用豎軸直線法構(gòu)思續(xù)寫段落細(xì)節(jié)

周利華

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。續(xù)寫的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Christmas is the time when miracles might happen.

It happened to a young pastor（牧師）whose church was very cold. Late in December， a heavy storm hit the little church， causing a huge chunk of plaster（一大塊石膏板）to fall out of the inside wall just behind the altar（圣壇）. Sadly， the pastor and his wife couldnt hide the big hole. His wife wept，“Christmas is only two days away！”

That afternoon the couple attended an auction（拍賣）and took a handmade gold-and-ivory lace tablecloth. They carried the cloth back and put it up on the wall behind the altar. It completely hid the hole and made the altar more beautiful.

Just before noon on the day of Christmas Eve， as the pastor was opening the church， he noticed a woman standing in the cold at the bus stop. He invited her into the church to get warm. She told him she was a war refugee and had just failed in an interview for a job as a teacher to the children of a wealthy family in the town. After a while， she dropped her head and prayed. When the pastor began to adjust the great gold-and-ivory lace cloth across the hole， she rose suddenly and walked up the steps， staring at the tablecloth. The pastor smiled and started to tell her about the storm damage， but she didnt seem to listen. She took up the cloth and rubbed it between her fingers.

“Its mine！”she said.“My husband had the cloth made especially for me！There could not be another one like it.”

Then the woman explained how she and her husband were separated in the war and later she heard he had died. The pastor tried to comfort her and asked her to take the cloth with her. She refused and left.

As the church began to fill on Christmas Eve， many people said the church looked beautiful with the cloth.

Paragragh 1

But a middle-aged repairman looked rather puzzled at the cloth.

Paragragh 2

The pastor became very excited and told the repairman about the woman who had been in church earlier that day.

[寫作指導(dǎo)]

1. 根據(jù)六個(gè)要素，把握主旨大意。

考生要讀懂所給文本的情節(jié)：我們可以用思維導(dǎo)圖來梳理文章故事概要，找出when， where， who， what， why， how的相關(guān)信息，把握文章的主旨大意。思維導(dǎo)圖如下：

根據(jù)以上思維導(dǎo)圖，可概括主旨大意如下：教堂里，一位牧師買回了一塊桌布。圣誕前夕當(dāng)日臨近中午的時(shí)候，這塊桌布引起了一位女難民的注意，因?yàn)檫@塊桌布是她的丈夫?qū)ｉT請(qǐng)人給她做的，可惜她的丈夫因戰(zhàn)爭已失散多年。最后，這位婦女悵然地離開了教堂。

2. 根據(jù)情感詞語，把握情感線索。

從文本中的stand in the cold， refugee， fail， separate， die， comfort等詞匯可知，故事中女主人公的情感是悲傷的。這為續(xù)寫夫妻的團(tuán)聚埋下伏筆。由所給續(xù)寫的第一段首句中puzzled一詞說明這位repairman與這塊桌布有關(guān)聯(lián)。所給續(xù)寫第二段首句中excited一詞暗示repairman為失散多年的丈夫，并且結(jié)局是夫妻團(tuán)聚。全文的情感線由悲轉(zhuǎn)喜。

3. 根據(jù)所給開頭句，推斷續(xù)寫情節(jié)。

通過續(xù)寫段落開頭句，推測(cè)續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)：

Para1： look rather puzzled→The repairman was familiar with the tablecloth.

Para2： became excited→The repairman was the womans husband.

第一段首句中，由look puzzled可推斷出這位修理工熟悉這塊桌布。為什么這位修理工對(duì)這塊桌布有特殊的情感，這是續(xù)寫的重點(diǎn)。第二段的首句中，The pastor became very excited可知，牧師肯定是傾聽了修理工關(guān)于桌布的故事。這樣，結(jié)合兩段首句，我們可以確定第一段續(xù)寫內(nèi)容：修理工認(rèn)真細(xì)看桌布;確認(rèn)此桌布就是當(dāng)年自己送給妻子的桌布;告知牧師桌布的故事;牧師聽后一陣欣喜。確定第二段續(xù)寫內(nèi)容：聽了牧師的話興奮不已;渴盼尋找妻子;牧師幫忙尋找;夫妻團(tuán)圓，奇跡降臨。

