They Are Back

Just when parents thought they might finally be free of their children， many of this year’s college graduates will pick up their degrees—and move back home. Even those who don’t may continue to live off the parental dole； at the start of HBO’s hit series “Girls，” Hannah， played by Lena Dunham， is trying to keep the monthly checks from Mom and Dad coming. The fragile economy could exacerbate the phenomenon of delayed adolescence， keeping Americans in their late 20s and even early 30s dependent on their families for years.

父母?jìng)儎傁胫貌蝗菀啄軘[脫子女的束縛，成批的本科畢業(yè)生早就領(lǐng)了畢業(yè)證——直接搬回家了。哪怕是那些不必靠啃老吃飯的，就好像HBO的新熱劇集“都市女孩”（Girls） 里L(fēng)ena Dunham飾演的Hannah，盡力要避免父母停了每月一次的接濟(jì)支票。脆弱的經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況使青少年的獨(dú)立進(jìn)程愈發(fā)緩慢，二十好幾甚至三十出頭的美國(guó)人多啃幾年老已經(jīng)不是什么新鮮事。

But this is not necessarily the nightmare scenario it’s made out to be. Our research shows that the closer bonds between young adults and their parents should be celebrated， and do not necessarily compromise the independence of the next generation.

不過這也不是什么糟糕到要讓人發(fā)噩夢(mèng)的事。我們的研究表明，年輕人和父母間的關(guān)系若是能密切些，應(yīng)當(dāng)額首稱幸了，也不至于會(huì)影響到下一代的獨(dú)立。

Grown children benefit greatly from parental help. Young adults who received financial， practical and emotional support from their parents reported clearer life goals and more satisfaction than young adults who received less parental support. This support ranged from room and board to making a car available， to parents’ listening to their son or daughter talk about the day.

長(zhǎng)大成人后，孩子仍會(huì)從父母那里獲益良多。報(bào)告證實(shí)，假使父母從經(jīng)濟(jì)上、日?，嵤律虾托木w感情上都給予孩子相當(dāng)?shù)闹С?，這些年輕人相較其他同齡人便會(huì)擁有更清晰的人生目標(biāo)和更充溢的滿足感。這種支持從食宿到置車，甚或是聆聽子女心事，不一而足。

Twenty-five years ago， young people sought advice and help from na?ve peers. Today’s young adults may be savvier than their predecessors； they receive advice and help from middle-aged adults with greater life experience and material resources to offer.

二十五年前，年輕人遇事會(huì)向差不多天真幼稚的同齡人征詢意見。得至今日，他們比前人可要機(jī)敏多了。向中年人討教無疑能從更豐富的人生經(jīng)歷和物質(zhì)資源中獲得啟迪。

This relationship has been evolving over the last generation.

這種關(guān)系從上一代人慢慢進(jìn)化到今日的樣子。

In 1986， about half of parents reported that they had spoken with a grown child in the past week. In 2008， 87 percent said they had. In 1988， less than half of parents gave advice to a grown child in the past month， and fewer than one in three had provided any hands-on help. Recent data show that nearly 90 percent of parents give advice and 70 percent provide some type of practical assistance every month.

1986年時(shí)，大約半數(shù)的父母在報(bào)告中聲稱他們?cè)谶^去的一周和已成人的孩子有過交談。到了2008年，這個(gè)數(shù)字達(dá)到了87%。1988年時(shí)，不到半數(shù)的父母在過去一個(gè)月里給成人的孩子提供過建議，而身體力行給予幫助的不到三分之一。近期的數(shù)據(jù)則顯示，近90%的父母會(huì)對(duì)子女有所忠告，且70%會(huì)在每個(gè)月都有一些實(shí)質(zhì)的援助。

It turns out that many parents and children want this close contact. We first observed a shift in this relationship in 1999， when the economy was booming. Even before the cellphone era， many 20-something women talked with their mothers several times a week. They discussed boyfriend problems， classes and plans for the future. They brought home their laundry， went shopping with their mothers and even pronounced their mothers （and sometimes their fathers） their “best friends.” Their descriptions might have seemed cloying， yet the mothers involved said that they were thrilled. They took pride in their daughters and reveled in the intimacy.

