英語(yǔ)考試優(yōu)秀范文賞析——兼談?dòng)⒄Z(yǔ)作文考試中框架搭建與修辭變換

潘宗桃

（九江學(xué)院 外國(guó)語(yǔ)學(xué)院，江西 九江 332005）

一、引言

在當(dāng)今的中國(guó)大學(xué)教育中，參加大學(xué)英語(yǔ)四、六級(jí)考試成為今天大學(xué)生的必有經(jīng)歷，而獲得英語(yǔ)四、六級(jí)證書(shū)也是證明自己英語(yǔ)能力為日后大學(xué)生們找工作所必需。而一方面，隨著中國(guó)學(xué)生出國(guó)留學(xué)熱的持續(xù)高漲，參加托福（TOEFL）或雅思考試的學(xué)生也是與日俱增。無(wú)論是大學(xué)英語(yǔ)四、六級(jí)考試，還是各種出國(guó)留學(xué)考試，英語(yǔ)命題作文都是必考的，也是學(xué)生最難獲得高分的科目之一。

然而，從考試設(shè)置作文考題的目的出發(fā)，是為了考察學(xué)生實(shí)際綜合運(yùn)用英語(yǔ)的能力，學(xué)生無(wú)論是在日常的英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作運(yùn)用中，還是在考試的臨場(chǎng)發(fā)揮中，都可以通過(guò)有意識(shí)的文章布局、設(shè)置層次等方法寫(xiě)出一篇好的作文。

二、英語(yǔ)考試范文

下面給出一篇考試范文來(lái)進(jìn)行分析。這是一篇參加托福考試的考生寫(xiě)的滿分作文，其布局謀篇相當(dāng)出色，采用的修辭手法也非常豐富，很值得借鑒，該篇考試的作文題目為：

Some intensive English programs in the Unite States offer a foreign student the option of living with an American family while he or she is studying abroad.Many students feel that such a home-stay program is a valuable part of their total learning experience.However,others may feel that such a plan offers little value.In a short essay,discuss this program and tell whether you are in favor of or opposed to the idea of home-stay.Give examples to support your opinion.

考試作文范文全文如下：

A foreign student who plans to come to the United States must have some definite goals in mind.For the student who wants to improve his English quickly and learn about American customs firsthand,there is often and opportunity to live with an American family.There may be one or two disadvantages of this living arrangement;however,I believe that there are far more advantages.

First of all,some minor disadvantages of living with an American family include both a lack of privacy and little opportunity to be independent.For instance,the foreign student may find that the family expects him to join them in group activities such as watching television and going on picnics.At times,however,he might enjoy staying in his room to read or to write letters to his family and friends.Another drawback of living in an American home involves the possibility that the family may treat the student like a child.For example,the parents may want to decide who his friends will be and where he will go during his leisure time away from home.

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them.By taking part in a home-stay program,the student has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs.He will find out how to behave in different social situations such as parties and ceremonies and how to dress on these occasions.Also,he will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life,such as the way schools are run in the United States.With a family close by,he can ask questions about attendance rules and school costs.The family will make certain that he becomes acquainted with this new way of life,and soon he will feel at home.

Another advantage of living with an American family is that the student is in an ideal environment to improve his English.For example,each time he has a conversation with someone in the family,this native speakercan help him with his pronunciation and grammar.Maybe the younger children in the family can help the student with his homework,too.But the most important thing is that he will be surrounded by English most of the time during his stay in the United States.

Although Iagree thatthere may be a couple of disadvantages of living with an American family,I feel that the advantages are more obvious.In a home-stay program,the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible.In addition,he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve.In my opinion,there are the two most important goals for him to consider,and living with an American family is the best way to achieve them.

三、范文具體分析

首先我們來(lái)看第一段：

A foreign student who plans to come to the United States must have some definite goals in mind.For the student who wants to improve his English quickly and learn about American customs firsthand,there is often and opportunity to live with an American family.There may be one or two disadvantages of this living arrangement;however,I believe that there are far more advantages.

