閱讀為基 層層進(jìn)階
——寫后講評(píng)有效促寫

浙江

一、問題的提出

自從2016年浙江省高考英語試題出現(xiàn)讀后續(xù)寫這一新題型以來，如何進(jìn)行有效的寫作教學(xué)指導(dǎo)便成為教師們熱切關(guān)注的話題。

學(xué)生在這一新題型寫作中主要存在以下幾個(gè)問題：1.基礎(chǔ)薄弱的學(xué)生的寫作語法錯(cuò)誤頻出。2.水平中等的學(xué)生的寫作語言難以達(dá)意，內(nèi)容不合乎邏輯。3.部分水平較好的學(xué)生的寫作則多是華麗的詞藻堆積，缺乏思想內(nèi)容。

筆者觀摩了幾節(jié)讀后續(xù)寫教學(xué)公開課后，發(fā)現(xiàn)學(xué)生的寫作很少體現(xiàn)教師指導(dǎo)的痕跡。于是，筆者進(jìn)行了“閱讀為基 層層進(jìn)階”的寫后講評(píng)教學(xué)嘗試（材料附后）。即：通過初寫，激發(fā)學(xué)生的表達(dá)愿望，暴露寫作問題；講評(píng)之后，小組合作互批互改——改語法錯(cuò)誤處，改情節(jié)不合理處；最后，回歸個(gè)體寫作體驗(yàn)，進(jìn)行反思，形成思維習(xí)慣。

二、初寫——激發(fā)表達(dá)愿望 暴露寫作問題

學(xué)生的初寫存在以下問題：

內(nèi)容方面語言方面三言兩語式（我看見圣誕樹下有一個(gè)禮盒，我就去打開它，打開以后看到一個(gè)很丑的布娃娃。） 謂語缺失。如：My heart full of happiness.胡言亂語式（我看到一個(gè)漂亮的布娃娃，我就拿去給Cinderella看，可是她看不起我的布娃娃。） 謂語重疊。如：It is must be as beautiful as the doll in the shop.花拳繡腿式（看到媽媽做的這個(gè)布娃娃更像是一個(gè)乞丐，我憤怒地大喊一聲，整個(gè)房子都震動(dòng)了。） 詞性誤用。如：He said to me with kind./邏輯混亂。如：Looking at the box, a beautiful doll came into my mind.

【教學(xué)效果】

一方面，有效地激發(fā)了學(xué)生的表達(dá)欲望。另一方面，掌握了學(xué)生在寫作中容易犯的語言錯(cuò)誤類型，為接下來有的放矢的講評(píng)提供了依據(jù)。

三、講評(píng)—— 閱讀為基 層層進(jìn)階

（一）淺層閱讀 梳理情節(jié)

為了幫助學(xué)生梳理文章脈絡(luò)，筆者采用了 Rebecca Ray在Teach Parts of a Story 里面的SWBS策略，如下表：

Somebody Wanted But So Who’s the main character? What did the character want? What was the problem? How did they try to solve the problem?

【教學(xué)效果】

這種方式非常適合用來梳理這篇文章的內(nèi)容情節(jié)，在初讀的基礎(chǔ)上，學(xué)生2分鐘就填好了這個(gè)表格。這為下一步深度閱讀做了準(zhǔn)備。

（二）深層閱讀 賞析語言

深層閱讀教學(xué)，即培養(yǎng)學(xué)生深度閱讀能力的教學(xué)。筆者用Who, How, Why, What問句促進(jìn)學(xué)生對(duì)文本進(jìn)行深層閱讀。如下表：

Somebody Wanted But So Madge a beautiful doll mother refused I, mother Who? How? Why? What?six-year-old Madge with my eyes widened, pressing my hands against the glass, the most beautiful doll I have ever seen, a fairy princess suit made of shining red silk, the tiny tiara fastened to her silky golden hair shone.could not afford, guided me away, promised a very special gift.I: watched, danced, excitement grew Mother: the needle flash up and down,whenever I walked into the room she would hide it under a pillow.

【教學(xué)效果】

在深層閱讀環(huán)節(jié)，通過回答Who的問題，學(xué)生明白了續(xù)寫文章中的人物動(dòng)作、心理活動(dòng)應(yīng)該符合一個(gè)六歲小女孩的年齡特征。通過對(duì)How問句的思考，學(xué)生學(xué)習(xí)了通過對(duì)他物的描寫來襯托主人翁“我”對(duì)這個(gè)布娃娃的強(qiáng)烈渴望。在回答問題Why的過程中，學(xué)生了解了故事的發(fā)展背景。通過回答What 問句，學(xué)生了解媽媽在縫紉機(jī)旁忙碌的身影，為后續(xù)寫作埋下伏筆。從學(xué)生的作文結(jié)果看，這是一個(gè)非常有效的教學(xué)步驟。

