云中寄書信，濃濃父子情

by Maria Popova 譯/辛獻云

No love is greater than that of a father for his son.

（沒有什么愛能超越父親對兒子的愛。）

— Dan Brown （丹·布朗）

With Fathers Day around the corner， lets take a moment to pay heed to1） some of the wisest， most heart-warming advice from historys famous dads. Gathered here are four timeless favorites， further perpetuating my well-documented love of the art of letter-writing.

Leroy Pollock

In this beautiful 1928 letter， culled from American Letters 1927～1947： Jackson Pollock2） & Family， Jackson Pollocks dad， LeRoy， offers his son a sincere， optimistic lens on what matters most in life and how to cultivate it.

Dear Son Jack，

Well it has been some time since I received your fine letter. I was glad to learn how you felt about your summers work & your coming school year. The secret of success is concentrating interest in life， interest in sports and good times， interest in your studies， interest in your fellow students， interest in the small things of nature， insects， birds， flowers， leaves， etc. In other words to be fully awake to everything about you & the more you learn the more you can appreciate & get a full measure of joy & happiness out of life. I do not think a young fellow should be too serious. He should be full of the dickens3） sometimes to create a balance.

I think your philosophy on religion is okay. I think every person should think， act & believe according to the dictates of his own conscience without too much pressure from the outside. I too think there is a higher power， a supreme force， a governor， a something that controls the universe. What it is & in what form I do not know. It may be that our intellect or spirit exists in space in some other form after it parts from this body. Nothing is impossible and we know that nothing is destroyed—it only changes chemically. If we burn up a house and its contents， we change the form but the same elements exist： gas， vapor， ashes. They are all there just the same.

Write and tell me all about your schoolwork and yourself in general. I will appreciate your confidence.

You no doubt had some hard days on your job at Crestline4） this summer. I can imagine the steep climbing， the hot weather， etc. But those hard things are what build character and physic.

Well Jack I presume by the time you have read all this you will be mentally fatigued and will need to relax. So goodnight， pleasant dreams and God bless you.

Your affectionate Dad

Ronald Reagan

Days before 26-year-old Michael Reagans wedding in June of 1971， would-be U.S. President Ronald Reagan sent him this thoughtful and strikingly honest letter of marital advice， found in Reagan： a Life in Letters：

Dear Mike：

Youve heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the “unhappy marrieds” and cynics. Now， in case no one has suggested it， there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories， smugly5） confident that what a wife doesnt know wont hurt her. The truth is， somehow， way down inside， without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy6） excuse of where he was till three A.M.， a wife does know， and with that knowing， some of the magic of this relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure， there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade7）， but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating， and it doesnt take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore， seen him unshaven， tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music.

Mike， you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

Love，

Dad

P.S. Youll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.

Marion Carpenter

Half a century ago last month， 37-year-old Malcolm Scott Carpenter8） piloted the Aurora 7 into space， becoming only the second American to orbit the Earth. The day before his landmark journey， he received the following letter from his father， Marion， found in For Spacious Skies： The Uncommon Journey of a Mercury Astronaut：

Dear Son，

Just a few words on the eve of your great adventure for which you have trained yourself and anticipated for so long—to let you know that we all share it with you， vicariously9）.

As I think I remarked to you at the outset of the space program， you are privileged to share in a pioneering project on a grand scale—in fact the grandest scale yet known to man. And I venture to predict that after all the huzzas10） have been uttered and the public acclaim is but a memory， you will derive the greatest satisfaction from the serene knowledge that you have discovered new truths. You can say to yourself： this I saw， this I experienced， this I know to be the truth. This experience is a precious thing； it is known to all researchers， in whatever field of endeavour， who have ventured into the unknown and have discovered new truths.

You are probably aware that I am not a particularly religious person， at least in the sense of embracing any of the numerous formal doctrines. Yet I cannot conceive of a man endowed with intellect， perceiving the ordered universe about him， the glory of the mountain top， the plumage11） of a tropical bird， the intricate complexity of a protein molecule12）， the utter and unchanging perfection of a salt crystal， who can deny the existence of some higher power. Whether he chooses to call it God or Mohammed13） or Buddha or Torquoise Woman14） or the Law of Probability15） matters little. I find myself in my writings frequently calling upon Mother Nature to explain things and citing Her as responsible for the order of the universe. She is a very satisfactory divinity for me. And so I shall call upon Her to watch over you and guard you and， if she so desires， share with you some of Her secrets which She is usually so ready to share with those who have high purpose.

