兩張五美元

廣東 譚 茜

蘇珊像往常一樣去農(nóng)場(chǎng)主湯普森的旅館收取媽媽給旅館客人洗衣服的五美元報(bào)酬，沒(méi)想到農(nóng)場(chǎng)主在忙亂之間竟無(wú)意中給了她兩張五美元，小女孩既感到興奮卻又意識(shí)到這樣不對(duì)，內(nèi)心一陣糾結(jié)……

One Saturday evening, when Susan went, as usual, to farmer Thompson's inn, to receive the price of her mother's washing for the boarders, which amounted to five dollars,she found the farmer in the stable yard. He was apparently in a terrible rage with some horse dealers. He held in his hand an open pocketbook, full of bills. Scarcely noticing the child as she made her request, except to swear at her for troubling him when he was busy,he handed her the money.

Glad to escape so easily, Susan hurried out of the gate. Pausing to pin the money safely in the folds of her shawl, she discovered that he had given her two bills instead of one. Nobody was near to share her discovery, and her first impulse was joy at the unexpected prize.“It is mine,all mine!”said she to herself.“I will buy mother a new cloak with it,and she can give the old one to sister Mary so that Mary can go to Sunday school with me next winter.”

At that moment,it occurred to her that he must have given it by mistake,and therefore she had no right to it.But again the voice of the tempter whispered,“Keep it;he will never know it, even if it should be a mistake, for he had too many such bills in that great pocketbook to miss one.”

While this conflict was going on in her mind between good and evil, she was hurrying homeward as fast as possible.Yet,before she came in sight of her home,she had repeatedly balanced the comforts which the money would buy against the sin of wronging her neighbor.As she crossed the little bridge over the narrow creek,her eyes fell upon a rustic seat which her mother had occupied during a conversation with her. Instantly, the words said by her mother,“Whatsoever you would that people should do to you, do it even so to them,”sounded in her ears like a trumpet.

Reading Check

閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好。

Paragraph 1:

Turning suddenly round, Susan hastened along the road until she found herself once more at farmer Thompson's gate._______________________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

With her tears rolling down the cheeks,he seemed touched by her distress.___________

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Step 1 語(yǔ)篇研讀

本文是一篇記敘文。要做到續(xù)寫(xiě)內(nèi)容與所給材料內(nèi)容連貫、銜接緊密，必須充分了解所給材料的大意。文章分析如下：

Step 2 情節(jié)構(gòu)思

我們可以基于原文和續(xù)寫(xiě)段落首句提供的信息，構(gòu)思續(xù)寫(xiě)部分的故事情節(jié)，這一過(guò)程分為四步。

第一步，根據(jù)已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

文章開(kāi)頭介紹蘇珊像往常一樣去農(nóng)場(chǎng)主湯普森的旅館收取媽媽為旅館客人洗衣服的五美元，卻因農(nóng)場(chǎng)主忙于與人爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，意外多得到了一張五美元。她內(nèi)心經(jīng)歷了一陣掙扎：一方面有了這五美元她就能給媽媽添置新衣服，妹妹也能一起去上學(xué)；但另一方面蘇珊知道這錢(qián)本不屬于她。從已給出的文章內(nèi)容來(lái)看，這個(gè)故事很有可能是圍繞“誠(chéng)實(shí)”這個(gè)主題展開(kāi)的。

第二步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段所給出的段首句以設(shè)問(wèn)的方式推測(cè)情節(jié)發(fā)展。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段的段首句“Turning suddenly round, Susan hastened along the road until she found herself once more at farmer Thompson's gate.”，我們可以推測(cè)出蘇珊急匆匆地回到了農(nóng)場(chǎng)主的旅館門(mén)口準(zhǔn)備歸還這五美元。因此，我們可以在設(shè)計(jì)情節(jié)時(shí)提出以下幾個(gè)問(wèn)題：

（1）How would Susan return the five dollars?

（2）What might be the farmer's reaction?

（3）How would Susan explain to the farmer?

第三步，根據(jù)續(xù)寫(xiě)第二段所給出的段首句倒推續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段要寫(xiě)什么。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫(xiě)第二段的段首句“With her tears rolling down the cheeks, he seemed touched by her distress.”，我們從其中的關(guān)鍵詞tears 可以推測(cè)出蘇珊的還錢(qián)過(guò)程并不順利。結(jié)合前文對(duì)農(nóng)場(chǎng)主的描寫(xiě)“swear at her for troubling him when he was busy”，我們可以猜測(cè)出農(nóng)場(chǎng)主應(yīng)該沒(méi)有欣然接受蘇珊的道歉，反倒指責(zé)了她。后半句“he seemed touched by her distress”暗示了在續(xù)寫(xiě)第二段中農(nóng)場(chǎng)主的態(tài)度會(huì)有所改變。結(jié)合文章“誠(chéng)實(shí)”的主題，為了使續(xù)寫(xiě)的兩段銜接自然，我們可以推測(cè)續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段的最后要寫(xiě)農(nóng)場(chǎng)主指責(zé)蘇珊，她極力解釋，忍不住哭了出來(lái)。

第四步，圍繞續(xù)寫(xiě)第二段所給出的段首句，根據(jù)下面的提問(wèn)進(jìn)行構(gòu)思：

（1）What would the farmer do next?