（三）續(xù)寫創(chuàng)新 語言豐富

在學(xué)生進(jìn)行了以上由淺入深的閱讀和思考之后，筆者要求學(xué)生寫作前思考以下問題。如下表：

故事的發(fā)展過程 內(nèi)容邏輯 語言表達(dá)Paragraph 1: There, underneath the tree, was a beautifully packed gift box. What was a six-year-old girl’s reaction? How would you describe it to the readers?After opening the gift box An ugly doll What is the disappointing doll like?Paragraph 2: But I could see Mother watching me,with an eager look on her face.1.How would you respond to your mother’s eager look if you were the little girl?2.What lead to the change of your attitude?How would you express your feelings?

【教學(xué)效果】

從學(xué)生的作品看，深度閱讀有效提高了學(xué)生的寫作水平：續(xù)寫內(nèi)容更加合理，語言表達(dá)更加豐富，語言模仿能力和運(yùn)用能力明顯提升。如：

學(xué)生作品片斷1：My heart was brimming with such a wild joy that I could hardly wait to tear the box open.However,my heart sank to the bottom the instant I saw it and I burst into screaming.

四、二稿——互批提高正確率 討論釋放想象力

王初明教授說：“為增強(qiáng)協(xié)同效應(yīng)，可在讀后續(xù)寫過程中引入人際互動(dòng)，如鼓勵(lì)學(xué)生針對(duì)讀物先討論后續(xù)寫，或先續(xù)寫后討論，或合作續(xù)寫，共同進(jìn)步?！币虼?，筆者講評(píng)完之后，讓學(xué)生小組合作進(jìn)行創(chuàng)作。

【教學(xué)效果】

1.語言豐富

學(xué)生作品片斷2：I took a deep breath and came up.With a trembling hand, I opened the box.I tore at the box without any hesitation.However, suddenly my mind went blank.“It is not my Cinderella.It is not my beautiful doll.”

2.想象豐富

學(xué)生作品片斷3：The box was decorated with a clean red silk.Curiosity drove me to open the box.Barely can I conceal my excitement.But when I opened it, my heart sank to the bottom the instant I saw it.There is a doll in a strange shape lying in the middle of the box.The doll was so ugly and rough that I even wanted to throw it away and burst out crying.When I turned around, I found my mother was hiding behind the door and stared at me secretly.At the moment I didn’t know how to deal with the doll.

3.內(nèi)容合理

學(xué)生作品片斷4：Suddenly, I recalled the effort my mother had made to make the doll.I looked at the doll again.In fact, it wasn’t so bad; on the contrary, now it appeared more beautiful because I realized there was my mother’s love in it.

4.情感細(xì)膩

學(xué)生作品片斷 5：I’ve also noticed her white hair and calluses on her hand.I suddenly realized she had made great effort to make the doll.Then tears rolled down my face, I kissed her and told her：“Yeah, it’s one of the most beautiful dolls that I’ve ever seen, even more beautiful than those in the stores.”

五、三稿——回歸個(gè)體體驗(yàn) 提升思維品質(zhì)

無論教師進(jìn)行哪種寫作技巧和寫作方法的講授，寫作教學(xué)的最終目標(biāo)都要落實(shí)到學(xué)生個(gè)體，因?yàn)閷懽魇莻€(gè)人思想感情和思維方式的體現(xiàn)。因此，筆者再次要求學(xué)生進(jìn)行個(gè)體寫作，并要求學(xué)生進(jìn)行反思。結(jié)果，學(xué)生的表現(xiàn)令筆者感到驚艷。主要表現(xiàn)在以下幾個(gè)方面：

1.語言模仿力強(qiáng)

同學(xué)A：

While opening the box I was even imaging the beautiful picture of dancing with my princess.But when I saw the doll in the box, my heart sank to the bottom（課堂補(bǔ)充）.I was so disappointed that I didn’t realize the gift box I had dropped to the ground（平時(shí)的一篇閱讀理解）.Seeing this, she placed her arms around my shoulders and pressed her cheek against mine（模仿原文）.I felt some hot liquid on her face when she choked out（平時(shí)的一篇閱讀理解）.

2.體現(xiàn)文眼

同學(xué)B：

She asked if I liked the Cinderella doll.At that time I noticed the calluses on her hand, which reminded me of all those days she had been working on the doll.Suddenly, I had tears in my eyes but I fought back tears and yelled with a big smile：“Mum, I like the doll very much.Everyone loved Cinderella, but I love her ugly stepsister.”（文眼）I would never forget this unique Christmas gift.