這么看來，相當(dāng)多的父母和子女都需要這種密切的聯(lián)系。我們首先觀察了1999年經(jīng)濟(jì)蓬發(fā)時(shí)這種關(guān)系的轉(zhuǎn)變。即使是在手機(jī)還未普及的年代，許多二十幾歲的年輕姑娘仍保持和母親每周數(shù)次通話。她們會(huì)交流關(guān)于男友，學(xué)業(yè)，未來等各種問題。她們也會(huì)把臟衣服帶回家，和母親一起逛街，甚至宣稱母親（有時(shí)候是父親）是她們的“密友”。這種描述可能讓人覺得有些膩得反胃，不過這些獲此殊榮的母親們都表示受寵若驚。她們以女兒為傲，更是醉心于這樣的親昵。

These trends have accelerated over the past 10 years. Adult offspring today text their parents often， befriend them on Facebook and willingly accept emotional support， advice and a financial boost. Young men are as likely to be involved with parents as young women.

此種趨勢(shì)在過去10年間加速發(fā)展。今時(shí)今日，成年的兒女與父母短信頻頻，在 Facebook 上互加好友，且樂于接受情緒上的支持、建議和經(jīng)濟(jì)支援。年輕男性也逐漸向女同胞們和父母相處的方式靠攏。

The benefits of parental involvement are not surprising from a global perspective. In other cultures and among many ethnic subcultures in America， young adults are expected to be intensely involved with their parents. Romantic relationships and marriage were the ties of primary importance in the United States during the 20th century. But in this new century， with delays in marriage， more Americans choosing to remain single， and high divorce rates， a tie to a parent may be the most important bond in a young adult’s life.

在整個(gè)世界來看，父母介入子女生活的好處也顯而易見。即使在美國(guó)其他種族和文化背景中，年輕人也理應(yīng)和父母保持頻繁的聯(lián)系。二十世紀(jì)時(shí)，戀愛和婚姻在人際關(guān)系中是處于首位的。但身處新世紀(jì)，婚齡推遲，更多美國(guó)人維持單身狀態(tài)，離婚率亦居高不下，于是對(duì)年輕人來說，與父母間紐帶的重要性便極大提高，甚至躍居首位。

Technological and economic developments have contributed to this shift. Nationwide cellphone calling plans and e-mail ease communication. Young people spend extra years in school to pursue well-paying careers. Teenagers who don’t go on to higher education need even more parental support while they work at low-paying jobs with irregular hours. The economic downturn did not push kids out of the family.

科技和經(jīng)濟(jì)的發(fā)展也促進(jìn)了這種轉(zhuǎn)變。比如能全國(guó)范圍撥打的手機(jī)套餐和迅捷的電郵溝通方式。為了高薪的工作，年輕人會(huì)在象牙塔中多逗留幾年。而不接受高等教育的青少年需要在非朝九晚五的時(shí)段工作，薪資也相對(duì)較少，故而他們需要更多來自父母的支持。因此，經(jīng)濟(jì)不景氣也并未使孩子與家人疏遠(yuǎn)。

Although this parental support seems to be a good thing， the new arrangements also rankle many people and violate ideals of autonomy that have long prevailed in this nation.

雖然父母方面的支持看似無可挑剔，然而這種新的相處格局還是惹惱了一些人，因其的確有損在這個(gè)國(guó)度盛行已久的理想化自立模式。

In our surveys， parents and grown children alike reported uneasiness， viewing intense parental support in adulthood as a sign of damaging over-involvement. Parents reported less satisfaction about their own lives if they believed their children were too dependent. The problem isn’t with the help， per se， but with viewing that support as abnormal and worrying that it could cause harm. Maybe we just need to get over this discomfort.

在我們的調(diào)查中，父母和成人的子女也會(huì)表達(dá)他們對(duì)過激支持及過度介入的不適。父母表示，如果子女太依賴他們，自己的生活滿意度便有所減損。問題不是出在幫助本身，而是把這類支持界定為非正常，且擔(dān)心會(huì)造成負(fù)面影響。也許我們只是要克服這種不適。

In fact， we could be celebrating the strong bonds between today’s young people and their parents， rather than lamenting the foibles of the next generation. Forty years ago， the news media were filled with reports of a generation gap. Let’s be grateful that we’ve finally solved that problem.

其實(shí)，享受今日兩代人間緊密聯(lián)系的好處，遠(yuǎn)勝過為下一代性格上的小缺陷而神傷。四十年前，新聞媒體充斥著關(guān)于代溝的報(bào)道。現(xiàn)在我們還是先慶祝一下終于解決了這個(gè)問題吧。