考生以留學(xué)生到美國(guó)學(xué)習(xí)的兩個(gè)目的——提高英語(yǔ)水平與學(xué)習(xí)美國(guó)文化為引子，直接緊扣主題并表明了自己對(duì)“home-stay program” 的 觀 點(diǎn) ：There may be one or two disadvantages of this living arrangement;however,I believe that there are far more advantages.對(duì)于考題要求針對(duì)某一特定問(wèn)題進(jìn)行討論的作文，最忌諱的是作者沒(méi)有自己的觀點(diǎn)，洋洋灑灑寫(xiě)了一大通，卻無(wú)法讓人知道其想表達(dá)的思想，本范文第一段是一種很標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的寫(xiě)法，特別是采用了 “There may be….however，I believe…”這種有讓步的觀點(diǎn)來(lái)表明自己的立場(chǎng)，更使其觀點(diǎn)增加了讓人信服的說(shuō)服力。

值得一提的是，有些學(xué)生在遇到此類議論文的寫(xiě)作題時(shí)，上來(lái)第一句就是“I agree…”或“I don’t agree with…”這種直白的語(yǔ)句，而本篇范文的開(kāi)頭是采用于外國(guó)學(xué)生到美國(guó)學(xué)習(xí)的兩個(gè)目的為引子，再引出文章的主題并表明自己的觀點(diǎn)，使之不顯突兀。

First of all,some minor disadvantages of living with an American family include both a lack of privacy and little opportunity to be independent.For instance,the foreign student may find that the family expects him to join them in group activities such as watching television and going on picnics.At times,however,he might enjoy staying in his room to read or to write letters to his family and friends.Another drawback of living in an American home involves the possibility that the family may treat the student like a child.For example,the parents may want to decide who his friends will be and where he will go during his leisure time away from home.

文章的第二段先從參加“home-stay program”的一些缺點(diǎn)進(jìn)行鋪墊，包括“l(fā)ack of privacy”“l(fā)ack of little opportunity to be independent” 兩個(gè)方面， 然而， 作者使用了“minor disadvantages”來(lái)說(shuō)明這些缺點(diǎn)是次要的而非主要的方面，為后面對(duì)參加“home-stay program”帶來(lái)的優(yōu)點(diǎn)主要方面埋下伏筆。此段中，作者分層次對(duì)“l(fā)ack of privacy”和“l(fā)ack of little opportunity to be independent”兩個(gè)方面進(jìn)行了展開(kāi)，既舉出了“the family expects him to join them in group activities”這樣的例子，又給出了 “such as watching television and going on picnics”這樣的細(xì)節(jié)，使層次感突顯。

在該段中，作者還采用了一種很好的寫(xiě)作手法——并列法，“l(fā)ack of privacy”與“l(fā)ack of little opportunity to be independent”；“such as watching television”與“going on picnics”；“his family”與“friends”等，這些大量并列的詞、短語(yǔ)的運(yùn)用不但使文章中的句型顯得豐滿，而且為后續(xù)的進(jìn)一步展開(kāi)和接續(xù)提供了更大的空間。

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them.By taking part in a home-stay program,the student has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs.He will find out how to behave in different social situations such as parties and ceremonies and how to dress on these occasions.Also,he will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life,such as the way schools are run in the United States.With a family close by,he can ask questions about attendance rules and school costs.The family will make certain that he becomes acquainted with this new way of life,and soon he will feel at home.

一般情況下，英語(yǔ)作文在介紹情況、引出主題后，接下來(lái)就應(yīng)該圍繞主題和中心思想的各個(gè)方面進(jìn)行闡述、說(shuō)明、擴(kuò)展。

本篇范文的第三段為中心部分，開(kāi)始正面闡明作者的觀點(diǎn) ： “Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them.”并從兩方面進(jìn)行論述參加“home-stay program”的優(yōu)點(diǎn)：一是 “has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs”， 二 是 “will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life”。同樣地，作者對(duì)上面的兩個(gè)方面又給出了更具體的細(xì)節(jié)例證：“will find out how to behave in different social situations”——“such as parties and ceremonies”。 可見(jiàn)表達(dá)的層次非常分明，使文章有理有據(jù)地逐層展開(kāi)論證，邏輯性強(qiáng)而條理清晰。

