情人節(jié)，我們還能怎么辦？

02月 時(shí)尚體驗(yàn)（Trends Experience）

Feature（專(zhuān)題）

Musings: Valentine's Day Thoughts

當(dāng)陽(yáng)光照耀著大地，

我思念著你。

當(dāng)陽(yáng)光的影子慢慢爬上，

我思念著你。

當(dāng)灰塵落到遠(yuǎn)方的路上，

我能看見(jiàn)你。

在深夜碰見(jiàn)的老頭身上，

我也能找到你的身影。

當(dāng)水浪暴躁的碰撞時(shí)，

我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)你的聲音。

在所有人都安靜的入睡的樹(shù)林中，

我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)你的聲音。

即使在遠(yuǎn)方，

我也在你身邊，

你也在我身邊。

太陽(yáng)下山，星星閃耀。

啊，如果你在我身邊……

歌德的這首詩(shī)感動(dòng)了無(wú)數(shù)人。因?yàn)榇蠹叶贾缾?ài)是要相互的，愛(ài)是要快樂(lè)的。隨著社會(huì)的不斷發(fā)展，人們的觀念日趨開(kāi)放和寬容，選擇自己生活方式的權(quán)利和欲望也得到了彰顯。在本期的《時(shí)尚體驗(yàn)》中我們就一起來(lái)看看關(guān)于情人節(jié)的異樣感受，而女人主動(dòng)向男人求婚應(yīng)該怎么辦呢？如果你覺(jué)得我們提供的兩個(gè)女孩的親身經(jīng)歷還是不夠的話(huà)，沒(méi)關(guān)系，還有專(zhuān)家?guī)湍阒д?。?dāng)然，還有那些特立獨(dú)行的女孩們！她們又是怎樣堅(jiān)持自己的道路的？

Everyday Should Be Valentine's Day

每天都是情人節(jié)

Her name was Lisa. She was in many ways the kind of girlfriend most would want - attractive， sexy， and fun. An added bonus was that she got along with my friends， watched football with us， drank beer， and could play a mean game of pool. We had only been dating for four months when February came along. One night while watching TV， a diamond jewelry ad came on. \"This Valentine's Day， get her something special she'll never forget.\"

麗薩是那種男人夢(mèng)寐以求的完美女朋友——迷人、性感、幽默。更難得的是她喜歡和我的朋友們?cè)谝黄鹂醋闱?，喝啤酒，甚至玩撞球。到二月時(shí)我們就在一起四個(gè)月了。那天晚上我們一起看電視，出現(xiàn)了一個(gè)鉆石廣告：“情人節(jié)到了，給她一個(gè)意外的驚喜吧！”

I snickered， saying， \"Right…get your loved one something really special – the same overpriced heart-shaped necklace thousands of other guys are going to get and the women across America are going to end up with.\" She laughed and agreed that Valentine's Day was an overly-commercialized holiday. It was on Valentine's Day， however， that I realized that Lisa had a tendency to agree with me on everything only to reveal her true feelings later.

我竊笑不止：“對(duì)，給你的愛(ài)人一些特別的——成千上萬(wàn)的男人給女人買(mǎi)一模一樣的昂貴的心形項(xiàng)鏈?！丙愃_大笑，她也覺(jué)得情人節(jié)被過(guò)分商業(yè)化了。在情人節(jié)來(lái)臨以前我都覺(jué)得麗薩和我看法一致，但后來(lái)才知道她的真實(shí)想法。

\"I can't wait to see what you have planned for us!\" she said over the phone.

“我迫不及待想要看看你為我們安排了什么！”她在電話(huà)里興奮地說(shuō)。

\"But I thought I told you…I don't think celebrating Valentine's Day is a big deal.\"

“但我記得我告訴過(guò)你，我并不認(rèn)為情人節(jié)是什么重要的日子。”

\"Well how is that going to look to my friends? You must have at least gotten me something!\"

“那樣我的朋友會(huì)怎么看我？你最少要送我點(diǎn)兒什么！”

Even after I spent 300 dollars on a dozen roses， a cheap-looking teddy bear with a heart on its tummy， and a heart-shaped box of Dove Chocolates， Lisa was still upset that I hadn't gotten her anything out of my own free will. As you can imagine， things didn't work out between the two of us after that.

在我花費(fèi)了300美元給她買(mǎi)了一打玫瑰、一個(gè)肚子上有心形圖案的玩具熊和一盒心形巧克力后，麗薩仍然感到失望，因?yàn)槲也⒎亲栽高@么做的。你可以想象得到，事情沒(méi)有這么簡(jiǎn)單，還沒(méi)結(jié)束。

If one were to ask me what my favorite holidays are， number 1 would be a toss-up between Christmas and Thanksgiving. But Valentine's Day would indisputably be last. No question. Let me break it down for you.

