職場(chǎng)遭拒，如何應(yīng)對(duì)

阿萊娜·G.萊文

I have received a lot of noes in my life. In elementary school， I wasnt selected for the safety patrol team. In middle school， I was told I couldnt take advanced math， even though my grades were excellent. At university， I was advised that I shouldnt pursue degrees in both mathematics and anthropology. Over and over， I was informed that no， nein， la， nyet1， I would not get the fellowship， opportunity， or experience I desired. Later， when I entered the professional world， I applied for jobs and was told no. As a freelance writer， I pitched stories to editors and was told no. I proposed ideas for collaboration， consultation， and even conversation， and was told no.

And yet， the noes havent held me back. Instead， theyve served as an inspiration to me. Whenever I get a no， I view it as an invitation—to explore new ways to collaborate， perhaps at another time. Its a chance to be more creative in thinking about the value I can offer or problems I can solve for another party. Or， a no may be a notification that my communication tactics and methods need to be sharpened， if I am to clarify what I can provide.

Most importantly， noes ignite my persistence. And if there is one element that has driven my professional life， it is that I am persistent. Its not that I wont take no for an answer. Its more that I want to understand what is driving the no， and to see how I might be able to work through and around the issue. In many cases， a no is simply a case of bad timing. It might not be the right time to partner with someone， or there might be a lack of resources. I look at a no not as a dead end—but as the beginning of a conversation about a possible alliance.

To help you be persistent in the face of noes， Id like to share a few rules that Ive learned：

Dont take the no personally. Its just business. Pull emotion out of the no and dont allow yourself to feel dejected， demeaned， or devalued because someone rejects your application or says that they dont see an opportunity to work with you. A no does not mean that you werent qualified for a job or collaboration.

Dont shy away from2 being persistent. Persistence in the face of challenges， failures， and unexpected scenarios is the mark of a good employee—and prospective employers notice that. Theres nothing wrong with a follow-up email or phone call. Who knows？ It may even get you noticed as displaying a valuable attribute.

Be respectful. You wont get anywhere if you respond to a rejection with a hurt or bitter response. Honor the other person. Dont burn bridges3. And dont be rude and contact them every 5 minutes. This advice is especially important now， amid the COVID-19 crisis—because there will likely be even more noes during this period， as well as a delayed timeline on responses. In times of crisis， you should wait even longer to follow up with prospective employers or collaborators， and you should be even more respectful in your responses. Even if the ultimate response is no， let the other party know that you are still interested in working with them in the future should an opportunity arise.

Take the no and pivot4. Instead of dwelling on the negative outcome， think positively about what other services you might be able to offer to the other party. Case in point： Many years ago， I was invited to apply for a promotion at the university for which I worked. I applied thinking that I was guaranteed the position， only to be told at the end that the role was offered to someone else. My response？ I sent a thank-you card to the dean and offered to be of assistance in any way I could with the new employee. I met with her and shared insight into the universitys structure and culture. Then， a few months later， when the employee moved to a new role， I was hired in her place. Looking back， I believe that my offer to help despite the fact that I wasnt selected for the position initially made a world of difference.

Be aware of cultural norms. Keep in mind that cultural norms regarding persistence vary. In some countries， its perfectly OK to email someone twice a month to keep in touch with them， whereas in other countries， that might be seen as rude and invasive. When I studied abroad in Egypt， I noticed that people took time to get to know one another—even sharing personal stories about their families—before starting to discuss details regarding how they could work together. In the United States， in contrast， I find that people are more likely to dive straight into business talk. So， study up on the culture in which you want to engage and respect its rules.

I will continue to receive noes throughout my life， as will you. But Im not afraid of them. Ive built up my resistance to noes by being persistent—and for me， thats been an important element of my career advancement and professional development.

生活中，我有很多次被拒絕的經(jīng)歷。小學(xué)時(shí)報(bào)名安全巡邏隊(duì)，沒(méi)有入選;中學(xué)時(shí)盡管成績(jī)優(yōu)秀，還是被告知不能選修高數(shù)課;到了大學(xué)，又被建議不要攻讀數(shù)學(xué)和人類學(xué)雙學(xué)位。我聽(tīng)到過(guò)各種各樣的拒絕，多次和我向往的獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金、機(jī)會(huì)或體驗(yàn)失之交臂。后來(lái)進(jìn)入職場(chǎng)，找工作又屢屢受挫。做自由撰稿人給編輯投稿，也數(shù)次被打回。我提出過(guò)合作、磋商，甚至溝通，都被回絕了。

