雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改（八）
——?jiǎng)游镱?/h1>
2017-11-17 03:07:00唐老雅
英語(yǔ)世界 2017年5期
文/唐老雅
雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改（八）
——?jiǎng)游镱?/p>
文/唐老雅1
一、雅思“動(dòng)物類”題材考情分析
“動(dòng)物類”話題在雅思考試中時(shí)有出現(xiàn)，考生也需要關(guān)注?？键c(diǎn)及分布如下：
1. 動(dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)，包括：（1）將動(dòng)物作為藥物試驗(yàn)的對(duì)象是對(duì)還是錯(cuò)？（2）使用動(dòng)物進(jìn)行藥物試驗(yàn)是殘忍和不必要，還是因?yàn)闈M足了人類利益而正義？
2. 動(dòng)物保護(hù)和利用，包括：（1）野生動(dòng)物是否過(guò)度保護(hù)？（2）我們是應(yīng)該保護(hù)即將滅絕的動(dòng)物還是專注于解決人類自身的問(wèn)題？（3）人類是否應(yīng)該將動(dòng)物作為食物和衣料？
二、雅思“動(dòng)物”題材經(jīng)典考題
1. In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2016/03/12)
2. Some people think that too much attention and too many resources have been given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015/01/31)
對(duì)于“動(dòng)物類”話題，以下觀點(diǎn)可以借鑒：（1）我們要保護(hù)野生動(dòng)物（wild animals），尤其是那些瀕臨滅絕的（extinct）動(dòng)物，因?yàn)閯?dòng)物多樣性（diversity）不僅是個(gè)生活樂(lè)趣的問(wèn)題，更是關(guān)涉到自然平衡（balance）的問(wèn)題；（2）總體上反對(duì)隨意用動(dòng)物做醫(yī)學(xué)實(shí)驗(yàn)，因?yàn)檫@既殘忍（cruel），也侵犯了動(dòng)物權(quán)利（violate the animal rights），但是在某些情況下，動(dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)也是必要的，因?yàn)閯?dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)推動(dòng)的醫(yī)學(xué)技術(shù)，既有利于人類，也有利于動(dòng)物自身長(zhǎng)期繁衍；（3）強(qiáng)烈反對(duì)將獸皮用作裝飾性的衣物，這種為了人類自身的虛榮而剝奪野生動(dòng)物生命的行為，純粹是謀殺（murder）；（4）強(qiáng)烈反對(duì)食用野生動(dòng)物，這既殘忍又破壞生態(tài)平衡，但人類為了自身營(yíng)養(yǎng)需要，可以食用某些家養(yǎng)動(dòng)物：某種意義上，人類健康繁衍，這些家養(yǎng)動(dòng)物的種族也才能夠繁衍下去。
三、雅思“動(dòng)物類”題材習(xí)作修改
題目
Nowadays living animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.Some people think this is very cruel and unnecessary. However others believe that it is justi fi ed in the interest of human beings. Discuss these two points of view and give your own opinion.
學(xué)生習(xí)作
In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.
On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.
On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.
In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel.But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to fi nd a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.
評(píng)分：5
老雅評(píng)改
本題需要討論的問(wèn)題比較具體：我們經(jīng)常用活著的動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)新研發(fā)的藥物，有些人認(rèn)為這太殘酷，而且也沒(méi)有必要，但另外的人則認(rèn)為這樣做符合人類利益。如果我們做雙邊討論，那首先就要討論為什么用活著的動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)新藥是殘酷的（動(dòng)物也有痛覺(jué)，動(dòng)物也會(huì)感到痛苦），而且是沒(méi)有必要的（可以用其他辦法來(lái)試驗(yàn)，比如用模擬的方法等），然后就要討論用活動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)新藥的意義所在（比如可以挽救人類的生命，減少人類的痛苦），犧牲動(dòng)物來(lái)挽救人類，這樣做是有一定道理的。最后，要給出自己的觀點(diǎn)，比如盡量減少用活著的動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)，盡量減少動(dòng)物的痛苦和死亡，但必要時(shí)，可以犧牲動(dòng)物。
習(xí)作結(jié)構(gòu)清楚，有表達(dá)思想的基本能力，但用詞、語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤較多，同時(shí)，思想重復(fù)表達(dá)較多，語(yǔ)言重復(fù)也比較多，因此無(wú)論思想層面還是語(yǔ)言層面都沒(méi)有顯示出較好的靈活性。
第1段
In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.
