無(wú)法對(duì)我們永恒聯(lián)盟的細(xì)節(jié)發(fā)表評(píng)論；但我明確知道的是，我們永遠(yuǎn)須遵守一項(xiàng)關(guān)于捕魚水域的共同協(xié)議——這一點(diǎn)絕不可能動(dòng)搖。我建議我們大力投資開展動(dòng)員，號(hào)召以海水成為國(guó)民飲料。作為一個(gè)被我們所選擇的商品包圍——甚至淹沒——的島國(guó)，我的這一提議肯定奏效；而且，由于我們的環(huán)境正變暖到一個(gè)適宜和理想的溫度，隨著時(shí)間的推移，我們將有更多的海水進(jìn)行貿(mào)易：復(fù)利拿來(lái)分紅。溫暖的海水應(yīng)有盡有，也意味著我們能夠以公正適當(dāng)?shù)膬r(jià)格將國(guó)飲出售給全球的盟友，條件是他們以核武器和其他價(jià)廉易取、有效可用的物品作為回報(bào)。

I fear that I have no more to offer you in this letter. My plan for seawater was halfway calculated when I spotted， at a distance of approximately two metres， a man huddled in a doorway stroking a white and grey cat. He had rectangular glasses and a bald head， and by his clothing I recognised a fellow projector. I approached him with my notebook in hand， but he leapt up in a state of fear， hurtled down the street pleading his innocence， and turned the corner like a convict. He must have seen me coming， but if only—if only！—I had been able to show him my notes， we might have solved so many problems together.

恐怕在這封信里，我已經(jīng)別無(wú)他話可說(shuō)。我對(duì)海水的計(jì)劃剛剛算完一半，就看到在大約兩米外的地方，一個(gè)男人蜷縮在門口，撫摸著一只灰白相間的貓。男人戴著一副方框眼鏡，禿頂，從他的衣著來(lái)看，我認(rèn)出他和我一樣，也是一位規(guī)劃師。我走近他，手中拿著筆記本，但他驚恐地跳了起來(lái)，沿著街道飛奔而去，辯稱自己是無(wú)辜的，然后像個(gè)罪犯一樣拐過了街角。他一定看見我來(lái)了，但要是——要是！——我當(dāng)時(shí)有機(jī)會(huì)把筆記本給他看，那我們說(shuō)不定早就一起解決好多問題了。

I hope that we may meet in the future when my plan is in better shape. We may have to meet in the new year because I have developed a cough， which is difficult to shift in the cold weather. The other night I could not sleep because I was struggling to breathe， but this is because I have been busy with my work， and the constant strain has rather rattled my corpus. I have taken to walking more often， but I do not enjoy society nowadays. Unaccountably， the honest business of hand-shaking seems to have fallen into obscurity， like all matters of decorum in recent times.

希望將來(lái)我的計(jì)劃更完善時(shí)，我們可以見面。我們可能要在新的一年才能見面了，因?yàn)槲铱人粤耍诤涞奶鞖饫锖茈y治好。不久前的一天晚上，我睡不著，因?yàn)楹粑щy——但這是因?yàn)槲乙恢泵τ诠ぷ鳎掷m(xù)的壓力令我的話里顛三倒四。我現(xiàn)在更喜歡散步了，但我不喜歡社交。不可思議的是，握手這種誠(chéng)實(shí)的行為現(xiàn)在似乎漸至被人遺忘，就像近來(lái)所有得體的行為一樣。

I enclose a book for you to read， which I have carefully examined with my fingers for imperfections.

隨信附上一本書供你閱讀，我已親手仔細(xì)檢查了它的瑕疵情況。

Yours until we meet，

你的，直到我們見面

I. Bickerstaff

I. 比克斯塔夫

（譯者單位：山東理工大學(xué)）

1 本文是在2020年12月《倫敦雜志》（The London Magazine）上發(fā)表的一篇隨筆?！秱惗仉s志》是英國(guó)最古老的文學(xué)期刊，其歷史可追溯到1732年，刊發(fā)過包括雪萊、濟(jì)慈、艾略特、柯南·道爾、杰克·倫敦、安吉拉·卡特、喬治·奧威爾、西爾維婭·普拉斯在內(nèi)的眾多著名作家的作品。篇名A Modest Proposal顯然有意模仿了諷刺文學(xué)大師喬納森·斯威夫特（Jonathan Swift，1667—1745）1729年的同名隨筆，作者名I. Bickerstaff則與斯威夫特當(dāng)年發(fā)表作品常用的筆名Isaac Bickerstaff極其相似。譯者多方查考仍無(wú)法找到本文作者的介紹資料，權(quán)將此文當(dāng)作作者對(duì)斯威夫特的致敬之作。需特別說(shuō)明的是，篇名譯為《芻議一則》，是向周作人、劉炳善兩位前輩譯家致敬（他們將斯威夫特的同名隨筆譯為《育嬰芻議》）。