基于語輪語步理論深度拓展讀后續(xù)寫細(xì)節(jié)

李奕群

為了描述特定體裁的內(nèi)部結(jié)構(gòu)特征，Swales（1990）提出“語輪——語步分析法”。語輪（move）是由一組表現(xiàn)同一意旨取向的語言特征組成的且表達(dá)一定交際功能的語篇片段，是一個(gè)由一系列詞匯、主題意義和修辭特征所標(biāo)明的具有統(tǒng)一意義傾向的語篇片段。如果一個(gè)或一組句子傳達(dá)同一個(gè)交際信息，那么它們就被確定為一個(gè)語輪。每個(gè)語輪具有自身的交際目的，同時(shí)有助于整個(gè)語篇實(shí)現(xiàn)整體的交際目的。值得注意的是，語輪是一個(gè)意義單位或功能單位，而非語法和語言形式單位。語步（step）是比語輪小一級的單位，是實(shí)現(xiàn)語輪的修辭策略，其功能在于實(shí)現(xiàn)語輪的交際目標(biāo)。一個(gè)語輪可以由一個(gè)或多個(gè)語步來實(shí)現(xiàn)。

在讀后續(xù)寫的寫作過程中，大部分學(xué)生能將自己的續(xù)寫內(nèi)容同所給的段首句銜接且巧妙過渡，在故事結(jié)尾處都有設(shè)計(jì)總結(jié)的話題來升華續(xù)寫故事的主題。但仍有部分同學(xué)認(rèn)為，寫作中最困難的是不知如何構(gòu)思續(xù)寫細(xì)節(jié)，準(zhǔn)確描述故事情節(jié)，從而出現(xiàn)細(xì)節(jié)單一，語言單調(diào)，語言質(zhì)量低的問題。

下面我們以2022年新高考全國Ⅰ卷的讀后續(xù)寫題為例，一起探討如何利用語輪語步理論來深度拓展寫作細(xì)節(jié)。

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

It was the day of the big cross-country run. Students from seven different primary schools in and around the small town were warming up and walking the route（路線）through thick evergreen forest.

I looked around and finally spotted David， who was standing by himself off to the side by a fence. He was small for ten years old. His usual big toothy smile was absent today. I walked over and asked him why he wasnt with the other children. He hesitated and then said he had decided not to run.

What was wrong？ He had worked so hard for this event！

I quickly searched the crowd for the schools coach and asked him what had happened.“I was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him，”he explained uncomfortably.“I gave him the choice to run or not， and let him decide.”

I bit back my frustration（懊惱）. I knew the coach meant well—he thought he was doing the right thing. After making sure that David could run if he wanted， I turned to find him coming towards me， his small body rocking from side to side as he swung his feet forward.

David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children， but at school his classmates thought of him as a regular kid. He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual that David had decided to join the cross-country team. It just took him longer—thats all. David had not missed a single practice， and although he always finished his run long after the other children， he did always finish. As a special education teacher at the school， I was familiar with the challenges David faced and was proud of his strong determination.

注意：

1. 續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。

We sat down next to each other， but David wouldnt look at me.

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I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.

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一、審題，推斷語輪（move）結(jié)構(gòu)

梳理前文大意。作者是一名特殊教育教師，在大型越野賽跑那天，發(fā)現(xiàn)患有大腦疾病的大衛(wèi)獨(dú)自站在一旁。作者問其原因，他說準(zhǔn)備放棄比賽。從教練口中得知是因?yàn)閾?dān)心同學(xué)們會(huì)嘲笑大衛(wèi)。

根據(jù)兩段開頭來確定第一段的內(nèi)容。通過第一段開頭“我們坐在一起，但David沒有看著我”可以看出他內(nèi)心矛盾的心理;第二段開頭“我看著大衛(wèi)和其他選手一起走到起跑線上”說明他最終選擇了參加比賽。因此第一段里的續(xù)寫中應(yīng)該有以下兩個(gè)要點(diǎn)：

（1）我對David 的鼓勵(lì)。

（2）David 最終決定參賽。

根據(jù)第二段的開頭句和正向結(jié)尾來確定第二段的內(nèi)容。David最終站到了起跑線上，那后面會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢？我們要對此進(jìn)行合理的預(yù)測。根據(jù)David的身體狀況，我們可以推測出比賽是異常艱辛的，但是根據(jù)讀后續(xù)寫正能量的原則，我們還可以推測出結(jié)果是積極正面的，即David 最終完成了比賽。

第一段

Move 1： I encouraged David and it made sense.

Move 2： David decided to have a try.

