分析特色，沿襲語言風格

彭文國

【問題導讀】

讀后續(xù)寫的實質是根據(jù)所提供的原文內容，寫出主旨一致、邏輯順暢、語言風格一致的故事結尾。因此，續(xù)寫時除了考慮故事的主題思想，特別關注邏輯之外，我們也要高度關注續(xù)寫部分和原文的語言風格，確保我們寫出的結尾在語言風格上和原文保持一致。

然而在平時的續(xù)寫練習中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)很多同學忽略了這一點。具體表現(xiàn)為：

1. 用詞太過復雜或偏僻。有些同學為了增加所謂的“高級詞匯”，就刻意使用一些超綱的詞匯。而很多情況下，這些同學只是大致了解這個詞匯的漢語解釋就去使用。豈不知，漢語解釋很難和英語單詞語義完全一致。我們如果要使用一個英語單詞，一定要對其使用的語境有較為深刻的理解。如果我們只是對其漢語的詞義有膚淺的了解就把它當作“高級詞匯”來使用，往往會出現(xiàn)語義和語法上的問題。所以，老師的建議是，在寫作中我們盡量使用課本中學過的單詞。如果要使用超綱詞，要記住以下幾個原則：

（1）注意不可過多使用課本外的詞匯。

（2）使用的課本外的詞匯必須是自己對其使用語境非常清楚的單詞，不要只憑借對單詞詞義的一知半解就使用“高級詞匯”。

（3）超綱詞一定要在語境很明確的情況下再使用。

2. “高級句式”太過集中。我們有些同學為了追求續(xù)寫的“高級”，刻意地追求所謂的“高級句式”。本來用很簡單的句子就可以表達清楚，卻刻意使用復雜的句式，讓句子結構累贅，反而影響了句意的表達。老師的建議是：

（1）不可太過刻意追求“高級句式”的使用，要用在比較合適的語境中。

（2）“高級句式”的使用不要太過集中，要注意使用的位置，注意文章段落結構的平衡和協(xié)調。文章的句子要長短結合。復合句和簡單句交替使用。

3. 不注意原文句子和用詞的風格，隨心所欲。這樣的續(xù)寫和原文語言風格偏離，沒有和原文協(xié)調一致。

【名師導學】

那么，我們如何才能寫出和原文語言風格一致的文章呢？

1. 精讀原文，理解文章要表達的主旨和思想。

文字是為思想服務的，表達特定的思想需要相對應的有情感特色的文字。如果作者要褒揚特定的人或事，那么他就會用積極的文字。如果是貶低一個人或一件事，那么他就會用消極的文字。理解文章的主旨，對我們在續(xù)寫中使用合適的語言有很大的指導意義。

2. 細品原文，分析原文的用詞風格。

要想對續(xù)寫的文字有準確的把握，就要對原文的文字有非常準確的理解。要想準確理解原文文字的特點，就要在文章主旨的指導下，對原文的文字進行仔細的分析。對原文文字特點的分析包括：

（1）對原文人物的動作和心理描寫的分析。

（2）對原文對話的話語特點的分析。

（3）對原文場景的描寫的分析。

3. 有機地組織自己的語言，保持和原文風格的一致。

通過對原文主旨的理解和對語言的準確分析之后，我們就會對原文的語言特點有比較準確的把握，然后就可以使用和原文特點一致的文字來進行續(xù)寫。

【案例導引】

Five years ago， I had a job at the other end of the city， and I usually commuted（上下班往返） to work by bus. Those long tiring hours of travelling were always annoying. But one day， it was healing.

It was an evening， and I got on the bus that would take me home. I chose a seat by the window， which could prevent me from being bothered by others. It was nearly 6：00 pm， but the bus was not yet full and the driver gave no indication that he intended to get the bus on the road soon.

Minutes later， a middle?aged woman took a seat beside me. It seemed that she was crying all the way. Seeing her heartbreaking situation， I asked her whether I could help her. She thanked me and shook her head. Then she tearfully narrated her story.

She had come to the city to visit her daughter. On the way， a thief had snatched one of her bags， which had contained half of the money shed brought with her. The other half was rolled in a handkerchief and hidden under her blouse， so she fortunately still had some money left.

The bus conductor， the driver， and other passengers listened to her story， but no one said anything. After a while， she stopped crying， removed some cheese bread from her bag， and began to eat， worry still knitting her brow.

An old man in ragged clothes got on the bus. He sat in the seat just in front of the woman.

When all the seats were taken， the driver got behind the wheel and started the engine. The bus conductor began to collect tickets and asked us where we were getting off. When he came to the old man， the poor man lowered his head nervously. Seeing this， the conductor asked the man to show his ticket in a loud voice. The old man admitted in a low voice that he did not buy a ticket. He explained that he had spent all his money this morning when hed accidentally got on the wrong bus and now he was trying to go home.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1：

Hearing this， the bus conductor ordered the old man to get off the bus.

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Paragraph 2：

The woman seated behind the old man was also observing the incident.