從此段可以看出，考生對(duì)于文章的展開(kāi)形式使用的是舉例法中的多例法[1]，也即用兩個(gè)或兩個(gè)以上的例子去支持自己的觀點(diǎn)而且由點(diǎn)到面，點(diǎn)面結(jié)合使文章的擴(kuò)展部分具有一定的寬度和深度，并增加了例子的可信度。

Another advantage of living with an American family is that the student is in an ideal environment to improve his English.For example,each time he has a conversation with someone in the family,this native speakercan help him with his pronunciation and grammar.Maybe the younger children in the family can help the student with his homework,too.But the most important thing is that he will be surrounded by English most of the time during his stay in the United States.

如果說(shuō)前面第三段的內(nèi)容是用來(lái)說(shuō)明第一段中“l(fā)earn about American customs”的話，那么本文第四段顯然是用來(lái)與第一段中的“to improve his English quickly”相呼應(yīng)的。可見(jiàn)作者在整篇文章的布局上有很清晰的框架，這一點(diǎn)尤其難能可貴，因?yàn)楹芏鄥⒓涌荚嚨目忌谂R場(chǎng)狀況下，經(jīng)常是見(jiàn)樹(shù)不見(jiàn)林，往往缺乏這種整體把控布局能力。到了文章第四段不難看出，除了前面分析過(guò)的采用并列法進(jìn)行豐富寫(xiě)作外，作者還采用了變換修辭法，其中本段中的“is in an ideal environment to”與第三段中的“has an excellent opportunity to”實(shí)際上都是對(duì)“can”的一種變換修辭，使語(yǔ)言立顯生動(dòng)而富有變化，豐富性大大增強(qiáng)。

Although Iagree thatthere may be a couple of disadvantages of living with an American family,I feel that the advantages are more obvious.In a home-stay program,the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible.In addition,he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve.In my opinion,there are the two most important goals for him to consider,and living with an American family is the best way to achieve them.

結(jié)尾的最后一段，對(duì)前面的觀點(diǎn)進(jìn)行了總結(jié)：“In a home-stay program,the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible.In addition,he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve.” 而本段中的 “Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages of living with an American family,I feel that the advantages are more obvious”一句又分別與第三段中的“Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them”及第一段中的“I believe that there are far more advantages”遙相呼應(yīng)，構(gòu)成本篇范文的主旋律。

這種變換方式重申自己觀點(diǎn)的寫(xiě)法也提供了一種很好的借鑒。

此外，這篇文章在每一段的開(kāi)頭分別采用了“First of all”“Even though”“Another advantage of…”等連接關(guān)系詞與詞組，使得段落之間的銜接自然流暢。

四、英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作考試中的整體布局與修辭變化

在英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作考試中，議論文是出現(xiàn)頻率最高的一種，要求考生以擺事實(shí)、講道理、發(fā)表議論的方式完成作文，也即要求有論點(diǎn)、論據(jù)與論證。因此作文通篇的整體布局尤為重要，本篇優(yōu)秀范文在第一段以外國(guó)學(xué)生到美國(guó)學(xué)習(xí)的兩個(gè)主要目的為引了，導(dǎo)到自己對(duì)“home-stay program”的觀點(diǎn)“I believe that there are far more advantages”，然后先用讓步的手法簡(jiǎn)單說(shuō)明了“home-stay program”的某些次要的不利一面，再用二個(gè)中心段落以豐富的例子論證了自已的觀點(diǎn)，最后一段再次變換形式表明了自己的觀點(diǎn)。通篇文章結(jié)構(gòu)層次清晰、觀點(diǎn)鮮明。