第二段

Move 3： It was hard for David in the beginning but he insisted.

Move 4： Finally， David made it.

二、根據(jù)語輪的交際目的確定語步（step）

這里我們采用SADR （speech， action， description， reaction of others） 的模式來進(jìn)行具體的拓展。

Move 1： I encouraged David and it made sense.

Step 1（speech）：“On no account can we ignore the power of our hearts. If you desire to challenge yourself， there is nothing to do with others thoughts.”“You have a full preparation before this event， which is the most important reason why you show up here.”

Step 2（action）： I looked into the little boys eyes， placing my hands on his shoulders and said softly.

Step 3（description）： Davids face changed from tense to a smile.

Step 4（reaction of others）： Hearing my words， he couldnt help nodding his head.

Move 2： David decided to have a try.

Step 1（speech）：“I will try.”

Step 2（action）： He said firmly， without hesitation.

Step 3（description）： The wind blew up his hair and I saw the determined expression in his eyes.

Step 4（reaction of others）： Then I told the coach Davids decision， he felt more than delighted.

Move 3：It was hard for David in the beginning but he insisted.

Step 1（speech）：“I can do it！”

Step 2（action）： He moved so slowly but he insisted on running as if he had forgotten all his weaknesses.

Step 3（description）： It seemed that the runway was extremely long for young children， not to mention a child with a disease. It didnt take long before he picked himself up again and continued his mission.

Step 4（reaction of others）： Classmates all appeared on the racing track， cheering for him.

Move 4： Finally， David made it.

Step 1（speech）： “I made it！”

Step 2（action）： It was not until then that he laughed.

Step 3（ description）： To everyones joy， he reached the final line and completed the mission.

Step 4（ reaction）： Classmates came up to congratulate him.

三、添加銜接語和結(jié)尾升華句，連句成段

根據(jù)語輪結(jié)構(gòu)和拓展的具體的語步要點(diǎn)，添加恰當(dāng)?shù)你暯釉~語，完成一篇邏輯通順，語言流暢，細(xì)節(jié)豐富，情節(jié)合理的文段。通過對文章內(nèi)容的梳理，我們得出這篇文章主要是教育我們學(xué)會(huì)堅(jiān)持，勇于嘗試，建議添加的升華句為：All this shows that nothing can prevent us from reaching our aims. We will be successful as long as we insist on our dream.

參考范文如下：

Para1

We sat down next to each other， but David wouldnt look at me. I looked into the little boys eyes， placing my hands on his shoulders， and said softly.“On no account can we ignore the power of our hearts. If you desire to challenge yourself， there is nothing to do with others thoughts.”Hearing my words， he couldnt help nodding his head.“You have a full preparation before this event， which is the most important reason why you show up here.”Davids face changed from tense to a smile.“I will try.”He said firmly， without hesitation. The wind blew up his hair and I saw the determined expression in his eyes.Then I told the coach Davids decision， he felt more than delighted.

Para 2

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. The race started. It seemed that the runway was extremely long for young children， not to mention a child with a disease. He moved so slowly but he insisted on running as if he had forgotten all his weaknesses， though he was tripped over within a few kilometers. It didnt take long before he picked himself up again and continued his mission. Classmates all appeared on the racing track， cheering for him. To everyones joy， he reached the final line and completed the mission. Classmates came up to congratulate him.“I made it！”It was not until then that he laughed. All this shows that nothing can prevent us from reaching our aims. We will be successful as long as we insist on our dream.

寫作既是促進(jìn)語言學(xué)習(xí)的重要手段，也是檢測語言水平的重要指標(biāo)。然而大量研究表明，在聽、說、讀、寫四項(xiàng)語言技能中，寫作對許多外語學(xué)習(xí)者而言是最為困難的。本文基于語輪語步的理論對讀后續(xù)寫的細(xì)節(jié)拓展進(jìn)行研究，讓學(xué)生在合理審題的基礎(chǔ)上不僅能寫出邏輯自洽的情節(jié)，還能有豐富的細(xì)節(jié)和具有說服性的描寫，讓學(xué)生擺脫內(nèi)容空洞，細(xì)節(jié)單一，無話可說的困境，讓文章更加生動(dòng)和具有文學(xué)性。

[注：本論文系2022年度廣東省中小學(xué)教師教育科研能力提升計(jì)劃項(xiàng)目“思維品質(zhì)視域下高中英語讀后續(xù)寫教學(xué)行動(dòng)研究”（項(xiàng)目編號：2022YQJK550）的階段式成果]

責(zé)任編輯 蔣小青