To Love Is to Suffer

By Katharine Wang

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore,to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. —Woody Allen1. Woody Allen: 伍迪·艾倫，著名美國(guó)電影導(dǎo)演、編劇、演員、音樂(lè)家與劇作家。

Fingers sticky with buffalo hot sauce from my fried chicken wings,I looked desperately for a napkin.2. sticky: 黏的，黏膩的；buffalo hot sauce: 水牛辣醬，美國(guó)流行的一種辣醬，吃烤翅時(shí)的常選配料；napkin: 餐巾紙。I was in mid-conversation with a pretty successful angel investor3. angel investor: 天使投資人，指對(duì)一家或多家新興企業(yè)投資的個(gè)人。at a nearby bar, and probably shouldn’t have ordered this hot mess. Buffalo chicken wings are my weakness.4. 我沒(méi)辦法抵抗水?？境岬恼T惑。

As if listening to folktales by the fire, I crossed my legs and tried to comprehend5. comprehend: 理解，領(lǐng)悟。this mini-lecture by my multi-millionaire friend... who couldn’t be more than 30 years old. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t even sure what he was soaping about on his soapbox.6. soap: 不停地說(shuō)無(wú)聊的話(huà)；soapbox:臨時(shí)演說(shuō)臺(tái)，街頭演說(shuō)處。

“And, it’s all going to be human 2.0... start-ups that will succeed are ones that cater to the most basic human needs.”7. start-ups: 新成立的企業(yè)；cater to:迎合，滿(mǎn)足。

“You can just call out what you want, throw the materials out on a table, and they form into what you desire. It’s revolutionary A.I8. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, 人工智能。. Just check out the online videos of MIT9. MIT: 即Massachusetts Institute of Technology，麻省理工學(xué)院。experiments.”

“It’s not leaning in or leaning back; it’s about leaning to the side.”This one really threw me off10. throw off: 使困窘，使慌亂。. I had no idea what he meant.

愛(ài)情是什么？是花前月下的你儂我儂，是熾熱深?lèi)?ài)的刻骨銘心，還是平淡相守的甜蜜幸福？在信息高度發(fā)達(dá)的今天，手指在鍵盤(pán)上輕敲幾下一切就唾手可得，唯有愛(ài)情似乎成了遙不可及的奢侈品。作者從一次和好友的小酌著筆，用輕松詼諧的筆法探討了信息化時(shí)代人們對(duì)愛(ài)情的渴望與無(wú)奈。

With six G&T’s in, he didn’t notice my eyes rolling.11. 六杯雞尾酒喝下去，他沒(méi)注意到我對(duì)他的話(huà)疑惑不解。G&T’s: gin and tonics,一種在英美很流行的雞尾酒。With this guy, you kind of have to pick the bits that matter most to you.12. 聽(tīng)這位哥們兒說(shuō)話(huà)得學(xué)會(huì)抓住重點(diǎn)。It’s typically a fifty- fifty thing, but the beer does help.

Around halftime, since this was a sport’s bar and naturally there was a football game on the big screen, we maneuvered13. maneuver: 巧妙地操縱，控制。onto the topic of relationships.

You see—my friend here is a pretty typical San Franciscosingle-male-entrepreneur-thick rimmed glasses-skinny jeansliberal.14. 眼前這位哥們兒是個(gè)典型的舊金山鉆石王老五：他戴著厚厚的眼鏡，穿著修身牛仔褲，一副不修邊幅的樣子。It’s an understatement15. understatement: 保守的陳述，輕描淡寫(xiě)。to say that he’s had some trouble in finding the right “one” or, more correctly, committing to “a” one.

Now, here is where it gets interesting. He starts talking about how lifetime relationships with one person is against our biological makeup16. biological makeup: 生理結(jié)構(gòu)。. This is what some people call: ”the caveman software“. We’re all running it. We hunt, we forage17. forage: 搜尋。, we sow seeds? That’s why, he explains, he can’t commit to one woman—it’s against nature itself.

I was prepared to smack18. smack: 拍打，摑。him on the head. My hand had almost taken on a life of it’s own—lifting just ever-so-slightly.19. 我的手似乎不受我控制，不由自主地抬起，只是幅度很微小。I tried suavely to make it seem I was just smoothing my hair.20. suavely: 溫和地，柔和地；smooth: （用手）把……弄平，使平整。I figured he noticed—his eyes shown with a split second of fear.

