從劍13考官評語看雅思作文6分段和7分段的差異

文/唐老雅

現(xiàn)在有很多烤鴨把寫作7分當(dāng)成自己的奮斗目標(biāo)，因為國外知名大學(xué)都明確要求雅思各單項成績都要在7分以上。眾所周知，中國考生聽說讀寫四項能力發(fā)展非常不平衡，我們經(jīng)?？吹揭恍W(xué)生聽力閱讀可以取得滿分，但寫作死活就是過不了7分大關(guān)，從而夢斷名校路，造成終生遺憾。那么，究竟是什么原因阻礙了我們的優(yōu)秀學(xué)生在雅思寫作考試中得到7分呢？老雅認(rèn)為，在眾多原因中，最重要的一點就是很多學(xué)生并沒有真正領(lǐng)會7分作文到底是什么模樣，從而導(dǎo)致錯誤的寫作策略，其結(jié)果是在考試中無法充分發(fā)揮自己的英語水平。本文擬比較最新出爐的《劍橋雅思13》中的6分和7分示例文章，以及考官給出的評語，來分析雅思考試作文6分段和7分段的差異，明確7分作文的要求。

我們首先來看《劍13》Test 3的大作文題目及官方給出的6分示范作文。

Test 3

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

6分示范作文

In my opinion I think every subjects is important for us. We have to learn everything through our past, present and future. Some people say that History is one of the most important school subjects it’s true but it has to go along with today’s world which is science and Technology. How can we move without our history, the people behind us “The ancient people” is the most powerful people who pushes us to move forward. They taught us how to fi re a light, How to fi nd a food, How to lives with other and animals, How to survive and others. Of course we wouldn’t know that without them. Science and Technology are important too. They give us a chance to move forward with them. Without Science and Technology we’re just a normally humans being. We spend our daily life with no useful. Without them we have no light we have no food, we have no comfortable stuff and things. Old people can survived without these things. Humans creates lots of invention to give an unlimited wants of people based on a limited government.

May I gives one example of the development of science and Technology.With this two things it give us a chance to be a member of ASEAN “Association of South East Asia Nation” we can be able to communicate with the other 9 countries with the high technology. It help us to be a TEAMWORK with the 9 other countries to develop our country. Help us in terms of transportation, communication,collaboration etc. It can de fi nitely hold on to that hope that in the near future.

Overall economics can totally achieves. It is a fact that the member of the member of the ASEAN have differences in terms of political standing, culture and traditions but it’s not a problem with our help I know that there’re a bright future are waiting for all of us. And that is a reason why History, Science and Technology is important.

We use history to learn about others, their culture, their tradition to be understand each other more and more and using science and Technology to help us, our country, our world to be moving forward, to help each other and to give a bright chances and future for everyone, especially kids give a chances to them to study, to go to school, to get knowledge so the next ten years, twenty years to the new up coming year all of them can help each other to pass these chances to other kids go on and on.

老雅對官方評語的注解

［評語1］切題。考生全面回答了問題，大致列舉了（outline）為什么所有科目都重要的原因，并用相關(guān)例證進行了論證。

［老雅注解］全面回答題目中所有問題是6分作文必須的，題目問題沒弄清楚或者回答不完整，6分的可能性就沒有了，至于回答得好不好，那是另外一回事。

［評語2］雖然結(jié)構(gòu)不太清晰，但還是體現(xiàn)了一定邏輯順序，并有一個鮮明的結(jié)論。

［老雅注解］基本體現(xiàn)出邏輯順序，即先寫什么，后寫什么，這是6分的基本要求。如果一團混亂，前后顛倒，看不出作者的寫作思路，6分就沒有了。結(jié)論必須明確，不要前后矛盾。

［評語3］有效使用了銜接手段[in my opinion / of course / especially]，指稱代詞基本清楚[we wouldn’t know that without them / these things]。

［老雅注解］銜接關(guān)系，包括因果、條件、遞進、轉(zhuǎn)折等，都有相應(yīng)的詞組或詞匯來表達，6分作文需要基本正確使用這些銜接手段，確保句子和句子之間有聯(lián)系，避免前言不搭后語。

［評語4］詞匯比較豐富[go along with today’s world / to move forward /daily life / transportation, communication, collaboration etc. / political standing,culture and traditions]，但錯誤不少 [every subjects / normally human beings / a bright chances]。

［老雅注解］6分作文也需要體現(xiàn)一定的與主題相關(guān)的詞匯量，但容許有錯誤。

［評語5］能夠混合使用簡單句和復(fù)雜句，使用了不同類型的從屬句 [some people say that... / ...which is science and technology / ...people who pushes us to / they taught us how to]，盡管有不少錯誤，但一般并未造成誤解或理解困難。

