今我不述，更等何時(shí)

鄒漢明

徐志摩和穆旦，海寧竟然奢侈地?fù)碛羞@樣兩位詩(shī)人。當(dāng)大多數(shù)人談?wù)撔熘灸Φ臅r(shí)候，也有少數(shù)人在談?wù)撃碌?/p>

穆旦是誰(shuí)？

我最初只知道他是浙江海寧人，本名查良錚，查家的良字輩。穆旦一名，原是將“查”字上下一拆為二，“木”“穆”諧音，故取筆名穆旦。

查家是海寧的望族。這個(gè)姓氏在中國(guó)有2600多年的歷史，在海寧已經(jīng)延續(xù)了近600年，在查良錚生活的天津也有100多年的歷史。

查家歷代出過(guò)不少文化上有建樹(shù)的人物。而最近一位大家都知道的大人物便是良字輩的查良鏞，武俠小說(shuō)的一代宗師。這是很容易發(fā)生聯(lián)想的。

事實(shí)上，穆旦從來(lái)沒(méi)有到過(guò)海寧。這是他的長(zhǎng)子查英傳十?dāng)?shù)年前電話(huà)里頭告訴我的。但海寧方面卻一直把穆旦看作當(dāng)?shù)氐奈幕?，這也確乎有其理由。在穆旦所有需要填寫(xiě)的表格上，籍貫一欄，他都認(rèn)認(rèn)真真填著“浙江海寧”。

我大概就是從海寧對(duì)外介紹的小冊(cè)子上知道穆旦的。又因?yàn)樽约阂矊?xiě)詩(shī)的緣故，就很自然地關(guān)注到他了。徐志摩和穆旦，海寧竟然奢侈地?fù)碛羞@樣兩位詩(shī)人。當(dāng)大多數(shù)人談?wù)撔熘灸Φ臅r(shí)候，也有少數(shù)人在談?wù)撃碌?/p>

一

1996年9月，中國(guó)文學(xué)出版社出版了一套“20世紀(jì)桂冠詩(shī)叢”，其中收入了李方編選的《穆旦詩(shī)全集》。當(dāng)時(shí)尚在《詩(shī)刊》工作的鄒靜之先生給我寄了這套書(shū)。我收到后，用3天時(shí)間讀完了其中的一冊(cè)，掩卷沉思，感慨不可謂不多。這是我第一次全面細(xì)致地閱讀穆旦。不僅讀了他的詩(shī)，也讀了李方編撰的《穆旦（查良錚）年譜簡(jiǎn)編》。我對(duì)詩(shī)人的生平總算有了一個(gè)大致的了解。

我對(duì)穆旦詩(shī)的認(rèn)識(shí)就是從那個(gè)時(shí)候開(kāi)始的。

20世紀(jì)90年代以來(lái)，我們這些創(chuàng)作新詩(shī)的年輕人，都大量閱讀翻譯體詩(shī)，對(duì)本土的新詩(shī)傳統(tǒng)很少注意，更遑論研究了。但自從讀到穆旦，我認(rèn)識(shí)到，他的150余首長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)短短的詩(shī)，已經(jīng)為中國(guó)新詩(shī)提供了一個(gè)可以信任的本土的文本，我們不該那么無(wú)視。3年后，因?yàn)閷?xiě)作，我從桐鄉(xiāng)一個(gè)偏僻的鄉(xiāng)村中學(xué)調(diào)入嘉興秀洲區(qū)文化館。有近一年的時(shí)間，我僦居在老市區(qū)干戈弄嘉興圖書(shū)館附近，因而常去圖書(shū)館下面的秀州書(shū)局，坐一坐喝一杯熱茶。那陣子，我過(guò)了一段愜意的時(shí)光。又3年，我開(kāi)始留意與穆旦有關(guān)的信息，并計(jì)劃著那一次又一次的外出采訪(fǎng)。

首先想到要去一趟海寧。這不僅因?yàn)槟碌┑淖婕厥窃诤?。那時(shí)，得知海寧有一位叫陳伯良的，正在撰寫(xiě)穆旦的傳記。2003年8月24日，我在一位虞姓朋友的介紹和陪同下冒著酷暑去拜訪(fǎng)。我的愿望是想跟陳伯良借一冊(cè)資料書(shū)，但他顯然有所警惕，沒(méi)有告訴我他那時(shí)其實(shí)已開(kāi)筆在寫(xiě)《穆旦傳》。當(dāng)我提出能否借閱穆旦逝世10周年出版的《一個(gè)民族已經(jīng)起來(lái)》的時(shí)候，陳先生不置可否地抬起眼睛看了看我，說(shuō)，書(shū)不知堆在哪里，一時(shí)找不到。我頓感一種口沒(méi)遮攔的冒昧。畢竟初次見(jiàn)面，他對(duì)我也不了解。倒是虞姓朋友的一句“先生一般不出借書(shū)”解了圍。但我仍很感謝他跟我談到他跟穆旦夫人周與良以及穆旦妹妹和子女等人多年的書(shū)信往來(lái)。我知道，陳先生著手早，占有資料收集的便利。這次交談沒(méi)有深入，大概30分鐘后，我就告辭了。

