7 things you should never say to someone

鄒雷霆

You’ve just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face， but the issue is not about what you’ve said， it’s about what they’ve heard.

當(dāng)你說錯(cuò)話的時(shí)候。對(duì)方正怒火中燒地看著你，這類問題的關(guān)鍵往往不在你說了什么，而是別人聽了什么。

There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas， killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends， family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.

有些話就像致命的忍者，會(huì)抹殺別人的自信，傷害你的朋友、家人和同事--最糟糕的是可能你根本都沒有意識(shí)到。

Here are 7 things you should never say to someone：

以下的7句話可千萬不要對(duì)別人說：

1. “I don’t care”

“我不在乎”

What they hear： “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”

別人聽到的卻是：“別煩我。我還有比聽你嘮叨更重要的事要做?！?/p>

Explain why you would love to hear about that subject， and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence： If people matter for you， you will matter for them.

解釋一下其實(shí)你對(duì)這些很感興趣，只是“此刻”對(duì)你來說不合時(shí)宜。每個(gè)人都很重要。如果不在乎別人就是在否定別人的存在：如果別人在乎你，那你也要在乎別人。

2. “You’re wrong”

“你錯(cuò)了”

What they hear： “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”

別人聽到的卻是：“你好愚蠢。根本就不懂。一點(diǎn)作用也沒有?！?/p>

Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”， “My understanding is that…”

有比這更合適的話。“我認(rèn)為...”，“我的理解是...”

Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.

詢問他人的意見，確保你們商討的同一個(gè)假設(shè)。

3. “You can’t do it”

“你做不到”

What they hear： “You don’t have what it takes to do it， no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try？”

別人聽到卻是：“不管你付出多大的努力，都沒有能力做這件事情;那還何必嘗試呢？”

Why would you set someone up for failure？ I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions， and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves， but I would like to ask you： how can you judge what is good for somebody？ And what if failure was the best path for growth？

你憑著什么去斷定別人的失敗？我理解你只是不希望朋友抱著幻想，你覺得自己有義務(wù)在對(duì)方受傷前阻止他們，但我就要問你了：你是怎樣判斷哪些對(duì)他們有益呢？失敗又何嘗不是成長的最佳方式？

Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.

鼓勵(lì)那些選擇挑戰(zhàn)的人吧。

Good judgement comes with experience， but experience comes from bad judgement; – Will Rogers

好的判斷來自經(jīng)驗(yàn)，而經(jīng)驗(yàn)來自壞的判斷;--威爾.羅杰斯

4. “This should be easy”

“這很簡單”

What they hear： “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it， there is probably something wrong about you”

別人聽到的卻是：“別人都覺得簡單。如果你覺得難，那就是你的問題了”

The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone， and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy， then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.

每個(gè)人的短處各異，卻都有自己的強(qiáng)項(xiàng)。如果你斷言他人的工作如何簡單，那么你在無形中就低估了別人對(duì)社會(huì)的貢獻(xiàn)，也就表示你覺得別人不值其擁有的功勞。

If someone is struggling and coming for help， then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.

如果有人陷入困難向你求助，那是因?yàn)樗麄冏銐蛐湃文悴艜?huì)在你面前展現(xiàn)脆弱的一面。不要在別人猝不及防的時(shí)候說一句“這很簡單”。

Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.

要承認(rèn)別人遇到的挑戰(zhàn)，重視他人克服挑戰(zhàn)的承諾。

5. “I told you so”

“我早就告訴過你”

What they hear： “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”

別人聽到的卻是：“誰讓你不聽我的。這都怪你。我可比你有先見之明?！?/p>

This one is a common no-no.

這是一個(gè)常見的禁忌。

It’s useless to shoot a dead horse， especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition， the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.

射擊一匹死馬有何用，尤其是當(dāng)別人比以往都需要你幫助的時(shí)候。不要執(zhí)迷于誰對(duì)誰錯(cuò)。如果這是場(chǎng)比賽，在乎對(duì)錯(cuò)的人注定會(huì)輸。

Help the other person， and don’t add insult to injury.

幫助別人，就不要再雪上加霜了。

6. “As I just said before…”

“我之前就說過...”

What they hear： “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb”

別人聽到的是?！澳悴宦犖业?。老讓我重復(fù)。真是煩人。”

This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it， then you’re killing their willingness to learn， or even to have a slight interest in what you say.

這絕對(duì)是對(duì)話殺手。如果有人問你問題，然后你卻說早就回答過了，那么你就是在扼殺別人學(xué)習(xí)的意愿，甚至是消除對(duì)你話語的最后一絲興趣。

Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.

換種方式表達(dá)相同的事情，這樣才會(huì)有不同的效果。

Tell them what you’re going to tell them. Then， tell them. Finally， tell them what you’ve told them. – Aristotle

告訴他們你要告訴他們。然后，告訴他們。最后，告訴他們你已經(jīng)告訴他們了。--亞里士多德

7. “Good luck”

“祝你好運(yùn)”

What they hear： “There’s nothing you can do that will make you succeed. Only luck will. let’s hope for a once-in-a-millenium planet-alignment-like opportunity so that you can succeed.”

別人聽到的卻是：“對(duì)于成功你已經(jīng)無能為力。只能全靠運(yùn)氣了。讓我們期待一個(gè)大海撈針般的機(jī)會(huì)，這樣你就能成功了。”

Also， it is bad luck to wish good luck. It is more common for comedians to say “Break a leg”， or “Merde！” – the French equivalent of “Shit！”. The expression comes from the fact that， during older times， successful plays would attract a lot of carriage traffic and therefore a significant amount of horse dejection. Maybe this is why people would slip and “break a leg”.

同樣，只有在厄運(yùn)交加時(shí)才會(huì)期待好運(yùn)。更常見的是喜劇演員會(huì)說“斷一條腿”，“呸！”--相當(dāng)于法語中的“去屎！”這種表達(dá)源自這樣一個(gè)事實(shí)，古時(shí)候，成功的戲劇會(huì)導(dǎo)致很多馬車處于擁擠，因此產(chǎn)生大量馬糞。也許這就是為什么人們會(huì)滑到并說“摔斷了一條腿”。

Don’t attribute success to luck; celebrate the other person’s qualities instead.“Show them your guts！” “Give them something they’ll never forget！”

不要把成功歸功于運(yùn)氣;相反的是要稱贊對(duì)方的品質(zhì)?！白屗麄兛纯茨愕膮柡?！”“給他們難忘的一課！”