The Letters of Penelope Fitzgerald (Excerpts)佩內(nèi)洛普·菲茨杰拉德信札（節(jié)選）

【導讀】此處節(jié)選的一封長信（有刪節(jié)）出自英國布克獎女作家佩內(nèi)洛普·菲茨杰拉德（1916—2000）的書信集《所以我想到了你：佩內(nèi)洛普·菲茨杰拉德信札》（So I Have Thought of You： The Letters of Penelope Fitzgerald， 2008）。這封信是作者1987年寫給大女兒蒂娜1的，彼時菲茨杰拉德70歲，蒂娜37歲。

信中，菲茨杰拉德向女兒袒露了她的戀舊與軟弱，她請求蒂娜把那條半新不舊的塞拉普披巾還給她——口吻不是命令式的，而是朋友般的。讀者能感受到母女間的平等、尊重與關(guān)愛。菲茨杰拉德與女兒分享并回憶了自己的生活，這個請求不僅僅是關(guān)于保留塞拉普披巾本身，更是希望能保留一段與過去的珍貴聯(lián)系。

再次感謝特倫斯·杜利先生——詩人、翻譯家、本書信集的編輯、佩內(nèi)洛普·菲茨杰拉德的大女婿兼她的文學遺產(chǎn)執(zhí)行人——授權(quán)刊發(fā)本書信集選段。

76 Clifton Hill2， NW 8

于倫敦克利夫頓山76號，（郵政編碼）NW8

12 January [1987]

（1987年）1月12日

Dearest Tina，

我最親愛的蒂娜：

They say it’s going on for several days， and “elderly people living on their own”， old folk， like myself， are given useful advice， which is to keep warm， and to remember that it is warmer inside than out—not quite true here， where all the pipes have stopped working and Theo3 has gone down to work （which he never does on Mondays） because there is central heating at the College of Heralds. He left his bath full of water and Desmond4 and I found it had turned to solid ice—would be bath-shaped if it was taken out， which Luke would like. And that’s the main point of this letter， to say how tremendous it was to see Lukey5 himself again， and more so， eating and bustling about and putting us all in our places. You and T6 have been so steady and patient with him all the way through and that’s made him able to come through it， because it was an illness， even if it’s never likely to come back again.

他們說這種天氣要持續(xù)好幾天，并且建議“獨居老人”，即像我這樣的老年人，務(wù)必要注意保暖，還提醒說屋里總比屋外暖和——不過，我這兒可不是這樣，屋里所有的水管都凍住了。因為紋章院有中央供暖，西奧都去上班了（本來他周一是從不上班的）。他的浴缸里裝滿了水，我和德斯蒙德發(fā)現(xiàn)水已經(jīng)凍成了一整塊冰——要是把它取出來，大概還能保持浴缸的形狀，盧克見了一定喜歡。這正是這封信的主要目的：告訴你我又看到盧基是多么開心，尤其是看到他吃吃喝喝，活蹦亂跳，還忙著“指揮”我們大家。你和T一直以來對他都堅定而有耐心，讓他能度過那道難關(guān)，因為那可真是場大病，盡管可能永遠不會復發(fā)。

I wish I’d finished digging up the back garden before the great cold， as the frost would have got into the earth then and broken it up， but then there are so many things I ought to have done. I’m reading Virginia W.’s diaries again， not from the genius point of view， but all her little jealousies and miseries about the reviewers and the housekeeping and Leonard’s rash， and going upstairs to tell him （where he sat solidly pipe-smoking and advising Labour Politicians） “my book is hopelessly bad， I must destroy all the proofs at once” and Leonard steadying her down and saying “you know you always say that， you know you say it every time”.

