“談”何容易

People natter on all the time. Their mouths open and the words just come out. Simple， isnt it？Unfortunately that isnt the case for about 1% of the population who suffer from a stammer. When I stammer， I experience a sort of block， as though the words are caught in my throat. I know exactly what I want to say; I just cant articulate it. Sometimes I feel the block coming and at other times its totally unexpected. The block creates anxiety which makes the problem worse， so I stammer even more. Its a vicious cycle.

My stammer was always something I tried to forget about. When I did stammer in everyday situations， I just tried to move on and forget about it. I didnt see the point of dwelling too long on something that felt out of my control. Sometimes there are days when I barely do it， and days when it affects me a lot. Its very unpredictable. In certain situations I stammer more than on a regular day， for instance when Im tired or excited. My stammer is most noticeable when Im talking to groups or a large number of people; the anxiety and pressure are immense.

Ive had a stammer ever since Ive been able to talk， so of course my mum was concerned. She took me to an NHS speech therapist. From the little I remember of it， it didnt have any effect. I have vague memories of practicing various alliterated words over and over. My 7-year-old self wasnt having any of that， so the next step was a private therapist where I made more progress. She taught me techniques to reduce some of the extra symptoms associated with stammering such as rolling my head， tapping my feet as a way to push words out and lack of eye contact. A lot of stammerers often have eye contact problems， because they dont want to see the expression on the face of the person theyre trying to talk to. However， that bit of therapy didnt fix the stammer itself.

My mum then discovered The Starfish Project， where I was taught a costal breathing technique. Its actually the same breath used when you sing; strangely enough， nobody stammers when they sing. So when I speak with that breath， it helps to control the stammer. The key word here is control， not cure. For me， my stammer is probably always going to be there， but at least I have something to help me keep it under control.

The best thing about the course is that unlike other speech therapies， they dont just arm you with a method and send you packing. They also know that itll be hard to use it in daily life， so theres a support network out there to help keep the technique working.

That didnt necessarily mean happiness ever after. Even after that， things havent been totally smooth sailing， I havent always kept up with the technique and it has failed many times. I go back to Starfish to teach others once or twice a year， which acts as a sort of reminder; however， that never really lasts long and when I didnt consciously try to keep up the technique or forgot， soon my speech started to stammer again. Costal breathing isnt a way of breathing that comes naturally， so it can be hard to keep it up.

As Im approaching 18， the prospect of interviews and the real world has been a real driving force. I attend a local support group for people who have been on the Starfish course， and have used every method I can think of to bring it into daily life. Ive put reminders on my bedroom wall， on my desktop background and Im even considering getting a small tattoo of a starfish on my wrist. Just anything to make sure that this doesnt slip away and I fall back to old habits. Fingers crossed that one day the technique will be second nature and when I talk the talk itll be just as easy as walking the walk.

人與人之間始終在閑聊著。一張嘴，話就出來了。這不是很簡單嗎？然而不幸的是，對于那些占據(jù)了世界總?cè)藬?shù)1%的患有口吃的人來說，這并非易事。當(dāng)我結(jié)結(jié)巴巴地說一句話時，我會感受到一種阻塞，仿佛話語卡在了喉嚨里。我完全知道自己想表達(dá)什么，可就是難以清清楚楚地說出來。有時我能感受到那種阻塞，但有時它來得毫無征兆。這種阻塞會讓人感到焦慮不安，因此我口吃的毛病也變得更加嚴(yán)重。這是一個惡性循環(huán)。

我一直想把我口吃的毛病拋諸腦后。每當(dāng)我說話結(jié)巴時，我就努力地忘記它，直接把話說下去。我覺得老是想著控制不了的問題完全沒有意義。有時我好幾天都不太會口吃，而有時卻深受其害。這是很難預(yù)測的。某些情況下，例如在我疲憊或者興奮的時候，我結(jié)巴的問題會比平時更嚴(yán)重。在和一大群人交談時，我結(jié)巴得最明顯，因為我感覺到了極大的焦慮和壓力。

自我學(xué)會說話以來，我就有口吃的毛病，因而我媽媽也非常擔(dān)憂。她帶我到了語言治療中心接受治療。我依稀記得，治療完全沒有效果。我也模糊記得自己試過反復(fù)練習(xí)朗讀不同的連綿詞語。直到七歲，我的口吃問題依舊沒有得到一絲緩解，于是我又接受了一位私人語言治療師的治療，這使得問題得到了些許改善。治療師教給我一些技巧來減輕口吃帶來的不良癥狀，例如搖頭、以踏腳的方式蹦出話來以及避免眼神交流。很多口吃患者往往會有眼神交流方面的問題，因為他們不想看到對話者臉上的表情。然而，那一點點的治療難以根本解決口吃問題本身。

隨后，我媽媽找到了“海星計劃”。在課程里，我學(xué)到了胸式呼吸法。這實際上和你唱歌時的呼吸完全一樣。奇怪的是，唱歌的時候沒有人會犯口吃。所以當(dāng)我用這種呼吸法說話的時候，我口吃的問題得到了控制。這里我所強調(diào)的是控制，而不是治愈。對我來說，口吃問題大概會一直在那，但至少我能通過一些方法來控制它。

與其他語言治療師不同，這個課程的老師不是只教會了你方法就打發(fā)你，這也是這個課程最棒的地方。老師們還知道在日常生活中學(xué)生很難運用到胸式呼吸法。因此，課堂以外還有網(wǎng)絡(luò)資源幫助學(xué)生熟悉這種方法。

學(xué)會了這種方法，也不一定意味著以后的生活會更加美好，往后的道路也不完全一帆風(fēng)順。我并不能常常用上它，也失敗過很多次。每年我都會回海星一兩次去教其他人胸式呼吸法，以此來鞏固這個方法。然而，那并沒持續(xù)太久，一旦我沒有有意識地去使用這種方法，或是忘記了，很快我又開始口吃。胸式呼吸法不是平常自然的呼吸方法，所以要堅持下去是有些困難的。

我快要18歲了，對各種面試和外面世界的憧憬，是我的驅(qū)動力。我參加了一個為那些曾在“海星計劃”上課的學(xué)生而設(shè)的地方支援組織，也千方百計地想在日常生活中運用胸式呼吸法來擺脫口吃。我在臥室的墻上和電腦桌面背景上提醒自己要控制口吃，甚至考慮在自己的手腕上紋一個小海星圖案。我會做任何事來確保自己不會忘記胸式呼吸法、不會再犯壞毛病。祈愿將來這種方法能夠成為我的第二天性，那么我說話時就會和走路一樣簡單。