英國遇上法蘭西：入鄉(xiāng)請隨俗

by Michael Wright 譯/劉志良

英國人，法國人——歷史上的種種糾葛積淀成他們之間剪不斷理還亂的微妙關系。盡管如此，法國南部的陽光、美酒與美食還是吸引了一批批英國游客跨越英吉利海峽。他們一頭扎進法國，渴望融入其中，卻常常被當地人一眼看穿。入鄉(xiāng)隨俗說起來容易，做起來可遠沒有你想象得那么簡單……

Last week， the local supermarket in Jolibois had sold out of both fresh milk and white wine. This can mean only one thing： Britons of a certain age were back in town. So， as another wave of les Anglais descends on France for a late-summer dose of cheap wine， steak frites and sunburn， I hereby proffer2） a few tips on how to tread lightly3） here， for the benefit of those among my fellow countrymen who would rather mingle with the natives than be shot as spies—I mean， spotted as étrangers4）. There are， after all， still a few people left who would rather appreciate and absorb the subtle nuances of a foreign culture， than blast them aside with the sheer force of their Englishness.

If you are wondering what on earth qualifies me to do this， you are absolutely right： even now， after nine years in rural France， I cannot walk down the street without being rumbled5） as an Anglais from 50 paces， long before I have opened my mouth. Undaunted， I am still doing my best to blend in.

Dress

In France， the quickest way to spot an Anglais is that hell be the one with the belly and the shirt hanging out. Indeed， the staple garment for Britons arriving at Limoges airport seems to be a shapeless black T-shirt， either baggy enough to disguise the space hopper6） beneath， or else confidently stretched across it， as if it were an orange in a sock. The modal7） garment for women of all ages， even the middle-aged who should know better， appears to be a saggy white T-shirt which dangles8） low enough to cover the bottom， and lots of jangly jewellery. The rural French are rather less casual in their approach to casual dress. T-shirts tend to have collars and be tucked in； shorts have buttons and zips rather than drawstrings9） and elastic； shoes dont look cheap. In England we used to call this look Smart Casual10）； these days， what with11） inflation and everything， we have bumped it up to Smart.

Shaking hands

I always try to be ready to shake hands with anything that moves. This takes some nerve， and can misfire but， on balance12）， people are more likely to consider the gesture charming than alarming， as they rack13） their brains to think where they have met you before.

Kissing

If you think you know someone well enough to kiss them， but arent quite sure， the secret is to lean forward almost imperceptibly14）， and see whether they reciprocate15） or remain glacially still. Britons are known for being a bit quick to kiss. A slap in the face means that， on balance， you probably should have shaken hands.

Lunch

Britons think of lunchtime as 1 pm， but for the French it is midday. This may explain the pained expressions and air being sucked through teeth if you arrive at a local restaurant at 1：30 pm. Most places dont have ranks of casual staff. Theres probably just le patron16） and his wife， doing all the cooking and serving between them. Once shown to your table， do your best to sit tight. Dont wave or snap your fingers， and try to forget that you once had a vocab book in which the French for waiter was “gar?on.” Brits tend to imagine that one must fight to be served； that its all about attracting the waiters attention more manfully than the poor chap at the table next door. But a basket of bread and a carafe17） of water will come， and the waiter will take your order according to the rhythm of the place. Have faith. Pushiness is the quickest route to being ignored.

Bars

Rural bars are largely deserted since the smoking ban. French lads dont go out drinking at night， and the French ladette18） has yet to be invented. The few French customers are the ones standing at the bar， sipping their demis. The Brits are the ones at the tables outside. They have all ordered une grande bière， because the standard-size version does not chime19） with their idea of what constitutes true manliness.

Bonne journée

The French equivalent of that much-derided20） Americanism： “Have a nice day.” It is invariably uttered by the supermarket checkout lady when she gives you your receipt and your vouchers21） for derisory22） reductions on products you spurn23）. Most Brits seem to let it go， but the French， without fail， say “merci” in response. I like to add “et vous aussi” for good measure24）， though this probably marks me out as a Martian.

Being invited to someones house

The rural French arrive on time， and turn their cars around before they park. Be warned， if you are late， that you may arrive to find that nobody else has been offered a drink because the host was waiting for you. This is so hideously embarrassing that sometimes I sit up in bed in the middle of the night， eyes wide open， drenched in sweat， as the horror comes back to me. By the same token25）， many guests make a habit of leaving at midnight on the dot26）， even if you are in the middle of a sentence.

Wine

Here in the Limousin at least， the locals drink only red； white wine is left for the Brits. There is still some ridiculous snobbery about buying wine from supermarkets， too. Thus， if you are giving a bottle of wine as a present， it is preferable if it has only a single label， to show that it has come directly from the vineyard， or else from a specialist wine-seller. An extra label on the back， describing how the wine is best served at 3°C to accompany pike27）， barn owl28） and smelly cheese， is a sure sign that you have been darkening the doors29） of the evil supermarket again. In extremis30）， steam the bloody thing off.