如果有人問(wèn)我最喜歡哪個(gè)節(jié)日，我會(huì)在圣誕節(jié)和感恩節(jié)間難以抉擇。但毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)，情人節(jié)肯定是最后一個(gè)。我可以說(shuō)出我的理由。

Christmas， while often criticized it for being overly commercialized and way too capitalistic， has a religious aspect.It is a season of families getting together， giving， and good cheer. Like Christmas， Thanksgiving is also about families and friends gathering and enjoying a feast - what's not to love about that? Let's not forget about football! Halloween is great fun for kids and adults. Who doesn't love to see girls dress up in sexy cat suits? And Labor Day is an absolute must. I think there should be four Labor days a year. But Valentine's Day - that's a holiday that is in an evil league of its own.

當(dāng)很多人都在批評(píng)圣誕節(jié)過(guò)分商業(yè)化和市場(chǎng)化時(shí)，要知道里面有宗教因素，這是一個(gè)家人團(tuán)聚、互贈(zèng)禮物和祝福的時(shí)節(jié)。像圣誕節(jié)、感恩節(jié)，家人朋友相聚——難道不是因?yàn)閻?ài)嗎？別忘記還有足球！萬(wàn)圣節(jié)給孩子甚至是成年人帶來(lái)了很多歡樂(lè)，你難道不想看見(jiàn)年輕漂亮的女孩穿上緊身衣嗎？還有勞動(dòng)節(jié)是很有必要的。我甚至希望一年中能有四個(gè)勞動(dòng)節(jié)。但是情人節(jié)卻很讓人反感。

Most holidays are about bringing people together， sharing joy， and celebrating something. It's bad enough that Valentine’s Day is an obvious marketing ploy by greeting card companies to manipulate people's personal relationships， preying on women's desire for love expressed in other ways than the norm， and men's cluelessness about how to express it (through flowers and chocolate and jewelry…they make it so blatantly clear!) . I don't know any other holiday that brings more pain or segregates people more - the ones who are single from the ones who aren't.It is a bleak reality check for people about their personal relationship status. I'm a guy， but I also feel the uncomfortable cringe when I see someone ask a single acquaintance the dreaded question: \"What are you doing for Valentine's Day?\" And for the \"lucky\" ones who aren't single， Valentine's Day is like some sort of test or hurdle that couples， especially new ones， have to jump over.Boyfriends and husbands are expected to plan something special year after year for their girlfriends and wives. Not only do we have to top what we do year after year， but we're also expected to outdo all the boyfriends and husbands around. Even if we do somehow manage to be successful， often it hurts our wallets.

大多數(shù)節(jié)日都是讓朋友聚集在一起分享歡樂(lè)還有慶祝之類(lèi)的。對(duì)于那種將賀年片作為文化行銷(xiāo)手段和商業(yè)公司控制人際關(guān)系、捕捉女人希望另類(lèi)表達(dá)愛(ài)意的欲望、以及男人對(duì)于表達(dá)方式的慘白的想象力（除了花、巧克力、珠寶……不用說(shuō)都是這些玩意），天哪！簡(jiǎn)直是糟透了！我不知道還有其它的什么節(jié)日能像情人節(jié)這般帶來(lái)如此大的痛苦和如此多的形單影只的人——一些人有伴一些人沒(méi)有。而且這也考驗(yàn)了人們之間真正的關(guān)系。我是個(gè)男人，但是每當(dāng)聽(tīng)到有人問(wèn)一個(gè)單身的人“你情人節(jié)要怎么過(guò)”這種夢(mèng)魘般的話(huà)時(shí)，我就會(huì)感到非常的不舒服。對(duì)于那些“幸運(yùn)的”、有伴的人來(lái)說(shuō)，情人節(jié)有些嘗試解決的意味，尤其是那些剛剛建立關(guān)系的情侶。而男朋友和丈夫就必須年復(fù)一年地為他們的女朋友還有妻子準(zhǔn)備特別的禮物。不僅每年要超越前一年，并且還要超過(guò)女朋友的好朋友的丈夫和男朋友。就算我們成功地做到了這些，使我們的女朋友或者妻子滿(mǎn)意了，那“受傷”的就是我們的錢(qián)包了。

At my workplace there are two single girls who are affected by the V-Day bug. There is Jenny， a nice girl who lives for romantic comedies and the syndicated television shows of the 90's.

在我工作的地方有兩個(gè)單身女孩受情人節(jié)影響很大。詹妮整天沉浸在浪漫愛(ài)情劇和90年代的電視劇中不能自拔。

Remember those awful junior high Valentine's Day dances where a lot of girls would buy themselves flowers and candy to make themselves feel better? Jenny was probably one of those girls. Come Valentine's Day， Jenny becomes especially more down， her wailing becomes even louder; I could totally imagine her drowning her sorrow in a tub of ice cream while watching a Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movie.

記得在那些可怕的情人節(jié)晚會(huì)上有很多女孩給自己買(mǎi)鮮花和糖果使自己感覺(jué)不那么悲慘嗎？詹妮就是其中之一。每次快到情人節(jié)時(shí)她就會(huì)情緒低落，那種悲傷會(huì)隨著情人節(jié)的臨近越來(lái)越濃，以至于在看瑞茜·威瑟斯彭和梅格·瑞恩的電影時(shí)，我就會(huì)產(chǎn)生一種想把她的那份自怨自艾扔進(jìn)一大罐冰激凌里的沖動(dòng)。

Then there is my good friend Kristen， the other type of single girl. Kristen tries to be a strong independent female and always makes a big deal out of going out with her girlfriends on V-Day.Last year she had a slumber party after going out drinking and dancing after flirting relentlessly with young college guys. I admire her attitude and definitely prefer it to Jenny's， but truthfully I think she also cares， and if she could have her way， she would definitely rather be spending it with a man she cares about. She should really not care.