3.運(yùn)用修辭

同學(xué)C：

As I took apart the gift box, what came into my sight was an ugly doll, no crystal shoes, no tiara and no shining red silk on her.I threw myself into a chair, crying.（三個(gè)no重復(fù)）

4.個(gè)人反思

學(xué)生的個(gè)人反思中有以下幾種比較典型：

（1）用動(dòng)作表達(dá)心情更傳神,確實(shí)應(yīng)該多看名著。

（2）讀后續(xù)寫要通過動(dòng)作描寫來渲染人物的心情。

（3）讀后續(xù)寫在刻畫人物動(dòng)作、情感時(shí)不能一筆帶過，要用生動(dòng)的語言來描寫。

（4）進(jìn)行讀后續(xù)寫的時(shí)候，要盡可能地設(shè)身處地去想象，然后用真情實(shí)感去寫。

（5）要有情節(jié)，所有的故事都要緊緊圍繞主題，用好文章前面的條件。

六、反思

通過本次教學(xué)嘗試，筆者認(rèn)為有效的寫后講評(píng)能夠提高學(xué)生的讀后續(xù)寫能力。

（一）寫作體驗(yàn)有助于提高學(xué)生的表達(dá)愿望

“Tell me and I forget.Show me and I remember.Involve me and I understand.”當(dāng)學(xué)生在寫作過程中處于“欲說無詞”的狀態(tài)時(shí)，就是教師進(jìn)行語言輸入的最佳時(shí)機(jī)，而沒有經(jīng)過任何指導(dǎo)的初稿寫作就是激發(fā)學(xué)生表達(dá)愿望的重要步驟。

（二）深層解讀有利于提高學(xué)生的思維水平

深層解讀有利于提高學(xué)生的審辯式思維水平，有利于學(xué)生在讀后續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容和語言方面與原文保持一致，也有利于學(xué)生欣賞和學(xué)習(xí)原文作者的語言風(fēng)格，并在續(xù)寫中加以運(yùn)用。

（三）互助合作有助于釋放學(xué)生的創(chuàng)造力和想象力

學(xué)生在同伴互助討論中，相互啟發(fā)、相互否定又相互肯定，其想象力和創(chuàng)新能力得以更大程度的發(fā)揮。因此，學(xué)生所續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容更加富有創(chuàng)意，也更加符合情理。

（四）寫作反思使語言表達(dá)豐富多彩

當(dāng)學(xué)生在對(duì)比了自己的初稿和二稿之后再進(jìn)行反思的時(shí)候，學(xué)生不僅對(duì)自己的寫作過程進(jìn)行了反思，也對(duì)自己的作品進(jìn)行了糾正和潤色，并且形成了自己的思維路徑。在進(jìn)行三稿寫作的時(shí)候，學(xué)生就能從修辭手法、內(nèi)容構(gòu)思等方面加以思考。

總之，有效的寫后講評(píng)能夠提高學(xué)生讀后續(xù)寫作品的語言邏輯和內(nèi)容邏輯，也能充分釋放學(xué)生的創(chuàng)造力和想象力。

材料：

Everyone loved Cinderella, but I loved her ugly stepsister.

The sidewalk was filled with shoppers as my mother and I hurried to the department store.I raised my neck for a look at the holiday window display, but at the age of six I was too small to see around the grown-ups with their winter coats and packages.When at last we reached the store，I stood with my eyes widened.“Look, Mother,”I shouted, pressing my hands against the glass, “Cinderella.” Before my eyes was the most beautiful doll I had ever seen! She wore a fairy princess suit made of shining red silk.I knew if I lifted her skirt I would find her crystal（水晶）shoes.The tiny tiara（冠狀頭飾）fastened to her silky golden hair shone.

“If only she were mine,”I dreamed.“We’d have tea parties, share secrets and dance with a handsome prince.”But to my disappointment, my mother guided me away from the window, explaining that she and my father could not afford such an expensive doll.“But there will be very special gift under the tree for you on Christmas morning, Madge.” she said,“I promise.”

Later that week I leaned against Mothers sewing machine,watching the needle flash up and down.“Bet you don’t know what this is!”She joked, holding up the cloth for me to see.

“My Christmas doll!”I yelled.It was still in the early stages but I could make out the head, neck and body.“So much to my surprise!”Mother laughed as I danced around the room, already pretending Cinderella and I were at the ball.It wouldn’t be long now.

My excitement grew with each passing day.Mother continued to work on the doll, and whenever I walked into the room she would hide it under a pillow.I could tell by her smile she was pleased with her progress.On Christmas morning I jumped out of bed, ran down the hall and quickly arrived at the living room where the Christmas tree was placed.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.應(yīng)使用5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語；

3.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段,每段的開頭語已為你寫好；

4.續(xù)寫完成后,請(qǐng)用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語。

Paragraph1：

There, underneath the tree, was a beautifully packed gift box._________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph2：

But I could see Mother watching me, with an eager look on her face.______________________________________________________________________