時(shí)間記錄者

在他筆下的世界里，他就是神，有著生殺予奪的大權(quán)，掌握著筆下角色的命運(yùn)，預(yù)知時(shí)間軌跡里每一步的發(fā)展，就像一個(gè)時(shí)間記錄員。不過，他也有著諸多無奈，看著別人相親相愛，自己卻孤孤單單，明明知道有些事情勢必要發(fā)生，卻只能按兵不動(dòng)地耐心等待。你已經(jīng)猜到他是誰了吧？對(duì)，他——就是作者。

Although he doesn’t know it yet， on January 14th， at 73 years of age， Andrew will rest eternally at his late wife’s side. On March 4th， at 29 years， he and his wife will have their first child. On October 18th， when he is 26， they will be married in a small， quaint1) ceremony among family， and in just a few minutes， at the age of 24， he will meet his wife-to-be at this coffee shop after accidentally spilling coffee on her. I know these things because I am here to make sure he trips2).

Such is the role of a Timekeeper: one untethered3) from time to ensure others’ lives happen on schedule. Normally my assignments aren’t so involved， and normally I would welcome a little extra involvement， but to be perfectly honest， this time I’m a little jealous. I’m here to connect two lives， while I’m alienated from connection. I’ll be here for the next few minutes， oversee this happening， then jump off to another time， another person， another situation to preside over. I have been doing it as long as I can remember， and I will admit， it wears on4) me.

For now， though， I find a half-moment’s solace in this crowded coffee shop， wrapped around my steaming mug. The smell of coffee hangs5) a little too thick in the air， but the stuffiness6) inside is much preferred to the bite of the chill outdoors. I resent the occasional obnoxious7) scream of the milk steamer which interrupts the otherwise relaxed atmosphere. Nobody else seems to notice it， though; every ounce of their attention is absorbed by their laptops or textbooks—my eyes alone dart8) around the room. It would take the accident I am here to arrange to break the ice.

Even in this room full of people， I couldn’t feel more alone， being here to make sure two future lovers meet. I already know the conclusion of their story and it ends well: they are happy until their dying days. If only they knew what was about to transpire9)—they are about to meet that person they have been looking for their whole lives. I count down the seconds until things happen as everyone else lives in perpetual suspense. Ironic， then， that my name is conspicuously absent from my schedule book. The Author’s cruel joke， maybe?

I probably won’t ever know， but cue the bride-to-be—right on time. She’s not nearly as cute as I had imagined; a little pudgy10) around the middle， and wearing slightly too much makeup. She’s slouching11) a bit as if she isn’t too confident; my schedule says she hasn’t dated anybody in a while， so that probably has something to do with it. Apparently he will find her cute enough， though， since their timelines don’t part after this.

My thoughts and emotions are so loud in my head， I swear everyone within ten feet must be able to hear. She has to be able to feel my eyes on her back; perhaps they could burn a hole through my novel instead. I hope she can’t see my attention following her. The only empty table is right next to me.

She looks different sitting across from12) me; up closer， she has sad eyes， weary eyes. I know that look well: of one who has been alone too long， and has resigned herself to such a fate. I might as well trade13) places with her—I sure wish I could. If only I could only lean forward and tell her that this will all change in about two minutes， I would; well， I might—if only someone would lean forward and whisper how long it might be for me. How cruel it is， with all the nuanced14) details I know about everyone， that I am resigned to watching them fumble15) through life while having all their answers and none for myself. Crueler still: arranging happiness while my own is but a foreign concept. Making me set people up16) is like making a starving child serve dinner.

It just isn’t fair. Why should I arrange love while I have yet to find it? I wonder， what if I didn’t trip him? She already knows loneliness， and I can testify that it doesn’t kill a person. We all learn to live with our circumstances， right? It is my choice， after all， to go through with my orders or not. Let the consequences fall as they may. What punishment I’d get for not enforcing the schedule cannot overpower the anguish17) of following through.

Andrew must have heard me because there he is walking through the door as if to protest. If only you knew the power I have over you: this next minute of your life will determine the rest. You were strangers yesterday， are strangers today， and could be strangers still tomorrow; you could go along with your day as you otherwise would and never know the difference. Maybe if she doesn’t notice you， or you， her. Oh， but she has already. I recognize that look; that initial spark is in her eye. Don’t look her way and this will all be just another unreturned smile.

He met her glance: connection. He is walking this way. Oh， brutal responsibility. I am here to keep the schedule. I am here burned by frigid18) loneliness. He approaches. Closer. Conflicted. My foot extends almost on its own. He trips. The mug goes flying. Yelps19) and arms flail20). Apologies and napkins scramble. There’s coffee everywhere.

What a mess. But such is love.