With all my love，

Dad

John Steinbeck

Nobel laureate John Steinbeck16） was a prolific and eloquent letter-writer， as the magnificent Steinbeck： A Life in Letters reveals. Among his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thoms 1958 letter， in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbecks words of wisdom should be etched onto the heart and mind of every living， breathing human being.

Dear Thom：

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view.

First—if you are in love—thats a good thing—thats about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Dont let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—there are several kinds of love. One is a selfish， mean， grasping， egotistical17） thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling18） kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength， and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didnt know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isnt puppy love.

But I dont think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel， but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly， I know your feeling because I have it and Im glad you have it.

And dont worry about losing. If it is right， it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love，

Fa

父親節(jié)即將來臨，讓我們花上片刻時間，重溫歷史上那些著名的父親給子女留下的一些最睿智、最溫馨的忠告。下面這四篇便是我收集到的經(jīng)受了時間考驗的最受人喜愛的書信，它們將我對書信藝術那有據(jù)可查的強烈愛好進一步推向永恒。

勒羅伊·波洛克

這封寫于1928年的精彩書信摘自《1927～1947美國書信集：杰克遜·波洛克及其家人》。在信中，杰克遜·波洛克的父親勒羅伊以誠懇的態(tài)度、樂觀的精神向兒子展示了什么才是人生最重要的東西，以及如何為之而努力。

親愛的兒子杰克：

收到你美好的來信已經(jīng)有一段時間了。我很高興獲悉你對暑假工作以及即將到來的新學年的感受。成功的秘訣在于發(fā)掘人生興趣，對運動和美好時光的興趣，對學習的興趣，對同學的興趣，對昆蟲、花鳥、樹葉等大自然中藐小之物的興趣。換句話說，要充分感知你周圍的一切，你了解到的越多，就越能欣賞它們，并從生活中獲得最大的快樂和幸福。我認為年輕人不應該太過嚴肅了，有時候也不妨放浪輕狂一下，以達到平衡。

我認為你對宗教的看法是沒問題的。我認為每個人都要憑著自己的良知去思考、行動和信奉自己的信仰，而不應該過于顧忌外界的壓力。我也相信冥冥中有一種更為崇高的力量，一種至高無上的威力，一個統(tǒng)治者，一種不知名的存在掌控著大千世界。我不知道它是什么，或者以何種形式存在。也許是我們的智慧或者精神在離開軀體之后，以某種其他形式存在于空間中。沒有什么是不可能的，我們知道萬物皆不可被摧毀殆盡——只是發(fā)生了化學變化。假如燒掉一座房子以及房子里的東西，我們只是改變其形式，而同樣的元素還存在——以氣體、蒸汽、灰燼的形式存在。它們?nèi)匀淮嬖谟谶@個世界。

寫信給我說一說有關你學習和個人的大致情況吧。我會非常感激你對我的信任。

毫無疑問，今年暑假你在克雷斯特萊恩工作時一定度過不少艱難的日子。我可以想象你攀爬陡峭的山坡、忍受酷熱的天氣等狀況。但這些困難會鍛造人的品格，強健人的體魄。

好吧，杰克，讀到這里，我想你精神上也該累了，需要放松一下。那么，晚安，好夢，愿上帝保佑你。

愛你的父親

羅納德·里根

1971年6月，26歲的邁克爾·里根再過幾天就要結婚了，即將成為美國總統(tǒng)的羅納德·里根給兒子寫了一封細致入微、無比誠摯的書信，給他以婚姻的忠告。該信收錄于《里根的書信人生》一書。

親愛的邁克：

那些“婚姻不幸的人”以及懷疑婚姻的人所散布的種種笑話你一定都已聽到過?，F(xiàn)在，如果還沒有人提出過的話，我想告訴你另一種觀點。你已經(jīng)邁入了所有人類生活中最有意義的一種人際關系。這種關系是好是壞，就看你打算怎樣去經(jīng)營它了。

