英語(yǔ)文字幽默

Fine for Parking

“Tell me again,” asked the judge, “why you parked there.” The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), “Because, Your Honor, it said ‘Fine for Parking.” (note: “fine” has two meanings ①good ②pay some money for doing something wrong)

Self-help

I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, “If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose.” (note: “self-help” has two meanings ①you take without paying ②you can choose as you like)

My Fathers Ashes

A guy goes to a girls house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as hes standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as hes looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “Whats this?” She says, “Oh, my fathers ashes are there.” He goes, “Geez…oooh…. I…” She says, “Yeah, hes too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray(煙灰缸).” (note: “ashes” has two meanings ①a container for holding the burned cigarette.② a box for holding the burned dead body)

I Drop My Weight from Skipping

Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, youll have lost 5 pounds.” When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, thats amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?” Mr. Smith nodded. “Ill tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day.” “From hunger, you mean?” “No, from skipping！” (note:“skip” has two meanings ① jump ②stop doing something)