［老雅注解］6分作文需要使用2—3個復(fù)雜句（或主從復(fù)合句），允許出現(xiàn)少量錯誤（但不能影響讀者對句子意思的理解）。

［評語6］標(biāo)點符號時有錯誤，尤其是很多地方?jīng)]有句號。

［老雅注解］標(biāo)點符號要避免一逗到底，也要避免沒有句號。雅思作文中評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)中對標(biāo)點符號使用其實是比較嚴(yán)格的。請大家一定要注意，尤其是受漢語影響，我們很多學(xué)生喜歡在英語寫作中大量使用逗號。

再看《劍13》Test 2的大作文題目及官方給出的7分示范作文。

Test 2

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

7分示范作文

The answer is complex since there are a lot of choices in our life and all of them are different kinds. In some cases I would say that it is a good thing to have the ability to choose from a wide variety. Take for example gastronomy. Every single person has different meals on their list of favourites. Actually if you have a bigger family it is almost impossible to cook something that everyone would like.Therefore I would say that it is great that you can go to a shopping center and choose from a dozen different food types. I can always fi nd something that looks delicious.

Naturally, there are some people who say that it is against evolution. They claim to say that back in the old days we had a perfect life when technically everybody was farming. I personally disagree with that. I am happy that I could choose a job that fi ts best to my abilities. I mean no one is the same, why would we want to do the same? Different kinds of universities give us the opportunity to become who we are meant to be. We have the right to choose.

However there is on topic where, according to my opinion, we have too many choices. This speci fi c area is television. There are hundreds of channels,therefore you can always find something that is worth watching. Literally you could sit in your sofa the whole day and watch fi lms. I think that people doing less outdoor activities are the results of the many available channels. From this point of view I would agree that we have too many choices.

In conclusion I would say that we can’t generally talk about choices since they could be different. In some cases it is good to have many of them while in other areas they could have a negative effect.

老雅對官方評語的注解

［評語1］切題。考生解釋了為什么既同意又不同意“我們的選擇太多了”這句話，指出了不同意的兩個領(lǐng)域，即食品和工作，并提出了明確的例證來支持觀點，然后指出了同意的一個領(lǐng)域，即電視頻道，同樣有論證。

［老雅注解］7分作文必須切題，而且要有明確的論證思路，非常相關(guān)的例證。最好用“批判性思維”方式進行論證（即考慮某個觀點在不同方面、不同層次、不同條件下的合理性和不合理性）。

［評語2］結(jié)構(gòu)有邏輯性，有明確的先后順序。

［老雅注解］7分作文結(jié)構(gòu)要清晰，先后安排順序得當(dāng)。只有觀點卻沒有體現(xiàn)出觀點的先后邏輯順序是不可以的。

［評語3］銜接手段豐富，而且使用得當(dāng)[take for example / actually /therefore / naturally / however / this speci fi c area / from this point of view / in conclusion]。

［老雅注解］7分作文要確保句子之間的緊密聯(lián)系，要有豐富且使用恰當(dāng)?shù)你暯邮侄危静荒艹霈F(xiàn)誤用。這樣句子之間讀起來才有邏輯關(guān)系。

［評語4］詞匯豐富，顯示出一定的準(zhǔn)確性和靈活度，有較少的套語（less common items），有文體意識（formal style），搭配不錯[complex / list of favourites / fi ts...my ability / speci fi c area / many available channels]。

［老雅注解］7分作文對詞匯使用的要求是要準(zhǔn)確和靈活，不要用陳詞濫調(diào)，比如universally acknowledged、there is no denying that...、a coin has two sides之類，而是要體現(xiàn)出新鮮感。文體比較正規(guī)，不出現(xiàn)過于口語的表達。

［評語5］語法和標(biāo)點符號總體不錯，復(fù)雜句多樣，多數(shù)句子都沒有錯誤。

［老雅注解］7分作文不可以在標(biāo)點符號上犯錯誤，需要用多樣的句式而且使用正確。

雅思寫作6分、7分評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)對比

1.審題與結(jié)構(gòu)：都需要切題，都需要完整回答問題。6分要求論證基本清楚，有一定邏輯順序，7分要求論證很清楚，并體現(xiàn)出明確的邏輯順序。

2.句與句之間的銜接：都要求使用銜接手段，但6分允許有使用不太恰當(dāng)?shù)那闆r（但不能讓人看不懂），7分則要求手段多樣，而且使用準(zhǔn)確。

3.詞匯使用：均要求一定詞匯量，但6分要求足夠表達思想即可，且允許一定量的錯誤（但不能讓人看不懂），7分則要求靈活、多樣且具有個性。

4.句法結(jié)構(gòu)：均要求使用一定量的復(fù)雜句，但6分可以犯錯誤（但不能讓人看不懂），7分則要求多樣而正確，少錯誤（甚至無錯誤）。

5.標(biāo)點符號：6分允許犯錯，7分則需要杜絕此類錯誤。 □

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