有些男人認為，只有在自己的人生中親自體驗那些發(fā)生在更衣室里的風流韻事，才能證明自己的男人氣概。他們洋洋得意地相信，妻子不知道的事情不會傷害到她。然而，事實是，即使她從來沒有在領子上發(fā)現(xiàn)過口紅，或者從來沒有識破過一個男人口中所說的凌晨三點他在哪里的蹩腳借口，但在內(nèi)心深處，做妻子的總會知道真相的，而一旦知道，夫妻關系的某些奇妙之處就會消失無蹤。有些男人，自己一腳把一切都踢開，卻還在抱怨婚姻，這樣的男人遠比應該受到責備的女人多得多。有一條古老的自然規(guī)律，那就是你付出多少，就只能得到多少。對婚姻只付出一半的男人也只能得到一半。當然，有時候你也會去見某個人，或者想著回到過去某個時候，那么你要面對的挑戰(zhàn)就是你不知道自己是否仍然能夠達到心目中理想的目標。但讓我告訴你，要想一輩子向一個女人證明你的男人氣概和魅力，這里的挑戰(zhàn)有多么巨大。你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，依靠欺騙混日子的愚蠢男人遍地都是，而欺騙是不需要多少男人氣概的。要做到下面這些事才真的很需要男人氣概：保持自己的吸引力；讓一個聽過你打呼嚕、見過你不修邊幅、在你生病時照顧你、給你洗臟兮兮內(nèi)衣的女人依然愛你。做到這一點，讓她內(nèi)心一直感到暖意融融，那么你將會領略到人生最美的天籟之音。

邁克，你比許多人都更清楚一個不幸的家庭是什么樣的，以及它會對他人產(chǎn)生什么影響?，F(xiàn)在，你有一個機會可以讓這一切發(fā)展成它該有的樣子。對于一個男人來說，在忙碌了一天之后，回到家門，知道這扇門里有人在等待著他的腳步聲，人生最幸福的事莫過于此。

愛你，

父親

又及：如果你每天對妻子至少說一次“我愛你”，你將永遠不會遇到麻煩。

馬里恩·卡朋特

半個世紀前的上個月（編注：此處指1962年5月），37歲的馬爾科姆·司各特·卡朋特駕駛著極光7號進入太空，成為第二個環(huán)繞地球飛行的美國人。就在他的劃時代旅程開始的前一天，他收到父親馬里恩的來信。該信收錄于《廣袤的太空：一位水星宇航員的非凡之旅》一書，內(nèi)容如下：

親愛的兒子：

在你為之訓練并期盼了許久的偉大旅程開始的前夕，我給你寫上幾句話，讓你知道我們都在間接地和你分享這一切。

就像我記得在這一太空計劃啟動之初對你所說的那樣，你非常榮幸能參加這一宏大的開拓項目——事實上這是人類迄今最為宏大的項目。我大膽預測，當所有的歡呼歸于平靜，當公眾的喝彩成為記憶，你會冷靜地發(fā)現(xiàn)，你找到了新的真理，而你也將會從中獲得極大的滿足。你可以對自己說：我看到了這一切，我經(jīng)歷了這一切，我知道這就是真理。這種經(jīng)歷是非常寶貴的，所有的科研人員——不管研究的是領域——只要其探索過未知世界，發(fā)現(xiàn)過新的真理，都有過這樣寶貴的經(jīng)歷。

你也許知道，我并不是一個特別有宗教信仰的人，至少我沒有信奉過什么正式的教義，雖然它們?yōu)閿?shù)眾多。然而，我無法想象，一個才智出眾的人，當他看到身邊有序的宇宙、巍峨的山峰、熱帶小鳥的羽毛、蛋白質(zhì)分子錯綜復雜的結構，還有鹽晶那純粹、永恒的完美構造時，如何能否認某種崇高力量的存在。不管他選擇稱之為上帝也好，穆罕默德也好，佛陀也好，綠松石女神也好，或者概率定律也好，都沒有關系。我發(fā)現(xiàn)在我個人的寫作中，我經(jīng)常請自然母親解釋萬物，并認為她掌管著宇宙秩序。對于我來說，她就是可以滿足我愿望的神 。所以，我要向她祈愿，讓她照顧你，守護你，而且，如果她愿意，還要讓她與你分享她的秘密——她通常都十分樂意與那些目標高尚的人一起分享。

深愛你，

父親

約翰·斯坦貝克

從非凡的《斯坦貝克的書信人生》一書中可以得知，諾貝爾獎得主約翰·斯坦貝克是一位多產(chǎn)且善于言辭的寫信人。在他的書信中，有一封是寫給他的長子托姆的精彩回信。在1958年托姆寫給父親的信中，這位年輕人坦言自己在寄宿學校時無可救藥地愛上了一個名叫蘇珊的女孩。斯坦貝克那充滿智慧的話語值得每一個有生命的人銘記在心，銘刻在懷。