但是，拒絕并沒(méi)有令我退卻，反而給了我啟發(fā)。每當(dāng)被拒，我都視其為一次邀請(qǐng)，一次也許今后可以嘗試新的合作方式的邀請(qǐng)。借著這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)，我還可以更有創(chuàng)見(jiàn)地思考自己能為對(duì)方貢獻(xiàn)什么價(jià)值，解決什么問(wèn)題?；蛘?，別人的拒絕也許是在告訴我，要想闡明我的能力，還需改善溝通的技巧和方法。

最重要的是，拒絕激發(fā)了我內(nèi)心的執(zhí)著。如果說(shuō)有一種品質(zhì)在推動(dòng)著我職業(yè)生涯的發(fā)展，那就是執(zhí)著。我并不是無(wú)視別人的拒絕，而是想知道拒絕背后的原因，從而能夠?qū)ふ医鉀Q的辦法。很多時(shí)候，被拒只是因?yàn)闀r(shí)機(jī)不對(duì)。或許當(dāng)下不是和對(duì)方合作的好時(shí)機(jī)，也或許自身的資源不夠。我不會(huì)把拒絕看成是最終的結(jié)局，而是把它看成合作溝通的開(kāi)始。

為了幫助你在面對(duì)拒絕時(shí)保持執(zhí)著的信念，接下來(lái)分享幾點(diǎn)我的心得：

不摻雜個(gè)人情緒。對(duì)方只是公事公辦而已。不要讓拒絕影響你的情緒，不要因?yàn)榍舐毐痪芑蚝献鳠o(wú)望就覺(jué)得受到了打擊、輕視或貶低。被人拒絕并不代表你沒(méi)有能力勝任某份工作或參與某項(xiàng)合作。

不輕易放棄。臨難不畏、遇敗不餒、處變不移是優(yōu)秀員工應(yīng)該具備的品質(zhì)，你的潛在雇主也清楚這一點(diǎn)。被拒之后，發(fā)一封跟進(jìn)郵件，或者打電話問(wèn)問(wèn)原因，沒(méi)有什么不妥。也許你由此展現(xiàn)出的可貴品質(zhì)能夠贏得對(duì)方賞識(shí)。

保有尊重。一旦被拒就表現(xiàn)得傷心委屈、忿忿不平，沒(méi)有任何益處。尊重他人，給自己留有余地。切忌出言不遜，頻繁騷擾。新冠肺炎疫情期間，這一點(diǎn)尤為重要。因?yàn)樵诖似陂g，不僅收到回復(fù)的速度可能會(huì)更慢，而且被拒的次數(shù)可能會(huì)更多。危難時(shí)期，你應(yīng)該等待更長(zhǎng)時(shí)間再去跟進(jìn)潛在的雇主和合作方，也應(yīng)該回以對(duì)方更多尊重。即使最后還是被拒絕，也要表達(dá)出若是未來(lái)有機(jī)會(huì)，你仍有興趣與他們合作。

接納拒絕，轉(zhuǎn)變思維。不要一味沉浸在消極的結(jié)局中，而要積極思考是否能為對(duì)方提供其他方面的幫助。舉個(gè)例子：多年前，我受邀申請(qǐng)當(dāng)時(shí)所任職大學(xué)的晉升職位，本以為這個(gè)職位非我莫屬了，但最后得知聘用了別人。我是怎么回應(yīng)的呢？我給院長(zhǎng)寫(xiě)了一封感謝信，表示愿意盡我所能支持新晉同事的工作。我和對(duì)方碰了面，聊了聊我對(duì)學(xué)校架構(gòu)、校園文化的一些想法。幾個(gè)月后，她調(diào)去了新崗位，而我接替了她的工作。回想起來(lái)，我覺(jué)得當(dāng)初落選后我的態(tài)度至關(guān)重要。

遵守文化規(guī)范。記住，不同文化對(duì)執(zhí)著的看法不盡相同。在一些國(guó)家，每月兩封郵件保持聯(lián)絡(luò)完全沒(méi)問(wèn)題，而在另一些國(guó)家，這可能會(huì)被視為一種無(wú)禮的打擾行為。我在埃及留學(xué)的時(shí)候，就注意到工作伙伴在討論合作細(xì)節(jié)之前，會(huì)不慌不忙地彼此了解一下，甚至?xí)囊恍┘议L(zhǎng)里短。在美國(guó)情況就不同了，大家通常會(huì)直奔主題談業(yè)務(wù)。所以說(shuō)，研究你打算融入的文化，入鄉(xiāng)隨俗。

未來(lái)的人生中，我還會(huì)遇到很多拒絕，你也一樣。但我不怕，執(zhí)著已經(jīng)讓我越挫越勇，這也是我事業(yè)晉升和職業(yè)發(fā)展的一大法寶。

（譯者為“《英語(yǔ)世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎(jiǎng)?wù)?單位：天津鐵道職業(yè)技術(shù)學(xué)院）