Ｆｕｎｎｙ Ｔａｌｋｓ

A

Rick：I started my life without a penny in my pocket.

Dick：That’s nothing. I started life without a pocket.

B

Father：Why is Harry sticking out his tongue?

Mother：I guess the doctor forgot to tell him to put it back in.

C

Danny：I don’t like my teacher.

Father：Why not?

Danny：She told me to sit up for the present， and the she didn’t give me the present.

注：for the present 暫時(shí)，一會(huì)兒。 present 也可指禮物。

D

Fortune teller(算命先生)：I charge(收費(fèi)) five dollars for two questions.

Man：Isn’t that expensive?

Fortune teller: I don’t think so. Now what is your second question?

E

Doug：I make money with my set of drums(鼓樂).

Donna：Oh， you play with a band(樂隊(duì))?

Doug：No， my pop(流行樂唱片商)gives me a dollar a week not to play them.

F

Motorist to farmer: We picked some of your apples. We didn’t think you’d mind.

Farmer：Not at all. I picked some of your tools(器具) form the trunk(車廂). I didn’t think you’d mind either.

G

Daughter：I wish I had been born a hundred years ago.

Mother：My goodness， why?

Daughter：You wouldn’t dare ask an old lady to make her own bed(為她自己鋪床).

H

Butler：Professor， there’s a bill collector(收賬的人)at the door. I told him you were out， but he wouldn’t believe me.

Absent：minded professor：No? Then I suppose I’ll have to go out and tell him myself.

I

Diner：Waiter， there’s a fly in my soup.

Waiter：Don’t worry，sir. The spider(蜘蛛) on the bread will eat it.

J

Millie：Did you have any difficulty with your French in Paris?

Tillie：No， but the French people did.

K

Waiter：George Washington once dined at this very table.

Diner：Is that why you haven’t changed the tablecloth(桌布) since?

L

Ted：Mother put a piece of string around my finger to remind(提醒)me to mail a letter for her.

Fred：And did you mail it?

Ted：No. She forgot to give it to me.

M

Waiter：Haven’t you forgotten someting， professor?

Absent：minded professor：What do you mean， waiter? I thought I gave you a tip(小費(fèi)).

Waiter：Yes， sir， you did. But you forgot to eat your food.

N

Rick：My brother earns a living with his pen.

Nick：Is he an author?

Rick：No， he raises pigs.

注：pen是“鋼筆”，也可以作“（豬）圈”。

O

Customer：Can I wear this fur(皮毛) coat in the rain without spoiling(損壞)it?

Clerk：Madam， did you ever see a seal(海豹) carrying an umbrella?

P

Peg：Are you a light sleeper?

Meg：No. I sleep in the dark.

注：light①易醒的，②明亮的。