然后就是我的好朋友克瑞斯廷，另一種類(lèi)型的單身女孩。她一直都在努力成為一個(gè)獨(dú)立女性，而且總是和她的朋友們?cè)谇槿斯?jié)那天玩到盡興。去年她在出去喝酒跳舞與小男生打情罵俏后還開(kāi)了一個(gè)睡衣晚會(huì)。我欣賞她的態(tài)度，覺(jué)得比詹妮要好。但事實(shí)上，我認(rèn)為她是很喜歡這種方式的。如果她沒(méi)有這樣而是和一個(gè)心儀的男人去約會(huì)，我想她就不會(huì)這么有興致了。

The point is that we just really shouldn't care – we should start a cultural revolution of some sort， do away with V-Day， or at least most of the bad stuff and expectations that come with it. Women， you should give us guys a break if we don't want to get you the overpriced bouquet and charm bracelet everyone else has. Really， I’m not being an ass. And it's not that I'm unsentimental or heartless. In fact I'm rather a romantic. I think everyday should be Valentine's Day - or at least most days， where you show your love to your significant loved one through other means than the usual. Guys， you should definitely buy your special lady flowers when the prices aren't insanely jacked up， and you should definitely plan special dates for no special reason. Of course ladies， there's also no need to buy special lingerie for V-day - buy more throughout the year， please.

關(guān)鍵在于我們不需要太過(guò)于在乎——可以進(jìn)行一些文化改革，比如廢除情人節(jié)，最起碼廢除那些隨之而來(lái)的無(wú)謂活動(dòng)或者期待。女士們！你們應(yīng)該給我們一些空間，讓我們休息一下，尤其在我們不想為你買(mǎi)那些人人都有的昂貴的鮮花、美麗的手鐲時(shí)。會(huì)有這種想法并非因我頑固不化，也不是我不解風(fēng)情。事實(shí)上，我懂得什么叫做真正的浪漫。我認(rèn)為每一天都是情人節(jié)——最起碼在大多時(shí)間里，你應(yīng)該通過(guò)獨(dú)特的方式向你的她表達(dá)愛(ài)意。伙計(jì)們！你們應(yīng)該在價(jià)錢(qián)沒(méi)有瘋長(zhǎng)前送給你的愛(ài)人美麗的鮮花，你們應(yīng)該沒(méi)有任何原因地和她進(jìn)行別出心裁的約會(huì)。當(dāng)然，女士們，你們更不需要為了情人節(jié)去買(mǎi)什么特別的情趣內(nèi)衣——而應(yīng)該整年都有。

Sweet Talk

甜言蜜語(yǔ)

在情人節(jié)，短信是避免不了的，但你會(huì)怎么和她說(shuō)呢？下面給你羅列一些以備不時(shí)之需。

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one， so that when we finally meet the person， we will know how to be grateful.

在遇到夢(mèng)中人之前，上天也許會(huì)安排我們先遇到別的人；在我們終于遇見(jiàn)心儀的人時(shí)，便應(yīng)當(dāng)心存感激。

Love triumphs over everything. Love has no age， no limit and never dies.

愛(ài)情戰(zhàn)勝一切。愛(ài)情沒(méi)有壽命，沒(méi)有極限，不會(huì)死亡。

True love's the gift which God has given to man alone beneath heaven.

真愛(ài)是上帝單獨(dú)賜予普天下蕓蕓眾生的禮物

To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.

愛(ài)人和被人愛(ài)是人生最大的幸福。

I love you not because of who you are， but because of who I am when I am with you.

我愛(ài)你，不是因?yàn)槟闶且粋€(gè)怎樣的人，而是因?yàn)槲蚁矚g與你在一起時(shí)的感覺(jué)。

A true lover is the one who holds your hand and touches your heart.

一個(gè)真正的愛(ài)人會(huì)握著你的手，觸動(dòng)你的心。

Never stop smiling， not even when you're sad， the right man will fall in love with your smile.

永遠(yuǎn)都不要停止微笑，即使在你難過(guò)的時(shí)候，說(shuō)不定有人會(huì)因?yàn)槟愕奈⑿Χ鴲?ài)上你。

To the world you may be one person， but to me， you are the world.

對(duì)于世界而言，你是一個(gè)人；但是對(duì)于我，你是整個(gè)世界。

Love is a chord in life， not a solo.

愛(ài)是人生的和弦，而不是孤獨(dú)的獨(dú)奏曲。

Love is not only a sentiment but also an art.

