英語寫作之書信與續(xù)寫

李 琛

一、應用文寫作之書信

【寫作任務】

假定你是李華，你校下周將舉辦英語歌唱大賽，現急需一名英語主持人。請你給交換生Jack寫封信，鼓勵他來擔任大賽的英語主持人。內容如下：（1）寫信目的；（2）大賽時間、地點；（3）他的優(yōu)勢。

注意：（1）詞數80左右；（2）可以適當增加細節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

【原文】

Dear Jack,

I’m writing to tell you that a hoster⑴is needed for next week’s English Singing Award⑵,and I believe you’ll be the most qualified people⑶to do the job.

The award(2),which held⑷on Monday⑸at music hall⑹,requires hosters having⑺a goodcommandinEnglish and a sense of humour.As you hosted⑻an award⑵before,you mustearn⑼plenty of relevant experiences.I believe that all audience⑽will be absorbed in⑾your elegant manner and witty words.So don’tfeel hesitate⑿to apply for it.

Yours

Li Hua

【趙教授批注】

⑴hoster是拼錯的詞,正確寫法是host。改為an English host（英語主持人），這樣更符合題目中的要求。

⑵award的意思是“授獎，獎勵”，應改為competition（比賽），用contest也可以。

⑶people指多人，改為person。

⑷改為is to be held，指尚未發(fā)生的事，且需用被動式。

⑸ 用next Monday更準確，on可以省略。

⑹music hall前應加上定冠詞the。

⑺ 改為requires hosts to have。hosters錯寫，正確的為hosts。require的正確搭配是require sb.to do sth.。

⑻與before連用，應改為havehosted。

⑼改為must have earned，表示對已經發(fā)生的事的肯定推測。

⑽改為all the audience。

⑾be absorbed in的意思是“全神貫注地做某事”，而這里的意思是“被吸引”，改為be fascinated by。

⑿ hesitate是動詞，直接用在don’t之后，feel是多余的。

趙教授點評：

這封信涵蓋了三個要點：寫信的目的、大賽的時間和地點、Jack的優(yōu)勢。但語言表達上的問題較多。

1.用詞錯誤或不準確，如 hoster、award、people、absorb in。建議在記英語單詞時，記英語的釋義，而非漢語的意思。

2.詞塊掌握得不夠好，如動詞詞塊require sb.to do sth.,is to be held,don’t hesitate to do sth.；名 詞 詞 塊 the music hall,all the audience。建議平時多注意名詞詞塊的構成和動詞詞塊的搭配。

3.時態(tài)、語態(tài)、語氣的掌握有待加強，如is to be held,as you have hosted...before,you must have earned。建議加強對不定式的被動形式、完成時態(tài)、情態(tài)動詞+have done的理解和掌握。

二、讀后續(xù)寫

【寫作任務】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Onesnowyday,the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blinding snowstorm.A farmer was making sure hisgeesewhich he kept near the fishpond were warm enough to survive the cold.Satisfied,he went inside his house and sat down to relax before the fire for the evening.Before long he heard a loud knock,something hitting against the window.He looked outside but could not see anything.So he went outside for a better view.In the field near his house he saw,of all the strangest things,a group ofswans.

They were apparently flying to look for a warmer area down south,but they had been caught in the snowstorm.The storm had become too blinding and violent for the swans to fly or see their way.They were trapped on his farm,with no food or shelter,unable to do more than wave their wings and fly inaimlesscircles.He had sympathy for them and wanted tohelpthem.

He thought to himself,thebarnwould be a great place for them to stay.It waswarm and safe;surely they could spend the night andwaitout the storm.So he opened the barn doors for them.He waited,watching them,hoping they would notice the open barn and go inside.

However,they did not notice the barn or realize what it could mean for them.He moved closer toward them to get their attention,but they just moved away from him out offear.Starting to get frustrated,he went over and tried todrivethem toward the barn.They panicked and scattered into every direction except toward the barn.Nothing he did could get them to go into the barn where there was warmth,safety,and shelter.

