如何保持對(duì)話順利進(jìn)行

金紳

Keeping a conversation going can be a challenge. Luckily， there are simple techniques you can use to keep the other person engaged1 and interested. Prove your own interest by asking good questions and listening. Then， find a rhythm2 that allows you to build rapport3 with the other person.

保持對(duì)話的順利進(jìn)行是一項(xiàng)挑戰(zhàn)。幸運(yùn)的是，你可以使用一些簡單的技巧來保持對(duì)方的積極性和興趣。你可以通過提問和傾聽來證明自己感興趣。然后，找到一種節(jié)奏，使你與他人建立起融洽的關(guān)系。

Method? 1? Acting? Interested

★Choose topics you know the other person cares about.

In general， people like to talk about themselves and their interests. You can keep your conversation rolling by sticking to topics you know the other person likes.

Before meeting up with someone， think of three predetermined topics.

Ask questions about their school or work， passions or hobbies， family and friends， or their background （where they came from or their family history）.

You can also use context cues from earlier parts of the conversation to determine whether to drop a subject or continue it. For example， if earlier， the person lit up when talking about riding bulls， you might ask him about other bull riders， or cowboy culture， or what it was like the first time he rode.

★選擇你知道別人會(huì)關(guān)心的話題。

一般來說，人們喜歡談?wù)撟约旱氖潞退麄兊呐d趣。你可以通過緊扣你知道對(duì)方會(huì)喜歡的話題來保持對(duì)話不斷進(jìn)行下去。

在與某人會(huì)面之前，可以想出三個(gè)預(yù)先確定的話題。

你可以詢問關(guān)于他們的學(xué)校或工作、熱情或愛好、家人和朋友或他們的背景（他們來自哪里或他們的家庭歷史）的問題。

你還可以根據(jù)之前會(huì)話的前言后語的提示來確定是打住該話題還是繼續(xù)該話題。例如，如果之前，這個(gè)人在談?wù)擈T公牛時(shí)興奮起來，你也許可以問問他其他騎公牛的人，或者牛仔文化，或者他第一次騎的時(shí)候的情形。

★Ask open-ended questions.

“Yes” or “no” style questions can shut down the conversation while others open the doors for more possibilities. Stick to open-ended questions that allow the other person to elaborate4 as much as theyd like.

On the other hand， open-ended questions demand more from the answerer. For example， instead of asking the question “So， you studied a year abroad in 2006， is that right？”， try asking “What was it like studying abroad？” The second question will give the person youre talking to more room to elaborate on their answer.

If you do ask a “yes” or “no” close-ended question， recover by saying something like “Tell me more.”

★提出開放性問題。

用“是”或“否”來回答的問題會(huì)使談話難以繼續(xù)，而其他的問題則會(huì)為更多的可能性敞開大門。堅(jiān)持開放性問題，能讓對(duì)方盡可能詳細(xì)地闡述自己的想法。

另一方面，開放式問題需要回答者說得更多。例如，不問“那么，你2006年在國外學(xué)習(xí)了一年，對(duì)嗎？”而試著問“出國留學(xué)是什么感覺？”第二個(gè)問題將給和你談話的人更多的空間來闡述他們的答案。

如果你確實(shí)問了一個(gè)要用“是”或“否”來回答的封閉式問題，可以說“給我多說說”來補(bǔ)救。

★L(fēng)isten attentively5 to what they say.

Listening is as important as talking when it comes to maintaining a conversation. Actively listening gives you an opportunity to hear the other persons perspective. Wait until the person has completely finished talking before saying anything. Then， sum up what they said to show you were listening by saying something like “It sounds like…”

If you misunderstand some part of the message， ask a clarifying6 question， like “Are you saying...？”

If youre a good listener， you can use any unexplored topics touched on earlier in the conversation to keep things moving. For example， you might say， “Earlier I heard you mention...”

Express empathy7 as you listen by putting yourself in the other persons shoes.

★注意聽他們說的話。

在談話中，傾聽和談話同樣重要。積極傾聽讓你有機(jī)會(huì)聽到他人的觀點(diǎn)。等到對(duì)方話說完了再說話。然后，用“聽起來像……”之類的話語總結(jié)一下他們說的話，以顯示你在聽他們說。

如果你誤解了信息的某些部分，可以問問題來弄清楚，比如問“你是在說……？”

如果你是一個(gè)很好的傾聽者，你可以利用之前談話中提到過的任何還未經(jīng)發(fā)掘過的話題來保持對(duì)話的進(jìn)行。例如，你可能會(huì)說，“之前我聽到你提到……”

在傾聽時(shí)，你要站在別人的立場(chǎng)上，表現(xiàn)出共鳴。

★Encourage them to keep talking.

The best listeners dont just sit there and stare at the speaker during a conversation. They engage with them， without interrupting， by using encouragers. These might be little noises of approval like “Ahh” or “Oh”. Encouragers may also inspire the person to keep talking， such as when you say “And？”

Encouragers may also be nodding or mirroring the other persons facial expression， such as looking surprised or upset.