愛(ài)情不僅僅是感情，它也是藝術(shù)。

今年是閏年，根據(jù)習(xí)俗，二月的最后一天是你求婚的好日子。你要怎么做呢？我們一直在追求真誠(chéng)和坦白，所以，在2008年，難道還要等待他向你求婚并且假裝出一副驚訝的樣子嗎？“這已經(jīng)不流行了！”《時(shí)尚》雜志的厄瑪·庫(kù)爾特說(shuō)，“當(dāng)然，如果你們雙方都比較傾向于這種做法，那可能會(huì)很有趣和浪漫，但如果你是一個(gè)獨(dú)立自主的女性，或者你的他并非那種富于浪漫細(xì)胞的人，那么這個(gè)責(zé)任就落到了你的身上！”

不管相信與否，他私下可能會(huì)因?yàn)槟愕那蠡槎闪艘豢跉狻愕那蠡榕e動(dòng)正是他期待已久的承諾。難道女人只能靜靜等待男人拿著戒指走到你面前說(shuō)出一句陳詞濫調(diào)“你愿意嫁給我嗎”？越來(lái)越多的女性拒絕這種流行傳統(tǒng)。愛(ài)他，不僅要說(shuō)出來(lái)，還要有實(shí)際行動(dòng)，大聲說(shuō)：我們結(jié)婚吧！下面，就有兩個(gè)女孩敢于成為新女性的一員，將婚姻的主動(dòng)權(quán)掌握在自己手上，我們就來(lái)看看她們求婚時(shí)的經(jīng)歷。

The Story of Charlotte Mallaby and Gez Dewar

夏洛克·馬拉比和蓋茨·迪奧的故事

Charlotte Mallaby， 26， a graphic designer from London， proposed to her boyfriend Gez Dewar， 36， a music producer， in March 2007.

夏洛克·馬拉比（26歲，來(lái)自倫敦的美術(shù)設(shè)計(jì)師），在2007年3月向男友蓋茨·迪奧（36歲的音樂(lè)制作人）求婚。

\"I always vowed not to get married-I'm not religious or at all traditional. I was introduced to Gez by a friend when I was a 21-year-old student and he was 31. I knew the age gap would make a difference; we were at different life stages. But I fell for his laid-back nature， maturity， and dry sense of humour. So I put the potential problems out of my mind.\"

“我一直是立志獨(dú)身的——并非因?yàn)樽诮袒蛘邆鹘y(tǒng)的原因。在21歲讀書(shū)的時(shí)候朋友介紹我們認(rèn)識(shí)，那時(shí)他31歲。我知道年齡的差距，還有生活環(huán)境的不同。但是我迷上了他的自在、成熟還有幽默，于是這些顧慮都被我拋之腦后?！?/p>

\"Two years later， Gez asked me to marry him. Although I loved him and knew I wanted to spend my life with him， I felt too young to make that kind of commitment and explained I didn't see why we needed a piece of paper to prove our love. He was hurt and I felt terrible. It was a difficult time for our relationship， but we talked about it and， over the years， he agreed marriage was an outdated tradition.\"

“兩年后，蓋茨向我求婚。盡管我也很喜歡他，想和他共度一生，但是我覺(jué)得自己太年輕了而無(wú)法做出這樣的承諾，并且我們的愛(ài)情也不需要這一紙文書(shū)的證明。他覺(jué)得很受傷，我也感覺(jué)很糟糕，那段時(shí)間我們之間的關(guān)系很僵，但后來(lái)我們仔細(xì)討論了這個(gè)問(wèn)題，幾年后，他認(rèn)同了我的看法，覺(jué)得婚姻是一種過(guò)時(shí)的傳統(tǒng)?！?/p>

\"But my feeling changed last January. Gez and I were watching Kramer vs. Kramer， a 1980's film about divorce， when he said， 'Thank God we decided never to get married.' I felt strangely deflated and， from then on， I felt differently about marriage. In my twenties， I'd wanted to stick to my principles and go against tradition. But now， I wanted the chance to show Gez I would love him forever. I wanted to prove to everyone we'd made a life commitment.\"

“但在去年一月的時(shí)候我改變了想法。蓋茨和我一起看1980年的一部關(guān)于離婚的電影《克萊默夫婦》時(shí)，他說(shuō) ‘幸虧我們沒(méi)有結(jié)婚?！腋杏X(jué)很沮喪，那時(shí)我對(duì)婚姻的看法就已經(jīng)有所改變。在我的二十幾年人生中，我一直堅(jiān)持自己的原則，不遵循傳統(tǒng)。但是現(xiàn)在，我想讓他知道我會(huì)愛(ài)他一輩子。我想證明給所有人看我們做了一生的承諾。”

\"I couldn't stop thinking about it and decided I would propose to Gez. I got really excited， wondering why I hadn't done it sooner. Of course， I was nervous he'd say 'no' and worried it could change things between us. But we'd been together so long， I knew our relationship was strong.\"

“我一直在考慮這件事并決定向蓋茨求婚。有了這個(gè)決定后，我很激動(dòng)，后悔自己怎么沒(méi)有早點(diǎn)做這個(gè)選擇。當(dāng)然，我有點(diǎn)擔(dān)心萬(wàn)一他拒絕我，或者兩人間有什么變數(shù)，那樣該怎么辦？但是我們?cè)谝黄疬@么久，我對(duì)我們的感情有信心?！?/p>

