捕捉明暗線，雙線并行

廣東 陳麗芳

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

通常來說，一個故事常常有兩條線索，也就是明線和暗線。明線主要指的是故事的情節(jié)線，暗線主要是指故事的情感線。我們?nèi)绻芎侠硎褂盟季S導(dǎo)圖、表格等梳理文章的明暗線，那么，我們所續(xù)寫的段落在語言、內(nèi)容、邏輯上便能符合原文基調(diào)。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

一、梳理原文情節(jié)

梳理原文情節(jié)是讀后續(xù)寫最基本的閱讀技能，我們只有深入解讀并梳理原文情節(jié)，續(xù)寫時，才能做到一脈相承，延續(xù)原文情節(jié)，構(gòu)建合理的故事。我們可以根據(jù)以下方式來梳理原文情節(jié)：

1.根據(jù)時空順序來梳理。讀后續(xù)寫由一系列小情節(jié)構(gòu)成，每個情節(jié)就是不同時間、不同地點下人物的具體活動，我們可以依托時間、場景的變化來梳理原文的情節(jié)線。

2.根據(jù)故事發(fā)展來梳理。我們可以先給文章各段落標(biāo)上序號，然后按照情節(jié)的開端、發(fā)展、高潮和結(jié)局來劃分文章結(jié)構(gòu)，進(jìn)而梳理情節(jié)。

3.根據(jù)故事主人公的動作鏈來梳理。動作能夠有效推進(jìn)情節(jié)的發(fā)展，梳理主人公的動作鏈可以幫助我們把握故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展。

二、梳理原文情感

故事情節(jié)無論如何發(fā)展，總是為塑造人物形象服務(wù)的。梳理故事情節(jié)的過程就是感受人物人格的過程，是解讀人物心理或情感變化的過程，也是理解原文主題的過程。我們要通過充分捕捉表達(dá)情感的語言來梳理原文人物情感的變化。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

Paula is a 55-year-old woman living in New Jersey.She lives a happy life without concern for financial or social problems and she constantly shares laughs with her family and friends.About ten years ago,her husband Michael gave her a gold ring with a diamond in iton their 20th wedding anniversary.She cherished it very much and wore it every day.

Having been married for almost 30 years,Paula had everything set for herself,and knew that her life in New Jersey was a satisfying one.One day,Paula was in the bathroom happily cleaning everything up,from the sink to the floor.She wanted to keep her house clean and beautiful.As soon as Paula finished washing the bathtub,she moved on to the part she feared most:the toilet.Wanting to get it out of the way,she quickly cleaned the inside of the toilet with a brush,and flushed the soap away.After finishing,she felt there was something wrong,but she couldn't think of what it was.

Paula's heart skipped a beat when she noticed that her left ring finger felt a bit lighter.She slowly looked down at her ring finger,hoping that her treasured anniversary gift was still on it.She was frightened to see that it was lost.She didn't notice that she flushed it down the toilet.Paula said,“I must have flushed it down.It had been a little big on my finger,because it was winter time and my hands were smaller.”She felt so bad about it.She was sad and embarrassed.

She couldn't believe that she just let thousands of dollars go down the drain(下水道)literally.She searched the bathroom and even the house,hoping that she just dropped it somewhere and forgot about it.She even took apart the toilet and searched the inside pipes with a flashlight,but in vain.Paula had no idea how to explain this to her husband.To buy the ring,Michael worked extra hard before the anniversary,so to tell him the bad news was unimaginable for Paula.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

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She softly knocked on the door to their bedroom._______________________________

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After finishing her explanation,Paula wiped away her tears and waited for Michael to say something._______________________________________________

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一、梳理故事背景

女主人公寶拉在打掃衛(wèi)生間的時候，弄丟了丈夫邁克爾送給自己的珍貴戒指，既難過又焦慮不安的寶拉決定跟丈夫坦白。

?Time:one day?Place:in the bathroom and in the bedroom?Characters:Paula and Michael?Setting:Paula's gold ring was flushed down the toilet.