真希望我在嚴寒來臨之前把后花園的土全部翻整了，那樣霜就會滲入土壤，將其凍裂。但話說回來，我還有許多“該做卻沒做”的事情呢。我又在讀弗吉尼亞·伍爾夫的日記，這次不是為了欣賞她的文學天賦，而是讀她的小小嫉妒，讀她因書評、家務(wù)和丈夫倫納德的皮疹而產(chǎn)生的煩惱。她會跑上樓告訴倫納德（他泰然坐著，邊抽煙斗邊為工黨政治家出謀劃策）：“我的書糟糕透頂，我必須立刻銷毀所有校樣！”倫納德讓她平靜下來，并說道：“你知道你總是這么說，你知道你每次都這么說?！?/p>

The lunch party on Sunday wasn’t at all what I expected， not really a Virago one7， but it would have been wrong not to go. Tim Hilton cooked enormous quantities—mussels， which I couldn’t eat， but fortunately a little girl， a 5-year old， Lily， was also very critical of the idea of eating them and that， I hope， meant I wasn’t noticed so much—pasta with a nice sauce， which I thought was the main course， then a beautiful leg of roast lamb with roast pots. cut small and mangetouts—the baby （9 months） sat there very gravely and good as gold， reminding me a little of Paschal8—he has a cot in their bedroom and a wooden playpen in the corner of the living-room （bookshelf built all round the picture-rail， quite a good idea， but how to reach the books？ But the bookshelves were all completely full）—one of the guests， in fact the mother of shellfish-rejecting Lily， was Jemima Thompson， now living at 34 Well Walk， where I was brought up， with a nice journalist husband from Newcastle looking like Philip Larkin9， and her mother， Ursula Thompson， but I don’t know if you remember them next door at Chestnut lodge or going to stay with them near Lulworth Cove， or the little brother Toby， now a psychiatrist. I walked back with Jumima through the freezing Hampstead streets （she was going to give someone a Greek lesson， having given up her job at Time Life when Lily was born）—enough of all this， you’ll say.

周日的午餐會完全出乎我的意料，不是真正的維拉戈式午餐會，但不去總歸不好。蒂姆·希爾頓做了很多菜——貽貝，我吃不下，幸好有個5歲的小女孩莉莉，也對食用貽貝十分排斥，但愿這讓我不那么顯眼——接著是帶美味醬汁的意大利面，我以為那是主菜，但隨后上來了一道美妙的烤羊腿，配切成小塊的烤土豆和嫩豌豆。這個寶貝（9個月大）沉著地端坐在那里，乖巧可人，倒有點讓我想起帕斯卡爾。他在臥室里有張嬰兒床，客廳角落里有個木制的游戲圍欄（書架一直延伸到天花板下的掛畫線，主意真是不錯，但該怎么拿到書呢？書架可全都擺滿了）。其中一個客人，杰邁瑪·湯普森，也就是貝類抵制者莉莉的媽媽，她現(xiàn)在住在韋爾沃克街34號，那是我小時候住的地方。與她同住的還有她做記者的丈夫，人很好，來自紐卡斯爾，長得就像菲利普·拉金；以及她的母親厄休拉·湯普森。不知你是否記得，在栗樹小屋時，他們曾住在我們隔壁，還有我們曾和他們一起去盧爾沃思灣附近游玩。你還記得那家的小弟弟托比嗎，他現(xiàn)在已是一名精神科醫(yī)生了。我和杰邁瑪穿過寒冷的漢普斯特德街道回家（她要去給人上希臘語課，她在莉莉出生后辭掉了時代生活出版社的工作）——差不多得了，你或許要這么說。

Now a weather report on TV， showing those brightish clouds in the SW and very black ones in the SE， so hope it isn’t， in Lukey’s words， “terribly cold in Weston”. You always manage to make things easy wherever you go， but still， with 2 tiny children， it does mean managing. —They keep saying it’s the coldest night for 425 years—but can it be worse than those nights in Fergie’s10 time， when the tree fell， and you all had to huddle into the living-room？ Or indeed when Valpy11 was born， and all the patients crowded into my room because I had a new-born baby and so was allowed a coal fire？ At least you’re not in the shop and won’t have to discuss the matter of the cold with an endless succession of people.