★鼓勵(lì)他們繼續(xù)說。

最好的聽眾不只是在說話者說話的時(shí)候坐在那里，盯著對(duì)方看。他們會(huì)利用鼓勵(lì)的話語參與交談而不打斷他們。這些鼓勵(lì)的話語可能是一些表示認(rèn)可的聲音，比如“啊”或“哦”，也可能是鼓勵(lì)對(duì)方繼續(xù)說話的話語，比如“然后呢？”

鼓勵(lì)的話語也可能是點(diǎn)頭或模仿對(duì)方的面部表情，比如看起來驚訝或不安。

Method? 2? Acting??Interested

★Dont filter8.

One of the reasons most conversations fall short is both people are filtering what they should or shouldnt say. You start to think youve run out of topics and you cant tell if something that comes to mind is appropriate or impressive enough. During these times， follow the strategy of just blurt9 out whatever youre thinking without censoring10 it.

For example， theres a long silence and you think how uncomfortable your feet are in your heels. Blurting out “God， these heels are killing my feet！” may seem weird， but that honest statement could lead to a discussion about a time when someone fell because of ridiculously high heels.

★不要過濾。

大多數(shù)對(duì)話都不到位的原因之一是兩個(gè)人都在過濾他們應(yīng)該說或不應(yīng)該說的內(nèi)容。你開始認(rèn)為你們已經(jīng)沒有什么話題可談了，你無法判斷腦海中出現(xiàn)的東西是不是適當(dāng)或者能令人印象深刻。在這段時(shí)間里，遵循一種策略，那就是不加思索地脫口而出你的想法。

例如，有一段長時(shí)間的沉默，而你認(rèn)為你高跟鞋里的腳很不舒服，于是脫口而出“天啊，高跟鞋把我的腳都累死了！”這可能看起來很奇怪，但這一坦誠的話語可能會(huì)引發(fā)關(guān)于某人因?yàn)榇┲尚Φ母吒沟挠懻摗?/p>

★Call out awkwardness.

Even the best conversations run into roadblocks that threaten to throw things off course. The most effective solution for that is naming it and moving forward. Pretending the discomfort isnt there may actually push the other person away.

For example， if you misspoke and said something offensive11， immediately back-track and apologize. Dont act like it didnt happen.

★說出你的尷尬。

即使是最順利的對(duì)話也會(huì)遇到障礙，可能會(huì)使事情偏離軌道。最有效的解決方案是說出它然后繼續(xù)對(duì)話。假裝尷尬的情況不存在，實(shí)際上可能會(huì)把另一個(gè)人推開。

例如，如果你說錯(cuò)了話，說了一些冒犯性的話，請(qǐng)立即改變主意并道歉。別裝作什么都沒發(fā)生過。

★Make them laugh.

Humor is a great way to keep the conversation going. It also helps you forge a bond with the other person. Were more likely to laugh with our friends， so making the other person laugh forms a kinship with them.

You dont have to bust out12 with a joke to make someone laugh. Well-timed sarcasm13 and wit can do the job just as effectively. For example， you keep mentioning your interest in anime to the other person. After the third mention， you might say， “So， I guess I need to stop mentioning anime before you think Im a freak14. Im an anime freak. I carry a costume around with me of my favorite character. Just kidding！”

★讓他們笑起來。

幽默是保持談話繼續(xù)的好方法。它還可以幫助你與他人建立聯(lián)系。我們和朋友一起更容易笑起來，所以讓別人笑起來就形成了與他們的親密關(guān)系。

你不必為了讓別人笑起來而講笑話。恰到好處的挖苦和風(fēng)趣能同樣有效地達(dá)成這個(gè)目的。例如，你總是向別人提到你對(duì)動(dòng)畫的興趣。在第三次提到之后，你可能會(huì)說，“所以，我想在你認(rèn)為我是個(gè)怪胎之前，我要停止提到動(dòng)畫。我是個(gè)動(dòng)漫怪人。我隨身攜帶著我最喜歡的角色的服裝。只是開個(gè)玩笑！”

★Dont fear silence.

Silence is useful in communication and shouldnt be avoided like the plague15. It helps you catch your breath and process your thoughts. It can also signal a much-need change of topic if things become dull or too intense.

A few seconds of silence are completely normal. Dont feel the need to rush in and fill it.

However， if silence becomes too protracted16， pivot17 to a new topic by saying， “Im interested in hearing more about what you were saying earlier about...”

★不要害怕沉默。

沉默在交流中是有用的，不應(yīng)該像躲避瘟疫一樣避免沉默。它能幫助你喘氣和梳理你的想法。如果對(duì)話變得枯燥或過于激烈，沉默則意味著需要改變?cè)掝}了。

幾秒鐘的沉默是完全正常的，不要著急填補(bǔ)對(duì)話的空白。

然而，如果沉默得太長，那就轉(zhuǎn)移到一個(gè)新的話題，“我有興趣聽到更多關(guān)于你之前所說的……”