另一方面，在英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作考試中，巧妙地使用一些固定句式和過(guò)渡詞語(yǔ)，不僅可增強(qiáng)文章表達(dá)效果，而且能很好地實(shí)現(xiàn)形式與內(nèi)容的統(tǒng)一。本篇范文中在各段落中先后使用的“I believe that there are far more advantages”、“First of all,some minor disadvantages of…”、“Even though there may be…,the advantages far outweigh them”、“Another advantage of…”就很好地體現(xiàn)了這種運(yùn)用效果，便文章整體脈絡(luò)清晰可見(jiàn)。

一篇優(yōu)秀的英文寫(xiě)作，貴在整體邏輯性強(qiáng)，同時(shí)又能實(shí)現(xiàn)文字表達(dá)的靈活多樣性。Variety is spice of writing.（寫(xiě)作富于變化才會(huì)妙筆生花。）所謂變化，一是避免相同的文字在文章中反復(fù)使用，二是追求富有新意、充滿活力的表達(dá)。因此可從詞匯與句法兩個(gè)方面把握。

（一）詞匯的豐富多彩

英語(yǔ)詞匯講究生動(dòng)，富于變化。如果在文中需要不止一次表達(dá)同一概念，應(yīng)使用各種同義詞以達(dá)到殊途同歸的目的。如表達(dá) “得到一份職位”， 可以相繼使用 find，win，accept，land，secure，等動(dòng)詞和 position搭配。 再如，動(dòng)詞 advance，produce，propose，come up with，put forward 等皆可以和 plan 搭配，表達(dá)“提出計(jì)劃”。追求詞匯的靈活多樣還要注意少用萬(wàn)能單詞，而代之以具體詞匯。例如，句子 “The incident made me recall one of my past experiences” 中的 “made me recall” 即可換為“reminded me of”；而句子“The program makes me know a lot about foreign countries”則可改寫(xiě)為“The program informs me of a lot about foreign countries”[2]。

（二）句法的變化

中國(guó)學(xué)生寫(xiě)英文句子時(shí)習(xí)慣于用指人的名詞開(kāi)頭，導(dǎo)致句子在形式上千人一面、缺少變化。英語(yǔ)句子的開(kāi)頭方式應(yīng)不拘一格。追求句法方面的多樣化，關(guān)鍵在于學(xué)會(huì)用靈活的方式開(kāi)開(kāi)頭。例如，句子“He says one thing but does another”就可改寫(xiě)為 “What he does is not consistent with what he says”；再如“We know very little about the nature of human beings”以人稱開(kāi)頭的句子，完全可以改為無(wú)主語(yǔ)形式 “Little is known about the nature of human beings”；同樣地，下面一句的以人稱開(kāi)頭的句子 “Many people think birth control is essential in China” 換為 “It is widely held that birth control is essential in China”這種It形式主語(yǔ)句顯得更自然些。

五、結(jié)語(yǔ)

本篇英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作范文布局合理、例證豐富，語(yǔ)言表達(dá)豐富多彩且行文流暢，實(shí)為一篇難得的好作文。

英文寫(xiě)作考試，尤其是對(duì)議論文寫(xiě)作，考生遇到的最大困難往往是不能搭建出較好的整體框架，即使有了文章整體框架，又不能圍繞論點(diǎn)深入討論展開(kāi)，論據(jù)也不夠充分。而通過(guò)以上對(duì)一篇優(yōu)秀英語(yǔ)考試范文的解析，可以看出，只要注意議論文的表達(dá)特點(diǎn)，充分運(yùn)用詞匯、句法的變化，遵從句型多樣化原則，使文章長(zhǎng)短句搭配合理，就能寫(xiě)出一篇層次分明、語(yǔ)言銜接好，且例證細(xì)節(jié)豐富、語(yǔ)言富有變化的好作文。

[1]于萬(wàn)鎖，朱婷.英文寫(xiě)作常見(jiàn)問(wèn)題與對(duì)策[M].上?？茖W(xué)技術(shù)出版社，2008，（10）：153.

[2]胡敏.2010考研英語(yǔ)高分作文[M].北京：高等教育出版社，2009，（2）：239-240.