感恩節(jié)重生記

Last Thanksgiving my girlfriend and I flew to Milwaukee1） to spend the long weekend with her parents and sister. Caitlin and I had been dating for over a year and a half， and I felt comfortable enough around her family. But things always got tough for me around the holidays， and it didn’t help that Caitlin’s family was so close， so affectionate， always hugging and teasing2）. Caitlin and I had just moved in together， and her mom—mildly religious and deeply sarcastic3）—had started referring to me as her “sin-in-law.”

I’d told myself this trip was no big deal， but as soon as we set foot in the house I started acting aloof4） and grouchy5）. At the table for the big meal， I could mumble6） only a brusque7）， impersonal thanks for “good food and hospitality.”

“Lame8），” Caitlin’s mom said， calling me out. “Boy， that was truly lame.”

Later， doing the dishes， I dropped a glass Caitlin handed me and started shouting at her. When everyone went out to a movie， I stayed home. I went upstairs to Caitlin’s childhood room， pulled the covers over my head and sobbed.

Thanksgiving is an emigrant’s holiday， first celebrated， legend has it， by the settlers of the Plymouth colony in gratitude to God for their first good harvest. The previous winter， they had lost nearly half their number to starvation and illness. A successful harvest， along with the peaceful participation of the Wampanoag9） Indians in the feast， meant that from that point on the Pilgrims might endure.

Few Americans know that the Mayflower initially embarked not from Plymouth but from Southampton， my birthplace. When I was 7， my family emigrated from southern England to the Midwest， our pilgrimage for a job my dad had landed that， my parents prayed， would finally lift us out of working poverty. We spent our first Thanksgiving with work friends of my dad’s， the Stiers， a brash10） but welcoming couple who plied us with green-bean casserole11）， fried onions， candied yams12） and—most curious—ambrosia13） （which， after a few gooey14） spoonfuls， seemed the very symbol of the giddy15）， stomach-sick feeling of being briskly ushered into a new culture）.

Our friendship with the Stiers ended after they asked my dad to come in on a risky business venture and he refused. But by that time we were versed16） in Thanksgiving ritual. In the kitchen， Dad forwent17） the marshmallow18）-centric sides， substituting favorites from across the pond： roast parsnips19）， toad-in-the-hole20）， and bread sauce. But we weren’t just turning Thanksgiving into a larger version of an English Sunday roast. By choosing to celebrate the holiday—as we came to celebrate the Fourth of July—we were staking21） our claim on this new life， declaring that， despite homesickness and hard winters， we intended to endure and make a permanent settlement.

For the Pilgrims， the trials were long and began even before they reached these shores. Two hundred miles out of port， the Mayflower’s sister ship， the Speedwell， started leaking， and the expedition had to make a stop in Plymouth， England. The Mayflower continued on， burdened with extra passengers； the Speedwell was abandoned.

My family， too， was scuppered22） mid-journey. The summer before I went away to college， my mother was given a diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. When I came home for Thanksgiving， she was so far gone she didn’t even remember my name. At the table， I watched in gut-sick horror as she drooled23） chewed-up turkey and cranberry sauce down her chin. After she died， my father and my younger brother went to war with one another， Dad threatening Rory with military academy and expulsion from the house if he didn’t shape up and quit drinking， smoking weed and staying out all night with friends.

The next two Thanksgivings the three of us came together for the few hours it took to have a meal， but the only words I remember Dad actually addressing to Rory were “pass the bread sauce.” That winter， my brother was killed in a car accident， out with his buddies on their way to a party， and my father， shattered by grief， set to the business of drinking himself to death. Our last Thanksgiving together， just the two of us， he was too wasted24） to eat the meal he’d spent all day preparing.

I spent the next seven holidays in seven different places， most often with friends and their families as an extra guest at their tables， the English guy with the Midwestern accent， the guy without a family of his own.

When Caitlin， her mom， dad and sister got back from the movie， they caught me raiding25） the fridge. I’d crawled out from under the covers with bleary26） eyes and bedhead27）， and they started peppering28） me with jokes. When I looked hurt， Caitlin’s mom gave me a hug and tousled29） my hair. “Come on， kiddo30），” she said， “you’re gonna have to take it like the rest of us.” She was still joking around， but she wasn’t.

That night， lying awake next to Caitlin， I tried to pick apart my feelings.

I was scared of committing， really committing， to this relationship. And I missed Mom， Dad and Rory as achingly as ever. For so many years， Thanksgiving had been something to brave—every year another mark on the wall. But this Thanksgiving， here with Caitlin， wasn’t just one more to endure.

Over the rest of the weekend， I relaxed a little. All that was expected of me， really， was that I eat， drink， joke around. After all， Caitlin’s mom seemed to mother just about everyone she met.

