幽默放送

我要表現(xiàn)得像位女士

一天，遠(yuǎn)東百貨公司的女裝大減價(jià)，一位看起來(lái)很高貴的中年男子想給太太買(mǎi)一件。但是不久他就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被瘋狂的女人們擠得不成樣子了。 他盡力忍耐著。后來(lái)，他低下頭，猛烈地舞動(dòng)著手臂擠過(guò)人群。

“你干嘛？”有人在尖叫，“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得像位紳士嗎？”

“聽(tīng)著，”他說(shuō)，“我已經(jīng)像紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小時(shí)。從現(xiàn)在起，我要表現(xiàn)得像位女士?！?/p>

I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women dresses were on sale at the Far East Department Store，a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then， with head lowered and arms flailing， he plowed through the crowed.

襓ou there!?challenged a thrill voice. 褻an誸 you act like a gentleman??襆isten，觝e said，襂 have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on，I am acting like a lady.?

我采購(gòu)過(guò)早了

那天是圣誕節(jié)，法官在審訊犯人時(shí)也有點(diǎn)惻隱之心。“你為什么而被起訴？”他問(wèn)。

“采購(gòu)圣誕節(jié)物品過(guò)早?！北桓娲?。

“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購(gòu)物多早？”

“在商店開(kāi)門(mén)之前。”犯人應(yīng)道。

Early Shopper

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. \"What are you charged with?\" he asked.

\"Doing my Christmas shopping early，\" replied the defendant.

\"That's no offense，\" replied the judge， \"How early were you doing this shopping?\"

\"Before the store opened，\" countered the prisoner.

我還不認(rèn)識(shí)她呢

一對(duì)夫婦在公園里散步，發(fā)現(xiàn)一對(duì)年輕的男女坐在一條長(zhǎng)凳上，動(dòng)情地接吻。

“你為什么不那么做呢？”妻子說(shuō)。

“親愛(ài)的，”丈夫回答說(shuō)，“我還不認(rèn)識(shí)那個(gè)女子呢!”

I Don't Know Her

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench， passionately kissing.

\"Why don't you do that?\" said the wife.

\"Honey，\" replied her husband， \"I don't even know that woman!\"

你自己做好準(zhǔn)備吧

一個(gè)學(xué)生一次給父母拍了一份電報(bào)，上面寫(xiě)著：“媽媽?zhuān)宜泄φn都不及格，被學(xué)校開(kāi)除。讓爸爸做好準(zhǔn)備。”

兩天以后，他收到了回電:“爸爸已準(zhǔn)備好。你自己做好準(zhǔn)備吧!”

Prepare yourself

A student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: \"Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop.\"

Two days later he received a response: \"Pop prepared. Prepare yourself.\"

你知道我是誰(shuí)嗎？

男孩：那個(gè)校長(zhǎng)難道不是個(gè)傻瓜嗎？

女孩：喂，你知道我是誰(shuí)嗎？

男孩：不知道。

女孩：我是校長(zhǎng)的女兒。

男孩：那么你知道我是誰(shuí)嗎？

女孩：不知道。

男孩：謝天謝地。

Do You Know me?

Boy: Isn't the principal a dummy?

Girl: Say， do you know who I am?

Boy: No.

Girl: I'm the principal's daughter.

Boy: And do you know who I am?

Girl: No.

Boy: Thanks goodness.

保證沒(méi)走錯(cuò)

在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來(lái)，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問(wèn)坐在首位的那位男士道：

“對(duì)不起，請(qǐng)問(wèn)我剛才出去的時(shí)候是踩著你的腳嗎？”

“是的，不過(guò)沒(méi)什么關(guān)系，一點(diǎn)也不疼?！?/p>

“噢，不，我不是這個(gè)意思。我只是想確認(rèn)一下這是不是我的那排位子。”

To be on the Safe Side

In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up， makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer. A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

\"Excuse me， was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?\"

\" Yes， but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.\"

\"Oh， no， it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.\"