He quickly caveated21. caveat: 警告，告誡。his statement with the following:

But, I don’t want to continue life with a line of meaningless relationships —going on from one to another like playing hopscotch.22. 但我也不想一輩子這樣放縱不羈，走馬燈似的換女朋友。hopscotch: 跳房子。It’s tiring. And, I’m eventually going to be old.

Okay, It’s not a redeeming23redeeming: 補(bǔ)償?shù)模a(bǔ)救的。statement, but it is progress.

Finding a meaningful, lifetime relationship is hard, much harder than playing hopscotch. For those in the Valley, finding even a candidate of love is more difficult than getting a company to IPO.24. Valley: 此處特指Silicon Valley, 位于美國(guó)加州北部舊金山灣以南的硅谷；IPO: 即Initial Public Offering, 首次公開(kāi)募股。I can’t even begin to tell you the numerous cases of failure—of online dating disasters that my friends have personally witnessed or the thousands of dollars spent on matchmaking services that led to no end.There are even hotspot locations that are hotbeds25. hotbed: 滋生地，溫床。for lonely, but wealthy women looking for equally as lonely, but wealthy investors.

One such location is just a few miles away from Stanford. I went there recently with a few girlfriends to understand what the fuss26. fuss: 大驚小怪，小題大做。was all about.Thursday night is apparently “cougar” night27. cougar night: 熟女之夜，即大齡單身女性的相親聚會(huì)。. And,oh my eyes, it was a sad yet impressive sight—lots of makeup, pink drinks, and shiny out fits.

Difficulty in finding and maintaining love is not new. What is new is this weird inability to even make the first real connection. Why?

Maybe it’s because we’re starting to experience the human 2.0 crisis28. human 2.0 crisis: 2.0版人類(lèi)危機(jī)，指人類(lèi)面臨的新危機(jī)。.As technology changes our day-to-day routine, it’s also altering dial-up.29. routine: 日常工作，常規(guī)；alter: 改變，變更；dial-up: 撥號(hào)（上網(wǎng)），此處指愛(ài)情中彼此的接觸與融合。And, to make it even harder, add in my friend’s awful but popular theory and all of my girlfriends’ unreachable expectation of true romance… you get a sisyphean30. sisyphean: 永遠(yuǎn)做不完的，徒勞的。ask.

I love technology. Don’t get me wrong. I’m No.1 offender on not powering down31. power down: 關(guān)機(jī)，中斷電源。. But, when I look around me, I’m reminded that it’s okay to suffer. There is no quick fix, no algorithm, no short-cut key.32. quick fix: 速戰(zhàn)速?zèng)Q之計(jì)；algorithm: 算法，運(yùn)算法則；short-cut key: 快捷鍵。We have to endure the dial-up tone to find real happiness.

To find my example, I just turn to my parents. 30 years ago, a few major events coincided33. coincide: 一致，同時(shí)發(fā)生。to create the perfect storm.

1. The true “Internet” was born.

2. Return of the Jedi opened in theaters. (Little nerds rejoiced everywhere.)34. Retrun of the Jedi:《星球大戰(zhàn)》系列電影第六部《絕地大反擊》；nerd: 書(shū)呆子，討厭的人。

3. My parents got married.

In reply to my joyful “happy 30th anniversary” email, my dad wrote:We visited the place today where we got married 30 years ago and from there we are kicking off35. kick off: 開(kāi)始做某事。our next 30 years. (He then proceeded to ask me for my pupillary distance36. pupillary distance: 瞳距。. That’s my dad for you.)

If I’m lucky, my lifetime of love will be at least half as strong and memorable as my parents’.

Hi readers! Call me Kat.

I’m a writer and reader enthusiast; a native Harbin-er; a current tech geek in the Silicon Valley; an unapologetic food-lover and sojourner. Above all, I’m a romantic. If you’ve read my other stories—Been There, Done That or my previous ELL column—I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

My goal in writing, especially writing for you, is to bring a bit of happiness. As Roger Ebert spelled out: “We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health,our circumstances. We must try.”

So, keep calm, and read on!