\"We were planning a holiday to Thailand that March， and I decided to propose while we were there. I wanted to buy Gez a ring， but I didn't know his ring size. I tried wrapping a piece of paper around his ring finger one night while he was sleeping， but he woke up and I had to pretend I'd dropped a book on his hand! I ended up guessing his size， and bought a stylish white-gold band.\"

“我們一直在計(jì)劃三月去泰國(guó)旅游，我決定在那里向他求婚。我想給他買(mǎi)個(gè)戒指但不知道尺寸。于是一天晚上他熟睡后我用紙片測(cè)量他的手指尺寸，但他卻中途醒了，我馬上假裝不小心把書(shū)砸在他手上。最后我就大概猜測(cè)了一下他的尺寸，還買(mǎi)了一個(gè)漂亮的白金戒指?！?/p>

\"When we were in Thailand， I booked a table at a five-star restaurant by the beach. I was so nervous， I didn't know what to say. At the end of the meal， I just blurted out， 'Shall we get married? 'I didn't wait for his reaction- I fumbled around in my bag for the ring， busying myself to get over my nerves. By the time I found it and looked up， Gez was grinning at me. 'I'd love to，' he said， and I felt a rush of relief and happiness. We were both really overwhelmed and a bit tearful. Then Gez admitted that he'd been thinking about proposing to me that night as well. He hadn't planned it， but something about the evening was so special， it had just felt right.\"

“當(dāng)我們?cè)谔﹪?guó)時(shí)，我在海灘邊的一家五星級(jí)飯店訂了桌子。我非常緊張不知道該說(shuō)什么。用餐結(jié)束時(shí)，我突然冒出來(lái)‘你愿意和我結(jié)婚嗎’？沒(méi)等他有所反應(yīng)就在皮包里到處找戒指，試圖掩飾我的緊張。當(dāng)我找到戒指抬起頭時(shí)，蓋茨微笑著對(duì)我說(shuō)：‘我愿意’。然后我在瞬間放松下來(lái)，幸福感接踵而至。我們都被這種快樂(lè)所湮沒(méi)甚至有點(diǎn)想哭的沖動(dòng)。蓋茨向我坦白，那天晚上他也一直在考慮向我求婚，他開(kāi)始并沒(méi)有這個(gè)計(jì)劃，但那天晚上很特別，有什么莫名的東西在感染我們，反正，感覺(jué)對(duì)了?！?/p>

\"I'm so glad I asked him first， because it was a perfect way of showing him how much he really means to me. I feel more secure; we're both completely committed to spending our lives together. We're getting married on the 29th of May. But more than the day itself， I'm looking forward to calling Gez my husband.\"

“我對(duì)于自己的主動(dòng)很高興，因?yàn)槟鞘且粋€(gè)表明他對(duì)我的重要性的好辦法。我也更有安全感，我們彼此承諾要共度此生。在5月29號(hào)我們結(jié)婚了。我一直都希望叫蓋茨老公?！?/p>

The Story of Katy Manning and Stuart

凱特·曼寧和斯圖亞特的故事

Katy Manning， 28， a sub editor from Stevenage， took advantage of the last leap year. She asked Stuart， 27， to marry her on 29 February 2004.

凱特·曼寧（28歲，來(lái)自Stevenage的助理編輯）在2004年2月29號(hào)，借閏年之便向27歲的斯圖亞特求婚。

\"Stuart was in the year below me at school. I didn't really know him then， but we were introduced through friends after we'd both left. He was sweet， intelligent and attractive. We started seeing each other casually and gradually things got more serious. By New Year's Eve 2003， we'd been together for nine years. It was the start of a new year and it felt like the right time to move on and make plans for the future.\"

“學(xué)校里，斯圖亞特低我一級(jí)。那時(shí)我并不認(rèn)識(shí)他，在離開(kāi)學(xué)校后才通過(guò)朋友介紹認(rèn)識(shí)的。他非常的迷人、睿智、有吸引力。我們開(kāi)始偶爾見(jiàn)面，后來(lái)次數(shù)就越來(lái)越多。在2003年的新年前夕，我們已經(jīng)在一起九年了。新的一年開(kāi)始之際，好像是動(dòng)心也是計(jì)劃未來(lái)的好時(shí)機(jī)。”

\"I was secretly hoping he would propose. When he didn't， I felt a pang of disappointment. Although we'd never directly discussed getting married， we'd both said we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I'd dreamed of a big fairytale wedding since I was a girl， and I always hoped to get married and have children one day， but Stuart's more laid-back. I started to wonder if he was ever going to get around to proposing.\"

“我私下里很希望他能夠向我求婚。但他沒(méi)有，我感覺(jué)非常失落。盡管我們沒(méi)有直接談過(guò)婚姻方面的事，但雙方都很想在一起共度余生。當(dāng)我還是個(gè)小女孩時(shí)我希望有一個(gè)童話(huà)般的婚禮，并且一直期待有一天能夠結(jié)婚生子，但是斯圖亞特生性散漫，不拘小節(jié)。我甚至懷疑他是否考慮過(guò)要結(jié)婚。”