Well， I went through with it after all. I’ll get up now， and quietly disappear， off to the next assignment. Knowing so much yet so little never gets any easier. These doubts and insecurities never fully go away. I know I’ll kick and scream a while yet， but eventually， as always， I’ll remember to trust that someone knows my schedule， and I don’t need to worry—the Author writes what’s best.

1.quaint [kwe#618;nt] adj. 老式而別致的；精巧的；雅致的

2.trip [tr#618;p] vi. 摔倒，絆倒

3.untether [#652;n#712;t#603;eth;#601;] vt. 把……從系繩(或系鏈)上解下，松開

4.wear on：使煩躁不安；使疲倦

5.hang [haelig;#331;] vi. 飄浮，懸浮

6.stuffiness [#712;st#652;fin#601;s] n. 不通風(fēng)，悶熱

7.obnoxious [#601;b#712;n#594;k#643;#601;s] adj. 使人非常不快的，惹人討厭的

8.dart [dɑ#720;(r)t] vi. 突然且快速地移動(dòng)

9.transpire [traelig;n#712;spa#618;#601;(r)] vi. 發(fā)生

10.pudgy [#712;p#652;d#658;i] adj. 矮胖的；豐滿的

11.slouching [#712;sla#650;t#643;#618;#331;] adj. 沒精打采的；低頭垂肩的

12.across from：在……對(duì)面

13.trade [tre#618;d] vt. 互相交換

14.nuanced [#712;nju#720;ɑ#720;nst] adj. (描述、表演等)細(xì)致入微的

15.fumble [#712;f#652;mb(#601;)l] vi. 摸索；摸索著行進(jìn)

16.set sb. up：為兩人安排約會(huì)

17.anguish [#712;aelig;#331;ɡw#618;#643;] n. (精神上的)極度痛苦

18.frigid [#712;fr#618;d#658;#618;d] adj. 寒冷的；冷淡的

19.yelp [jelp] n. 尖聲急叫

20.flail [fle#618;l] vi. (胡亂地)擺動(dòng)

盡管安德魯現(xiàn)在還不知道，但在1月14日，他73歲那年，他將會(huì)長眠在已故妻子的身旁。在3月4日，他29歲時(shí)，他和妻子將會(huì)擁有他們的第一個(gè)孩子。在10月18日，他26歲時(shí)，他們將在家人中間舉行一個(gè)小巧別致的婚禮，結(jié)為夫妻。再過幾分鐘，24歲時(shí)，在這家咖啡店里，他將意外地將咖啡灑在他的未婚妻身上，從而與她結(jié)識(shí)。我知道這一切，因?yàn)榇藭r(shí)此刻我就在這家咖啡店里，目的就是為了確保讓他絆上一腳。

這就是一個(gè)時(shí)間記錄者的職責(zé)：超然于時(shí)間之外，以確保他人的生活依照時(shí)間表進(jìn)行。一般來說，我的任務(wù)都不是太復(fù)雜，不過一般來說，我還是希望能稍微復(fù)雜一點(diǎn)；但說真的，這一次我有點(diǎn)嫉妒。我來這里是為了將兩個(gè)生命聯(lián)系在一起，而我本人卻置身于這種聯(lián)系之外。在接下來的幾分鐘里，我將在這里促使這一切發(fā)生，然后就會(huì)跳到另一段時(shí)間，去見另一個(gè)人，主持另一個(gè)場景。自我能記憶開始，我就一直在從事這一工作。不得不承認(rèn)，對(duì)此我已有點(diǎn)厭倦了。

然而，此時(shí)此刻，在這個(gè)擁擠的咖啡店里，呷著一杯熱氣騰騰的咖啡，我尋到了片刻的安慰?？諝庵袕浡目Х任峨m說有點(diǎn)過于濃重，但室內(nèi)沉悶的空氣總比外面刺骨的寒冷要愜意得多。偶爾會(huì)傳來幾聲煮奶器發(fā)出的令人討厭的尖嘯，打破原本輕松的氣氛，讓我感到不快。然而，別的客人似乎都沒有留意到這一點(diǎn)，他們?nèi)康淖⒁饬Χ挤诺焦P記本電腦或者教科書上了，只有我一個(gè)人的目光在房間里巡視著。要打破這沉默的堅(jiān)冰，還需要發(fā)生一件“意外”，而我來此的目的，就是要安排這件“意外”之事如期發(fā)生。

盡管咖啡店里人很多，但我卻感到形單影只，因?yàn)槲襾磉@里是為了確保兩個(gè)未來的戀人能夠相見。我已經(jīng)知道他們故事的結(jié)局，屬于皆大歡喜的那種：他們一直過著幸福的日子，直至生命盡頭。他們要是知道即將發(fā)生什么事情，該做何感想呢——他們就要邂逅那個(gè)他們一直以來都在尋找的另一半了。就在別人都還生活在永恒的懸念中時(shí)，我開始進(jìn)行倒數(shù)，直至事情發(fā)生。富有諷刺意味的是，在我制定的時(shí)間表里，我自己的名字卻赫然缺失。也許，這就是造物主對(duì)人無情的捉弄？

