Differences between Chinese and Western Marriage Custom

Abstract：This paper is to explore the differences in wedding custom between Chinese and western countries. Based on the comparison of the differences between them， I will find out the interior factors and the reasons such as value orientation， religious views and behavior standards.

Key Words： Marriage custom； differences； reasons

ⅠChinese Marriage Custom

1.1 Proposing

As for the marriage，proposing is the first etiquette in marriage and is the first meet between two families. Thus， it is very important for both parts. Using a common expression， it is making an offer of marriage to another family on behalf of the son or daughter.

If the boy’s parents thought the girl could be the daughter-in-law in old times， they would ask a matchmaker for sending the gifts and bring the son and the girl together. If the girl’s parents also agreed on the marriage， they would accept the gifts. People usually used a wild goose when sending the gifts. Because the wild gooses could fly to the south or the north according to the seasons and they would never change it which implied the woman would be punctual and also because when the wild gooses flied they were in a row and when they stopped they were in a line which implied that woman should comply with the marriage rules and arrange in order that one should not breach it.

1.2 Asking the Name

In ancient times the girl’s name would not be known by other people until the girl was going to get married. First， one must have the matchmaker and inform of the man’s family through a card. And the man’s family would lastly receipt for postal remittance. If the birthday and Eight-characters were not harmful for the man， the man’s family would lastly receipt for postal remittance. Sometimes the woman’s parents also wrote down the official position of the woman’s great-grandpa， grandpa and father and the dowry that could be supplied. What’s interesting is that during this progress it was the matchmaker that functioned， not the man’s family or the woman’s family. Matchmaker was also important in the other procedures. In traditional Chinese marriage， people believed “behest of the parents and proposal of a matchmaker”.

1.3 Asking for Fortune

After asking the name， the bridegroom’s side had got the woman’s birthday and Eight-Characters and they went to consult a fortune-teller then which was called “asking for fortune”.

The other one was consult good or bad luck. If they were not fit for each other in Eight-Characters according to the birthday and what’s more， the woman would harm the man， the result was that this marriage would not be held and would be canceled. If the result was fit for each other and moreover the woman would make the man prosperous， the man’s side would inform the woman’s side through the matchmaker and send the betrothal gifts and exchange cards. Thus the marriage was actually decided to be held.

1.4 Discussing the Date of Marriage

In the past， the bridegroom’s side decided the lucky day and sent the matchmaker to inform of the woman’s family. people paid much more attention to the marriage time. After the labor for a year， people had enough money to hold the marriage.Nowadays， it is also an important event. People pay many attentions to it.

1.5 Meeting the Bride

The marriage is finally held after the five procedures. In the past， the bridegroom wore wedding suit， riding on a horse， and guided the bridal sedan chair to marry the bride on the day. And the bride wore a red cheongsam waiting for the bridegroom. Now， the bridegroom wares western suit， and the bride wares wedding dress and usually in a car.

ⅡWestern Wedding Cultures

2.1 Austrian Wedding Cultures

In the past ，marriage proposal was a more formal procedure，the prospective groom sent his friend or members of the family to represent his interests to the prospective bride and her family.If they saw a monk or a pregnant woman it was thought that the marriage would be doomed to fail if they continued their journey as these sights were thought to be bad omens.If， they saw goats，pigeons or wolves these would were good omens which would bring good fortune to the marriage.

Traditionally， brides had been thought to be particularly vulnerable to evil spirits and many of the cultures associated with weddings are to be protection.And bridesmaids were dressed in a similar way to the bride. The bridesmaids were thought to act as decoys to confuse evil spirits and thus protect the brides.

Although most wedding ceremonies take place on Saturday， bur it is considered unlucky in the past. Friday was also considered unlucky particularly Friday the 13th. The famous old rhythm advises a wedding in the first half of the week： “Monday for wealth， Tuesday for health， Wednesday for the best day of all， Tuesday for losses， Friday for crosses， Saturday for no luck at all.”

2.2 North American Wedding Cultures

The United States has few wedding traditions that are unique to the United States. Virtually all United States wedding traditions and customs have either been taken directly from a wide range of other countries and cultures-primarily European--or they have evolved from traditions in other nations.This is certainly easily understood since the United States was originally populated by immigrants from many lands，primarily Europe.These immigrants brought their own weddings traditions with them，and these traditions，stirred in the melting pot of the United States，have slowly evolved into the traditional American wedding ceremony.

North American encompasses many cultures and many wedding traditions have been influenced by Spain， France， and by their own ancient and rich culture traditions stretching as far back as the Aztecs. The melting-pot wedding cultures in the United States have been influenced strongly by both English traditions as well as French traditions.

The traditional ceremony itself is often conducted by a religions leader known to the bride and/or the groom. The ceremony may include wedding vows written by the bride and the groom， in which they speak of their love and their desire to make their partner safe，happy and secure，and to be faithful to their partner and their partner for the rest of their lives.In the United States it is common for the couple to write their own wedding vows. Today’s wedding ceremony in the United States can be rather elaborate among the affluent， but small backyard wedding are very common. No matter what the setting， it is becoming more and more common for American couples to write their own vows.

Marriages are not “arranged”.A typical U.S.wedding takes place between two people who have sought out a partner and have found someone whom they believe they can share their life with.In other words，in the United States marriages are based on love.

III. Differences

3.1 Different Marriage Media

Matchmaker and priest are different. Matchmaker has many functions. Almost in every process in marriage in old times， the matchmaker would attend. First， it was the matchmaker that introduced a man to a woman or a woman to a man. If matchmaker did not introduce them to each other， they would not know about each other for ever. Second， the other procedures after introduction in marriage were also done by the matchmaker.There were three conditions in marriage in old China that were the matchmaker’s proposals， six gifts and meet， people kept honoring the ancestors as the center in these three conditions. The regulation of listening to matchmaker’s proposals was the rule that people must abide by. The reason was not only the function the matchmaker had in society， but also the meaning that the matchmaker had in later generation reproduction.

3.2 Freedom： Free or Not

In old China， people looked at the country and society as the standard， thus， “behest of parents” played an important role in marriage. It was the principles of heaven and earth—right and proper when parents dealt with the son’s or daughter’s marriage only by their own opinions. Marriage in China was arranged by family. “Behest of parents and proposals of matchmaker” decided everything about marriage. Usually the husband and the wife did not meet each other before getting married. They did not know what their husband or wife liked. Even sometimes they did not know the names of each other. If they did not agree the marriage， it was no use because the right of decision belonged to their parents.

3.3 Right： Equal or Not

In China， men were regared as “sky” and women were considered as “earth” in old times. Sky was superior to earth in old people’s eyes. And women must comply with three obedience and four virtues. But man could have a wife and many concubines. In some places， husband and wife are still unequal.

In western countries， they are influenced deeply by religion， especially the Christianity. They think that it is the God who has created marriage. There are three purposes of the marriage created by God. First， the couple is lifelong companion with each other； they serve God together. Then get married， start career and produce an heir to carry on the pious descendants.The final purpose is carrying on the pious descendants to serve to God. So they do not stress the blood relationship. They can remedy the defect of non-child by adopting other children.

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