\"Valentine's Day 2004 came and I waited in anticipation， but still no proposal. A few days later， a friend pointed out it was a leap year， and traditionally women should propose to men on the 29th of February. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Since I was a girl， I'd always imagined I'd be swept off my feet and proposed to by a boyfriend， down on one knee. But perhaps it didn't have to be that way. I talked to my friends about it， and some of them said 'go for it' but most of them admitted they wouldn't have the nerve themselves. I imagined telling my family， even my children- would they think it was strange that I'd proposed? But the more I thought about it， the more I came around to the idea. Getting married is such a big decision that it would be empowering to be the one who said I was ready. Then I'd always know I hadn't made any compromises. I decided I would propose. Although a tiny part of me was scared Stuart would say no， my main worry was that he would feel like I'd stolen his thunder.\"

“2004年的情人節(jié)到了，我仍然滿(mǎn)懷希望地在等待，但還是什么都沒(méi)有。幾天后，有朋友告訴我今年是閏年，求婚的好日子，我這種期待更加強(qiáng)烈。年輕時(shí)，我一直夢(mèng)想有一天我的男友能夠給我一個(gè)驚喜，單膝跪在我面前向我求婚。但幾乎是不可能的了。我告訴朋友我想向斯圖亞特求婚，有些支持我說(shuō)‘去做吧’，有些承認(rèn)自己沒(méi)有那樣的勇氣。我也試圖告訴我的家人，甚至孩子們——他們會(huì)不會(huì)認(rèn)為我求婚很怪異？但是我考慮得越多，這個(gè)想法也就越強(qiáng)烈。結(jié)婚是一個(gè)很重要的決定，意味著一方已經(jīng)做好充分的準(zhǔn)備并承擔(dān)責(zé)任。我知道自己沒(méi)有做過(guò)什么承諾，但我還是決定向他求婚。盡管有點(diǎn)擔(dān)心斯圖亞特會(huì)拒絕我，最大的焦慮是他可能會(huì)認(rèn)為我搶了他的‘風(fēng)頭’！”

\"I bought him a white gold engagement band and booked a table at a lovely restaurant near where we live in Stevenage. I chatted nervously throughout dinner and， just before dessert came， I mustered up the courage to ask him. But I was so embarrassed about other people watching that I passed him the ring under the table. As he opened the box， I could barely get the words out. 'I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Let's get married，' I said. For a small moment， he looked completely taken aback， but then he put the ring on and said he'd be honored. It didn't sound like something he'd usually say， and I was panicking inside. Was he disappointed that I'd beaten him to it? Or maybe he wasn't sure he wanted to get married at all. But then he smiled and said， 'Come on， let's buy some champagne and go tell our parents.' I was so relieved- he looked delighted.\"

“我給他買(mǎi)了一個(gè)白金戒指，還在我們附近環(huán)境很好的餐館訂了位子。吃飯時(shí)我一直很緊張，直到快上甜點(diǎn)時(shí)，我才鼓起勇氣問(wèn)他。但是我害怕別人過(guò)分關(guān)注的目光，就在桌子底下把戒指遞給他了。當(dāng)他打開(kāi)盒子的時(shí)候，我?guī)缀鯚o(wú)法將準(zhǔn)備好的話(huà)說(shuō)出來(lái)?！液軔?ài)你，希望能夠和你一起生活，我們結(jié)婚，好嗎？’這期間，他看起來(lái)驚訝極了，但隨即他就戴上了戒指并微笑著說(shuō)他很榮幸。語(yǔ)氣和他平時(shí)說(shuō)話(huà)有點(diǎn)不一樣，我心里很緊張。他對(duì)我這樣做感到失望了？還是他根本不想和我結(jié)婚？但隨后他微笑著說(shuō)：‘我們買(mǎi)些香檳慶祝下，還要告訴我們的父母?！?tīng)了這些我才放松下來(lái)，他看起來(lái)很高興?！?/p>

\"A week later， Stuart came into our kitchen at home and presented me with a beautiful white gold diamond ring. He asked me to marry him too， so we'd both done it. I was so happy that I jumped into his arms and he swung me around the kitchen.\"

“幾個(gè)星期后，斯圖亞特在家里的廚房中送了一個(gè)很漂亮的白金鉆石戒指給我，向我求婚，所以我們彼此都經(jīng)歷了一次。我很高興地投入他懷抱，他抱著我在廚房里不停地旋轉(zhuǎn)，真是太幸福了?！?/p>

\"When we got married on the 5th of July 2004， I felt so happy and the fact that our engagement had been down to me didn't change a thing. Stuart didn't feel at all outdone by my proposing. He says he's proud to have a strong， forward-thinking wife. We haven't discussed starting a family yet， but married life suits us both. We feel even more like a team facing the future together. Friends sometimes joke I tied him down， but I'll always be glad I proposed to Stuart. I got married on my terms， because I was 100% ready to make that commitment.\"