2005年3月，我突然收到他簽贈(zèng)的《穆旦傳》。收到的當(dāng)天，我打電話(huà)表示感謝和祝賀。陳問(wèn)我，我著手的穆旦傳寫(xiě)得怎么樣了，同時(shí)告訴我要抓緊，據(jù)他所知，國(guó)內(nèi)有研究者也正在趕寫(xiě)穆旦的評(píng)傳。這回輪到我支支吾吾了。其實(shí)那時(shí)，我差不多已經(jīng)在打退堂鼓了。

二

2003年11月底，我又趕去溫州城區(qū)花柳塘采訪(fǎng)詩(shī)人唐湜，這回在程紹國(guó)兄的介紹下很順利地采訪(fǎng)到了唐老。而且，還意外地獲贈(zèng)了唐湜多余的一冊(cè)《一個(gè)民族已經(jīng)起來(lái)——懷念詩(shī)人、翻譯家穆旦》。而從唐湜口頭說(shuō)出來(lái)的穆旦，也給了我一種如在眼前的親切之感。

2004年1月31日，在林莽和鄒靜之兩位先生的介紹下，我去清華大學(xué)采訪(fǎng)鄭敏。鄭先生拿出《豐富和豐富的痛苦：穆旦逝世二十周年紀(jì)念文集》交給我，告訴我可到附近的文印店復(fù)印一冊(cè)。為了節(jié)省一點(diǎn)復(fù)印費(fèi)，書(shū)中那幾篇稍長(zhǎng)且已有的文章我就跳過(guò)沒(méi)有復(fù)印。所以，現(xiàn)在我手頭的這冊(cè)特殊的紀(jì)念集，根本就是不完整的。

北京采訪(fǎng)結(jié)束，我又南下去了天津，走訪(fǎng)了南開(kāi)中學(xué)和南開(kāi)大學(xué)。在天津朋友的幫助下，在南開(kāi)東村采訪(fǎng)到穆旦的老同事辜燮高、董澤云夫婦，也部分地獲得了詩(shī)人在南開(kāi)圖書(shū)館工作時(shí)一些有意思的細(xì)節(jié)。辜先生后來(lái)還給我來(lái)過(guò)一信，因擔(dān)心采訪(fǎng)時(shí)口頭表述有不恰當(dāng)?shù)牡胤?，關(guān)照我以信中的文字表述為準(zhǔn)。老先生經(jīng)歷過(guò)非常的時(shí)期，謹(jǐn)慎是他們那一代人的特征。其嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)如此，也頗令我動(dòng)容。

也許是機(jī)緣巧合，在與穆旦生前交往密切的當(dāng)事人中，我還采訪(fǎng)過(guò)來(lái)新夏和楊苡。

來(lái)先生2004年來(lái)嘉興圖書(shū)館參加百年慶典，我在秀州書(shū)局輕松地跟他聊了一次穆旦。他跟我講到他與穆旦一道打掃游泳池和廁所的往事。

而楊苡，早在2004年的時(shí)候，我曾致信于她，可惜當(dāng)時(shí)未聯(lián)系到。不料15年后的2019年10月，我卻頗有緣分地走進(jìn)了楊先生的書(shū)房，而這年楊先生已經(jīng)101歲了，其思維之清晰，記憶力之好，簡(jiǎn)直就是人世的一個(gè)奇跡。因?yàn)槭孪入娫?huà)聯(lián)系好了，楊先生已有所準(zhǔn)備，我們非常愉快地暢談了一個(gè)下午的穆旦。臨走，她親送我到門(mén)口，還一再指引我可走前門(mén)出小區(qū)。我跟她說(shuō)，過(guò)段時(shí)間希望再去看望她，楊先生說(shuō)：“歡迎！”頓了一下，睜著一雙101歲的大眼睛，很有個(gè)性地告訴我：“我很少說(shuō)歡迎的！”我跟楊先生的長(zhǎng)談，這次也增補(bǔ)在相關(guān)的章節(jié)中了。回返的路上，我甚至覺(jué)得，楊先生以她異乎尋常的長(zhǎng)壽，似乎正等著這一次關(guān)于穆旦的長(zhǎng)談。感謝這位睿智而直爽的老人給我?guī)?lái)了一個(gè)形象而立體的穆旦。