4. 利用豎軸直線法，展開續(xù)寫段落細(xì)節(jié)。

我們?cè)谧x懂故事情節(jié)和人物情感的基礎(chǔ)上，建構(gòu)續(xù)寫段落的情節(jié)。續(xù)寫第一段應(yīng)以repairman的動(dòng)作描寫為主線，通過這些動(dòng)作描寫反射出他的內(nèi)心情感。同時(shí)與第二段The pastor became very excited承接，第一段的末句應(yīng)寫pastor看到repairman的行為舉止，聽到repairman的故事后，pastor自身的情感變化，與excited相呼應(yīng)，其內(nèi)心必然是喜悅的。

續(xù)寫第二段，由首句（The pastor became very excited and told the repairman about the woman who had been in church earlier that day.）可知，續(xù)寫第二段應(yīng)以repairman得知有可能找到失散多年的妻子后的激動(dòng)心情及相應(yīng)的行為動(dòng)作為主線。

5. 根據(jù)上面豎軸關(guān)鍵詞，組詞成句，組句成篇。

Para1：

Sentence 1? He stood in front of the tablecloth.

潤色? ?He stood in front of the tablecloth， scanning it bit by bit and rubbed it carefully， tears rolling down his cheeks.

Sentence 2 He found that the cloth was the one that was made especially for his wife.

潤色? ?He was surprised to find that the cloth was the one that was made especially for his wife.

Sentence 3 He walked up to the pastor and told him about the story of the tablecloth.

潤色? ?He walked up to the pastor in a hurry and told him about the story of the tablecloth.

Sentence 4? He said that he and his wife had been separated because of a war.

潤色? He sorrowfully said that he and his wife had been separated because of a war.

Sentence 5? After the pastor heard the story， he felt very joyful.

潤色? ?After the pastor heard the story， a sudden wave of joy swept over him.

Para2：

Sentence 1 Hearing the shocking news， the repairman also felt excited.

潤色? ?Hearing the shocking news， the repairman also felt a rush of excitement.

Sentence 2? He begged the pastor to help him find his wife.

潤色? ?He suddenly took a firm grasp of pastors arm and begged him to help him find his wife.

Sentence 3? He asked the pastor how he would find his wife.

潤色? ? He asked the pastor how he would get in touch with his wife.

Sentence 4? The pastor managed to find the family that had interviewed teachers in the town.

潤色? ? To his delight， the pastor managed to find the family that had interviewed teachers in the town.

Sentence 5? The poor couple finally reunited.

潤色? ? Having suffered from so many difficulties， the poor couple finally reunited.

Sentence 6? They hugged happily.

潤色? ?They hugged affectionately， immersed in happiness.

Sentence 7? They both believed that it was a miracle in their lives.

潤色? ? They both believed that it must be a miracle in their lives.

[參考范文]

But a middle-aged repairman looked rather puzzled at the cloth. He stood in front of the tablecloth， scanning it bit by bit and rubbed it carefully， tears rolling down his cheeks. He was surprised to find that the cloth was the one that was made especially for his wife. He walked up to the pastor in a hurry and told him about the story of the cloth. He said that he and his wife had been separated because of a war. After the pastor heard the story， a sudden wave of joy swept over him.

The pastor became very excited and told the repairman about the woman who had been in church earlier that day. Hearing the shocking news， the repairman also felt a rush of excitement. He suddenly took a firm grasp of pastors arm and begged him to help him find his wife. He asked the pastor how he would get in touch with his wife. To his delight， the pastor managed to find the family that had interviewed teachers in the town. Having suffered from so many difficulties， the poor couple finally reunited. They hugged affectionately， immersed in happiness. They both believed that it must be a miracle in their lives.

[范文點(diǎn)評(píng)]

續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)合理，由悲轉(zhuǎn)喜，夫妻團(tuán)圓。續(xù)寫段落語言表達(dá)豐富，運(yùn)用了很多非謂語，比如? scanning it bit by bit; hearing the shocking news; having suffered from so many difficulties; immersed in happiness等。同時(shí)還用了獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)tears rolling down his cheeks。范文中用了一些短語使文章增色，如 bit by bit， in a hurry， a sudden wave of joy， take a firm grasp of， a rush of excitement， to his delight. 范文中用了一些副詞使文章增色，如carefully， sorrowfully， suddenly， finally， affectionately等?？傊恼逻\(yùn)用各種語言表達(dá)方式，使之故事描寫細(xì)膩生動(dòng)。

責(zé)任編輯 蔣小青