解密讀后續(xù)寫評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，精準(zhǔn)提高續(xù)寫質(zhì)量

袁丹純

讀后續(xù)寫作為一道全新的寫作題型，引起了一線師生廣泛的關(guān)注。讀后續(xù)寫總分為25分，按照7個(gè)檔次評(píng)分，其評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)總則有三：情節(jié)、語言和銜接連貫。本文以讀后續(xù)寫的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為抓手，動(dòng)中窾要，以2021年新高考全國？玉卷讀后續(xù)寫為例，對(duì)其進(jìn)行一一解密。

高考真題

A?MOTHERS?DAY?SURPRISE

The?twins?were?filled?with?excitement?as?they?thought?of?the?surprise?they?were?planning?for?Mothers?Day.?How?pleased?and?proud?Mother?would?be?when?they?brought?her?breakfast?in?bed.?They?planned?to?make?French?toast?and?chicken?porridge.?They?had?watched?their?mother?in?the?kitchen.?There?was?nothing?to?it.?Jenna?and?Jeff?knew?exactly?what?to?do.

The?big?day?came?at?last.?The?alarm?rang?at?6?a.m.?The?pair?went?down?the?stairs?quietly?to?the?kitchen.?They?decided?to?boil?the?porridge?first.?They?put?some?rice?into?a?pot?of?water?and?left?it?to?boil?while?they?made?the?French?toast.?Jeff?broke?two?eggs?into?a?plate?and?added?in?some?milk.?Jenna?found?the?bread?and?put?two?slices?into?the?egg?mixture.?Next，?Jeff?turned?on?the?second?stove?burner?to?heat?up?the?frying?pan.?Everything?was?going?smoothly?until?Jeff?started?frying?the?bread.?The?pan?was?too?hot?and?the?bread?turned?black?within?seconds.?Jenna?threw?the?burnt?piece?into?the??sink?and?put?in?the?other?slice?of?bread.?This?time，?she?turned?down?the?fire，?so?it?cooked?nicely.

Then?Jeff?noticed?steam?shooting?out?of?the?pot?and?the?lid?starting?to?shake.?The?next?minute，?the?porridge?boiled?over?and?put?out?the?fire.?Jenna?panicked.?Thankfully，?Jeff?stayed?calm?and?turned?off?the?gas?quickly.?But?the?stove?was?a?mess?now.?Jenna?told?Jeff?to?clean?it?up?so?they?could?continue?to?cook?the?rest?of?the?porridge.?But?Jeffs?hand?touched?the?hot?burner?and?he?gave?a?cry?of?pain.?Jenna?made?him?put?his?hand?in?cold?water.?Then?she?caught?the?smell?of?burning.?Oh?dear！The?piece?of?bread?in?the?pan?had?turned?black?as?well.

一、情節(jié)

任務(wù)一：請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下四個(gè)選項(xiàng)，找出某同學(xué)習(xí)作中劃線部分存在的情節(jié)問題。

As?the?twins?looked?around?them?in?disappointment，?their?father?appeared.????1?????Smelling?something?burning，?the?father?quickly?walked?over?to?turn?off?the?stove?and?asked?what?the?twins?were?doing.?Jeff?took?his?hand?out?of?the?cold?water?and?told?his?father?their?intention?of?making?a?surprise?breakfast?for?their?mother.?The?father?asked?Jenna?to?clean?up?the?mess?together.

2?????Later，?with?their?fathers?instructions，?Jenna?and?Jeff?quickly?managed?to?fry?the?bread?and?make?French?toast.

The?twins?carried?the?breakfast?upstairs?and?woke?their?mother?up.????3???They?shouted?excitedly，“Happy?Mothers?Day，?mum！”Seeing?the?well-prepared?breakfast，?mom?was?greatly?surprised.“We?meant?to?make?you?a?surprise?breakfast，?but?Jeffs?hand?was?burnt?by?the?hot?burner.?”Jenna?said.?Instantly，?a?look?of?sorrow?and?worry?replaced?the?mother's?smile.“Oh，?dont?worry?about?it，?mum.?Im?OK.”Jeff?said，?showing?her?hishands.???4???Only?then?did?the?mother?let?out?a?sigh?of?relief，“Thank?goodness，?my?dear，?you?never?know?how?important?you?mean?to?me.”Saying?that，?they?hugged?each?other?tightly.

A.?續(xù)寫情節(jié)脫離原文

B.?違背情節(jié)發(fā)展規(guī)律，推進(jìn)過快

C.?結(jié)尾偏離主題

D.?對(duì)話過多，情節(jié)冗長(zhǎng)

答案解析

1.?A.?段首句提到“爸爸出現(xiàn)了”，續(xù)作應(yīng)聚焦“爸爸幫忙孩子準(zhǔn)備愛心早餐”。而學(xué)生續(xù)寫時(shí)卻寫了“爸爸聞到燒焦的味道，走過來關(guān)掉火爐”。顯然，此處前后時(shí)間邏輯紊亂，續(xù)作與前文情節(jié)脫節(jié)了。

2.?B.?根據(jù)兩段段首句，續(xù)作的第一段應(yīng)重點(diǎn)關(guān)注爸爸幫助孩子解決問題的過程，此處卻一句帶過，情節(jié)推進(jìn)過快。

3.?D.?續(xù)寫時(shí)應(yīng)從人物的動(dòng)作、外貌、心理以及對(duì)話描寫烘托人物形象。此處對(duì)話過多，影響情節(jié)的有效推進(jìn)。

4.?C.?續(xù)寫的結(jié)尾應(yīng)呼應(yīng)故事的主題——“通過母親節(jié)的驚喜，傳遞家人之間的愛”，此處“媽媽的反應(yīng)”偏離“母親節(jié)的驚喜”這一主題。