也許我將永遠(yuǎn)無法知曉這一問題的答案，但我還是讓這個(gè)未來的新娘及時(shí)出場了。她遠(yuǎn)沒有我想象的那么可愛，腰圍有點(diǎn)大，臉上的妝化得也稍微濃了點(diǎn)。她顯得有點(diǎn)無精打采，似乎不那么自信。我的時(shí)間表上說她有一陣子沒跟人約會(huì)了，也許這就是其中一部分原因吧。但很顯然，他將會(huì)覺得她夠可愛，因?yàn)樗麄兊臅r(shí)間線自此之后就再也沒有分開過。

我心中的想法和感觸是如此強(qiáng)烈，我敢說十英尺以內(nèi)的所有人都可以聽到。她的后背也一定能夠感受到我注視的目光，或許這目光都能把我的小說燒出個(gè)洞來。我希望她沒有看到我一直在注意她。唯一的空位就在我旁邊。

她坐在我對(duì)面，看起來有點(diǎn)不同。近距離看上去，她有一雙憂郁、疲憊的眼睛。這種眼神我太熟悉了：一個(gè)長期形單影只而且已經(jīng)對(duì)此屈服認(rèn)命的人的眼神。我也許可以和她交換一下位置——我當(dāng)然希望如此。要是我能夠俯過身子告訴她一切都會(huì)在大約兩分鐘之內(nèi)發(fā)生變化，我當(dāng)然會(huì)這樣做；呃，我也許會(huì)吧——我多么希望有人能夠湊過來小聲告訴我還要等多久。這是多么殘酷啊——我掌握著所有人生活的每一個(gè)微妙的細(xì)節(jié)，知道他們所有的人生答案，但卻只能聽從于命運(yùn)的安排，看著他們磕磕絆絆地走過一生，而對(duì)我自己的人生卻一無所知。更為殘酷的是，我在為別人安排幸福，而我自己的幸福卻遠(yuǎn)在天邊。讓我為別人牽線搭橋，就好比要一個(gè)饑腸轆轆的孩子給別人端盤子上菜。

這根本不公平。為什么我自己還沒有找到愛卻要為別人的愛情操心謀劃？我想知道，要是我不絆他一腳結(jié)果會(huì)怎樣？她已經(jīng)領(lǐng)略了孤獨(dú)的滋味，我可以證明孤獨(dú)死不了人。我們都要學(xué)會(huì)適應(yīng)環(huán)境，對(duì)吧？說到底，要不要執(zhí)行我的計(jì)劃還是我說了算。管它什么后果不后果的。如果說不履行計(jì)劃會(huì)給我?guī)響土P，那么這種懲罰遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)比不上履行它給我?guī)淼耐纯唷?/p>

安德魯肯定聽到了我心里說的話，因?yàn)榇藭r(shí)他正好從門口走進(jìn)來，好像要向我抗議似的?？棺h什么？要知道我可掌握著你的命運(yùn)：即將到來的這一分鐘將會(huì)決定你今后一生的命運(yùn)。你們昨天是陌生人，今天也是陌生人，明天有可能還是陌生人。你大可以像往常一樣，繼續(xù)過你的日子，永遠(yuǎn)不知道人生會(huì)有其他的不同。事實(shí)或許果真會(huì)如此發(fā)展——假如她沒有注意到你，或者你沒有注意到她?？墒?，哎呀，她已經(jīng)注意到你了。我認(rèn)出了那種眼神，那道最原始的火花在她眼中閃亮。不要往她那邊看，讓她的微笑又一次得不到任何回應(yīng)吧。

他，和她，目光相遇了：連接成功。他向這邊走來。哦，無情而殘酷的責(zé)任啊。我來到這里，就是為了執(zhí)行時(shí)間表。我來到這里，凄涼的孤獨(dú)將我焚燒。他走近了。更近了。沖突產(chǎn)生。我的腳幾乎自動(dòng)伸了出去。他絆倒了。杯子飛了。驚叫?？駚y舞動(dòng)的手臂。忙不迭地道歉?；艁y擦拭的餐巾。到處都是咖啡。

亂成一團(tuán)?？蛇@就是愛情。

不管怎么說，我還是執(zhí)行了這一計(jì)劃?，F(xiàn)在，我將站起身，悄悄地走開，去執(zhí)行下一個(gè)任務(wù)。要做到似乎無所不知卻又幾乎一無所知從來都不容易。那些疑惑和心神不定的感覺從來都不會(huì)完全遠(yuǎn)離。我知道我還會(huì)哭天喊地地埋怨一陣，但最終，我還是會(huì)像往常一樣，相信總會(huì)有人明白我的設(shè)計(jì)，而我也無需多慮——冥冥之中，造物主自有妙算。