But by the time we all said goodbye at the airport and she kissed me on the cheek and said， “Love ya， kiddo，” I’d recovered enough of my good spirits to realize her “kiddo” wasn’t just a knee-jerk31） nicety. I’d been given a seat at the family table. It was time for me to start calling this new world “home.”

去年感恩節(jié)，我和女友凱特琳飛往密爾沃基與她的父母、姐姐共度長周末。我和凱特琳約會已經(jīng)一年半多了，和她的家人在一起時我覺得很自在。但是每逢節(jié)假日，情況于我而言總是變得很棘手。凱特琳的家人之間很親密，感情融洽，總是互相擁抱和開玩笑，但這對我來說于事無補(bǔ)。我和凱特琳剛剛搬到一起住，她的媽媽——比較虔誠但也極好挖苦人——已開始稱我為“負(fù)罪的女婿”了。

我告訴自己，這次去她家沒什么大不了的，但是一踏進(jìn)她的家門，我就開始表現(xiàn)得冷漠，一副壞脾氣的樣子。享用感恩節(jié)大餐時，我只嘟囔著說了聲謝謝“美味佳肴和盛情款待”，顯得既唐突又沒人情味。

“言不由衷，”凱特琳的媽媽大聲對我說，“噢，這話說得可真言不由衷。”

后來洗盤子時，我失手把凱特琳遞給我的一個玻璃杯掉在地上了，于是開始沖她大喊大叫。當(dāng)所有人都出去看電影時，我待在家里。我跑到樓上凱特琳小時候的房間里，用被子蒙住頭，哭了起來。

感恩節(jié)是移民的節(jié)日，相傳最早慶祝這個節(jié)日的是普利茅斯殖民地的定居者，慶祝的目的是感激上帝賜予他們的第一次豐收。在前一年冬天，他們中將近一半人死于饑餓和疾病。獲得一場大豐收，再加上萬帕諾亞格印第安人和平地參加盛宴——這意味著從那一刻起清教徒們也許可以撐下去了。

很少有美國人知道，“五月花號”最初并非起航于普利茅斯，而是起航于我的家鄉(xiāng)南安普頓。在我七歲時，我們?nèi)覐挠喜恳凭拥搅嗣绹形鞑?。我們這次遷徙之旅是因?yàn)楦赣H在那里找到了一份工作，父母希望這份工作能讓我們最終擺脫終日奔波卻依舊貧困的生活狀態(tài)。我們的第一個感恩節(jié)是與父親工作上的朋友施蒂爾夫婦一起度過的。施蒂爾夫婦自以為是但熱情好客，再三招呼我們吃青豆焙盤菜、炸洋蔥、甜山藥，還有一道最為奇怪的菜——柑橘椰子甜品（又粘又甜，幾勺下去，讓人感覺頭暈、反胃，似乎恰恰象征著被匆匆?guī)胍环N新文化后的感覺）。

后來，施蒂爾夫婦要父親合伙進(jìn)行一項(xiàng)冒險的商業(yè)投資，父親拒絕了，我們家與施蒂爾夫婦的交情也隨之結(jié)束。但那時候，我們已經(jīng)對感恩節(jié)習(xí)俗了如指掌。在廚房里，父親舍棄了以果漿軟糖為主的配菜，取而代之以在大西洋彼岸頗受歡迎的菜肴：烤歐洲蘿卜、面拖烤香腸和面包粉調(diào)的牛奶調(diào)味汁。但我們不只是把感恩節(jié)變成大型的英國周日烤肉大餐，選擇慶祝這個節(jié)日——就像我們開始慶祝7月4號美國國慶日一樣——我們是在打樁立標(biāo)，表明我們對這種新生活的堅(jiān)持，宣稱就算思鄉(xiāng)情切、寒冬難耐，我們也決意要撐下去，永久地安頓下來。

對于清教徒們來說，考驗(yàn)歷時很長，早在他們到達(dá)這片海岸之前就開始了。剛出港兩百英里，“五月花號”的姐妹船“婆婆納號”就開始漏水，旅行不得不在英格蘭的普利茅斯暫停。“五月花號”接納了“婆婆納號”的乘客，并繼續(xù)航行，“婆婆納號”則被遺棄。

我們家這艘“船”在航行途中也“沉沒”了。在我上大學(xué)之前的那個夏天，母親被確診為腦癌晚期。我回家過感恩節(jié)時，她已經(jīng)生命垂危，甚至連我的名字也不記得了。吃飯時，我看著嚼碎的火雞和蔓越莓醬順著她的下巴流了下來，深感惡心而又驚恐。她去世以后，父親和弟弟羅里開始互相爭吵，父親威脅他說，如果他不能振作起來，不能戒酒和戒大麻，再和朋友在一起夜不歸宿，就把他趕出家門，送去軍校。

