人與物交織 悲與喜同生
——2020年1月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫教學(xué)研究

重慶 （特級(jí)教師）

線索是指把文章的全部材料貫穿成為一個(gè)有機(jī)整體的脈絡(luò)。記敘文的線索有很多種，如人物線索、時(shí)空線索、情感線索。以作者或作品中的主要人物的思想感情變化來(lái)安排和組織文章的結(jié)構(gòu)，稱為情感線索。線索就像彩線，文章中的人、事、物、景就像珍珠，這根彩線能把一顆顆珍珠串聯(lián)成一條美麗的項(xiàng)鏈。讀后續(xù)寫是把原本完美的項(xiàng)鏈給剪斷了，要求考生天衣無(wú)縫地鏈接這條美麗的“項(xiàng)鏈”。因此，只要考生把握了給定材料中的人物的情感脈絡(luò)走向，就能確保續(xù)寫內(nèi)容與給定材料的邏輯連貫。

研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫提供的材料一般為記敘文。破解記敘文的關(guān)鍵是厘清文章線索。無(wú)論是讀記敘文還是續(xù)寫記敘文，考生都必須厘清記敘文的線索。而在記敘文中，作者通常都會(huì)賦予文章人物以情感，無(wú)論是人物線索、時(shí)空線索還是情感線索，都飽含作者情感。因此，在讀中抓住“情感”，在續(xù)寫中突出“情感”是非常關(guān)鍵的。

本文以2020 年1 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)（以下簡(jiǎn)稱浙江卷）讀后續(xù)寫為例，探討如何厘清情感線索進(jìn)行讀后續(xù)寫教學(xué)。

浙江卷讀后續(xù)寫原文的主題是“人與動(dòng)物”。文章以寵物狗Poppy 對(duì)男孩（the teenager/boy）的“離別之傷——思念之苦”為線索，講述了寵物狗與男孩之間的情深意切的感人故事。

一、讀中厘清情感線索

劉勰說(shuō)：“情者，文之經(jīng)，辭者，理之緯；經(jīng)正而后緯成，理定而后辭暢，此立文之本源也?！币虼?，考生要在讀中厘清文章的“經(jīng)絡(luò)”，即作者要表達(dá)的情。按照情感線索，我們將本文分為“離別之傷（Poppy’s hurt when parting with the boy）”“思念之苦（Poppy’s pains when living without the boy）”兩個(gè)部分，進(jìn)行剖析和解讀。

第一部分（1～3段）：離別之傷（Poppy’s hurt when parting with the boy）

第1～3段告訴我們故事發(fā)生的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、人物與事件，同時(shí)，字里行間無(wú)不滲透著故事人物的“離別之傷”。

故事人物是：the teenager/boy，Poppy/his old friend，his parents。故事發(fā)生的時(shí)間是開(kāi)學(xué)的時(shí)候。故事發(fā)生的地點(diǎn)是學(xué)校門口。事件是家人與寵物狗送這個(gè)男孩上大學(xué)，正在學(xué)校門口告別。故事人物的情感是“與君離別意，同是淚眼人”。男孩與父母擁別，三人都強(qiáng)裝笑臉，卻偷偷地吞下淚水，掩飾離別的憂傷。男孩微笑著，盡量不讓憂傷流露出來(lái)（smiled,trying not to let his emotions（情緒）get the better of him）。其父母卻控制不住情感（not quite able to keep theirs under control）。一家人相互擁別，淚眼朦朧，以笑掩飾離別的復(fù)雜心情（hugged and smiled through misty eyes and then laughed）。

【問(wèn)題設(shè)計(jì)】

針對(duì)這一部分，筆者設(shè)計(jì)了以下問(wèn)題鏈，以幫助學(xué)生厘清故事人物的離別之情。

（1）How many characters are there in the story? Who are they? What’s their relationship? What were they Doing?

（There are four characters:the teenager or the boy,his parents and his pet Dog—Poppy.They were saying goodbye.）

（括號(hào)里為學(xué)生的回答，未做修改。下同。）

（2）When and where Did the story happen?

（They were saying goodbye at the gate of the boy’s new university before the new school year began.）

（3）How Did the boy and his parents feel? Were they feeling happy? How Do you think the Dog felt?

