生活有時候困難得 難以置信 只需做自己

Occasionally， life can be undeniably， impossibly difficult. We are faced with challenges and events that can seem overwhelming， life-destroying to the point where it may be hard to decide whether to keep going. But you always have a choice. Jessica Heslop shares her powerful， inspiring journey from the worst times in her life to the new life she has created for herself：

In 2012 I had the worst year of my life.

I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with little greenery. I occupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to find it.

Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome （CFS） and became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under great pressure. I eventually regained my physical health， but not long after that I got a call from my family at home to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted to a hospice.

I left the city and I went home to be with him.

He died 6 months later.

My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that， for a minute after he drew his last breath， I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.

The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother， but we had each other.

But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was admitted to hospital.

They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothing that they could do.

She died 1 month later.

I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.

She was a walking， talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the worst thing that could ever happen， it would have been losing her.

She was my soulmate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.

The Moment Of Deliberate Choice

The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate. I had no real home， no money， no job， and no friends that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.

I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.

I remember lying in the hospital bed， looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed with me all night long.

I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.

I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my journey here.

I also made the decision that， I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and nothing less.

In that moment， the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark room for the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenly looked real for the first time.

生活有時候困難得難以置信，但又不容置疑。我們面臨的挑戰(zhàn)與困境似乎無法抵御，試圖毀滅我們生活，甚至使你猶疑是否繼續(xù)走下去。但是你總有選擇的余地。從人生低谷走向新生活的杰西卡·赫斯樂普，在這里與我們分享她啟迪心靈、充滿震撼力的生活之旅。

2012年是我生活中最艱難的一年。

我做著討厭的財(cái)務(wù)工作，住在難尋綠色的高樓林立的城市。我忙于無意義的交往，在一些膚淺表面的東西上大筆開銷。我尋找快樂，卻又不知道它在哪里。

然后我患上了慢性疲勞綜合癥，幾乎到了臥床不起的地步。我不得不辭掉工作，同時也就斷了財(cái)源。我和那時僅相處了3個月的男友住在一起，經(jīng)濟(jì)上完全依賴于他，我們的關(guān)系承受著巨大壓力。終于我恢復(fù)健康，但不久，我接到家里的電話，父親的癌癥急劇惡化，已經(jīng)住進(jìn)了臨終關(guān)懷中心。

我離開了城市，回家陪父親。

6個月之后，他去世了。

父親的事讓我徹底清醒。他一直很強(qiáng)壯，在他咽氣之后一分鐘里， 我真的認(rèn)為，他會活過來。我不能相信，我再也不能依偎在他溫暖的懷抱里，享受他寬大的胸懷帶給我的安全感。

母親和我們5個兄弟姐妹極為難過，但至少我們還擁有彼此。

但是，那時我大姐開始抱怨著背痛，2個月后，因疼痛加劇也住進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

醫(yī)生們檢查發(fā)現(xiàn)，她已是骨癌晚期，對此他們已無能為力。

1個月之后，她也走了。

大姐的逝去讓我陷入難以形容的痛苦之中。

在這個世界上，她是一個能走路、會說話的天使，我最喜歡的人。如果有人問我，世界上發(fā)生的最壞的事情是什么，那就是失去她。

她是我的靈魂伴侶，我從來沒有想過，我會走過沒有她陪伴的生命旅程。

抉擇時刻

我被打擊和極度的心痛擊挎了。強(qiáng)烈的痛苦使世界在我眼中變得如此凄涼。我沒有真正意義上的家，沒有錢，沒有工作，也沒有關(guān)心我的朋友。沒有一個人因我失去親人而寄給我慰問卡。

我嘗試著活下去，結(jié)果住進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

我記得，躺在病床上，看著天花板，看到姐姐美麗的面龐。她整夜守候著我。

那天晚上，我意識到我可以選擇。要么結(jié)束生命，要么活下去。

望著姐姐的眼睛，我決定不跟她走。我要留下來，走完我的生命旅程。

同時，我還決定，不只為生活而生活，我要完全以自己想要的方式生活。

在那一刻，這一想法第一次清晰得如同一盞在黑暗閃爍的明燈。好像腳下的地球版塊變換了，每一樣?xùn)|西在我眼前都真實(shí)得前所未有。