讀后續(xù)寫命題分析與備考啟示

陳呂蘭

讀后續(xù)寫是一個讀寫結(jié)合的題型，要求考生閱讀一篇 350 詞以內(nèi)的材料后能準(zhǔn)確理解故事情節(jié)，并依據(jù)所給的文本材料及兩個段落的首句進(jìn)行續(xù)寫（150詞左右），完成一篇與給定材料有邏輯銜接、情節(jié)和結(jié)構(gòu)完整的短文，主要考查考生的深度加工文本的能力、綜合語言表達(dá)能力、逆向思維與思辨能力。續(xù)寫故事圍繞發(fā)現(xiàn)問題、解決問題展開，需要考生充分發(fā)揮想象力和創(chuàng)造力，這充分體現(xiàn)了《中國高考評價體系》所倡導(dǎo)的基礎(chǔ)性、綜合性、應(yīng)用性和創(chuàng)新性的高考考查要求。本文從讀后續(xù)寫的材料解讀和命題思考出發(fā)，探討讀后續(xù)寫備考啟示。

1.原文呈現(xiàn)

In September 1998，my family and I were visiting New Delhi from Ajmer.My husband，a forensic science doctor，and I，a professor at Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College，travelled with our three-year-old son Nirjhar for an official event at Delhi's All India Institute of Medical Sciences．

The day after we arrived，my husband's colleague，Sunil Yadav，then a sub-inspector with the Delhi Police，and his wife，invited us over for dinner.It was evening by the time we reached their house．

Happy to have met them after a long time，we sat in their drawing room and chatted about old times.Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children—Aashu and Neelu—both of whom were around Nirjhar's age.After around half an hour，our hostess called the kids in for dinner．

Aashu and Neelu came running back to the house，all excited about the special meal，but Nirjhar wasn't with them.Alarmed，we asked the siblings about his whereabouts，but between our panicked questions and keyed-up voices they became nervous and fell silent，unable to convey anything.From the little they were able to explain，we divined that the children were riding their bikes in the neighbourhood lanes，while our son ran after them.At some point，little Nirjhar must have fallen behind，unable to keep pace，taken a wrong turn and lost his way in the unfamiliar area．

Panic-stricken，we ran out in search of our tiny but clever child.As my husband and his friend got on his scooter to check the main road，my mind whirled with all sorts of horrible scenarios—a part of the road was dug up for some construction work； what if Nirjhar had fallen in？ Did someone kidnap him？ How far had he wandered？ How alone and scared he must be in a strange city！

Unable to stay calm，I began running into every lane around the house like a madwoman，shouting my son's name as loud as I could.Uncontrollable tears ran down my face at the heartbreaking silence that followed each time I called out his name.But Nirjhar was nowhere to be found.There were no mobile phones those days.In desperation，I grabbed hold of random passers-by，asking them if they might have seen my son.No one seemed to be able to help.More than an hour passed without a breakthrough.Dreading the worst，I thought，only prayers can help now.Close to despair，nursing a heavy heart，I retraced my steps to our host's place and stood outside，continuing to scan the roads with bleary eyes．

As the minutes passed interminably by，I wondered if my husband and Sunil might have had better luck.Just then，I saw the two men riding in from the opposite end of the lane.But there was no sign of Nirjhar.My heart sank； my mind was blank with hopelessness.All of a sudden，two teenaged boys rode into the same lane on a scooter.As they got closer，I spotted our son，in his red-and-purple shirt and maroon shorts，standing in front of the driver，his hands on the steering handles.Shocked and relieved at the same time，I yelled out and waved my arms in the air to get their attention.My husband and Sunil also saw them and paused until the two boys caught up.As I ran towards them，Nirjhar stepped off the two-wheeler and ran to me，jumping into my arms.He was distraught，in tears and hardly able to speak．

The world fell away as I was reunited with my son，and the next few minutes were spent comforting him.It was only later that I found out from my husband that the kind boys were cleaning their car in front of their house when they saw our crying son walk by.They stopped him and tried to find out who he was and where he lived but Nirjhar was too frightened and upset to give them any information： “My parents are lost； I can't find them，” is all he could say.So they decided to take him to the nearby police station that was down the lane from our friend's house．

My only regret is that I could not thank those kind souls properly before they disappeared in the crowd of onlookers.They were truly like angels-in-disguise for me that day，having answered my sincerest prayers.（741 words）

2.對原故事的解讀

首先，我們了解到整個故事的人物Characters （Who）有7個：I，my husband，3-year-old son （Nirjhar），my husband's colleague，his wife and two kids （around Nirjhar's age），故事的背景Setting （When & Where）：My family and I were visiting New Delhi （新德里）from Ajmer.（an unfamiliar place）