（They felt sad.They were not feeling happy at all.They pretended to be happy in order to cover their sadness caused by the parting.The Dog felt just as sad as her owners were.）

（4）What Details lead you to think so? What Does the phrase“ misty eyes”mean？

（The boy tried not to let his emotions get the better of him.His parents were not able to keep theirs under control.They hugged and smiled through misty eyes and then laughed.All these Details let us think that the boy and his parents pretended to smile or laugh in order to cover their sadness caused by the parting.The phrase means“eyes filled with tears”.）

（5）Why Did the boy say goodbye to the Dog first and then to his parents? What Do the words the boy’s mother said to Poppy imply?

（It implies that the hero of the story is the Dog—Poppy.The words his mother said to Poppy imply it was hard for Poppy to tear herself away from the boy.）

（6）What Does this part mainly tell us? Can you give the part a sub-title?

（This part mainly tells us how the Dog felt through her owners’ feelings when the boy left for university.The sub-title might be“Poppy’s hurt when parting with the boy”.）

【設(shè)計(jì)說(shuō)明】

讀記敘文，教師首先要引導(dǎo)學(xué)生弄清楚記敘文的基本要素：時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、人物和事件。第（1）（2）組中的五個(gè)問(wèn)題就是針對(duì)記敘文的基本要素而設(shè)計(jì)的。第（3）（4）組中的五個(gè)問(wèn)題是為了幫助學(xué)生梳理故事人物的情感線索。文章這里看似明寫男孩與父母的離別之傷，實(shí)則暗寫男孩與Poppy 的離別之傷。第（5）組的問(wèn)題是為了引導(dǎo)學(xué)生明確故事的主角為Poppy，這有助于學(xué)生理解文章的主題和把握續(xù)寫的邏輯連貫。第（6）組的兩個(gè)問(wèn)題可以引導(dǎo)學(xué)生歸納主旨大意。擬小標(biāo)題既訓(xùn)練了學(xué)生的歸納概括能力，又幫助學(xué)生厘清了情感線索。

這個(gè)問(wèn)題鏈層層推進(jìn)，相互支撐。弄明白了這個(gè)問(wèn)題鏈，就弄明白了故事的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、人物、事件，以及故事發(fā)生的背景，厘清了故事人物的離別之情。

第二部分（4～7段）：思念之苦（Poppy’s pains when living without the boy）

從第4 段開(kāi)始，文章寫寵物狗Poppy 回到家后對(duì)男孩的深深思念。一切景語(yǔ)皆情語(yǔ)。第4 段第一句“The house seemed quiet as a tomb without the boy living there.”烘托環(huán)境：男孩不在家，家里死氣沉沉，沒(méi)有生機(jī)。這一烘托為渲染Poppy 對(duì)男孩的思念埋下了伏筆。緊接著，作者描寫Poppy 對(duì)男孩的思念程度：無(wú)心飲食、無(wú)心玩耍、無(wú)心散步（Poppy Didn’t seem interested in her Dinner,her favorite toy,or even in her Daily walk.）。這正是“相思病”的癥狀。接著，作者描述男孩父母的情感“Her owners were sad too.”，實(shí)則描述Poppy 的情感。作者用“too”暗示Poppy 的心情也是憂傷的（sad）。

第5～7 段作者寫如何“治療”Poppy 的“相思病”和“治療”的效果。

【問(wèn)題設(shè)計(jì)】

針對(duì)這一部分，筆者設(shè)計(jì)了以下問(wèn)題鏈，以幫助學(xué)生厘清故事人物的思念之情。

（7）How Did Poppy feel when she came into the house without the boy living? How Does the writer Describe Poppy’s feelings?

（The writer Describes Poppy felt sad using three Details:“All that week,Poppy Didn’t seem interested in her Dinner,her favorite toy,or even in her Daily walk.”）

（8）What Did the parents Do to cure Poppy’s“l(fā)ovesickness”?Did it work?

（The parents Did three things to cure her “l(fā)ovesickness”:offering her peanut butter,letting her sit on the sofa,and getting her a little Dog.The first two Didn’t work at all.The third seemed to work but it’s hard to say.）

（9）What Does the sentence “Her tail began wagging （擺動(dòng)）ever so slowly,then faster as she caught the smell.” imply?

（It implies that it seemed that Poppy would get rid of the pains of the lovesickness.）

（10）What Does the part mainly tell us? Can you give the part a sub-title?