[修改] Recently, the medical science has seen a rapid development. However, for various reasons animals are used for the testing of newly-developed medicines.So there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experiment.
[評(píng)析] 開(kāi)頭段引入話題，然后重新表述題目觀點(diǎn)。問(wèn)題如下：（1）in recently 是錯(cuò)誤表達(dá)，應(yīng)為recently，或者in recent years。（2）because of various reasons 是不地道表達(dá)，應(yīng)為for various reasons。（3）“... there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing ...”中，that應(yīng)為 whether，同時(shí)詞序需要調(diào)整。正確的應(yīng)該是“... there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experinent”。（4）后面部分比較拖沓，修改時(shí)或壓縮，或刪除。
第2段
On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.
[修改] On one hand, some people think that living animal testings are justifi able on the ground that they are bene fi cial for human beings. Our health or even life may be at risk if untested new medicines are used. Hence, it is probably the best way to use animals to test whether the newly-developed medicine is safe for human patients, as there is no other better alternative so far.
[評(píng)析] 本段論述動(dòng)物試驗(yàn)的合理性。習(xí)作內(nèi)容單薄，語(yǔ)言失誤多。（1）it 所指不明，應(yīng)該是指“用動(dòng)物來(lái)測(cè)試新藥”，但這里已經(jīng)是新起一段了，這樣的關(guān)鍵詞應(yīng)該明確指出，而不是用代詞。（2）It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings.本句中后邊時(shí)態(tài)用were（過(guò)去時(shí)）令人匪夷所思，這里論述的是一般情況，沒(méi)有涉及過(guò)去，應(yīng)該用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)；“... whose properties were uncertainty”中，uncertainty是名詞形式，這里應(yīng)該用其形容詞形式uncertain。（3）本段重復(fù)使用題目中的“in the interest of ..., testing of newly developed medicines”，可以考慮替換一下說(shuō)法。
第3段
On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.
[修改] On the other hand, there are many people who believe that live animal testing is unfair and brutal. Every life is equal. Human beings and animals have no difference in terms of life equality, so man has no rights to deprive animals of their life. Besides, animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings. Some medicines and experiments indeed cause huge pain on them.However, if people do not use animals to test the new medicines, they will not know the properties of them and then cannot use them on human beings safely.
[評(píng)析]本段討論動(dòng)物試驗(yàn)的殘酷之處。習(xí)作重復(fù)表達(dá)多，且沒(méi)有深入論證動(dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)為什么殘酷，修改文增加了animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings。（1）“... there are many people think that ...”是一種句型錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)該為“... there are many people who think that ... ”。（2）deprive的漢語(yǔ)雖然是“剝奪”，但其用法是deprive somebody of something，同樣用法的還有rob somebody of something、relieve somebody of something。（3）“But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines,we wouldn’t know ...”中，don’t use 與后面的 wouldn’t know 的搭配有問(wèn)題，前面是一般形式，后面卻用了虛擬形式。這也是很多學(xué)生常常犯的錯(cuò)誤。正確的搭配應(yīng)該是：“don’t use ... will not know ...” 或者“didn’t use ...wouldn’t know ...”。
第4段
In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel.But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to fi nd a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.
[修改] Therefore, in my opinion, we should develop a better way to test the newly developed medicines which will make neither animals nor humans suffer.However, current scienti fi c development is still too limited to fi nd this way, so there is a long way to go before animals are no longer used to test the new medicines.