三

在最初的一些采訪(fǎng)和資料收集完成后，我因工作調(diào)動(dòng)以及專(zhuān)心于詩(shī)歌創(chuàng)作而中斷了穆旦的研究。但其間，我不時(shí)聽(tīng)到朋友和眾多文學(xué)前輩的傳話(huà)，希望我能夠?qū)懗觥赌碌﹤鳌?，這其中包括這些年研究穆旦成果累累的易彬博士。而我卻以年紀(jì)大一點(diǎn)再寫(xiě)也不遲為理由，一再地推延著，直到2018年，穆旦誕辰100周年，我心血來(lái)潮，將一篇舊作交由微信公眾號(hào)采藍(lán)小調(diào)推送以紀(jì)念詩(shī)人。廣西師大出版社上海分社主持“文學(xué)紀(jì)念碑叢書(shū)”的魏東兄讀到后，通過(guò)其他朋友問(wèn)到我的郵箱然后發(fā)來(lái)一封信，詢(xún)問(wèn)我“有沒(méi)有繼續(xù)推進(jìn)的打算”。就這樣，他報(bào)送了選題。半年后，出版社通過(guò)了選題，我這才著手《穆旦傳》的寫(xiě)作。

在接下來(lái)的11個(gè)月里，我還算順利地完成了這35萬(wàn)字的傳記。不過(guò)，在傳記寫(xiě)到一半的時(shí)候，感覺(jué)很難深入下去了，覺(jué)得應(yīng)該有新的材料來(lái)充實(shí)傳主的一生。幸好有朋友知道了我的難處，于是介紹我去南開(kāi)大學(xué)檔案館查檔。

這是我第二次專(zhuān)程去南開(kāi)大學(xué)。我還在穆旦住了20多年的南開(kāi)東村的一家校園賓館里住了一晚。這一晚，因感覺(jué)上就住在查家附近，觸景生情，一時(shí)三刻竟然睡不著覺(jué)。很湊巧，那晚，《南方人物周刊》的副主編、詩(shī)人和翻譯家楊子兄打來(lái)電話(huà)。我知道楊子是南開(kāi)大學(xué)畢業(yè)的，就告訴他，你知道我此刻在哪里嗎？我說(shuō)我正在穆旦的南開(kāi)，就住在他家南開(kāi)東村70號(hào)附近。晚上楊子跟我聊了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的穆旦。原來(lái)，他跟穆旦的夫人熟悉。他求學(xué)時(shí)去過(guò)查家多次，穆旦夫人周與良女士也多次借他民國(guó)版的穆旦詩(shī)集閱讀。楊子還跟我說(shuō)到一個(gè)有趣的細(xì)節(jié)，20世紀(jì)80年代初，他去南開(kāi)大學(xué)圖書(shū)館借英文版詩(shī)集來(lái)讀，發(fā)覺(jué)這些書(shū)都沒(méi)有其他人借閱過(guò)，除了一個(gè)人的簽名：查良錚。

第二天，我在檔案館很順利地查閱了穆旦的原始檔案。其中豐富的內(nèi)容，現(xiàn)在都補(bǔ)入下半部中了?？上](méi)有時(shí)間，否則也可以去圖書(shū)館，查閱一下那些老版的英文原著，細(xì)細(xì)體味一下穆旦的簽名。

傳記的寫(xiě)作，寫(xiě)還真不是一個(gè)問(wèn)題，查檔才是。查檔就是慢慢地尋找和發(fā)現(xiàn)傳主的一個(gè)過(guò)程。但資料收集的艱難，真是一言難盡的。但在尋找的路上，也會(huì)有不少有意思的事情發(fā)生——

我記得，在我乘往南開(kāi)大學(xué)的公交車(chē)上，曾巧遇一名退休多年的南開(kāi)女士，很多年前，她遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地見(jiàn)過(guò)穆旦，對(duì)詩(shī)人的遭遇也有所耳聞。得知我去八里臺(tái)查穆旦的檔案，老人嘆息一聲后，跟我講起了南開(kāi)的往事。臨別的時(shí)候，這位眉目清秀的老人特意走到我身旁，拉住我的手，在我的手心里認(rèn)認(rèn)真真地寫(xiě)了一個(gè)字，并對(duì)我說(shuō)：“今我不述，更等何時(shí)。你做的是有意義的事！”

