翻譯擂臺（第25期）點評

文/林巍

【原文】

[1]使舉國之少年而亦為老大也，則吾中國為過去之國，其澌亡可翹足而待也。[2]故今日之責任，不在他人，而全在我少年。[3]少年智則國智，少年富則國富；少年強則國強，少年獨立則國獨立；少年自由則國自由，少年進步則國進步；少年勝于歐洲則國勝于歐洲，少年雄于地球則國雄于地球。[4]紅日初升，其道大光?！v有千古，橫有八荒。前途似海，來日方長。

——梁啟超

【點評】

梁啟超是中國近代史上的著名啟蒙思想家、政治家和教育家，生活在清末民初。面對國家的腐敗、黑暗、落后和虛弱，他積極參加了戊戌變法運動；失敗之后，流亡日本，創(chuàng)辦了《清議報》，《少年中國說》是1900年發(fā)表在該報上的一篇著名文章，影響頗大，被公認為梁啟超著作中思想意義最積極、情感色彩最激越的篇章。

[1]中，許多參賽者沒有將“使”譯出來，該詞此處為“假如、如果”，即if?！袄洗蟆?，書面語“年老”，有俗語：少壯不努力，老大徒傷悲?！吧倌辍?，有人譯成了teenage，但該詞在人口學上界定的青少年，一般為15–25歲或14–28歲之間，故不如the young people、youth。

“澌亡”，其中“澌”為“盡”，“澌亡”即“滅絕消亡”，有人譯成extinct，但該詞本義為：no longer in existence; specially, a species of animal or plant that is extinct no longer has any living members, either in the world or in a particular place。故該詞用在此處有些“過”了。相比而言，perish更為適宜，其意為pass from physical life and lose all bodily attributes and functions necessary to sustain life，該詞最有名的用法出現在林肯的《葛底斯堡演說》中：that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth（這個民有、民治、民享的政府將與世長存）。故此，句[1]不妨譯 為：If our nation’s youth also become somewhat senile, our nation as whole will be set back to its previous stage, and will then perish before long.

[2]句，典型的譯文如“So those who shoulder social responsibilities are the juveniles rather than anyone else.”“It is the juveniles instead of the others,bear the responsibility of today’s China.”“So it is not others’ responsibilities but juniors’ to save China.”“So the duty of today falls upon none other than the youth.”等。其中，許多人用了juveniles，究其本義：A juvenile is a child or young person who is not yet old enough to be regarded as an adult. 且該詞是個法律術語，如juvenile delinquency（青少年犯罪）、 juvenile court（少年法庭）等，一般文章中不可用來代替young people、youth。故句[2]不妨譯為：Hence the duty of transforming our nation today lies in no one else but our youth.

[3]中的 “智”，譯得最多的是wise，其次為intelligent、clever、bright、 brilliant、smart等。但分析起來，a wise person is able to use their experience and knowledge in order to make sensible decisions and judgments，即wise一般多用于有一定年齡、經歷、資歷的人。而intelligent多指“good at learning, understanding and thinking in a logical way about things”，即有才智、悟性強，更多強調理解力好。

clever意為skillful (or showing skill) in adapting means to ends，多指心靈手巧，學習和理解比一般人快。bright常用于口語，強調的是“showing an ability to think, learn, or respond quickly”，多指年輕人、小孩反應快。至于smart，固然也與知識、智慧有關，但更多是指showing intelligence and mental alertness，即看起來很靈巧、機警、靚麗，有時也用于貶義，指耍小聰明。

同時，“富”的譯法，參賽譯文中用得最多的是rich和wealthy。二者都指“擁有財物或金錢”，rich用得更廣泛，強調“個人財產和金錢的擁有”，也指某些物質方面的豐富，而wealthy則暗指在社會上有殷實的地位。

對于“自由”，用得最多的是free、freedom、liberty等，應當說，freedom 用得更為廣泛，指某種行為完全不受限制、阻礙、影響。其實，還可用unrestricted，其義釋為“If an activity is unrestricted, you are free to do it in the way that you want, without being limited by any rules.”，是一種含義更深的freedom。

在句式表達上，一般譯文都比較嚴格地遵循了原文，如：If the youth is wise, and our country will be wise. If the youth is rich, and our country will be rich. If the youth is strong, and our country will be strong. If the youth is independent, and our country will be independent. If the youth has freedom,and our country will have freedom. If the youth makes the progress, and our country will make progress. If the youth is superior to Europe, and our country will be superior to Europe. If the youth dominate the world, and our country will dominate the world. 應當說，中文的這種排比句很有氣勢，頗具感染力，但照搬到英文里效果未必相同，而且還可能讀來冗贅重疊。

類似的，在第七屆“《英語世界》杯”翻譯大賽的漢譯英原文中，有句“知識可以占有，智慧只能發(fā)揮；知識向外求得，智慧于內感悟；知識越獲越豐富，智慧越凝越升華”，一般譯文都采取了類似的句式，如“Knowledge may be possessed, while wisdom must be fulfilled spontaneously. Knowledge may come from acquisition, while wisdom must be derived from introspection.Knowledge can be accumulated, while wisdom must be re fi ned.”等，當然不能算錯，但根據英文形合的特點，不妨將其整合為一句：Knowledge can only be possessed and accumulated externally, while wisdom is brought into play and sublimed internally. 這樣便求得“整體相等”，也精簡掉重復部分。同樣，魯迅的名言“沉默??！沉默！不在沉默中爆發(fā)，就在沉默中滅亡?！保渲杏兴膫€“沉默”，在中文里有層層遞進的吶喊效果，但若原封不動搬到英文，則顯累贅，于是楊憲益、戴乃迭將其譯為“Silence! Silence! Unless we burst out, we shall perish in this silence.”，既保留原文的強烈感情，又平實、順暢。

故此，句[3]不妨加以相應變通：When the youth become intelligent, the whole nation is; as the youth get wealthy, so does the whole nation. In the same way, when our young people grow to be strong, independent, progressive and unrestricted, so will the whole nation, which will surpass Europe and even stand out in the world with its dynamic youngsters.

[4]中，對于“紅日初升，其道大光”，一般都譯成了The red sun is just rising、The sun has just risen、The red sun rises brightly等，頗顯突兀。其實應該結合其廣義和狹義的語境來理解：梁啟超將當時封建統(tǒng)治下的中國視為衰落無望的“老大帝國”，而熱切希望出現一個富強、獨立、自由、進步的“少年中國”，只有那樣，中國才會有前途，因此，譯文應加以銜接和變通，如可采用If that happens, … would be like… 的句式。對于“縱有”“橫有”，有譯文用了Longitudinally、Horizontally，固然清晰，但也多少有些機械，不妨將其融合在整句之中：If that happens, our nation would be like a rising sun or a broad road full of sunlight. … Sustained by thousands of years of history and a wondrous vast land, China’s future is as immense as oceans with ample time ahead.

梁啟超寫此文時只有27歲，可謂當時的“90后”，并把它視為自己“開文章之新體，激民氣之暗潮”的代表作。要將其原汁原味地譯成英文，則需在詞語與句式上頗費斟酌。 □

【優(yōu)勝者】

陳妍佳（上海） 胡文明（深圳） 李松（長春）