[評(píng)析] 本段為結(jié)尾段，總結(jié)前文論述，同時(shí)提出自己的觀點(diǎn)。（1）“...the science is limited”，這個(gè)表達(dá)有歧義，我們經(jīng)常說(shuō)的是science is limitless（ 科學(xué)無(wú)極限）。這里應(yīng)該是說(shuō)current scienti fi c development is still limited。（2）“...it’s still have more work to do.”這句問(wèn)題更大，it指什么？是science嗎？那也應(yīng)該是“... it still has more work to do”！ □
（與唐老雅繼續(xù)交流，請(qǐng)加微信號(hào)ieltswriting4u）
1 唐偉勝，廣東外語(yǔ)外貿(mào)大學(xué)教授，博士，英美文學(xué)研究專家。
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文/唐老雅
雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改（八）
——?jiǎng)游镱?/p>
文/唐老雅1
一、雅思“動(dòng)物類”題材考情分析
“動(dòng)物類”話題在雅思考試中時(shí)有出現(xiàn)，考生也需要關(guān)注?？键c(diǎn)及分布如下：
1. 動(dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)，包括：（1）將動(dòng)物作為藥物試驗(yàn)的對(duì)象是對(duì)還是錯(cuò)？（2）使用動(dòng)物進(jìn)行藥物試驗(yàn)是殘忍和不必要，還是因?yàn)闈M足了人類利益而正義？
2. 動(dòng)物保護(hù)和利用，包括：（1）野生動(dòng)物是否過(guò)度保護(hù)？（2）我們是應(yīng)該保護(hù)即將滅絕的動(dòng)物還是專注于解決人類自身的問(wèn)題？（3）人類是否應(yīng)該將動(dòng)物作為食物和衣料？
二、雅思“動(dòng)物”題材經(jīng)典考題
1. In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2016/03/12)
2. Some people think that too much attention and too many resources have been given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015/01/31)
對(duì)于“動(dòng)物類”話題，以下觀點(diǎn)可以借鑒：（1）我們要保護(hù)野生動(dòng)物（wild animals），尤其是那些瀕臨滅絕的（extinct）動(dòng)物，因?yàn)閯?dòng)物多樣性（diversity）不僅是個(gè)生活樂(lè)趣的問(wèn)題，更是關(guān)涉到自然平衡（balance）的問(wèn)題；（2）總體上反對(duì)隨意用動(dòng)物做醫(yī)學(xué)實(shí)驗(yàn)，因?yàn)檫@既殘忍（cruel），也侵犯了動(dòng)物權(quán)利（violate the animal rights），但是在某些情況下，動(dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)也是必要的，因?yàn)閯?dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)推動(dòng)的醫(yī)學(xué)技術(shù)，既有利于人類，也有利于動(dòng)物自身長(zhǎng)期繁衍；（3）強(qiáng)烈反對(duì)將獸皮用作裝飾性的衣物，這種為了人類自身的虛榮而剝奪野生動(dòng)物生命的行為，純粹是謀殺（murder）；（4）強(qiáng)烈反對(duì)食用野生動(dòng)物，這既殘忍又破壞生態(tài)平衡，但人類為了自身營(yíng)養(yǎng)需要，可以食用某些家養(yǎng)動(dòng)物：某種意義上，人類健康繁衍，這些家養(yǎng)動(dòng)物的種族也才能夠繁衍下去。
三、雅思“動(dòng)物類”題材習(xí)作修改
題目
Nowadays living animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.Some people think this is very cruel and unnecessary. However others believe that it is justi fi ed in the interest of human beings. Discuss these two points of view and give your own opinion.
學(xué)生習(xí)作
In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.
On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.
On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.
In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel.But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to fi nd a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.
評(píng)分：5
老雅評(píng)改
本題需要討論的問(wèn)題比較具體：我們經(jīng)常用活著的動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)新研發(fā)的藥物，有些人認(rèn)為這太殘酷，而且也沒(méi)有必要，但另外的人則認(rèn)為這樣做符合人類利益。如果我們做雙邊討論，那首先就要討論為什么用活著的動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)新藥是殘酷的（動(dòng)物也有痛覺(jué)，動(dòng)物也會(huì)感到痛苦），而且是沒(méi)有必要的（可以用其他辦法來(lái)試驗(yàn)，比如用模擬的方法等），然后就要討論用活動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)新藥的意義所在（比如可以挽救人類的生命，減少人類的痛苦），犧牲動(dòng)物來(lái)挽救人類，這樣做是有一定道理的。最后，要給出自己的觀點(diǎn)，比如盡量減少用活著的動(dòng)物來(lái)試驗(yàn)，盡量減少動(dòng)物的痛苦和死亡，但必要時(shí)，可以犧牲動(dòng)物。
習(xí)作結(jié)構(gòu)清楚，有表達(dá)思想的基本能力，但用詞、語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤較多，同時(shí)，思想重復(fù)表達(dá)較多，語(yǔ)言重復(fù)也比較多，因此無(wú)論思想層面還是語(yǔ)言層面都沒(méi)有顯示出較好的靈活性。
第1段
In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.