聞聽(tīng)此話(huà)，我心頭一熱，覺(jué)得寫(xiě)作期間所有遇到的困難都不值一提了。這也許就是傳記作者得到的最好的安慰——何況這句話(huà)，我有幸當(dāng)面從一位經(jīng)歷了那些往事的老人那里聽(tīng)到。

Mu Dan Rediscovered

By Zou Hanming

I began writing? in 2018， but I first learned about him many decades ago. Back then， I didnt know I was to write such a book. At the very first， all I knew about Mu Dan （1917-1977）， except for his poems， was next to nothing： Mu Dan was a native of Haining and Mu Dan was the penname of Zha Liangzheng. The Zha clan is 2，600 years old if one really wants to trace the ancestral roots of the Zhas. The surname has been in Haining for nearly 600 years. The Zha branch in Haining has had many outstanding members. To most Chinese， the most outstanding member is Zha Liangyong， aka Jin Yong， a Wuxia novelist. Mu Dan， however， is little known to most Chinese even though his poems are popular inside literary circles.

I learned about ten years ago from Zha Yinchuan， the eldest son of Mu Dan， that Mu Dan had never visited Haining even though he always wrote Haining as his hometown whenever he filled in forms. He was born and brought up in Tianjin. After a four-year study in America， he came back to Tianjin and taught at Nankai University until he passed away in 1977.

In September 1996， I received ， just published by China Literature Press， from Zou Jingzhi then working at the ， the countrys number one poetry publication. I spent three days reading the first volume. It was the first time that I learned so much about Mu Dans poems. The poems were astonishingly beautiful. Many Chinese poets in the 1990s began studying the translated works of foreign poets and many Chinese poets were deeply influenced by translated poems stylized by Chinese language and foreign languages. Some even deliberately wrote poems in this style. After reading Mu Dans poems， which added up to about 150 in number， I became aware that Mu Dan wrote poems in such a style decades ahead of the poets in the 1990s and that his exemplary poems were a landmark that should never be overlooked.

In the early years of the 21st century， I began to toy with the idea of writing a book about Mu Dan. It occurred to me that I needed to visit Haining. First of all， Haining is where Mu Dan came from. Secondly， I learned that Chen Boliang， a scholar in Haining， was writing a biography of Mu Dan. On August 24， 2003， I visited Chen Boliang at his home. My intention was to borrow a book about Mu Dan published in 1987 in commemoration of the tenth year of the demise of Mu Dan. Chen was very cautious. He was all mum about the fact that he was writing a biography of Mu Dan. He said he had the book but he was not sure exactly where it was in the heaps of books in his study. But in the following conversation， he mentioned his correspondences with Mu Dans wife， Mu Dans younger sister and Mu Dans adult children. I was aware that he had conducted a very good research on Mu Dan due to his early start. The 30-minute conversation was courteous but not extremely helpful.

In March 2005， I received a copy of? from Chen Boliang. I phoned him and congratulated him. He asked me directly about the progress I was making on the book I was writing. He warned me that a scholar was writing a critical biography of Mu Dan. I wasnt straight with Chen. Frankly， I am not honest if I say I never thought of giving up. But I persisted.

I did not decide to write the book until 2018. Some friends and scholars in the literary circles knew about my plan and urged me to go ahead. In 2018， I published an essay online in commemoration of the 100-year anniversary of the birth of Mu Dan. An editor read my essay and contacted me. Half a year later， the publisher gave me the green light and I began writing. I spent 11 months in 2018 writing the book. When I found I got stuck， I decided to do some additional research.

My research progressed slowly but steadily. In October 2019， I even had a long talk with the 101-year-old Yang Yi， a preeminent translator in her prime years. I visited her and， to my surprise， she spoke clearly and her memory was miraculously sharp. I made a call in advance and on the afternoon of the next day， we talked the whole afternoon about Mu Dan. The retired translator was very happy. After the visit， she even walked me to the gate of the residential compound.

And I visited the archives of Nankai University to see whether there was something that could help me finish the book. The hotel where I stayed was just a stones throw from the house where Mu Dan once lived. A friend in Tianjin told me something about Mu Dan. It was in the 1980s. The friend went to the Nankai University library to check out some poetry collections in English. He found that Zha Liangzheng had been the only reader of all the English poetry books. On the bus to the university， I chatted with a woman and she said she had seen Mu Dan on the campus from afar so many decades ago. She said there should be a book about Mu Dan so that his story could be known to the world.

Though the book is not yet published， I feel I have rediscovered Mu Dan through the research and writing.