讓思想在文書(shū)中閃光

谷約

留學(xué)文書(shū)要切忌假、大、空，一定要有實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容和入木三分的思想。所謂“思想”就是在描寫(xiě)個(gè)人經(jīng)歷的基礎(chǔ)上，加入自己對(duì)于某個(gè)問(wèn)題的分析或思考，從而讓文書(shū)閃耀出思想的光芒。很多申請(qǐng)者急于表達(dá)自己學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)好、實(shí)習(xí)經(jīng)歷豐富、道德高尚，但往往忽略考慮以下問(wèn)題：自己對(duì)社會(huì)上某個(gè)現(xiàn)象或問(wèn)題有沒(méi)有獨(dú)到的見(jiàn)解？在看似平常的人、事、物背后，自己能不能悟出一些不平常的道理？對(duì)自己遇到的挫折和曾犯過(guò)的錯(cuò)，是否有深刻的反省能力？為什么對(duì)某個(gè)專(zhuān)業(yè)感興趣，是否了解其歷史和現(xiàn)狀？例如，當(dāng)遇到“你如何展現(xiàn)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)風(fēng)范？”這個(gè)題目時(shí)，很多申請(qǐng)者會(huì)不厭其煩地羅列甚至編造自己當(dāng)過(guò)課代表、班長(zhǎng)、學(xué)生會(huì)主席等。在中國(guó)官本位文化中，這些頭銜也許會(huì)吸引某些人。但在美國(guó)，招生官們并不重視你有何種頭銜，他們更想了解申請(qǐng)者頭腦里有沒(méi)有領(lǐng)導(dǎo)意識(shí)，崇尚的是什么領(lǐng)導(dǎo)品質(zhì)，這些品質(zhì)是如何具體落實(shí)到申請(qǐng)者的言行中，或者申請(qǐng)者從具體的事例中有沒(méi)有悟出一些比領(lǐng)導(dǎo)頭銜更重要的東西。他們希望看到的是申請(qǐng)者對(duì)問(wèn)題的思考和分析，而不只是對(duì)某些事件的簡(jiǎn)單羅列。

案例分析

下面我們通過(guò)案例來(lái)具體談?wù)勗谖臅?shū)寫(xiě)作中該如何做到對(duì)問(wèn)題進(jìn)行深刻的思考。

申請(qǐng)者X想赴美國(guó)攻讀金融工程碩士學(xué)位。他在文書(shū)原稿中機(jī)械地羅列個(gè)人事跡，寫(xiě)作方式是典型的中國(guó)學(xué)生思路。申請(qǐng)者提供了文書(shū)的中文初稿，大致內(nèi)容如下：

我從小下象棋，棋藝高超。我對(duì)數(shù)字敏感，注重細(xì)節(jié)。父母認(rèn)識(shí)很多金融工作者。通過(guò)家人介紹，我出資參股一家網(wǎng)絡(luò)游戲公司私募股權(quán)項(xiàng)目，幫助合伙人分析公司的前景。大學(xué)實(shí)習(xí)，幫助客戶(hù)開(kāi)通創(chuàng)業(yè)板業(yè)務(wù)，做行業(yè)分析。在國(guó)內(nèi)，衍生品定價(jià)、期權(quán)交易策略還不成熟。我對(duì)衍生品交易這方面感興趣，模擬炒股比賽得第三名。

全文讀下來(lái)就是一篇流水賬，沒(méi)有一個(gè)鮮明的主題，每部分之間缺乏邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)。申請(qǐng)者的目的是希望通過(guò)此種貌似面面俱到的事跡羅列，讓招生官看到一個(gè)“全面發(fā)展”的自己。但這種沒(méi)有主題、缺乏邏輯的文書(shū)只能讓招生官覺(jué)得你是一個(gè)沒(méi)有深度、不愛(ài)思考的人。

為了“拯救”X，我們從他提供的紛繁蕪雜的原始素材中選出幾件重點(diǎn)事跡，建議他淡化對(duì)個(gè)人事跡的描寫(xiě)，突出自己對(duì)事件的思索（見(jiàn)下表）。

除了讓申請(qǐng)者突出其對(duì)事跡的思考外，我們還建議他合理組織安排文章結(jié)構(gòu)。申請(qǐng)者按照建議對(duì)文書(shū)進(jìn)行了改寫(xiě)，之后文書(shū)質(zhì)量大大提高。參考范文如下。

I love xiangqi， also known as Chinese chess. I play competitively at the university league level. Xiangqi is a two-player board game （棋盤(pán)游戲） similar to international chess. The game originated in China and is widely popular in Chinese-speaking communities all over the world. It is also gaining popularity among non-Chinese speakers in the West， where players compete at a very high level. Compared to international chess， while the underlying structures are the same， the Chinese version is more fast-moving and combative. The moves and rules are different； the “maneuverability （操控性） ratio” of xiangqi is higher and thus somewhat more difficult. Many of Chinas world-class international chess masters are said to have started with Chinese chess before switching to international chess.