二、語言

任務(wù)二：請(qǐng)翻譯下面表示人物情緒的句子。

通過兩段段首句的推測(cè)，第一段“Jenna?and?Jeff因搞砸了愛心早餐而擔(dān)心、煩惱”到“有了爸爸的幫助后轉(zhuǎn)為開心、欣喜”。

1.?看到雙胞胎沮喪的臉孔，他們爸爸提出幫助他們?yōu)閶寢屩竺牢兜脑绮汀?/p>

2.?他們的臉亮了起來。

3.?Jenna和Jeff興奮地拿出準(zhǔn)備好的早餐和卡片。

第二段“mum收到禮物后，感動(dòng)又幸福”。

4.?他們興奮地叫了起來，“母親節(jié)快樂！”

5.?媽媽驚喜地看著，不能相信她所看到的。

6.?她緊緊地抱著他們，眼淚流了下來。

7.?臉上掛著滿意的笑容，她叫了起來。

參考譯文

1.?Seeing?the?twins?frustrated?faces（doing做狀語），?he?offered?to?help?them?make?a?delicious?breakfast?for?their?mother.

2.?Their?faces?lit?up.

3.?Excitedly（adv.做狀語），?Jenna?and?Jeff?held?the?well-prepared?breakfast?together?with?a?card.

4.?They?squealed?with?excitement（介詞短語做狀語）.

5.?Mom?watched?in?amazement（介詞短語做狀語），?unable?to?believe?what?she?saw.

6.?She?hugged?them?tightly，?with?tears?streaming?down?her?cheek（with?sth.?doing做伴隨狀語）.

7.?She?shouted?with?a?satisfied?smile?hanging?on?her?face（with?sth.?doing做伴隨狀語）.

總結(jié)

通過動(dòng)作、對(duì)話（聲音）、外貌和心理描寫傳達(dá)人物的情緒，可以增強(qiáng)故事的可讀性和生動(dòng)性。同時(shí)，運(yùn)用豐富的詞匯、非謂語/副詞/介詞短語做狀語等高級(jí)句型，可以提高續(xù)作的文采。

三、銜接連貫

任務(wù)三：認(rèn)識(shí)銜接的三種類型，根據(jù)上下文進(jìn)行語法填空。

（一）照應(yīng)（reference）：如代詞。

1.?As?the?girl?grows，???????????learns?to?be?independent.

2.????????????should?never?have?happened.?She?went?out?and?left?the?door?open.

（二）替代（substitute）：如one，do，?same，?so等。

3.?These?biscuits?are?stale（不新鮮的）.??Get?some?fresh???????????.

4.?A：?Black?coffee，?please.

B：?The?????????????for?me.

（三）連接（conjunction）

遞進(jìn)關(guān)系：first，?second...finally/last

轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系：but/however/yet/nevertheless

因果關(guān)系：because/so/since

時(shí)間關(guān)系：at?the?same?time/?afterwards/?soon/?when/?until/?after/before

5.?I?told?him?years?ago，?________he?wont?listen.

6.?He?was?drowned?________he?fell?off?the?pier（碼頭）.

參考答案

1.?she?2.?It?3.?ones?4.?same?5.?to?6.?but?7.?because

總結(jié)

銜接指的是外在段落的結(jié)合。連貫強(qiáng)調(diào)內(nèi)在意義的一致性，即是一篇文章圍繞相同的主題，一個(gè)段落圍繞相同的中心意思展開。

任務(wù)四：請(qǐng)根據(jù)銜接的分類，用恰當(dāng)?shù)脑~匯給以下的范文填空。

As?the?twins?looked?around?them?in?disappointment，?????1??????father?appeared.?At?the?sight?of?this?mess?he?knew?what?was?going?on.?Seeing?the?twins?frustrated?faces，?he?offered?to?help????2??????make?a?delicious?breakfast?for?their?mother，????3?????asked?them?to?clean?up?the?kitchen.?The?kids?faces?lit?up?and?followed?their?fathers?instructions.?????4??????long，?the?kitchen?was?neat?and?tidy?again.?????5?????，（加之）father?successfully?boiled?chicken?porridge?and?made?the?French?toast.?Excitedly，?Jenna?and?Jeff?held?the?well-prepared?breakfast?together?with?a?card，?out?of?the?kitchen，?with?their?father?following?them.

The?twins?carried?the?breakfast?upstairs?and?woke?their?mother?up.“Happy?Mothers?Day！”The?twins?squealed?with?excitement.?Rubbing?????6??????eyes，?their?mother?watched?in?amazement，?unable?to?believe?????7??????she?saw.?Soon????8?????（不久以后），?she?hugged?Jenna?and?Jeff?tightly，?with?tears?streaming?down?her?cheek.“Thank?you，?my?dearest！”Having?a?bite，?mom?shouted?with?a?satisfied?smile?hanging?on?her?face，“This?is?the?best?breakfast?I?have?ever?tasted！”Hearing?????9???，?dad?and?two?kidseyes?twinkled?with?a?secret?pleasure.?????10?????the?whole?family?was?sharing?the?breakfast?and?laughter，?the?room?was?filled?with?sweet?love.

參考答案

1.?their??2.?them??3.?and??4.?Before??5.?Furthermore??6.?her?7.?what??8.?afterwards??9.?this??10.?As/While

（注：本文系2021年度中國英語閱讀教育研究院專項(xiàng)課題《讀后續(xù)寫促進(jìn)高中生英語寫作能力的實(shí)踐研究》（立項(xiàng)編號(hào)為“CERA2021Z09”）和中山市2018年度一般課題《高中英語文學(xué)閱讀思維型教學(xué)的校本研究》（立項(xiàng)編號(hào)為“B2018150”）的階段性成果）

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