硬核解讀，深度續(xù)寫(xiě)

廣東 彭 英

【問(wèn)題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)是一種把閱讀和寫(xiě)作相結(jié)合的題型。閱讀是寫(xiě)作的起點(diǎn)，寫(xiě)作是對(duì)閱讀的升華。學(xué)生在續(xù)寫(xiě)過(guò)程中出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題主要表現(xiàn)為情節(jié)設(shè)置不合理、與原文的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格不協(xié)調(diào)、續(xù)寫(xiě)語(yǔ)篇缺乏連貫性、主題意義升華牽強(qiáng)等。 出現(xiàn)上述問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵在于學(xué)生缺乏對(duì)所給語(yǔ)篇的深度解讀，從而導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫(xiě)質(zhì)量偏低。 那么，在閱讀所給材料的過(guò)程中，學(xué)生要如何來(lái)解讀文本，從而有效續(xù)寫(xiě)呢？

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1. 側(cè)重對(duì)故事情節(jié)的解讀。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的體裁一般為記敘文，并在敘述的過(guò)程中穿插使用議論的表達(dá)方式， 這要求學(xué)生在閱讀的過(guò)程中利用閱讀技巧把握原文故事的主旨大意和基本要素。梳理關(guān)鍵信息，從內(nèi)容層面弄清楚文章的題材、中心人物、主要故事、發(fā)展線索、主旨大意等，即解答5W1H（Who、What、When、Where、Why、How）的問(wèn)題，并緊扣所給的兩個(gè)段首句進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)。

2. 側(cè)重對(duì)主題意義的解讀。 讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的故事情節(jié)一般分為兩條線：明線，即故事的開(kāi)端、發(fā)展、高潮、結(jié)局；暗線，即故事角色的情感線。學(xué)生應(yīng)通過(guò)對(duì)文章明線的探究過(guò)渡到情感層面，領(lǐng)悟原文作者的寫(xiě)作態(tài)度和情感價(jià)值觀，把握文章的感情基調(diào)，在續(xù)寫(xiě)結(jié)尾時(shí)進(jìn)行總結(jié)回扣，呼應(yīng)原文主題。

3. 側(cè)重對(duì)語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格的解讀。從語(yǔ)言層面感知語(yǔ)篇的語(yǔ)言形式與特點(diǎn)，揣摩原文如何運(yùn)用準(zhǔn)確又豐富的詞匯（以動(dòng)詞、形容詞、副詞、介詞短語(yǔ)為主）、修辭、句式等描寫(xiě)人物的動(dòng)作、心理等，并通過(guò)生動(dòng)的描寫(xiě)走進(jìn)人物的內(nèi)心世界，感受故事的情境，在續(xù)寫(xiě)中盡量與原文在語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格方面保持一致。

4. 側(cè)重對(duì)行文邏輯和寫(xiě)作技能的解讀。 從結(jié)構(gòu)、話題、措辭等維度對(duì)所給文本進(jìn)行解讀、模仿、創(chuàng)作，并將佳句、銜接關(guān)聯(lián)詞等進(jìn)行系統(tǒng)分類(lèi)，建立微型語(yǔ)料庫(kù)，積累寫(xiě)作素材。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

The small plane buzzed high above the fields. Adam glanced at his father Bob in the pilot's seat, frowning. Bob had been unusually quiet on this trip, who would normally thrill Adam with several stomach-churning (攪動(dòng)) loops. But after take-off, all they had done was follow the coastline.

Not much fun today, thought Adam. Then, without warning, Father was turning back.When Adam asked why, his father murmured something about not feeling well. Adam was worried, feeling his father was hiding something. “I'm okay,” his father grinned. “I'm just being careful.”

Trying not to look disappointed at the short flight, Adam peered out of the side window. Far below, Adam could see the white spots of sheep and the red roofs of homes. He loved them up here in the sky, and his father would take him up at least once a week, on Saturday. He was the envy of all his school friends.

Suddenly his father banged his head onto the lever. Shocked, Adam shook his shoulder. “Dad?” Adam shook him harder but he gave no response. His eyes were closed. His face was ash-grey, sweat streaming down his cheeks.

A flood of fear swept over Adam. No one was flying the plane! Quickly, Adam grabbed at the lever, shouting, “Dad! Wake up, Dad! ”

His father didn't answer. Keeping the lever steady, Adam looked at the altimeter (高度表), and they were 3,000 feet above sea level but dropping steadily. He realized that if his father didn't wake up, he would have to fly the plane and land it!

