壓縮或擴(kuò)容簡(jiǎn)練又充實(shí)

呂吉爾

英語(yǔ)書面表達(dá)一般要求寫作一篇120詞左右的短文，文章詞數(shù)不夠或篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)，在閱卷時(shí)都會(huì)被扣分。

刪繁就簡(jiǎn) 壓縮篇幅

無(wú)論是在平時(shí)的寫作訓(xùn)練還是在考試中，不少同學(xué)都表現(xiàn)出積極的寫作態(tài)度，洋洋灑灑，“一寫不可收”。從練筆的角度來(lái)說(shuō)，這是個(gè)好現(xiàn)象，寫得多無(wú)疑對(duì)提高寫作能力有好處。但簡(jiǎn)練是寫作的一個(gè)重要原則，把一個(gè)很小的話題寫得很長(zhǎng)，就可能“水分”過(guò)多，沖淡主題。

好在精簡(jiǎn)比增補(bǔ)方便。

首先，可以從文章內(nèi)容著手。每個(gè)題目都會(huì)給出寫作提示，有時(shí)候是詳細(xì)的內(nèi)容提示，有時(shí)候只有簡(jiǎn)單的寫作要點(diǎn)。書面表達(dá)不是翻譯，遇到詳細(xì)的內(nèi)容提示，我們要認(rèn)真思考，根據(jù)主題進(jìn)行篩選，有些內(nèi)容應(yīng)完整表述，有些內(nèi)容可以簡(jiǎn)要帶過(guò)，有些內(nèi)容甚至不用涉及。

除了內(nèi)容上要有所取舍，遣詞造句也要精練。在篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)的情況下，可以將一些冗長(zhǎng)的句子、復(fù)雜的短語(yǔ)用表意相近但更簡(jiǎn)潔的句式、詞匯來(lái)替代。

比如下面這個(gè)作文題：

隨著我國(guó)經(jīng)濟(jì)的發(fā)展與對(duì)外開(kāi)放程度的提高，越來(lái)越多的學(xué)子走出國(guó)門留學(xué)深造。請(qǐng)根據(jù)下面的提示，以“Studying Abroad”為題，寫一篇100～120詞的短文。

（1） 出國(guó)留學(xué)的優(yōu)點(diǎn)：開(kāi)闊視野；體驗(yàn)當(dāng)?shù)仫L(fēng)情；交更多的朋友；更快更好地掌握一門外語(yǔ)。

（2） 出國(guó)留學(xué)的缺點(diǎn)：語(yǔ)言障礙不利于學(xué)習(xí)；費(fèi)用高昂，而花大量時(shí)間打工又會(huì)影響學(xué)習(xí)。

以下是一位同學(xué)的習(xí)作：

With the rapid development of economy， China contacts more with foreign countries， contributing to more and more students studying abroad.

Frankly speaking， studying abroad definitely has some unique advantages that domestic schools cannot compare with. First of all， students can have a broad view. Many of them appreciate this most because it cant be acquired from textbooks or tests. Secondly， they can experience diverse local cultures and make more friends. Whats more， students can master a foreign language better in less time.

However， there are still some disadvantages. Most importantly， it can make a lot of trouble due to language barrier. Thus your study may be badly affected. Besides， some families dont have adequate money to cover the high tuition fees so that students may have to spend a large amount of time doing part-time jobs， which in turn will do harm to study as well.

Considering the advantages and disadvantages， if condition permits， it will be a good choice to study abroad.

應(yīng)該說(shuō)，這篇短文寫得相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)，美中不足的是篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)，全文共163詞，遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超出了要求的詞數(shù)范圍。

要將其合理刪減，首先從內(nèi)容著手。題目要求我們根據(jù)提示，以“Studying Abroad”為題寫一篇短文，提示內(nèi)容只涉及出國(guó)留學(xué)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)兩方面，所以，文章應(yīng)該重在介紹出國(guó)留學(xué)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)，然后以自己對(duì)出國(guó)留學(xué)的看法來(lái)結(jié)尾即可。

作者在內(nèi)容提示的基礎(chǔ)上，適當(dāng)發(fā)揮，把出國(guó)留學(xué)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)和自己的看法表述得十分清楚，可刪減的內(nèi)容主要在第1段。題目中“隨著我國(guó)經(jīng)濟(jì)的發(fā)展與對(duì)外開(kāi)放程度的提高，越來(lái)越多的學(xué)子走出國(guó)門留學(xué)深造”一句，只是引子，提供背景，可以一筆帶過(guò)甚至不寫。

再來(lái)看遣詞造句。要精簡(jiǎn)詞數(shù)，可以將文中一些過(guò)渡語(yǔ)簡(jiǎn)化或?qū)⒖捎锌蔁o(wú)的詞句省去，比如第2段開(kāi)頭的Frankly speaking可以刪去；把First of all改為Firstly，既縮減了詞數(shù)，又能與后面的Secondly相呼應(yīng)。

還可以轉(zhuǎn)化句式，比如，Most importantly， it can make a lot of trouble due to language barrier一句，可以改為Trouble will arise due to the language barrier； 而which in turn will do harm to study as well一句，可以改為which will in turn harm their studies，等等。

如此一來(lái)，文章內(nèi)容沒(méi)有太大變化，但詞數(shù)卻大大減少了（如下，125詞）。

Studying abroad definitely has some unique advantages that domestic schools cannot compare with. Firstly， students can have a broader view. Many of them appreciate this most because it cant be acquired from textbooks or tests. Secondly， they can experience a different culture and make more friends. Whats more， they can master a foreign language better in less time.

