短文習(xí)作：patience

劉玉

請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下提示，并結(jié)合你生活中的一個(gè)事例，用英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)一篇短文。

Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly ever acquire the skill to do difficult things easily. —Friedrich Schiller

注意 1. 無(wú)須寫(xiě)標(biāo)題；

2. 除詩(shī)歌外，文體不限；

3. 內(nèi)容必須結(jié)合你生活中的具體事例；

4. 文中不得透露個(gè)人姓名和學(xué)校名稱；

5. 詞數(shù)不少于120，如引用提示語(yǔ)則不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。

審題 根據(jù)題目，我們先確定人稱、時(shí)態(tài)、結(jié)構(gòu)等一系列事項(xiàng)：

首先我們可以知道這是一篇開(kāi)放式作文，文章應(yīng)采用夾敘夾議的寫(xiě)作手法，這種題目通常采用第一人稱，時(shí)態(tài)一般需要兩種，舉例部分用一般過(guò)去時(shí)，而總結(jié)部分應(yīng)該用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)；從作文題目來(lái)分析，本文的主題應(yīng)為：Patience gained from doing the simple things makes a big difference in doing difficult ones， which is where your success starts.

文章的結(jié)構(gòu)應(yīng)為：

第一段：提出觀點(diǎn)。（2～3句）

第二段：敘述一段結(jié)構(gòu)清晰、主題鮮明的個(gè)人經(jīng)歷。（6～8句）

第三段：夯實(shí)觀點(diǎn)，回應(yīng)開(kāi)頭。（2～3句）

接著我們可以列出要點(diǎn)和提綱，即哪些東西需要寫(xiě)，哪些東西不需要寫(xiě)，做到心中有數(shù)。

注意事項(xiàng) 1. 合理使用高級(jí)詞匯，靈活運(yùn)用各種句型，增加文章的閃光點(diǎn)；

2. 注重句式的變化，各種句式交替使用，體現(xiàn)語(yǔ)言的節(jié)奏感；

3. 注意選好過(guò)渡詞，以使文章過(guò)渡自然，層次清楚，主次分明。

Occasions are not rare when we face the hardships， which we should get through with patience. When we are dealing with affairs， we are achieving our ambitious goals in the meanwhile.

①Walking in the memory lanes， I could clearly remember there was a period when I almost lost all my patience. ②At the beginning of my high school life， I take it for granted that I would become a top student with burning ambitious kept in mind. ③There came my first exam. ④Knowing that I got a real bad scores， I threw myself into sadness. ⑤Then came my helpful teacher， she told me that study is a process requiring patience. ⑥“If I do the little things patiently， Ill achieve far beyond I could. ” ⑦Hearing this， my courage returned again. I decided to make the best of everything. To my surprise， I became the first in the mid-term exam.

⑧Thanks to the patience， it taught me a significant lesson. ⑨If you do every little things patiently， you are bound to harvest a wonder beyond imagination.

點(diǎn)評(píng) 這篇屬于四檔作文，得分為24分。這位同學(xué)能夠結(jié)合事例，比較清楚地表達(dá)自己的觀點(diǎn)，句式豐富，但存在著較多的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯上的錯(cuò)誤。

1. 第①句中的could和第②句中的take均屬于時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)分別改為can和took。

2. 第②句中的ambitious是詞性錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)改為名詞ambition。

3. 第③句的There應(yīng)改為Then。

4. 第④句的scores、第⑧句的lessons和第⑨句的things屬于單復(fù)數(shù)錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)分別改為score，lesson和thing。

5. 第⑤句中語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，she應(yīng)改為who。

6. 第⑥句盡量不要用直接引語(yǔ)，應(yīng)改為間接引語(yǔ)，變I為you。

7. 第⑦句return和again有意思上的重復(fù)，應(yīng)改為I regained my courage。

8. 第⑨句并非最佳表達(dá)，最好改為：Only if you do every little thing patiently are you bound to harvest a wonder beyond imagination.

There is no doubt that ability is the key to our success. However， as far as I am concerned， its the patience to do simple things perfectly that counts more.

When it comes to this， my memories come flooding into my mind. There was a time when I had trouble in study. However hard I tried， I couldnt live up to my expectations. Depressed and worried， I went to my teacher for help. She pointed out that I was always eager to do difficult problems but ignored the easy ones， which resulted in my failure. Since then， I changed my stratedy and paid more attention to simple things. My efforts are paying off.

From my experience， I know that only when we can do the simple things well are we more likely to do the difficult things easily.

點(diǎn)評(píng) 該生作文屬于五檔作文，得分為28分。這位同學(xué)結(jié)合事例，清楚地表達(dá)了自己的觀點(diǎn)，應(yīng)用了較豐富的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)，如名詞性從句、定語(yǔ)從句、狀語(yǔ)從句、強(qiáng)調(diào)句型、倒裝句、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞等。另外，還使用了許多高級(jí)詞匯，如flooding，reflected on等。該生恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂昧苏Z(yǔ)句間的連接成分，全文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。當(dāng)然也有個(gè)別錯(cuò)誤，但不影響意思的表達(dá)。如：第二段第二句應(yīng)改為I had trouble with my study。第二段最后一句應(yīng)改為Since then， I have changed my strategy and paid more attention to simple things.

When it comes to the key to success， the most important thing lies in doing every simple thing well. Doing simple things may help us develop good qualities needed in undertaking difficult and important task.

When I was young， my mother always nagged me how to do some housework well， which I was fed up with. One day，after I finished washing dishes in the kitchen， my mother criticized me that if I didnt do such a simple thing perfectly，it was impossible for me to undertake any difficult task. My later life reminded me that my mother was right. It was by doing simple things well that I gained many fine qualities to do something difficult，of which the most important one was patience.

From my perspective，under no circumstances should we undervalue the power of doing simple things. Instead we should regard them as the requirement of success.