（This part mainly tells us how Poppy felt when she lived without the boy.The sub-title might be “Poppy’s pains when living without the boy”.）

【設(shè)計(jì)說(shuō)明】

第（7）組中的問(wèn)題是為了讓學(xué)生讀懂文章中Poppy對(duì)男孩的相思情。當(dāng)Poppy 回到家，她開(kāi)始深深地思念男孩，甚至達(dá)到了患“相思病”的程度，她茶不思、飯不想。第（8）組中的問(wèn)題是為了讓學(xué)生了解男孩的父母如何“治療”Poppy 的“相思病”。男孩的父母想盡一切辦法，比如，給她吃平常她最愛(ài)吃的花生醬，讓她坐在平常她最喜歡坐的沙發(fā)上等，但這些都無(wú)濟(jì)于事。男孩的父母后來(lái)給她帶回來(lái)一只小狗，結(jié)果會(huì)怎么樣呢？試卷提供的文章突然被“剪斷”了，留給考生續(xù)寫。

續(xù)寫原文的最后一句話非常關(guān)鍵。所以，筆者設(shè)計(jì)了第（9）問(wèn)，問(wèn)這句話暗示了什么。這句話本身體現(xiàn)了Poppy 的情感變化：“開(kāi)始的時(shí)候，尾巴搖得特別慢，后來(lái)聞到了那個(gè)味道，尾巴搖得快了。”狗搖尾的動(dòng)作是狗的情感表現(xiàn)方式。Poppy 的尾巴搖得由慢到快，暗示她的情感由憂傷轉(zhuǎn)為喜悅。因此，續(xù)寫的第1段應(yīng)接應(yīng)這一變化，否則續(xù)寫就是失敗的。

二、寫中巧接情感線索

1.找到情線接頭，巧妙接線續(xù)寫

第7 段最后一句話暗示Poppy 的情感變化——由憂傷轉(zhuǎn)為喜悅，因此考生應(yīng)該緊接Poppy 的“喜悅”寫?！跋病睆暮味鴣?lái)？“喜”從“box”里的“dog”而來(lái)。根據(jù)續(xù)寫第1 段的首句，考生應(yīng)該寫盒子里的小狗給Poppy 帶來(lái)了“喜悅”?？忌袃煞N續(xù)寫的方案：一是續(xù)寫的第1 段寫“父母帶回來(lái)的小狗給Poppy 帶來(lái)了喜悅，但未能治好她的‘相思病’”，第2 段寫“男孩從大學(xué)回來(lái)后與Poppy 團(tuán)聚，才真正治好了她的‘相思病’”；二是續(xù)寫的第1 段寫“父母帶回來(lái)的小狗治好了Poppy 的“相思病”，第2 段寫“男孩從大學(xué)回來(lái)后，看到多了一只狗，父母給他解釋緣由”。

2.根據(jù)情線走向，確定續(xù)寫方案

通過(guò)梳理續(xù)寫原文的情感線索可知，第一部分寫Poppy 與男孩的離別之傷。第二部分寫Poppy 對(duì)男孩的思念之苦。由此，我們可以推斷，本文的主題應(yīng)該為“Poppy’s Deep Feelings for the Boy”。

俗話說(shuō)，解鈴還須系鈴人。Poppy 的“相思病”因男孩而起。因此，只有男孩回家與她團(tuán)聚，才能治好她的“相思病”。所以，根據(jù)這一情感線索走向，續(xù)寫部分應(yīng)該寫Poppy 與男孩的“團(tuán)聚之樂(lè)”。這樣，整個(gè)故事就構(gòu)成了“離別之傷——思念之苦——團(tuán)聚之樂(lè)”這一完美的情感線索。所以，第一個(gè)續(xù)寫方案為最佳方案。

某學(xué)生習(xí)作展示如下：

Dad opened the box and a sweet little Dog appeared.As soon as the Dog came out of the box,Poppy went up to meet him in a hurry as if it were an old friend of hers.Soon she became as cheerful as before.As the owners watched them playing happily,they felt happy too.But when Poppy found the little Dog left its mess here and there and tore the little owner’s treasured books,she broke away with it.She felt sad again.“What should we Do?”asked Dad.“Nothing but to wait for our son to come back from university.”answered Mum.