“我們?cè)?004年7月5日結(jié)婚，事實(shí)上由我主動(dòng)求婚并沒(méi)有什么影響。斯圖亞特也沒(méi)有為我的主動(dòng)而感到不安，相反，他說(shuō)他很自豪有一個(gè)獨(dú)立、未雨綢繆的妻子。我們從沒(méi)有討論過(guò)建立一個(gè)家庭，但婚姻生活看起來(lái)很適合我們。在面對(duì)未來(lái)的時(shí)候我們倆態(tài)度是一致的。朋友們經(jīng)常開(kāi)玩笑說(shuō)是我綁住了他，但我為自己的求婚感到驕傲。因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)做好了承諾一生的準(zhǔn)備，所以我才決定結(jié)婚?！?/p>

Experts Help

專(zhuān)家支招

If you feel nervous about popping the question， let these experts help…

如果你擔(dān)心求婚會(huì)失敗，就讓專(zhuān)家來(lái)幫你……

How To Prepare

準(zhǔn)備

Step 1 The Build-Up

步驟一 鋪墊

\"Men are more likely to live in the moment， so your proposal is likely to come as a complete surprise to him，\" says psychologist Robin Gilmour. Bring it up a few times over a period of time to let the idea take root. \"Discuss your friends' marriages，\" suggests Christine Northam of relationship counseling service Relate. \"Or ask him whether he sees himself getting married one day.\"

“男人們大多生活在自己的圈子里，對(duì)外界感覺(jué)很遲鈍，所以你的求婚可能是很大的意外，”心理學(xué)家羅賓·吉爾默說(shuō)。用一段時(shí)間來(lái)讓他有個(gè)心理準(zhǔn)備。“比如討論你朋友的婚姻，”兩性關(guān)系咨詢(xún)專(zhuān)家克里絲汀·諾瑟姆建議，“或者問(wèn)他是否有結(jié)婚的打算?！?/p>

Step 2 Timing

步驟二 擇時(shí)

\"Unlike women， men can find it hard to switch topics，\" says author John T. Molloy， author of Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others. \"So it's best to pop the question on the weekend or on holiday.\"

“和女人不同，男人不喜歡轉(zhuǎn)換生活主題，”《為什么男人選擇這些女人而非其他》一書(shū)的作者約翰·莫雷說(shuō)，“因此，最好把求婚的時(shí)間選在周末或節(jié)假日?！?/p>

Step 3 Surroundings

步驟三 環(huán)境

He probably won't want to be embarrassed by cheering onlookers. Wedding planner Miranda Lewis says， \"Choose a familiar place- like your favorite restaurant- where he'll feel less pressure.\"

可能他會(huì)覺(jué)得被歡呼的人群圍觀很尷尬，婚姻策劃專(zhuān)家米蘭達(dá)·劉易斯建議：“選擇一個(gè)比較熟悉的地方——比如你們都很喜歡的餐館——可能他會(huì)覺(jué)得放松點(diǎn)。”

Step 4 Special Details

步驟四 細(xì)節(jié)

\"Be unique，\" says Lewis. \"I devised a fake crossword where one of the answers was， 'Will You Marry Me' and created a menu with the proposal listed as one of the dishes. There's even a stick of rock with 'Will You Marry Me?' written inside it.\"

“要與眾不同，”劉易斯說(shuō)，“可以設(shè)計(jì)一個(gè)字謎，答案是‘你愿意和我結(jié)婚嗎’或者制作一個(gè)菜單將求婚的話(huà)寫(xiě)在上面。甚至還可以在一塊小石頭上面寫(xiě)‘你愿意和我結(jié)婚嗎？’?！?/p>

How to Tell When His \"Yes\" Really Means \"Yes\"

“真心”還是“假意”

Even if he answers you with that one magic word， he's having a complex emotional response to your proposal. \"It could be a 'positive' yes， signaling elation - but it could also be a 'mixed' yes， signaling happiness but hiding some reservations，\" says psychologist Robin Gilmour. \"Or- worst case scenario - he might say yes to save your feelings.\" Use our body language guide to discover what he's thinking.

盡管對(duì)于你的求婚他給了很肯定的回答，但他的表情卻難以琢磨?！翱赡芩軋?jiān)決的說(shuō)‘好’，顯得興致很高——但也可能會(huì)有一個(gè)‘復(fù)雜’的眼神，幸福卻有所保留?！毙睦韺W(xué)家羅賓·吉爾默說(shuō)，“最差的情況是，他說(shuō)好只是顧及你的感受。”肢體語(yǔ)言告訴你他的真正想法。

His Response Time

回應(yīng)時(shí)間

\"Most women respond immediately to a proposal- they're mentally ready for it，\" says author John T Molloy. \"Your man will be surprised and he's been brought up to think of himself as the bread-winner. He'll want to consider his financial stability.\" So don't panic if he pauses.

“大多數(shù)女人對(duì)于求婚會(huì)立即答應(yīng)——因?yàn)樗齻円恢本妥龊昧诵睦頊?zhǔn)備，”約翰·莫雷說(shuō)，“但是男人卻會(huì)感到意外，并且需要考慮一下自己是否能成為養(yǎng)家糊口的人，還有他的經(jīng)濟(jì)承受力。”因此，如果他有所遲疑的話(huà)不要生氣，那是因?yàn)樗苌髦亍?/p>

His Eyes

眼神

\"Men find it hard to discuss emotions face to face，\" says linguist Jennifer Coates. \"They prefer to look slightly to one side of you while they're talking. But eye-contact indicates intimacy and closeness.\" If he avoids your gaze， he might be having second thoughts.