Cycling

If you wish to cycle in France， it is obligatory to do so in full Lycra31） with all the logos； shaved legs； gritted32） teeth； the works33）. Sideburns34） help， obviously. Many cyclists dont wear helmets， but there is a sensible law which obliges motorists to leave at least a metre of space when overtaking a cyclist in towns， and a metre-and-a-half in the countryside. As it happens35）， this rule also applies if youre overtaking a cart drawn by oxen， a mounted horseman， or a cat which happens to be going for a stroll. Where the law is not clear is how much space you must leave if you are a cat driving an ox-cart that is overtaking a car.

上周，若利布瓦鎮(zhèn)當地超市的鮮牛奶和白葡萄酒都售罄了。這只能說明一件事：一群韶華不再的英國人又來到了鎮(zhèn)上。那么，鑒于又一波英國人空降法國，來享受夏末物美價廉的葡萄酒、牛排加薯條和陽光，我特此提出關于在這里如何謹言慎行的幾點建議。這全是為了我的一些英國同胞考慮，他們更愿意與當地人打成一片，而不是被當作間諜處決——我是說被發(fā)現是外國人。畢竟還是有一些人愿意欣賞并吸納外國文化的微妙之處，而不是用他們英國氣息的強大力量將其蕩平。

如果你納悶我究竟有什么資格來提建議，那么你的質疑完全合理：雖然我在法國鄉(xiāng)村已經待了九年，但如今的我走在大街上，還沒等開口說話，別人就能從50步開外的地方認出我是個英國人。不過我毫不氣餒，仍在盡最大的努力融入法國。

著裝

在法國，辨別英國人最快捷的方式是看看誰的肚子和襯衫會鼓起來。的確，抵達利摩日機場的英國人基本都穿著沒型的黑色T恤。T恤要么很寬松，能夠遮住下面充氣彈球一樣的肚子；要么很自信地繃在肚子上面，讓肚子看上去就像裝在短襪中的一個橘子。各個年齡段的女性——甚至包括應當明白事理的中年女性——的典型裝束似乎就是一件松垮的白色T恤，低垂到能蓋住臀部，以及很多叮叮當當的珠寶。法國鄉(xiāng)下人穿便裝的方式都沒這么隨便：T恤一般都是帶領子的，并且要扎在腰帶里；短褲是帶紐扣和拉鏈的，而不是用拉繩和松緊帶；鞋子看上去也不是便宜貨。在英國，我們曾經把這種裝扮稱為“商務休閑裝”。如今，由于通貨膨脹等種種原因，我們已經將其提升為“商務裝”了。

握手

我總是盡力做好與任何活物握手的準備。這需要一些勇氣，而且可能事與愿違，但總的來說，人們更有可能覺得這個姿勢討人喜歡而非使人驚恐，同時他們會絞盡腦汁地想他們曾在哪里見過你。

親吻

如果你覺得自己和某人足夠熟悉，想要親吻他們，卻又不是很確定時，秘訣就是以幾乎難以察覺的角度前傾，看看他們是回應你，還是冷冰冰地站著不動。英國人有些急于親吻，這是人盡皆知的。如果你被打了一耳光，那通常說明，你或許本該握手來著。

午餐

英國人認為午餐時間是下午1點，而對法國人來說，午餐時間是正午。這或許可以解釋為什么英國人在下午1：30到達一家當地餐館時會面露痛苦的表情，倒吸一口氣。多數餐館沒有大批的臨時工，可能只有老板和老板娘，兩人負責所有的烹飪和上菜工作。一旦你被帶到了桌位，要盡量坐著靜靜地等。不要揮手或打響指，努力忘掉你曾經有本詞匯書，里面寫著法語里服務員叫“gar?on”。英國人往往誤以為顧客必須努力爭取才會有人給上菜，認為最重要的是要比鄰桌那個可憐的家伙表現得更勇猛來吸引服務員的注意。但在法國，服務員會先端上來一籃面包和一瓶水，然后會根據餐館的節(jié)奏來讓你點菜。要有信心，愛催促的人最容易被忽略。

酒吧

自從禁煙以來，鄉(xiāng)間酒吧基本上空無一人。法國小伙子們晚上不會出去喝酒，而法國假小子們尚不存在。為數不多的幾個法國顧客會站在吧臺旁邊呷著demi （指容量為半升的啤酒杯）。英國人則會坐在外面的桌子旁邊。他們都點了une grande bière （一大杯啤酒），因為標準杯與他們所認為的真正的男子漢氣概不搭調。