A few weeks later,the boy arrived home from university.Poppy was the first to meet him.She jumped to kiss him and her tail wagged faster than ever before.He was surprised to find she was much thinner and there was one more Dog,which looked shy.He asked why and his parents told him everything.The boy hugged Poppy tight to his chest,tears welling up in his eyes.（續(xù)寫詞數(shù)：163。使用了續(xù)寫原文中全部標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)）

三、寫后圍繞情感線索賞析

上面展示的續(xù)寫習(xí)作非常完美。理由如下：

1.接“情”，天衣無(wú)縫

續(xù)寫內(nèi)容與續(xù)寫原文的情線發(fā)展一脈相承，按照“離別之傷——思念之苦——團(tuán)聚之樂(lè)”的線索發(fā)展，講述了寵物狗與男孩之間的情深意切的感人故事。

上文提到，第7 段最后一句，暗示了Poppy 由悲轉(zhuǎn)喜。習(xí)作的第1 段前兩句用了三個(gè)動(dòng)詞（went up,to meet,became）并且加上表示動(dòng)作敏捷的關(guān)鍵詞（As soon as，in a hurry,Soon）來(lái)表達(dá)這一情感的轉(zhuǎn)變。這三個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞暗示Poppy 很久沒(méi)有“朋友”陪伴，現(xiàn)在來(lái)了一個(gè)“同類朋友”自然很高興。另外，續(xù)寫原文最后一句話中的“slowly,then faster”告訴我們，原作者用動(dòng)作“由慢到快”的方式表示由悲轉(zhuǎn)喜。續(xù)寫作者也用這種方式對(duì)接續(xù)寫原文，而且對(duì)動(dòng)作“快慢速度”的描寫恰當(dāng)、得體。因此，續(xù)寫部分與原文的對(duì)接做到了接“情”自然，天衣無(wú)縫。

2.寫“情”，自然真摯

習(xí)作的每一句話都是圍繞故事人物的情感線索展開(kāi)的。比如，續(xù)寫第1 段中的“As soon as the Dog came out of the box,Poppy went up to meet him in a hurry as if it were an old friend of hers.”這句話描述Poppy 盼玩伴心切。用as if 從句將新來(lái)的小狗比喻成“老朋友”，暗指Poppy 沒(méi)有忘記男孩這位“老朋友”，仍然思念著“老朋友”?！癆s the owners watched them playing happily,they felt happy too.”這句話回應(yīng)了續(xù)寫原文中的“Her owners were sad too,”Poppy 高興了，男孩父母也高興了?！癇ut when Poppy found the little Dog left its mess here and there and tore the little owner’s treasured books,she broke away with it.”這句話突出了主題——“人狗情深，忠貞不渝”。

習(xí)作的第2 段，描寫Poppy 與男孩“團(tuán)聚之樂(lè)”的情景。習(xí)作第2 段的前兩句描寫Poppy 與男孩的“團(tuán)聚之樂(lè)”時(shí)，用了三個(gè)動(dòng)作first to meet,jumped to kiss 和wagged，這三個(gè)動(dòng)作將Poppy 再次見(jiàn)到男孩的喜悅生動(dòng)地展現(xiàn)在讀者的面前?！癴irst to meet”暗示Poppy 盼男孩歸來(lái)盼了很久了，現(xiàn)在男孩終于回來(lái)了，所以她第一個(gè)跑去迎接他。狗跳著親吻（jumped to kiss）主人，這是她非常熱愛(ài)主人的表現(xiàn)。續(xù)寫原文也用了“wagged（擺動(dòng)）”但與習(xí)作中的“wagged”程度不同，這次搖得比任何時(shí)候都快。這暗示Poppy 比任何時(shí)候都高興。描寫男孩與Poppy 的“團(tuán)聚之樂(lè)”時(shí)，習(xí)作也用了與續(xù)寫原文相同的方式：擁抱。但這次擁抱的程度不同：這次擁抱用“tight to his chest”形容Poppy，以加深程度。習(xí)作還用了“tears welling up in his eyes”，這比續(xù)寫原文中的“misty eyes”程度要強(qiáng)得多。習(xí)作作者用情感表達(dá)方式相同而程度不同的描寫方式，將男孩對(duì)Poppy的情感淋漓盡致地展現(xiàn)出來(lái)。

讀后續(xù)寫，讀是寫的基礎(chǔ)，是寫的先決條件，寫是讀的自然延伸。續(xù)寫內(nèi)容與續(xù)寫原文要連貫，符合邏輯，要盡力做到渾然一體?！白x后續(xù)寫，重在厘情”，讀時(shí)厘清情線，寫時(shí)圍繞情線，是克服記敘文續(xù)寫不連貫的有效方法。