[修改] Recently, the medical science has seen a rapid development. However, for various reasons animals are used for the testing of newly-developed medicines.So there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experiment.
[評(píng)析] 開(kāi)頭段引入話題，然后重新表述題目觀點(diǎn)。問(wèn)題如下：（1）in recently 是錯(cuò)誤表達(dá)，應(yīng)為recently，或者in recent years。（2）because of various reasons 是不地道表達(dá)，應(yīng)為for various reasons。（3）“... there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing ...”中，that應(yīng)為 whether，同時(shí)詞序需要調(diào)整。正確的應(yīng)該是“... there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experinent”。（4）后面部分比較拖沓，修改時(shí)或壓縮，或刪除。
第2段
On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.
[修改] On one hand, some people think that living animal testings are justifi able on the ground that they are bene fi cial for human beings. Our health or even life may be at risk if untested new medicines are used. Hence, it is probably the best way to use animals to test whether the newly-developed medicine is safe for human patients, as there is no other better alternative so far.
[評(píng)析] 本段論述動(dòng)物試驗(yàn)的合理性。習(xí)作內(nèi)容單薄，語(yǔ)言失誤多。（1）it 所指不明，應(yīng)該是指“用動(dòng)物來(lái)測(cè)試新藥”，但這里已經(jīng)是新起一段了，這樣的關(guān)鍵詞應(yīng)該明確指出，而不是用代詞。（2）It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings.本句中后邊時(shí)態(tài)用were（過(guò)去時(shí)）令人匪夷所思，這里論述的是一般情況，沒(méi)有涉及過(guò)去，應(yīng)該用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)；“... whose properties were uncertainty”中，uncertainty是名詞形式，這里應(yīng)該用其形容詞形式uncertain。（3）本段重復(fù)使用題目中的“in the interest of ..., testing of newly developed medicines”，可以考慮替換一下說(shuō)法。
第3段
On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.
[修改] On the other hand, there are many people who believe that live animal testing is unfair and brutal. Every life is equal. Human beings and animals have no difference in terms of life equality, so man has no rights to deprive animals of their life. Besides, animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings. Some medicines and experiments indeed cause huge pain on them.However, if people do not use animals to test the new medicines, they will not know the properties of them and then cannot use them on human beings safely.
[評(píng)析]本段討論動(dòng)物試驗(yàn)的殘酷之處。習(xí)作重復(fù)表達(dá)多，且沒(méi)有深入論證動(dòng)物實(shí)驗(yàn)為什么殘酷，修改文增加了animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings。（1）“... there are many people think that ...”是一種句型錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)該為“... there are many people who think that ... ”。（2）deprive的漢語(yǔ)雖然是“剝奪”，但其用法是deprive somebody of something，同樣用法的還有rob somebody of something、relieve somebody of something。（3）“But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines,we wouldn’t know ...”中，don’t use 與后面的 wouldn’t know 的搭配有問(wèn)題，前面是一般形式，后面卻用了虛擬形式。這也是很多學(xué)生常常犯的錯(cuò)誤。正確的搭配應(yīng)該是：“don’t use ... will not know ...” 或者“didn’t use ...wouldn’t know ...”。
第4段
In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel.But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to fi nd a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.
[修改] Therefore, in my opinion, we should develop a better way to test the newly developed medicines which will make neither animals nor humans suffer.However, current scienti fi c development is still too limited to fi nd this way, so there is a long way to go before animals are no longer used to test the new medicines.
[評(píng)析] 本段為結(jié)尾段，總結(jié)前文論述，同時(shí)提出自己的觀點(diǎn)。（1）“...the science is limited”，這個(gè)表達(dá)有歧義，我們經(jīng)常說(shuō)的是science is limitless（ 科學(xué)無(wú)極限）。這里應(yīng)該是說(shuō)current scienti fi c development is still limited。（2）“...it’s still have more work to do.”這句問(wèn)題更大，it指什么？是science嗎？那也應(yīng)該是“... it still has more work to do”！ □
（與唐老雅繼續(xù)交流，請(qǐng)加微信號(hào)ieltswriting4u）
1 唐偉勝，廣東外語(yǔ)外貿(mào)大學(xué)教授，博士，英美文學(xué)研究專家。
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