Bonne journée （祝你一天愉快）

這句法語對應的是備受嘲諷的那句美國式表達：“Have a nice day.”超市收銀臺的女士總是會說這句話，同時遞給你收據和代金券——代金券金額少得可憐，而且能買的都是你不屑一顧的商品。大多數英國人似乎會把這句話當耳邊風，但法國人必定會說句“merci”（謝謝）來回應。我喜歡額外再加上一句“et vous aussi”（您也一樣），盡管這么做可能讓我被歸為火星人。

應邀做客

在法國鄉(xiāng)村，人們會準時到達，并會把車頭調過來后再停車。注意，如果你遲到了，那么你到的時候可能會發(fā)現大家都還沒喝上飲料，因為主人在等你。這真是讓人難堪至極，以至于有時我會半夜從床上坐起來，睜大眼睛，汗流浹背，因為我又體會到了那種恐懼。同樣地，很多客人養(yǎng)成了午夜準時告辭的習慣，哪怕你一句話才說了一半。

葡萄酒

至少在利穆贊這個地方，當地人只喝紅葡萄酒，白葡萄酒是留給英國人的。對于從超市買葡萄酒，人們也仍抱有某種可笑的勢利觀念。因此，如果你要把一瓶葡萄酒當禮物送出去，那酒瓶上最好只有一個標簽，以此表明這瓶酒直接來自葡萄園，或者來自一家專門的葡萄酒經銷商。如果酒瓶背面多一個標簽，寫著該葡萄酒最佳飲用溫度是三度，并最好搭配狗魚、倉鸮和臭奶酪飲用，那顯然表明你又一次光顧了邪惡的超市。在緊要關頭，用蒸汽把那該死的標簽弄掉吧。

騎自行車

如果你打算在法國騎自行車，必須全身穿著商標齊全的萊卡服裝，剃過腿毛，咬緊牙關，裝備一應俱全。連鬢胡子顯然能在這方面幫上忙。很多騎自行車的人不戴頭盔，但有一項明智的法律規(guī)定汽車司機在市區(qū)超越騎車人時，須與之保持至少1米的距離，在鄉(xiāng)間要保持至少1.5米的距離。如果你碰巧在超越一輛牛車、一個騎馬的人或者一只碰巧正在散步的貓時，這個規(guī)定同樣適用。不過，如果你是一只趕著牛車的貓，正在超越一輛汽車，那需要保持多遠的距離，法律倒沒有明確規(guī)定。

1. les Anglais：法語，意為“英國人”。

2. proffer [?pr?f?（r）] vt. 提供，提出

3. tread lightly：小心處理

4. étranger：法語，意為“外國人”。

5. rumble [?r?mb（?）l] vt. 〈英俚〉察覺；看穿

6. space hopper：充氣彈跳球，一種兒童玩具

7. modal [?m??d（?）l] adj. 代表性的，典型的

8. dangle [?d??ɡ（?）l] vi. 懸垂；懸蕩

9. drawstring [?dr???str??] n. （裝于袋口、衣服腰部等處的）拉繩，束帶

10. Smart Casual：出席特定場合的一種穿著要求，泛指一種“體面”的休閑穿著，介乎正裝與便裝之間。

11. what with：因為

12. on balance：總的說來

13. rack [r?k] vt. 折磨，使痛苦

14. imperceptibly [??mp?（r）?sept?bli] adv. 難以察覺地

15. reciprocate [r??s?pr?ke?t] vi. 回報；還禮

16. patron [?pe?tr?n] n. （尤指法國的）旅店（或飯店、酒吧）老板

17. carafe [k??r?f] n. 玻璃水瓶

18. ladette [l?d?et] n. 假小子；社會行為和男青少年或年輕男性相似的年輕女性

19. chime [t?a?m] vi. 協(xié)調，一致

20. deride [d??ra?d] vt. 嘲笑，嘲弄

21. voucher [?va?t??（r）] n. 代金券，購物券

22. derisory [d??ra?s?ri] adj. 荒謬可笑的，小得可笑的

23. spurn [sp??（r）n] vt. 蔑視；拒絕

24. for good measure：作為外加（或意外）的東西，附加

25. by the same token：同樣地

26. on the dot：準時地，一秒不差地

27. pike [pa?k] n. [魚]狗魚

28. barn owl：[鳥]倉鸮

29. darken sb.s door（s）：登門造訪，跨進門檻

30. in extremis：在危急狀態(tài)中，在最緊要關頭

31. Lycra：萊卡，用于制作長筒襪、游泳衣等緊身衣物的彈性纖維衣料

32. grit [ɡr?t] vt. （發(fā)怒、下決心等時）磨（牙）等；咬緊

33. the works：相關的所有事物，全部

34. sideburns [?sa?d?b??（r）nz] n. [復] （下巴無須的）短連鬢胡子

35. as it happens：恰??；令人驚奇的是