It was evening by the time we reached their house．

我們根據(jù)讀后續(xù)寫語篇分析通常用到的story mountain記敘文的這個結(jié)構(gòu)，分 opening、 build-up、 climax、 resolution、 ending這五個部分來對故事發(fā)展的情節(jié)Plots （What）進(jìn)行分析。在故事的開頭Opening部分，也就是（Para.1-2） My family and I were visiting New Delhi from Ajmer for an official event.My husband's colleague invited us to their house for dinner in the evening.在Build-up部分也就是文章的第三段（Para.3）We sat in their drawing room and chatted about old times.Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children who were around Nirjhar's age.作者闡述了故事的起因并描寫了人物的情感。

My husband & I： happy

Nirjhar： bored & active （Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children.）我們大人聊得很開心，但我兒子厭煩我們大人的聊天而撇開我們大人去跟主人家的兩個差不多同齡的小孩去玩了。從而為故事的下一個情節(jié)的展開進(jìn)行鋪墊。

然后（Para.4-5） Half an hour later，it was time for dinner，the kids went back without Nirjhar.After questioning，we knew Nirjhar might get lost.We all ran out in search of him.故事推動到了高潮部分Climax。兒子沒跟主人家的兩個小孩一同回來吃飯，意識到兒子might get lost，描述了當(dāng)時人物的行為表現(xiàn)We all ran out in search of him.和情感反應(yīng)Panic-stricken（驚慌失措）。

接下來在Resolution部分描寫了大家采取了怎樣的行動去解決問題、結(jié)果如何。（Para.5-7） I ran into every lane and grabbed hold of random passers-by，asking them if they might have seen my son.My husband and his friend checked the main road.But our efforts were to no avail.Nirjhar turned up with two teenaged boys.這一部分的人物心理描寫是生動形象、跌宕起伏的I： mad，heartbreaking，close to despair，hopeless → shocked and relieved.

Nirjhar： distraught，in tears and hardly able to speak

最后在結(jié)尾部分Ending，為大家揭開謎底（Para.7-9） The two kind boys met him and decided to take him to the nearby police station that was down the lane from our friend's house.As a result，we reunion.突出主題“善意暖人心”“感恩善舉”以及關(guān)注孩子的個人成長。

3.改寫思考

① 高考讀后續(xù)寫題型特點

讀后續(xù)寫的閱讀材料一般都是記敘文或夾敘夾議文，詞數(shù)一般在350左右，學(xué)生需要在閱讀后，續(xù)寫150詞左右，形成一篇前后連貫、語句通順的文章。一般情況下，記敘文故事性強(qiáng)，難度不大，情節(jié)曲折動人，邏輯性較強(qiáng)，學(xué)生在閱讀后容易形成自己的理解，并按照文章的思路進(jìn)行接下來的寫作。學(xué)生需要續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容往往是故事的解決和結(jié)尾，所以需要學(xué)生順藤摸瓜，按照原本的思路、脈絡(luò)和情感進(jìn)行寫作，使故事曲折跌宕但是又順理成章。

② 原文結(jié)構(gòu)分析

根據(jù)對這個讀后續(xù)寫材料的分析，第一至五段描寫了故事的開端、發(fā)展、高潮，我們要把一到五段進(jìn)行保留，作為閱讀材料的一個基礎(chǔ)，但這一部分共有308個詞，按照高考的要求是350個字左右，我們需要對這一部分進(jìn)行一個適當(dāng)?shù)耐卣乖鰷p，以及對一些超綱詞進(jìn)行改編。在續(xù)寫部分剩下一共有430個詞，比我們要續(xù)寫的150個詞的要求是多出來很多的，我們要根據(jù)這一個最后故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展以及想要體現(xiàn)的主題進(jìn)行構(gòu)思，進(jìn)行刪減，闡述大家采取怎樣的行動去解決問題、最終結(jié)果如何。

③ 原文主題分析

1.最后一段My only regret is that I could not thank those kind souls properly before they disappeared in the crowd of onlookers.They were truly like angels-in-disguise for me that day，having answered my sincerest prayers.表達(dá)了作者對行善意之人的感恩之心。

2.續(xù)寫主題思考

除了上面顯示的主題，本人還對原文第五段提及的表述“our tiny but clever child”進(jìn)行思考。通常描繪性形容詞的使用在一定程度上影響或指引著學(xué)生的理解，所以在設(shè)置續(xù)寫首句時本人也對該點進(jìn)行了考慮。

4.改寫后的文章（含詞數(shù)的適當(dāng)減少和超綱詞的替換）

In September 1998，my family and I were visiting New Delhi from Ajmer.My husband，a forensic science doctor，and I，a professor at Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College，travelled with our three-year-old son Nirjhar for an official event at Delhi's All India Institute of Medical Sciences．

The day after we arrived，my husband's colleague，Sunil Yadav，then a sub-inspector with the Delhi Police，and his wife，invited us over for dinner.It was evening by the time we reached their house．