二、理清故事脈絡(luò)

根據(jù)情節(jié)的發(fā)展，寶拉即將推開房門，推開門后，寶拉看到了誰？邁克爾在房間嗎？她又將如何跟他說清事實？這將是我們接下來要續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容。

三、分析故事情節(jié)

再次閱讀以上短文，根據(jù)原文情節(jié)梳理人物的情感變化。

根據(jù)以上的情節(jié)梳理，我們可以用更加形象的U形曲線表現(xiàn)寶拉的情感變化。U形曲線是讀后續(xù)寫人物情感發(fā)展的常見形態(tài)，情感最終的走向通常是積極正面的。寶拉最后的情感應(yīng)該呼應(yīng)首段中的She lives a happy life，所以故事最后肯定會有一個完美的結(jié)局。那么戒指有沒有可能失而復(fù)得呢？是找到了，還是重新買的呢？在構(gòu)思續(xù)寫第二段的情節(jié)的時候，我們可以通過結(jié)局去反推。

四、探究文章主題

文章第一段的“She lives a happy life...laughs with family and friends.”奠定了整個故事的感情基調(diào)——家庭美滿、生活幸福，所以這篇文章的主題應(yīng)為夫妻間相互的理解和寬容。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

She softly knocked on the door to their bedroom.In order to release her fearfulness,Paula hid her hands behind her back.Michael noticed her,turned his head to her,and said merrily,“Come here,honey.”Paula walked towards him slowly,as if there were something dragging her.Sitting behind him nervously,Paula tried to control her uneasy facial expression as possible as she could.Thinking of the lost ring,she was so afraid that she couldn't help crying.Michael hugged her nervously and asked her what was going on.When there was no way,Paula explained the whole situation to him.

Paragraph 2:

After finishing her explanation,Paula wiped away her tears and waited for Michael to say something.Minutes ticked by.Michael said to her gently,“I'm sorry to hear that,but you should go to sleep first.”So exhausted was Paula that she fell asleep quickly.Next morning,Paula woke up.All of a sudden,she caught sight of a box on the bedside table.Paula opened it confusedly.To her great surprise,there was the ring the same as the lostone.Soon she realized that her husband got up early to buy her an identical ring.Paula was greatly moved,picked it up and bathed in the sunshine.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

On a Sunday afternoon,Kiana French was fishing with her father and younger sister,not knowing the next minute,they would struggle not to sink in the freezing water.Their 12-foot boat was taking in water little by little,and the wind was picking up.Her father,Gary French,hurried to operate the engine,while Kiana,16,was in the middle with Cierrah,her sister,frightened but still able to keep calm.

Kiana asked Cierrah to take off one of her cowboy boots,with which she got some of the water out.Hard as she tried,that little effort would not help stop the boat sinking.Moments later,the unthinkable happened.The boat was full of water and then it flipped over.Kiana and her sister were dumped in the water.Their father,who had had a surgery six months ago,managed not to be thrown into the water but seemed to have great pain in the chest due to the sudden change.

Kiana quickly put on her life jacket and saw Cierrah's and her father's life jackets floating away.She reacted quickly to get them back and held her sister onto the boat.They were so far out in the middle of the lake that they could not see the shore clearly.What's worse,it was getting harder to stay above the waves.Their father swam over and hugged his two girls,Cierrah crying silently.Kiana heard her beloved sister murmur,“I can't feel my feet.”

Kiana knew the only thing to do was go to shore herself and find help.She looked up at her father,exchanging a concerned glance,turned round and swam as hard as she could towards the shore.

Fighting against the strong currents and cold wind,she screamed for help at the top of her lungs every three minutes or so.A strong wind blew,and she looked back only to see her sister's and father's heads bobbing（浮動）in the water.She burst into tears,thinking her sister and dad were dead,because she was taking too long.

謝天謝地，我沒看清黑影是誰，估摸對方也沒看清我。要是看清了對方的臉面，那就不光是尷尬，可能還有大麻煩。

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

With desperate tears,she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.______

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Once rescued,they were rushed to shore,where a concerned group were waiting for their arrival.______________________________________________________________

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【評價導(dǎo)思】

1.在分析這篇文章的情節(jié)時，你用了什么方法？

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2.續(xù)寫這篇文章的時候，你找到了明暗線嗎？你是如何利用明暗線來幫助自己寫作的？

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3.在結(jié)尾升華時，你有沒有點明文章主題？

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