......

此時電視上正播著天氣預報，顯示西南部晴空萬里，東南部卻烏云密布，但愿不會導致——用盧基的話說——“韋斯頓冷得要命?！睙o論去到哪里，你總能想到辦法大事化小，但帶著兩個年幼的孩子，確實是需要想想辦法的?！藗兛傉f這是425年來最冷的一晚，但還會比弗吉生病的那些夜晚更糟嗎？那時樹倒了，你們?nèi)嫉脭D在客廳里?；蛘弑韧郀柶こ錾鷷r冷嗎？當時所有病人都擠進了我的房間，因為我剛生完孩子，被允許在病房里用煤火取暖。還好你不是在店里，不必跟沒完沒了的顧客談?wù)撎鞖庹胬涞脑掝}。

……

I’m sure you don’t realise， as one can’t， working away at it， day by day， what an immense amount you’ve done at Moorland Rd， and how well everything is beginning to look. The hall， with the coloured glass， is such a good introduction to the house， then the other colours follow.

A letter from Broccoli Clark inc.， Columbia， asking for my impressions of the Booker Prize. I think l might give them a few of my recollections， which would stop them being so painful， as surely nobody in England would be likely to read them.

......

我相信你自己并沒注意到（正如當局者迷），你在摩爾蘭路日復一日的操勞有多么辛苦，又讓一切變得多么賞心悅目。有著彩色玻璃的門廳令人對房子印象深刻，屋內(nèi)其他的色彩也相得益彰。

哥倫比亞的布羅科利·克拉克公司寄來一封信，詢問我對獲得布克獎的感想。我想我也許會給他們寫點回憶性文字吧，這可以減少這些回憶曾帶給我的痛苦，反正在英國也沒人會去讀那些內(nèi)容。

……

Now I’m going to ask you something which I hope you won’t find mad or irritating or both， and that is， do you think that you and Terry could possibly find something else to go down on the living-room floor except the serape12？ I thought it was lost， and never expected to see it again， but since you’ve found it， and all the lovely colours （though not the right ones， I know） I should so very much like to keep it as what it really is， a bedspread， I haven’t one here in London and of course not the Bishop’s Road bedsitter13—it is the only thing I have left from Chestnut Lodge， as I wasn’t allowed the opportunity to say what I wanted to keep from the sell-up14 at Blackshore， and all the things I cared about most were sold—well， all that’s in the past， —but I carried the serape all the way from Mexico City， through New York， then Halifax and back to Liverpool on the old Franconia， and it was never meant as a rug or a carpet， any more than your own heirloom15 patchwork quilt， and if it has to be on bare boards without any under carpet I don’t think it will last long， if it’s walked over. Please don’t think me mad， or even worse， stingy， but please could you take it up， I was wondering whether the green cotton dhurries16 would do instead， they’re machine-made （the serape is hand-woven） and don’t matter a bit： but I suppose they would be the wrong colour？ Anyway I would be glad to contribute to another rug for your birthday， if I could please keep the serape， I think you can see from the way it’s wrinkling up that it isn’t really intended to go on a floor？ It never has before. —I wish now I’d kept the undercarpet from Theale， but no matter. Don’t be annoyed with me， truly I appreciate your goodness to me over so many years—it’s just a weakness of old age to want to keep a few “nice things” connected with the past and the serape as we said is 35 years old—I could never buy one like it now—and I should so much like to keep it—perhaps it isn’t a “nice thing” to anyone else， but it is to me. so much love to you all Ma.