“男人不喜歡直面交流感情，”語(yǔ)言學(xué)家詹尼弗·柯茨說(shuō)，“他們?cè)谡f(shuō)話(huà)的時(shí)候喜歡看著一處。眼神的交流表示親昵和關(guān)系密切。”如果他躲開(kāi)你的注視，表明他很有可能改變主意了。

His Body

肢體

\"If his body is turned to one side or he's leaning back in his chair， he has probably disengaged from a conversation he doesn't want to have，\" says Gilmour.

“如果他的身體朝向一邊或者向后靠在椅子上，說(shuō)明他對(duì)這場(chǎng)不想進(jìn)行的談話(huà)心不在焉。”莫雷說(shuō)。

His Response Time

遲疑

Watch out for pauses. \"Hesitation can indicate both nervousness and dishonesty，\" says Gilmour. \"We pause if we're thinking about what to say， rather than responding naturally.\" And if your boyfriend just says yes， but can't find words to explain how happy he is， he could be covering up his true feelings.

小心觀察他的遲疑?！斑t疑可以理解成緊張也可以是不誠(chéng)實(shí)，” 吉爾默說(shuō)，“遲疑是在考慮要說(shuō)什么而不是一種自然反應(yīng)，”如果你的男朋友僅僅說(shuō)好的，但是卻說(shuō)不出他到底在高興什么，有多高興，很有可能他在掩飾自己的真實(shí)感受。

His Behavior

行為舉止

Don't compare his reaction to what you imagine yours would be if you were in his place. \"The men we spoke to on their wedding days were less animated than their wives，\" says Molloy. \"But they described the same feelings of happiness and elation.\"

別將他的行為和你想象中他應(yīng)該有的行為進(jìn)行比較，“男人在婚禮上的表現(xiàn)遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有他們的妻子那么熱情洋溢，”莫雷說(shuō)，“但他們所體現(xiàn)的都是同樣快樂(lè)幸福的感覺(jué)。”

What He Does Afterwards

后續(xù)

\"Don't force a 'yes' into a 'no' by continually asking him if he's sure，\" says Gilmour. \"But if he starts bringing up unimportant problems， like your family's possible reaction， or the difficulty of setting a date， that's a telltale sign he's not happy.\"

“別在得到他的答復(fù)后還老是不停地問(wèn)使得‘是’也變成‘不是’了，”吉爾默說(shuō)，“但是如果他借口一些不重要的事情，比如家庭的反對(duì)，或者日期的難以選擇等等，這就表明對(duì)于你的求婚他并不開(kāi)心。”

Some Advice for You

建議

Your Irresistible Marry-me Outfit

魅力婚服

This is one outfit you really want to get right， both to give yourself a confidence boost， and to make him remember the dazzling vision that first made him fall in love with you. Don't make it too raunchy – only 7% of the men Molloy interviewed on their wedding days described their new wives as 'sexy'.

這是你最想要的禮服，不僅能提高你的自信，更會(huì)讓他會(huì)想起第一次愛(ài)上你時(shí)的美麗情景。不能邋遢——莫雷說(shuō)，采訪(fǎng)中只有7%的男性覺(jué)得自己的新娘在婚禮上很迷人。

Dress to impress.

驚艷

It'll make you feel like a million dollars， and he'll understand that this is a big occasion. You only propose once， so buy something new he's never seen before. Wear heels and your best coat.

這會(huì)讓你感覺(jué)棒極了，他也會(huì)覺(jué)得這是個(gè)重要的場(chǎng)合。求婚只有一次，所以一定要在他的意料之外。穿上你的高跟鞋和最漂亮的衣服吧。

Choose an outfit that gently gives him romantic messages.

浪漫

Your overall look should be feminine and sexy in a very understated way. Try a floaty skirt with a chiffon top.

你的整體感覺(jué)必須是很溫柔性感，而且要恰到好處。嘗試一下帶花邊的泡泡裙。

Use detail to show you're dressing just for him.

只為你美麗

Accessories are all-important. This year's ribbon belts and girly bow necklaces are perfect- they're flirty with an edge of sex appeal.

裝飾很重要。這些年帶花邊的絲帶和弧形項(xiàng)鏈?zhǔn)亲詈玫拇钆洹獣?huì)讓你整個(gè)人都散發(fā)著性感、迷人的魅惑力。

雖然對(duì)于像夏洛克·馬拉比和凱特·曼寧一樣渴望婚姻生活的女性大有人在，但也有一些女性堅(jiān)持單身，她們生活富足、學(xué)識(shí)淵博、獨(dú)立自主，渴望擁有自己的孩子卻不愿有男人在身邊呵護(hù)，情人節(jié)跟她們可能是搭不上邊了，但她們卻有自己的快樂(lè)，下面就讓我們看看“單身媽媽”的生活吧。