親愛的托姆：

今天上午我們收到了你的來信。我將以我個人的觀點來回復你。

首先，如果你已墜入愛河，那是一件好事——那大概是可能發(fā)生在一個人身上的最美好的事情。不要讓任何人把它變得藐小或者無足輕重。

其次，愛可分為很多種。一種是自私、卑鄙、抓住不放、以自我為中心的愛，利用愛情達到妄自尊大的目的。這是一種丑陋的、害人害己的感情。另一種愛則是付出自己所有美好的東西——善良、體貼、尊重——不僅是社交禮儀上的尊重，而是更大意義上的尊重，那就是承認對方的價值和獨一無二之處。第一種愛會給你帶來病態(tài)的人格，把你變得藐小、無能；而第二種愛則能釋放你心中的力量、勇氣和善良，甚至還有你自己都不知道自己擁有的智慧。

你說這不是那種小孩子之間的青澀戀情。如果你感覺如此強烈的話，那肯定不是小孩子的那種戀情。

但我想你肯定不是要問我你感覺怎樣。這一點你自己要比任何人都清楚。你想要我?guī)湍愕氖窃撛趺崔k——這我倒是可以告訴你。

首先要以此為自豪，要感到高興并充滿感激。

愛的對象是最好、最美的。不要辜負了它。

如果你愛上某個人——把愛說出來是不會有什么傷害的——只是你必須記住有些人很害羞，有時，愛的表白需要考慮到別人的羞澀問題。

女孩子有一種特別的方式可以知道或者感受到你的感受，但她們通常也喜歡聽到你說出來。

有時，由于種種原因，你的感情并沒有得到同樣的回應，但這并不能削弱你感情的價值和美好。

最后，我理解你的感情，因為我也有同樣的感情，我很高興你也有。

不要害怕失去，該發(fā)生的總會發(fā)生。重要的是不要匆忙行事。美好的東西是不會跑掉的。

愛你，

父親

1. pay heed to：注意，留心

2. Jackson Pollock：杰克遜·波洛克（1912～1956），美國畫家，是抽象表現(xiàn)主義運動的主要力量，以他獨創(chuàng)的滴畫而知名。

3. dickens [?d?k?nz] n. 魔鬼；小人精（指淘氣、好動的兒童）

4. Crestline：克雷斯特萊恩，位于美國加州圣伯納迪諾市的一個區(qū)

5. smugly [?sm?ɡl?] adv. 沾沾自喜地，自鳴得意地

6. flimsy [?fl?mzi] adj. 站不住腳的，不足信的

7. make the grade：達到標準

8. Malcolm Scott Carpenter：馬爾科姆·司各特·卡朋特（1925～），美國傳奇宇航員和潛航員

9. vicariously [v??ke?ri?sli] adv. 間接體驗地

10. huzza [hu?za?] int. 表示大喜、贊許、歡呼等的聲音

11. plumage [?plu?m?d?] n. 鳥類羽毛

12. protein molecule：蛋白質(zhì)分子

13. Mohammed：穆罕默德（約570～632），是伊斯蘭教的復興者，也是伊斯蘭教徒（穆斯林）公認的伊斯蘭教先知。

14. Torquoise Woman：綠松石女神，北美印第安納瓦霍人（Navaho）的天空女神，太陽神的妻子

15. Law of probability：概率律，也叫“概率定律”，指沒有規(guī)律的過程會從大體上呈現(xiàn)規(guī)律性。

16. John Steinbeck：約翰·斯坦貝克（1902～1968），20世紀美國最有影響力的作家之一。他熟悉社會底層的人們，許多作品都以他們?yōu)橹魅斯憩F(xiàn)了底層人的善良、質(zhì)樸的品格，創(chuàng)造了“斯坦貝克式”的英雄形象。他的代表作品有小說《人鼠之間》（Of Mice and Men）、《憤怒的葡萄》（The Grapes of Wrath）、《月亮下去了》（The Moon Is Down）等。

17. egotistical [?i?ɡ???t?st?k（?）l] adj. 自私自利的

18. crippling [?kr?pl??] adj. 嚴重損害健康（或身體）的，有嚴重危害的