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主題語境：人與社會

語篇類型：記敘文

原文大意：作者在公交車上，看到一個非常傷心的中年婦女上了車。原來她來看她女兒，但是在路上一半的錢被偷了。后來又上來一位老人，他之前用身上所有的錢買了車票，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)自己坐錯了車，這導致他現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)沒錢買票了。

主題思想：贊美丟錢的中年婦女的善良，批判司機和售票員的無情和冷酷，教育我們要善良，應幫助他人。

[角色 用詞風格 動作 心理 the author long tiring;

annoying;

healing — 煩惱的;得到慰藉 the

woman heartbreak?

ing; worry still knitting her brow crying; th?anked me;

tearfully na?rrated 不幸的;

傷心的 the driver

and the

conductor — gave no indication;

said nothing; in a loud voice 冷漠的;

沒有同

情心的 the old man — in a low vo?ice; lowered his head ne?rvously 擔心的;

害怕的 ]

從原文對各個人物的用詞可以看出，對不同的角色，作者的用詞都使用了不一樣的風格。

文章一開始作者用的是tiring、annoying，但是經(jīng)過這件事后是healing，那么在續(xù)寫的故事中，就應該體現(xiàn)出能使作者healing的情節(jié)。

在描述中年婦女的時候，使用了表達不幸的詞匯。但是，根據(jù)文章的主旨，這位中年婦女盡管不幸，但是很善良，因此，續(xù)寫第二段就應該描述她善良的一面。用詞風格都要向這個方向靠近。

老人很不幸，那么在續(xù)寫中對老人的描述也要使用表示不幸的、值得同情的詞匯。

而根據(jù)文章的主旨，司機和售票員是冷漠和沒有同情心的代表，那么在續(xù)寫的時候用詞風格就應該和這個特點保持一致。

One possible version：

Hearing this， the bus conductor ordered the old man to get off the bus. The old man was almost in tears as he begged the bus conductor to let him take that bus so he could get home. The bus driver， who had been listening to his explanation， stood up， approached the old man， and repeated the conductors command to urge the old man to get off the bus. Apart from the harsh words from the driver and sobs from the old man， the whole bus was in a terrible silence.

The woman seated behind the old man was also observing the incident. When the bus driver and conductor raised their voices at the old man， she stood up and said， “Dont be so rude to him！ Cant you see hes only trying to get home？” “He doesnt have any money！” the dri?ver shouted. The woman reached inside her blouse， took out her remaining money， and handed it to the conductor. “Here is his fare. Please be kind to an old man.” Later， she also shared her bread with the old man. How much sweeter the journey was with the womans kindness and gracious behavior.

續(xù)寫文章語言特點分析：

the woman：

“Dont be so rude to him！ Cant you see hes only trying to get home？”

“Here is his fare. Please be kind to an old man.”

Later， she also shared her bread with the old man.

這些話語和描述，充分表達了作者對這位女士的贊揚，和原文保持了高度的一致。

the bus driver and the conductor：

urge the old man to get off the bus

raised their voices

形象地表現(xiàn)了司機和售票員冷漠無情、毫無同情心的特征。

the old man：

The old man was almost in tears as he begged the bus conductor to let him take that bus so he could get home.

sobs from the old man

續(xù)寫中使用了tears、begged、sobs等單詞來描述老人，表現(xiàn)了老人的不幸和可憐，和原文的語言色彩保持了一致。

the author：

How much sweeter the journey was with the womans kindness and gracious behavior.

描述作者心情的單詞不多，但是這關鍵的一句和原文的開頭形成了很好的照應。

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Up until last week， I would say that it was wise for you to stay away from an unfriendly person. But now I take back that.

I was going to a sports?and?nature camp， and almost everything about it was fantastic： the activities， the food， the teachers， and almost all of the kids. The reason why I say “almost” is because there was a girl， Elizabeth， who was always frustrated and seemed determined to ruin the fantastic time.

When I saw her sitting alone in the burning sun at lunch one day， I said， “Want to join us under that nice shady tree over there？”

Elizabeth said， “No， really not.”

When we needed another person for our volleyball team and a boy called Jasper invited Elizabeth to play with us， Elizabeth said， “If I wanted to play volleyball， Id already be playing volleyball.”

After a few more unfriendly comments like that， I decided to keep away from Elizabeth. I mean， if she wanted to have a terrible time， that was one thing. But there were only a few more days of camp left， and I wanted to make the best of them.

Well， you know how just when you decide to do things one way， life decides to do things the opposite way. It so happened that we were going on a nature hike and our teacher paired everyone up with a partner. Guess who my partner turned out to be！

“I cant believe how warm it is，” I said， trying to make small talk as we started out. “Do you like hot days like this？”

“I honestly dont care about things like the weather，” Elizabeth whispered.

I smiled nervously， trying to think of a new topic， “What do you like to do for fun？”

“I like to walk in peace and quiet，” Elizabeth replied.

“OK，” I said.

Later， we had the quietest， and most peace?ful hike in the history of the universe， until we met a bird. It seemed that the bird was injured and tried to flee into the grass， but in vain.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1：

Elizabeth knelt down before the bird.

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Paragraph 2：

Seeing the scene， Elizabeth sighed in relief.

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參考范文

Elizabeth knelt down before the bird. “Poor little creature，” Elizabeth murmured， her voice sounding gentler than Id ever heard. “He must have had his wing or foot injured， just as my grandpa.” “Your grandpa？ What happened to him？” I asked concernedly. “He slipped and broke his feet on the day when the camp started. Hes still in hospital and suffering great pains.” “No wonder you are so frustrated，” I thought to myself， observing the birds another attempt. The bird spread his wings and finally took off.

Seeing the scene， Elizabeth sighed in relief. “He made it！” “And I believe your grandpa will be back on his feet soon， too.” I said with a firm tone. She nodded， smiling at me for the first time. From then on， Elizabeth began to join me in my various topics. And most of the time， she actually enjoyed most of our activities of the camp as my partner. Only then did I realize that it might be worth giving someone a second chance. She may be going through a terrible time and just doesnt know how to deal with it.

【評價導思】

1. Elizabeth剛開始的情緒特點是什么？

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2. 原文用了哪些特征性的詞和句子來表達Elizabeth的情緒？

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3. 續(xù)寫的語言和原文中對Elizabeth的描述的對比：

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