現(xiàn)在我要問你件事，希望你不會覺得生氣或者厭煩，甚或既生氣又厭煩；我想問的是，你和特里可否找點別的東西換下你們客廳地板上的塞拉普披巾？我原以為它已經(jīng)丟了，以為再也不會看到它了，但既然你找到了，并且它的顏色依然那么明麗（雖然我知道那顏色并不顯得高檔），我真的很想讓它保持本來的用途，它本來是當床罩用的。我在倫敦沒有床罩，當然在主教路這個開間里也沒有——但這是我從栗樹小屋唯一留下的東西。當初因為還債而在布萊克肖爾變賣財物時，我沒機會挑選自己想要留下的東西，所有我最在意的東西都被賣了——好吧，那都已經(jīng)是過去的事了。但這條塞拉普披巾是我從墨西哥城一路帶回來的，途經(jīng)紐約、哈利法克斯，最后搭乘老法蘭克尼亞號回到利物浦。它本來就不是當?shù)貕|或地毯用的，就像你自己那床祖?zhèn)鞯钠床急蛔右粯?。如果下面不襯地毯，把它鋪在光禿禿的木頭地板上，再讓人踩來踩去，恐怕?lián)尾涣硕嗑?。請不要覺得我不可理喻，或者更糟糕，覺得我小氣。但能不能請你把它收起來？我想那條綠色的印度棉毯會不會是個好的替代品？那是機器織的（而塞拉普披巾是手工織的），所以無關(guān)緊要；但綠色可能會不太搭？不管怎樣，只要能讓我留著這條披巾，我非常愿意在你生日時給你們添置一塊新地毯。這條披巾已經(jīng)開始皺巴了，你應(yīng)該也能看出它根本就不適合鋪在地上吧？它以前從沒當過地毯?，F(xiàn)在想想，我真后悔當初沒有把錫爾的地毯襯墊留下，不過算了。請別生我的氣，我真心感激你這些年來對我的好。只是人老多情，總想保留一些與過去有關(guān)的“好東西”，而我們提到的這條塞拉普披巾——已經(jīng)有35年的歷史了。我現(xiàn)在根本買不到一條一樣的，我真的非常想留住它?；蛟S在別人看來，它算不上什么“好東西”，但對我來說，它就是。愛你們所有人！媽

（譯者單位：北京化工大學）

1菲茨杰拉德和丈夫育有一兒兩女。" 2菲茨杰拉德于1981年至1988年6月租住在此。參見Hermione Lee， Penelope Fitzgerald： A Life， Vintage， 2014， pp. 288-289amp;p.355.

3和菲茨杰拉德一樣，是那棟房子里的租客。" 4另一個租客。" 5 Luke的昵稱。這是蒂娜和特倫斯的第二個孩子，1983年出生。" 6即（Mr.）Terence Dooley，特倫斯·杜利先生，蒂娜的丈夫。菲茨杰拉德常將二人合稱為“Tamp;T”（Tina amp; Terence）。

7維拉戈午餐會是指由維拉戈出版社（Virago Press）舉辦的慶?；蛲茝V活動。維拉戈出版社成立于1973年，以出版女性文學著稱，常聚焦女性主義主題，發(fā)掘被忽視的女性作家，并支持女性寫作中的新興聲音。" 8蒂娜和特倫斯的第三個孩子，1986年出生。

9（1922—1985），英國著名詩人、小說家、爵士樂評論家。" 10 Fergus的昵稱。這是蒂娜和特倫斯的第一個孩子，1981年出生，1982年3月因病夭折。" 11菲茨杰拉德的兒子。

12塞拉普披巾，產(chǎn)于拉丁美洲，是一種顏色鮮艷、質(zhì)地厚重的方形羊毛織布，兩端綴有流蘇，當?shù)厝顺Ｓ米髋纾袝r也兼作毛毯。

13 bedsitter既當客廳又當臥室的房間，類似于中文語境下的“開間”。" 14 sell up（為破產(chǎn)、還債等原因而）變賣財物。" 15 heirloom祖?zhèn)鬟z物；傳家寶。" 16 dhurrie一種產(chǎn)自印度的棉毯，以輕薄耐用著稱。