Surround Yourself with People Who Hold You to a Higher Standard結(jié)交須勝己

本杰明·P. 哈迪

There’s some interesting research in social psychology explaining how most people form their peer groups. Especially as children and adolescence， but often as adults， people select their friends based on proximity1 more than anything else. Even in a college classroom， who are you going to make friends with？ It’s not those who have similar personalities and interests. It’s the people you literally sit next to.

Socioeconomically， there is loads of research showing a person’s economic mobility2 is highly determined by the county they live in.

Put most simply， what stands in nearest proximity to you has enormous implications. As Jim Rohn has wisely said， “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Who are the people in nearest proximity to you？ How did they become your peer group？ Was it on purpose or based on convenience？ Do these people hold you to a high standard？ Or， do they hold you to an even lower standard than you hold yourself？

Surround yourself with people who transform3 you

Over the past 10 or so months， I’ve hired Ryan Holiday， author of several bestselling books， to help me with the book I’m writing. Working with Ryan has shown me just how low my own standards for my work are. For instance， every time I send him a draft， he shows me why and how it could be 10× better， and he holds me to that standard.

It’s not that my standards are inherently low. It’s more that I don’t know what I don’t know. Working with Ryan has streamlined4 my understanding of what is possible and what it takes to create something powerful.

Just as Ryan holds me to higher standard than I hold myself， my business partner， Richard Paul Evans， does as well. Like Ryan， Evans has a much higher vantage point5 and far different experience than I have. Together， we are doing author training seminars. Evans has written 36 New York Times Bestsellers. He’s been speaking and doing events for 20 years.

Evans holds himself to an insanely high standard. Simultaneously， he expects me to perform at very high levels as well， because my performance is a reflection on him. It’s not a bad problem for me to have because it creates intense pressure to succeed. To quote former NBA star， Robert Horry， “Pressure can bust pipes or it can make diamonds.”

Surrounding yourself with people who have higher standards than you is the fastest way to change. If you don’t change your environment， and instead attempt to overcome your environment through willpower， you’ll lose every time. Your progress will be very slow.

This is true of all relationships （especially romantic）

This isn’t true just in working relationships. What about your romantic partner？ Do they hold you to a high standard？ Do they help you become more than you currently are？ Do you help them？

The 80/20 rule6 applies to people and peer groups. 20 percent of the population is moving forward， 60 percent of population reactively mimics whoever they are around at the time， and 20 percent of the population is moving backwards.

Most people are a direct reflection of those around them. If the people around them have lower standards， they drop theirs’ as well. If the people around them have higher standards， they raise their game.

You’ve been around people who， simply by being around them， elevated your thinking and energy. Those are the kinds of people you need to surround yourself with. Those are the kinds of people you need to be like yourself， so that others are better simply by being around you. The quality of your life and the quality of your work is determined by the standards you have for yourself， and the standards of those around you. If you’re fine doing mediocre work， then？ Those around you are as well.

If you genuinely want to become better， you must surround yourself with people who will hold you to a higher standard than you currently hold yourself. You want to be around people with a higher and better vantage-point than you have， so that you can quickly learn from them. Your level of talent and “potential” are irrelevant if you’re surrounded by people who don’t help you realize it. We all know many people who have unfulfilled potential. Don’t let that be you.

Who you surround yourself with has huge consequences. You can’t ignore this. What are you going to do about it？

一些有趣的社會心理學研究解釋了大多數(shù)人是怎樣與同齡人交往的。人們首先根據(jù)鄰近原則選擇朋友，這在兒童及青少年中最為普遍，成年人常常也這樣做。即使到了大學，我們最先選擇和誰交朋友呢？也是首先選擇坐在我們旁邊的人，而不是那些和我們有相似性格及興趣愛好的人。

大量的社會經(jīng)濟學研究顯示，一個人經(jīng)濟狀況的變化很大程度上是由他所處的地區(qū)決定的。

簡而言之，離你最近的人對你有著巨大的影響。吉米·羅恩有句至理名言：“一個人的水平相當于和他相處時間最多的5個人水平的平均值。”

離你最近的是哪些人？他們怎么變成你朋友的？你是有意與他們結(jié)交還是僅僅因為方便？這些人是否使你提升到一個更高的水平？還是他們讓你的水平更低了？

多與帶給你正面影響的人交往

過去的十個多月里，我聘請了暢銷書作家瑞安·霍利迪幫我一起撰寫書稿。與瑞安一起工作，讓我看到我對工作的標準要求之低。比如，每次我把草稿發(fā)給他，他都會讓我看到為什么以及怎樣才能做得比這好10倍，并且期待我達到那樣的水平。

我的水平并不是天生就低，更多時候是我不了解自己的不足。與瑞安的合作使我更快地認識到哪些是我可能做到的以及怎樣做才可以表達得更具感染力。

正如瑞安期待我達到一個更高的水平，我的生意伙伴理查德·保羅·埃文斯也是這樣做的。和瑞安一樣，埃文斯是個具有遠見卓識的人，經(jīng)歷和我也大不相同。我們一起組織作者培訓研討會。埃文斯已經(jīng)有36本著作被《紐約時報》暢銷書排行榜收錄，他也有20多年的演說和組織活動經(jīng)歷。

埃文斯對自己的要求之高達到了近乎瘋狂的程度。同時，他希望我能達到和他一樣高的水平，因為我的表現(xiàn)也是對他水平的一種反映。這對我來說并不是壞事，因為它帶給我力爭成功的壓力。正如退役的NBA球星羅伯特·霍里所說：“壓力可以使管道破裂，但也可以制造鉆石?！?/p>

與標準比你高的人交往可以使人最快地發(fā)生轉(zhuǎn)變。如果不改變你的環(huán)境，而是試圖通過毅力克服環(huán)境，那么你永遠都不會成功。你取得的進步將微乎其微。

這種方法適用于所有的關系（尤其是愛情）

這種方法不僅僅適用于工作關系。你的伴侶是什么樣子的？他們是否期待你達到更高的標準？他們是否幫助你變得更好？你是否對他們有所幫助？

80/20法則適用于群體，也適用于同齡人之間。群體中有20%的人奮勇前進，60%的人被動模仿身邊的人，其余20%的人則在退步。

從大多數(shù)人身上都可以直接反映出他們周邊人的情況。如果身邊的人水平比我們低，我們就會降低到和他們一樣。如果身邊的人水平比我們高，我們就會有所提高。

一些人僅僅只是待在你的周圍，就使你的思想和力量得到提升。這種人才是你需要交往的對象。你也要成為他們這樣的人，這樣一來，和你交往的人也可以變得更好。你對自己的要求和你周圍人對自己的要求決定了你的生活質(zhì)量和工作質(zhì)量。如果馬馬虎虎的工作你能接受，那么你身邊的人也能接受。

如果你真想變得更好，你就必須和那些能讓你達到更高水平的人交往。你應該讓更高水平和更有遠見卓識的人成為你的朋友，這樣你才能很快地向他們學習。如果身邊的人無法幫你認識到你的天賦和“潛能”，它們就無法發(fā)揮作用。我們都知道有很多人的潛能是沒有發(fā)揮出來的。不要讓同樣的事情發(fā)生在你的身上。

你選擇和誰交往，這很重要。不能忽視這一點。你打算怎么做呢？

（譯者單位：曲阜師范大學外國語學院）