優(yōu)秀英語敘事作文展評(píng)

[真題再現(xiàn)]

愉快的暑期生活即將結(jié)束了，同學(xué)們都是怎樣度過這個(gè)假期的呢？請(qǐng)你圍繞“The Summer Holiday”這一話題給我們說說你有意義的暑期生活吧！要求：結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，內(nèi)容完整，語言豐富優(yōu)美，語法準(zhǔn)確，可讀性強(qiáng)。至少80詞。

[學(xué)生佳作]

THE SUMMER HOLIDAY

8年6班賀金芮

Summer holiday， what a fun ，comfortable holiday. It’s differernt from the winter one.I love it so much because I can do more interesting things during the holiday. Do you know what I did during the latest one？

Of course， I did my homework regularly every day， and sometimes I read novels and some magazines outside my house. For these， I can not only keep the old knowledge but also get more fresh ones；When I finished my homework，I would play with my friends in the park near our house. As we know exercise is so important for our teenagers， so I keep doing it ， thanks to the summer holidays ， I feel healthier and healthier now；what’s more？ Doing housework， like sweep the floor， make the bed， wash the dishes…I felt happy when I did these. So did my mother！

In a word，The summer holiday gives me so much time to do things which can make me improve， healthier and happy. All of these let me feel comfortable！ So I love my summer holiday！

[教師點(diǎn)評(píng)]

文章的觀點(diǎn)明確，完全符合題目要求。段落的劃分合理，語言豐富，表達(dá)方式多樣，文章多處準(zhǔn)確地運(yùn)用了復(fù)合句。如果在文章的第二段適當(dāng)?shù)牟迦肴鏵irst，second，third；first of all，then，in addition，what is more，finally這樣的連接詞，會(huì)使文章的結(jié)構(gòu)更緊湊。[學(xué)生佳作]

THE SUMMER VACATION

8年6班趙梓強(qiáng)

How time flies！ My wonderful summer vacation is over. Here I really want to share how I spent my vacation with you.

The sun was always very big and the weather was hot. So I spent most of my time in my house and I did some regular things every day. In the morning， I got up early and I mostly sent my time reading and writing， for I was shut in the house by the terrible heat.. Doing some housework was also an important part of my vacation. They could make my parents relaxed and they seemed to have a holiday too. In the evening， I likeed playing with basketball with my friends and sometimes we took a walk in the park where we can enjoy the fresh air and sweet songs by the birds. I found it full of fun. So after a bath， I can easily come to my sweet dream.

F or me， the vacation is wonderful and healthy. I love my summer vacation---a simple but meaningful holiday.

[教師點(diǎn)評(píng)]

本文觀點(diǎn)符合題目要求，描述了作者的快樂的暑假時(shí)光。語言簡(jiǎn)潔明了，語句流暢，思路清晰。此外，文章還準(zhǔn)確的運(yùn)用了復(fù)合句we took a walk in the park where we can enjoyed the fresh…Here I really want to share howIspentmyvacationwithyou.使文章增色不少。

（作者單位：哈爾濱市第三十六中學(xué)）