Suddenly, he saw the radio, excitement written on his face. He pressed the button and yelled into the microphone, “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is an emergency.Answer me! Answer me! ” A man was talking but Adam couldn't hear what he was saying. Annoyed, he threw the headset (耳機(jī)) onto the floor. The plane was still dropping, and he was close to tears, “Dad, please wake up.” As if he had heard Adam's plea(請(qǐng)求), Bob opened his eyes. “What's happening?”

Adam felt a surge of relief. He shouted, “We're about to land. You have to take the controls.” Bob tried to take the lever from Adam, but failed. “I can't, Adam. My head is spinning and you'll have to land it,” said Bob. With these words, he fainted again.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2. 續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好。

Paragraph 1:

Adam felt fear creep over him again.______________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

He looked at his father, finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.__

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一、原文故事的語(yǔ)篇要素

Who Adam and his father Bob What Father took him out on a trip.When On Saturday Where On a small plane in the sky Why Father fainted while driving the plane.How Adam managed to land the plane.

二、原文故事的情節(jié)發(fā)展脈絡(luò)

三、原文故事的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格

1. 對(duì)比的應(yīng)用

Bob had been unusually quiet on this trip, who would normally thrill Adam with several stomach-churning loops. But after take-off, all they had done was follow the coastline. 鮑勃一路上都一反常態(tài)的安靜，平常他都會(huì)俯沖幾圈，讓亞當(dāng)激動(dòng)得胃里直翻騰，但是今天自起飛后，他們只是沿著海岸線飛行。

往常，父親會(huì)俯沖幾圈使亞當(dāng)興奮，但今天父親只是沿著海岸線飛行，顯得異常安靜，主人公亞當(dāng)便隱約感覺(jué)到了父親的異常，這為接下來(lái)故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展埋下了伏筆。

2. 現(xiàn)在分詞的使用

Trying not to look disappointed at the short flight,Adam peered out of the side window.亞當(dāng)盡量不表現(xiàn)出對(duì)這次短暫飛行的失望，于是他透過(guò)側(cè)窗看外面的景色。

Trying這個(gè)詞傳遞出亞當(dāng)有著同齡人少有的懂事、顧大局的品質(zhì)，盡管不開(kāi)心，但他還是尊重父親的選擇，這為下文他表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的非同尋常的擔(dān)當(dāng)與果敢做好了鋪墊。

3. 心理、動(dòng)作等細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)的使用

文章多處通過(guò)心理、動(dòng)作等細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)來(lái)刻畫(huà)人物形象、交代背景知識(shí)和表達(dá)人物內(nèi)心活動(dòng)，這使得讀者仿若身臨其境。 例如：

（1） Shocked, Adam shook his shoulder. 亞當(dāng)嚇壞了，他搖了搖父親的肩膀。

Shocked表現(xiàn)了亞當(dāng)在父親昏迷后無(wú)人掌控飛機(jī)時(shí)的恐懼。

（2） His eyes were closed. His face was ash-grey, sweat streaming down his cheeks.他雙目緊閉，面如死灰，汗珠從臉頰上流下來(lái)。

此處通過(guò)近距離的細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)表現(xiàn)了父親的極度不適。

（3） He realized that if his father didn't wake up, he would have to fly the plane and land it! 他意識(shí)到，如果父親不能蘇醒過(guò)來(lái)，他得操控飛機(jī)并讓它著陸。

這段心理旁白表明主人公對(duì)形勢(shì)的明確分析，have to表達(dá)了他只能接受臨時(shí)任務(wù)的無(wú)奈和他在危急關(guān)頭表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的責(zé)任與擔(dān)當(dāng)。

（4） Suddenly, he saw the radio, excitement written on his face. He pressed the button and yelled into the microphone... 突然，他看到無(wú)線電收發(fā)報(bào)機(jī)，他的臉上寫(xiě)滿了激動(dòng)。 他按下按鈕，然后朝著麥克風(fēng)大喊……

written和yelled傳遞了亞當(dāng)在無(wú)助的時(shí)候突然看到希望的興奮和激動(dòng)。

（5） Annoyed, he threw the headset onto the floor. 他惱怒地把耳機(jī)扔到地板上。threw表達(dá)了亞當(dāng)在看到希望又變?yōu)槭麜r(shí)的惱怒。

四、續(xù)寫(xiě)故事的設(shè)計(jì)與語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用