注意：（1）所續(xù)寫短文的詞數應為150左右；（2）應使用5個以上短文中標有下畫線的關鍵詞語；（3）續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好；（4）續(xù)寫完成后，請用下畫線標出你所使用的關鍵詞語。

【原文】

Paragraph 1:

Feeling totally frustrated,he asked himself,“Why don’t they follow me?”After another failed try,he suddenly found out the reason.It must be the fearness drove swans scattered from him⑴.“What should I do?”the farmer murmured with his eyebrows frowned⑵.No swan fly⑶aimlessly now.They standed⑷side by side to defind the fieceful snowstorm⑸.The only way he could save these poor birds was led them to barn⑹,but how could he acted⑺like a real swan to persuade them trust him⑻.He looked around,tried to find something helpful and his eyes fell on the fishpond.

【趙教授批注】

⑴這句話有語法錯誤，強調句的句式應是：It must be sth.that does sth.另外，fear本來就是名詞，不必加名詞后綴-ness；此外，drove swansscatteredfromhim中的scattered是多余的，改為drove the swans away from him；注意：swans前面要加定冠詞，因為前面已出現過swans了。整句改為：It must be the fear that drove the swans away from him.

⑵frown為不及物動詞，-ed形式含被動之意，改為：with his eyebrows frowning。這句話也可改為 ：the farmermurmured，his eyebrows frowning.或the farmer murmured，frowning his eyebrows。

⑶改用fly的過去式flew。

⑷改為stood。

⑸改為defend themselves from the fierce snowstorm。

Paragraph 2:

Suddenly,agoodideaoccurred in his mind.Stepping towards the fishpond swiftly,he saw thegeeseslept⑼near the shelter warm and safely⑽.The farmerloosed⑾the geese,led it⑿into the barn and tied it near the gate.The sound of geese pierced thesnowysky and few⒀minutes later,several swans stepped into the barn and soon realized it would be a better place towait⒁.Within five minutes,allswans⒂stayed into⒃this shelter, which opened⒄by a warmhearted angel in this terrible day.

⑹改為to lead them to the barn。

⑺ 改為act。

⑻ 改為win their trust。

⑼slept改為sleep。see的正確搭配是：see sb.do sth.。

⑽改為warm and safe，用逗號隔開。形容詞詞組放在句后，作為狀語表示狀態(tài)。

⑾改為set free。

⑿這里的geese是復數，應該是一群鵝，改為them或one of them。

⒀改為a few，few的意思是“幾乎沒有”。

⒁這部分可調整為：realized that here was a better place to wait。

⒂ 改為 all the other swans。

⒃stayed into屬中文式的表達，改為went into。

⒄改為was opened。

趙教授點評：

從情節(jié)上講，這篇故事續(xù)寫得很好，農夫用鵝引導天鵝進入谷倉的做法合情合理。文章使用了5個以上短文中標有下畫線的關鍵詞語。

從語言上講，表達也比較通順，意思清楚，但存在一些拼寫、語法和用法的錯誤，尤其是漢語式的表達，具體如下：

1.有的表達受漢語思維的影響，如：It must be the fearness drove swans scattered from him,defend the fieceful snowstorm,persuade them trust him,loosed the geese,led it into the barn,all swans stayed into等。建議：1）多聽地道的英語朗讀材料，培養(yǎng)語感；2）平時閱讀時多關注動詞及其搭配的使用；3）寫作時糾正先想好漢語句子再翻譯成英語的思維習慣，直接用英語思維，特別是使用動詞及其短語來造句。

2.不及物動詞、時態(tài)、語態(tài)的掌握有待加強，如不及物動詞frown的使用；fly,stand,act的過去式；open的被動形式的使用等。建議平時閱讀時多關注動詞的使用，如時態(tài)、語態(tài)等。

3.形容詞及形容詞詞組的使用存在問題，如形容詞的正確拼寫fieceful(fierce),形容詞詞組用作表狀態(tài)的狀語warm and safely(warm and safe)。