This is me!

近日，你班正在評選體育主播，你打算參評。請結(jié)合特長介紹自己，表達出對體育的熱愛。

Writing

原文呈現(xiàn)

Hello,everyone!My name is Tom.I am a student in Class 9,Grade 7.

I am tall and thin.I have black hair and a round face.My eyes are not big.I often have a smile on my face.I am a friendly boy.

可適當增加連接詞和過渡句，使文章顯得緊湊、有層次，表達更加流暢自然。

I like reading and many kinds of sports.Basketball is my favourite.I began to play it when I was five years old.I usually run on the playground after school.Now,I am a member of the school basketball team.Last month,our team won two matches and I felt happy.

本段落需要緊扣段落中心，具體描述作者的愛好和特長，此處遺漏寫作要點——特長。

此句與“愛好和特長”無關(guān)。

Among all the basketball players,I like Yao Ming best.He is so cool.In the future,I will practise hard and I want to be a basketball player like him!

此處“cool”不能準確表達姚明是偶像的原因。

建議用富有情感的語言表達對實現(xiàn)夢想的渴望。

升格展示

Hello,everyone!My name is Tom.I am a student in Class 9,Grade 7.

I am tall and thin.I have black hair and a round face.My eyes are not big,but they are bright.I often have a smile on my face and everyone thinks I am very friendly.

I love reading because I think it makes me know many things about the world.I also like many kinds of sports like football,badminton and basketball.Basketball is my favourite and I really do well in it.I began to play it when I was five years old.I often run on the playground after school.Now,I am a member of the school basketball team.

Among all the basketball players,I like Yao Ming best.He plays basketball very well and often helps his team come first in the match,so he is my hero.In the future,I will practise harder and I want to be a basketball player like him.I hope my dream will come true someday!

（江蘇省靖江市實驗學校 陳垚竹）

綜合點評

本篇書面表達的主題是自我介紹，全文緊扣評選體育主播這個話題，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，條理清晰，邏輯性強，體現(xiàn)了小作者積極向上的生活態(tài)度。

文章語言生動、流暢、精練，句式富有變化，時態(tài)把握準確。小作者能靈活運用七年級英語教材Unit 1和Unit 2所學的新短語和句式來表達外貌、愛好、特長、偶像和夢想等，也能較好地運用but,and,so,because,when等連詞，使文章緊湊，富有層次感。