書信類作文例析

蔡蓮香

假如你叫李華，是一名高中生。你打算暑假去英國(guó)旅游。請(qǐng)根據(jù)下面的要點(diǎn)提示，給你的英國(guó)筆友Lily寫一封信向她咨詢?nèi)ビ?guó)旅游的情況。

內(nèi)容包括：1. 哪些地方值得參觀；2. 能否去機(jī)場(chǎng)接機(jī)；3. 其他注意事項(xiàng)。

注意：1. 詞數(shù)100左右；2. 信的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)；3. 可適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

Dear Lily，

I am so excited to tell you that I plan to travel to Britain this summer.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours，

Li Hua

[審題]

這是一篇應(yīng)用文，要求以郵件的形式向筆友咨詢?nèi)ビ?guó)旅游的情況。寫作中大家應(yīng)該注意：

1. 有三個(gè)內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，前兩個(gè)必須如實(shí)表述，不能改變內(nèi)容，第三個(gè)要點(diǎn)的內(nèi)容可以自由發(fā)揮。

2. 不要生硬地逐條翻譯要點(diǎn)，而要適當(dāng)?shù)厥褂眠^(guò)渡詞使文章內(nèi)容條理清晰，結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)。還要適當(dāng)運(yùn)用高級(jí)句式和詞匯，為文章增色。

3. 第一段要開(kāi)門見(jiàn)山地說(shuō)明寫信的意圖。注意語(yǔ)言要得體和禮貌。

4. 詞數(shù)100左右，不宜太多或太少。

[習(xí)作一]

Dear Lily，

I am so excited to tell you that I plan to travel to Britain this summer. Because its the first time for me to go there， turn to you for some advice is very necessary.

Only in this way can I have fun in your country. Could you help me？ First， as we know， there are many places of interests in Britain. Could you tell me which places in Britain are well worth visiting？ Second， I will go to your country by plane， but I dont know what to do or where to go when I get there. So could you spare some time to come to the airport to meet me when I arrive？ Finally， I know there are many rules in the UK， I hope that you can tell me as many as possible. For example， if I go out with you to have a dinner， what should I wear？ If you can inform me of these things， I will be grateful very much.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng) 這是一篇中檔習(xí)作。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1. 要點(diǎn)齊全，語(yǔ)言較為流暢。在行文中，用first， second和 finally逐一提出建議，文章顯得有條理。

2. 正確使用了一些高級(jí)詞匯和短語(yǔ)。如turn to sb. for help， have fun， places of interest， be well worth visiting， inform sb. of sth.。

3. 嘗試運(yùn)用了一些高級(jí)句式。如：

Only in this way can I have fun in your country.（倒裝句）

... as we know， there ... （定語(yǔ)從句）

Could you tell me which places in Britain are well worth visiting？ （賓語(yǔ)從句）

If you can inform me of these things， I will be grateful very much. （條件狀語(yǔ)從句）

不足之處有：

1. 詞語(yǔ)表達(dá)錯(cuò)誤和用詞不夠準(zhǔn)確。如places of interests應(yīng)該改為places of interest，rules應(yīng)改為customs，have a dinner應(yīng)該改為have dinner。

2. 句法錯(cuò)誤。如turn to you for some advice is very necessary應(yīng)改為it is very necessary to turn to you for some advice。

3. 重復(fù)使用一些句式。如： Could you help me？ So can you spare some time ...？可以嘗試使用不同的句式，如把其中一個(gè)句式改為I wonder whether you can ...，這樣語(yǔ)言更加靈活、豐富。

[習(xí)作二]

Dear Lily，

I am so excited to tell you that I plan to travel to Britain this summer. However， there is still something I am not quite clear about. Therefore， I am writing to ask you for some advice.

The things that I want to make clear are as follows. To begin with， as an excellent tourist destination appealing to people around the world， there is no doubt that this travel will be a great chance for me to experience British culture and broaden my horizons. As a result， I would like to know what places are well worth visiting. In addition， since this will be the first time for me to travel abroad， would you be kind enough to pick me up at the airport？ More importantly， I wonder what else I should pay attention to in order to make my stay in Britain more enjoyable. I would appreciate it very much if you could solve my puzzles above.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng) 這是一篇高檔習(xí)作。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1. 要點(diǎn)齊全，語(yǔ)言得體，行文流暢，表意連貫。如：I would like to know ...， would you be kind enough to ...？ I wonder what else I should ...， 這些句式禮貌地表達(dá)了作者的請(qǐng)求。行文中連接詞however，therefore，to begin with，in addition，more importantly的使用使得文章條理分明。

2. 運(yùn)用了比較豐富的高級(jí)詞匯和短語(yǔ)。如：therefore，as follows，to begin with，tourist destination，appeal to，broaden my horizons，as a result，in addition，in order to，enjoyable，appreciate，solve my puzzles。

3. 運(yùn)用了多樣化的高級(jí)句式。如：

... there is still something I am not quite clear about. （定語(yǔ)從句）

The things that I want to make clear are as follows. （定語(yǔ)從句）

... as an excellent tourist destination appealing to people ... （分詞作后置定語(yǔ)）

... there is no doubt that this travel will be a good chance ... （同位語(yǔ)從句）

I would like to know what places are well worth visiting. （賓語(yǔ)從句）

... since this will be the first time for me to travel abroad ... （狀語(yǔ)從句）

... in order to make my stay in Britain more enjoyable. （不定式作目的狀語(yǔ)）

I would appreciate it very much if you could solve my puzzles above. （虛擬語(yǔ)氣）