接下來的兩個感恩節(jié)，我們?nèi)齻€人聚在一起，花了幾個小時吃感恩節(jié)晚餐。但我記得席間父親對羅里說的唯一一句話是“把牛奶調(diào)味汁遞給我”。那年冬天，我弟弟喪生于一場車禍，當(dāng)時他正和哥們兒在去往聚會的路上。父親痛不欲生，開始酗酒，把自己往死里喝。我們在一起度過的最后一個感恩節(jié)只有我和父親兩個人，那時他身體太虛弱，都吃不下他花一整天時間準(zhǔn)備的晚餐。

此后的七個感恩節(jié)，我在七個不同的地方度過，大多數(shù)時候是和朋友及他們的家人在一起。我是他們餐桌上的不速之客，一個操著美國中西部口音的英國人，一個沒有自己家的人。

凱特琳和她的媽媽、爸爸、姐姐看電影回來時，正好看到我在冰箱里找東西吃。我剛從被子里爬出來，淚眼模糊、頭發(fā)蓬亂。他們開始接二連三地拿玩笑逗我。當(dāng)我露出受傷的表情時，凱特琳的媽媽給了我一個擁抱，揉了揉我的頭發(fā)?！昂美?，年輕人，”她說，“你得像我們一樣對待生活。”她還在開玩笑，但其實(shí)她沒有。

那天晚上，我躺在凱特琳身邊，無法入眠。我試圖細(xì)細(xì)分析自己的情緒。

我害怕投入，害怕真正地投入這段戀情。我像往常一樣，痛徹心扉地思念我的母親、父親和羅里。這么多年來，感恩節(jié)一直是我需要勇敢去面對的節(jié)日——每過一年就在墻上做個記號。但是今年和凱特琳在一起的這個感恩節(jié)，不再是需要硬撐下去的節(jié)日。

在周末剩余的時間里，我的心情放松了許多。大家對我的所有期望其實(shí)就是吃好，喝好，開開玩笑。畢竟，凱特琳的媽媽似乎對她遇到的每個人都像慈母一樣。

但當(dāng)我們在機(jī)場告別時，她在我的臉上親了一下，說道：“愛你，孩子?！贝藭r我已經(jīng)完全恢復(fù)了好心情，這才意識到她叫我“孩子”時不僅僅是下意識的禮節(jié)。我已經(jīng)在她家的餐桌上獲得了一席之位。我應(yīng)該開始稱這個新世界為“家”了。

1.Milwaukee：密爾沃基，美國威斯康星州東南部港口城市

2.tease [ti?z] vt. 逗弄

3.sarcastic [sɑ?（r）?k?st?k] adj. 好挖苦人的

4.aloof [??lu?f] adj. 冷淡的

5.grouchy [?ɡra?t?i] adj. 〈口〉脾氣不好的

6.mumble [?m?mb（?）l] vt. 喃喃而語

7.brusque [bru?sk] adj. 唐突的

8.lame [le?m] adj. （托辭、建議等）站不住腳的，理由不充足的

9.Wampanoag [?wɑ?mp??n???g] n. 萬帕諾亞格人（1620年英國清教徒移居美國時馬薩諸塞州東南部印第安人的一個部落或其成員）

10.brash [br??] adj. 自以為是的

11.casserole [?k?s?r??l] n. （肉、蔬菜加湯汁用文火焙燒的）焙盤菜

12.yam [j?m] n. 山藥，洋芋

13.ambrosia [?m?br??zi?] n. （正餐后的）柑橘椰子甜品

14.gooey [?ɡu?i] adj. 〈口〉又粘又甜的

15.giddy [?ɡ?di] adj. 頭暈的；令人眼花繚亂的

16.versed [v??（r）st] adj. 精通的

17.forgo [f??（r）?ɡ??] vt. 放棄，拋棄

18.marshmallow [?mɑ?（r）??m?l??] n. 果漿軟糖

19.parsnip [?pɑ?（r）sn?p] n. [植]歐洲防風(fēng)，歐洲蘿卜

20.toad-in-the-hole：面拖烤香腸

21.stake [ste?k] vt. 立樁標(biāo)出……的界限；立界標(biāo)以表明（所有權(quán)）

22.scupper [?sk?p?（r）] vt. 使船沉沒，破壞，摧毀

23.drool [dru?l] vi. 流口水

24.wasted [?we?st?d] adj. 虛弱的

25.raid [re?d] vt. 突然搜查

26.bleary [?bl??ri] adj. 眼睛模糊的

27.bedhead [?bed?hed] n. 發(fā)型凌亂的樣子

28.pepper [?pep?（r）] vt. （雨點(diǎn)般地）向……擲（或問等）

29.tousle [?ta?z（?）l] vt. 弄亂

30.kiddo [?k?d??] n. 〈口〉年輕人

31.knee-jerk：下意識的