續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段所給的段首句是“Adam felt fear creep over him again.”。 根據(jù)前文和段首句中的fear與again可知，本段要重點(diǎn)描述亞當(dāng)在危急時(shí)刻的動(dòng)作和心理活動(dòng)，在情節(jié)發(fā)展和語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格上都應(yīng)與原文一致。因此，結(jié)合原文故事的情節(jié)發(fā)展和兩個(gè)段首句，亞當(dāng)?shù)男睦碜兓癁閒earful—nervous/helpless—terrified—trying to calm down—relieved。動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)可使用shout、race、tremble、go blank、squeeze、concentrate、take a deep breath、push、stamp、sink、sweat等。 一連串動(dòng)詞形象生動(dòng)地表達(dá)了亞當(dāng)?shù)男睦碜兓^(guò)程：臨危受命時(shí)的恐懼—努力讓自己鎮(zhèn)定下來(lái)進(jìn)行操作的緊張—飛機(jī)安全著陸后的如釋重負(fù)和心有余悸。在他和父親的命運(yùn)掌握在自己手上的危急關(guān)頭，亞當(dāng)將全部注意力都放在如何想辦法讓飛機(jī)平穩(wěn)降落上，無(wú)暇觀察旁邊的父親。 當(dāng)飛機(jī)安全著陸了，他才注意到父親的臉又恢復(fù)了血色，因此，第一段的結(jié)尾部分在情節(jié)和情感上應(yīng)設(shè)置為“The plane slowed and touched down. He sank back into his seat with palms sweating and legs shaking uncontrollably.”，這就自然流暢地銜接了下一段首句“He looked at his father,finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.”。

第二段的段首句是“He looked at his father, finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.”。 根據(jù)文章的整個(gè)基調(diào)可推知， 結(jié)局應(yīng)該是圓滿的。 a little color had returned與上文父親昏迷時(shí)的His face was ash-grey形成對(duì)比， 暗示著父親蘇醒過(guò)來(lái)。 接下來(lái)會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢？ 回看原文中的“A man was talking but Adam couldn't hear what he was saying.”。這里向讀者傳遞了一個(gè)信息：救援中心應(yīng)該接收了到求救信號(hào)，只是由于飛機(jī)所處的位置，亞當(dāng)無(wú)法接收信息。 基于以上信息，續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)為Father came to life—firefighters and doctors came—Adam and his father was rescued—Adam was praised and proud。 回扣原文主題：青少年應(yīng)有的果敢、責(zé)任和擔(dān)當(dāng)。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

A dam felt fear creep over him again. “I can't! ” he shouted. This was something he had long wished for, but not like this. Not in an emergency. His heart raced, hands trembling on the lever. His mind went blank. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Don't panick,” he told himself. “Concentrate. You know how to land a plane. You've seen it done hundreds of times before. Go over the steps.” Taking a deep breath, Adam pushed the lever forward and stamped harder on the pedals. The plane slowed and touched down. He sank back into his seat with palms sweating and legs shaking uncontrollably.

Paragraph 2:

He looked at his father, finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.Adam leaned over and unfastened his safety belt. His father's eyes shone in surprise.“The engine's stopped. Are we down?” Adam nodded. His father smiled weakly, saying“Well done, Adam... I knew you could do it.” Then the door was forced open and his father was lifted into the back of the ambulance by the rescuers, of whom a firefighter put an arm around his shoulder, “You're a brave boy. Had it not been for you keeping cool and landing the plane, it would have been a pretty nasty crash-landing.” Adam smiled,his eyes sparkling with pride.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Sam was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it,he told his father that was all he wanted.

As his graduation day approached, Sam eagerly anticipated that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him to the study, telling him how proud he was to have such a talented son and how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed,Sam opened the box, only to find a delicate leather-bound book with Sam's name carved in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice, “With all your money you give me such a book?”He then stormed out of the house, throwing the book onto the floor.

The anger and grievance in his heart almost drowned him, and he kept running as if running could make a difference. When he stopped, he realized that he had come to the secret place of his childhood—an old park.

It was getting dark. He looked at his watch and noticed he had been walking outside for an hour. He, still annoyed with his father about not satisfying his needs, planned to spend the night in the park. He lay on the bench with a cloud of gloom over his face.Exhausted from the day's chores, he became drowsy and dozed off, covering himself with an overcoat and quickly falling asleep beneath the stars. He had a dream that he walked on a foggy road where he was attracted by the flash of a scene. It was a baby-born scene,and soon he saw his family! He realized that it was him! He watched the little baby grow up and watched his father take care of him and accompany him until he graduated.He saw his own ignorance, the efforts of his family and his father's hard work. Looking back, he was so ashamed that he didn't live up to his father's expectations. All of a sudden, everything around disappeared into a smoky blue haze and only the book twinkled in the sun.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2. 續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好。

Paragraph 1:

He felt the breeze against his face and woke up from the dream.________________

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Paragraph 2:

His father led him to the study and gave him the book._______________________

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【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 對(duì)文本的解讀，你是從哪些方面入手的？

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2. 對(duì)語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格的解讀，你關(guān)注了哪些方面？

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3. 與范文相比，你的文章有何亮點(diǎn)與不足？ 如何改進(jìn)？

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