Happy to have met them after a long time，we sat in their drawing room and chatted about old times.Addicted so much to each other's life experiences and the stories of the colleagues that we completely forgot everything around us.（增加描述性表達(dá)，更好輔助學(xué)生理解） Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children — Aashu and Neelu — both of whom were around Nirjhar's age.After around half an hour's delighted talk （增加描述性表達(dá)，更好輔助學(xué)生理解），our hostess called the kids in for dinner．

Aashu and Neelu came running back to the house，all excited about the special meal，but Nirjhar wasn't with them.Alarmed，we asked the siblings about his whereabouts，keeping questioning in panicked and keyed-up voices，which frightened these two kids.（修改表達(dá)，更好輔助學(xué)生理解） They became nervous and fell silent，unable to convey anything.From the little they were able to explain，we inferred （替代原詞divined） that the children were riding their bikes in the neighbourhood lanes，while our son ran after them.At some point，little Nirjhar must have fallen behind，unable to keep pace，taken a wrong turn and lost his way in the unfamiliar area．

Panic-stricken，we ran out in search of our tiny but clever child.As my husband and his friend got on his scooter（小型摩托車） （增加中文注釋） to check the main road，my mind whirled with all sorts of horrible scenes （替代原詞scenarios） — a part of the road was dug up for some construction work； what if Nirjhar had fallen in？ Did someone kidnap him？ How far had he wandered？ How alone and scared he must be in a strange city！ （341詞）

Para.1

Unable to stay calm，I rushed into every lane around the house，mad.

Para.2

There was still no sign of Nirjhar，but suddenly I heard someone calling me.

（注釋：第一段修改了原文的句子，更簡練，更符合續(xù)寫首句特征，也與前文最后一段緊密連接，讓學(xué)生能按照文章的思路進(jìn)行接下來的寫作，描寫尋找孩子的細(xì)節(jié)和心理；第二段融合了原文故事的結(jié)尾主題和本人對原文第五段提及的表述“our tiny but clever child”的思考設(shè)置，someone calling me的設(shè)置給學(xué)生更大的思考空間，在考慮孩子最后是如何被找到的同時，結(jié)合孩子的特征思考孩子自身是否會有可能存在簡單的求助行為，在突出感恩善舉主題的同時，思考孩子個人的成長話題。）

5.One possible version

Unable to stay calm，I rushed into every lane around the house，mad. I shouted in a trembling voice，“Nirjhar！ Nirjhar！”，but in vain.Nirjhar didn't answer me.After searching in the lane for half an hour，I nearly sank into a desperate sea.On the verge of tears，my heart almost broke into pieces.I could not control myself imagining Nirjhar's situation，freezing with tears.A few minutes later，my husband and his friend came back.I urged to see whether Nirjhar also returned with them，however，my husband only shook his head，embracing me into his arms.With my blood running cold，I was so guilty and regretful about my carelessness towards Nirjhar.I cried out that if I had played with Nirjhar before，he would not have lost his way in this strange area.However，I promised to myself that I wouldn't give up finding him.Therefore，I got on the scooter and was determined to find my dear son together with my husband，searching every corner of the lane．

There was still no sign of Nirjhar，but suddenly I heardsomeone calling me. I stopped the scooter in a hurry and turned my head，expecting to see Nirjhar's figure.Excitedly，I caught sight of a young man who brought my son and walked close to me.On seeing me，Nirjhar dashed into my arms and hugged me tightly.Hardly had I realized that my son came back when I breathed a sigh of relief.Then my husband and I expressed our sincere thankfulness to the young man.The young man gave us a gentle smile，saying that it was clever Nirjhar who asked him for help，so he led Nirjhar to find us.I was so proud about Nirjhar's smart behaviour that I thumbed up at him.Eventually our family members hugged joyfully.It serves as a reminder that we should always keep an eye on the small kids and Nirjhar also surprises me with his cleverness．

通過以上對讀后續(xù)寫的材料解讀和命題思考，我們就很明了高考讀后續(xù)寫解題的關(guān)鍵是要實現(xiàn)對語篇的宏觀把握和對續(xù)寫段落的微觀處理，通過深度解讀文本，把握語篇主題，明確寫作方向，合理創(chuàng)設(shè)、展開跌宕起伏的情節(jié)，厘清人物的情感與心理變化，契合原文語言風(fēng)格，保持續(xù)文內(nèi)容與原文的連貫協(xié)同，做到邏輯合理、緊扣主題。在備考當(dāng)中，我們要強(qiáng)化學(xué)生的詞匯積累，指導(dǎo)學(xué)生進(jìn)行有關(guān)環(huán)境、動作、表情、心理描寫等生動的詞匯和多變句型的操練，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生準(zhǔn)確、恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂盟鶎W(xué)詞匯和語言結(jié)構(gòu)，把握文本主題和內(nèi)在邏輯，基于原文合理創(chuàng)造展開續(xù)寫，努力提高學(xué)生的讀后續(xù)寫寫作水平，提升續(xù)寫備考的質(zhì)量。

責(zé)任編輯吳昊雷