However， there are still disadvantages. Trouble will arise due to the language barrier. Thus their study may be negatively affected. Besides， some families dont have adequate money to cover the high tuition so that students have to spend much time doing part-time jobs， which will in turn harm their studies.

Considered as a whole， studying abroad is a good choice for those whose conditions are good enough.

充實(shí)內(nèi)容 擴(kuò)展篇幅

與洋洋灑灑寫一大篇的同學(xué)相反，還有不少同學(xué)的文章只有“骨架”，沒(méi)有“血肉”，十分干癟。篇幅不夠要比篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)難對(duì)付，除了平時(shí)多閱讀、多練筆、加強(qiáng)詞匯記憶來(lái)提高寫作能力之外，短時(shí)間內(nèi)，只能通過(guò)一些簡(jiǎn)單的擴(kuò)寫方法來(lái)改善。

擴(kuò)寫時(shí)可以關(guān)注：（1）題目給出的要點(diǎn)是否都寫了，若有遺漏，及時(shí)補(bǔ)充；（2）從遣詞造句看，可以通過(guò)轉(zhuǎn)換句式、替換詞匯、增加恰當(dāng)?shù)倪^(guò)渡和修飾語(yǔ)句來(lái)擴(kuò)充篇幅。

我們來(lái)看下面這個(gè)作文題。

請(qǐng)根據(jù)右圖寫一篇100～120 詞的英文短文。短文須包括以下要點(diǎn)：

（1） 簡(jiǎn)要描寫圖畫內(nèi)容；

（2） 說(shuō)明圖畫含義；

（3） 表達(dá)你的觀點(diǎn)。

注意： （1） 短文的標(biāo)題和開(kāi)頭已給出（不計(jì)詞數(shù)）；

（2） 請(qǐng)用第三人稱表達(dá)。

Balance Creates Happiness

As is shown in the picture above， the student is struggling hard to balance his studies and hobbies.

下面是一篇同學(xué)習(xí)作：

The left are books meanwhile entertainments are on the right.

I think students should work hard and learn well in school because of their students work. But on the other hand， if students just only studying without doing anything for improving their skills， they will be a learning machine. It was very terrible. So we should share our time in doing things what we like instead learning all day.

文章先描寫了圖畫的內(nèi)容，然后表達(dá)了作者的觀點(diǎn)：學(xué)習(xí)很重要，但也不能忽略興趣愛(ài)好。這篇文章只有69詞，篇幅遠(yuǎn)未達(dá)到要求。

看內(nèi)容，作者只用了一句話描寫圖畫內(nèi)容：The left are books meanwhile entertainments are on the right，這樣的表述顯然還停留在看圖說(shuō)話的初級(jí)階段。描寫完圖畫內(nèi)容后沒(méi)有說(shuō)明圖畫的含義，遺漏了第二個(gè)寫作要點(diǎn)。要擴(kuò)充文章，可以針對(duì)這兩點(diǎn)，先把圖畫內(nèi)容描述得更豐滿，再補(bǔ)充對(duì)圖畫含義的說(shuō)明。

接著看文字，文中有很多表述混亂、存在語(yǔ)病的地方，主要在第2段表達(dá)個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)的部分。比如，用because of their students work表達(dá)“好好學(xué)習(xí)是學(xué)生的職責(zé)所在”的意思，明顯是生造的、混亂的；students just only studying without doing anything for improving their skills一句中，study不用加ing，用improving their skills來(lái)表述“拓展技能”也不恰當(dāng)……這樣的問(wèn)題還有很多。

修改完這些問(wèn)題后，可以看看文章有沒(méi)有恰當(dāng)?shù)倪^(guò)渡和必要的修飾，沒(méi)有的話可以添加。比如，“我認(rèn)為學(xué)習(xí)很重要”和“不能忽略興趣愛(ài)好”這兩層意思之間可以用on the one hand和on the other hand來(lái)連接。

下面這篇修改、擴(kuò)充后的文章是不是好多了呢？

On the one hand， he wants to learn all the subjects well. On the other hand， he wants to keep his hobbies as well. But it is difficult for him to bear all of them. The picture shows a common phenomenon that students are over burdened.

In my opinion， we students should work hard and learn well in school because it is our duty. But if we only study without doing anything else to enrich our life， we will become learning machines. As an English proverb goes， “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”， we should develop ourselves in an all-round way. So we should spare some of our time to do things we like instead of working all day.

從上面可以看出，刪減、增補(bǔ)文章無(wú)外乎從文章內(nèi)容和詞句運(yùn)用上著手。建議同學(xué)們?cè)谄綍r(shí)加強(qiáng)詞匯記憶和句式運(yùn)用的訓(xùn)練，掌握的詞匯、句式越多，修改文章會(huì)更得心應(yīng)手。

怎么有效記憶詞匯以及靈活運(yùn)用句式？再?gòu)?fù)習(xí)一下《走出詞窮困境》（2013年10月號(hào)）和《進(jìn)擊的句型》（2013年11月號(hào)）這兩篇文章吧！