（2）How would the farmer accept the apology or even encourage and reward Susan?

（3）How would Susan react to it?

（4）How can the ending reflect the theme?

Step 3 語(yǔ)言打磨

一、語(yǔ)言特色

1.At that moment,it occurred to her that he must have given it by mistake,and therefore she had no right to it.在那一刻，她突然想到這些錢(qián)肯定是他不小心多給了，因此她沒(méi)有權(quán)利去使用它。

【點(diǎn)石成金】It occurs/occurred to sb that...是常用的it 作形式主語(yǔ)的句型，表示“某人突然想到……”；另外，right 在這里不是表示“正確的”，而是表示“權(quán)利”。

2.Yet,before she came in sight of her home,she had repeatedly balanced the comforts which the money would buy against the sin of wronging her neighbor.然而，在她看到自己的家之前，她已經(jīng)反復(fù)權(quán)衡過(guò)金錢(qián)可以買到的舒適和欺瞞鄰居的罪過(guò)。

【點(diǎn)石成金】before 引導(dǎo)時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句，in sight of 指“看見(jiàn)”；comforts 由which 引導(dǎo)的定語(yǔ)從句修飾。

二、語(yǔ)言模式

（一）生動(dòng)的動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)

1.He held in his hand an open pocketbook,full of bills.

2. Except to swear at her for troubling him when he was busy, he handed her the money.

3.Susan hurried out of the gate.

4. As she crossed the little bridge over the narrow creek, her eyes fell upon a rustic seat.

5.She was hurrying homeward as fast as possible.

（二）豐富的心理描寫(xiě)

1.“It is mine,all mine!”said she to herself.

2.Her first impulse was joy at the unexpected prize.3.But again the voice of the tempter whispered,“Keep it;he will never know it...”

4.The words said by her mother,“Whatsoever you...”sounded in her ears like a trumpet.

5.This conflict was going on in her mind between good and evil.

（三）經(jīng)典句型

Scarcely noticing the child as she made her request,he handed her the money.當(dāng)孩子提出要求時(shí)，他幾乎沒(méi)有注意到她，就把錢(qián)遞給了她。

【點(diǎn)石成金】本句是一個(gè)使用非謂語(yǔ)的典型例子，noticing 表示伴隨。當(dāng)句子中要表達(dá)兩個(gè)動(dòng)作且有主次之分時(shí)，可考慮借助非謂語(yǔ)形式增強(qiáng)語(yǔ)言表達(dá)的多樣性。當(dāng)動(dòng)作與主語(yǔ)之間是主動(dòng)關(guān)系時(shí)用現(xiàn)在分詞形式，是被動(dòng)關(guān)系時(shí)用過(guò)去分詞形式，表目的時(shí)則使用不定式。例：

Lying in bed,he was reading a book.(lie與he之間為主動(dòng)關(guān)系)

Trapped in trouble,he was reading a book to find out the answer.(trap 與he 之間為被動(dòng)關(guān)系)

To find out the answer,he was reading a book.(to find out表示目的)

Step 4 潤(rùn)色成篇

在續(xù)寫(xiě)的過(guò)程中，我們要注意“續(xù)”的原則，做到續(xù)寫(xiě)內(nèi)容在主題、情節(jié)、語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格上與原文保持一致。具體如下：

（1）通過(guò)分析，本文的主題是弘揚(yáng)積極正面的價(jià)值觀，比如誠(chéng)信、正直、拒絕誘惑等，續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)應(yīng)注意結(jié)局的正能量走向；

（2）續(xù)寫(xiě)的情節(jié)應(yīng)和前面的開(kāi)始和發(fā)展吻合，可根據(jù)人物的性格特點(diǎn)進(jìn)行合理的預(yù)測(cè)，譬如農(nóng)場(chǎng)主最開(kāi)始的反應(yīng)和蘇珊誠(chéng)實(shí)善良的品質(zhì)特點(diǎn)；

（3）原文中有多處心理描寫(xiě)和動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)，且使用了非謂語(yǔ)doing/done作狀語(yǔ)，定語(yǔ)從句及豐富、生動(dòng)的動(dòng)詞，續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)應(yīng)盡量模仿并運(yùn)用這些語(yǔ)言特色；

（4）續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)注意句子長(zhǎng)短相間，句型豐富，以及語(yǔ)法、用詞、標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)的準(zhǔn)確性。