評(píng)析：外國(guó)讀者一般不懂什么是“中國(guó)象棋”，所以申請(qǐng)者有必要先對(duì)其做一番介紹，并由此引出文章主題。

Xiangqi has taught me many lessons about economics， financial decision making， winning and losing， and about life itself. First， xiangqi teaches about thinking before acting； planning before execution. Sometimes one has to sacrifice a pawn （called “soldier”） for positional advantage. Self-discipline and patience are vital because long term gain is almost always the result of short term denial of instant gratification. The same is true with investment. Xiangqi is as much a game about what I want to do to attack as it is about what the reaction of the opponent is going to be： and if the opponent is going to take action A， then how do I protect my own asset， or if the opponent is going to take action B， then what do I do to prevent the opponents move； and if it is unavoidable what can I do to reduce the possible damage to a minimum？ There should always be backup plans. Flexibility， the willingness and readiness to change a game plan， i.e.， to make adjustments， is crucial. Finally， xiangqi is all about positive thinking： very often a bad decision or a bad move can spell disaster. I can keep on thinking what I could have done or what I shouldnt have done， but it is bad time management to dwell on mistakes. There is always time， usually after the game， to revisit the problem and to draw lessons， but the focus should be forward thinking； namely， what I can do to fix the problem now or how I can turn the disadvantage into advantage.

評(píng)析：本段把象棋和“我”的專(zhuān)業(yè)進(jìn)行類(lèi)比，得出三個(gè)啟示：謀定而后動(dòng)；知己知彼；正面思維。寫(xiě)“我”是象棋高手，遠(yuǎn)不如寫(xiě)象棋給“我”帶來(lái)的思考和啟示好，前者是簡(jiǎn)單的表?yè)P(yáng)，后者是“悟性”的表現(xiàn)。

I am a financial engineering major at XXX University of Finance and Economics， arguably one of the best institutions in China in this particular field. My four-year education there has taught me the basics of computational models， programming and theoretical frameworks to investigate and evaluate derivative products （衍生產(chǎn)品）， and fixed asset investments. I have also studied global trading markets and practices. I won 3rd place in a campus-wide trade simulation contest during my sophomore year. Outside the school environment， I have invested in the private equity （股權(quán)） of XX， a mobile game publisher that helps Western companies enter China. In addition to being a shareholder in the company， I have played consultative roles in forming foreign contracts and other legal documents and in capital operation. Interestingly， when I interned at the Bank of China during my junior year， I met a couple of Americans who asked me why many Chinese were obsessed with gambling. They were not referring to speculative activities in the financial world， but rather gambling in casinos （賭場(chǎng)） in Las Vegas and in Macau. This was a tough question because there simply was no easy answer to it. The irony is that statistics show China enjoys the highest saving rate in the world. Chinese people just hate to live on borrowed money； they hate to pay high interest on credit cards； historically they do not trust that the government， somehow， will take care of them when they age. The only way they can expect to be able to pay their bills when they retire is if they have sufficient savings in the bank and if their children will chip in （共同支付）. And yet， it is also true that the Chinese， some of them anyway， do gamble and gamble big； sometimes losing their lifes saving. I told my American friends the possible reasons were 1） Chinese people believe in luck and luck is something that is based purely on intuition， superstition， and personal wish； it is not based on science or logic or facts； 2） my fellow countrymen have little access to professional trading and risk management guidance and have inadequate knowledge of the numerous financial investment products available； 3） if they do have information about certain products being offered in the market， they do not have enough trust in the information or the products themselves. These reasons， plus many others， work to push them to casinos in droves. Too bad for them， but good for Las Vegas and Macau.

評(píng)析：本段主要描寫(xiě)了申請(qǐng)者在專(zhuān)業(yè)學(xué)習(xí)上的幾段經(jīng)歷，敘述詳略得當(dāng)，從校內(nèi)到校外，邏輯合理，語(yǔ)言流暢。申請(qǐng)者在寫(xiě)銀行實(shí)習(xí)經(jīng)歷時(shí)，通過(guò)老外的問(wèn)題（為什么許多中國(guó)人喜歡到賭城去賭博？）巧妙地引出自己深刻的思考和獨(dú)到的見(jiàn)解。這段描寫(xiě)既有觀察（一方面中國(guó)人的儲(chǔ)蓄率是全球最高的；另一方面中國(guó)人確實(shí)有通過(guò)賭博來(lái)實(shí)現(xiàn)一夜暴富的投機(jī)心理），又有分析（三個(gè)可能的理由，且每個(gè)都和專(zhuān)業(yè)有關(guān)）。最后一句“Too bad for them， but good for Las Vegas and Macau.”反映出申請(qǐng)者的幽默感和對(duì)社會(huì)不良風(fēng)氣的批判，同時(shí)為最后一段“我”的留學(xué)動(dòng)機(jī)做好了鋪墊。

My design for my future career is one that is intricately tied with the development of comprehensive trading strategies and risk management techniques which can help my clients and customers better balance their profit and risk. I fully believe New York Universitys program in financial engineering matches my professional aspirations. After graduation， I can start with derivatives trading or a structuring position providing individual investors with strategies involving elementary and structured derivatives to manage their risk exposures in various markets. In the long run， Im interested in developing more comprehensive cross asset portfolio （投資組合） management techniques to further optimize strategies provided to clients. I am committed to helping turn gambling on the part of many into a deliberate investment.

評(píng)析：本段寫(xiě)“我”的留學(xué)動(dòng)機(jī)和職業(yè)目標(biāo)，經(jīng)過(guò)之前三段的鋪墊，“我”已經(jīng)非常明確自己讀研究生的方向，學(xué)成之后的職業(yè)設(shè)計(jì)也就順理成章了。