Chinese Etiquette　中國(guó)人的禮節(jié)

孫美萍

There is an intricate etiquette system in China that has developed over thousands of years. While mastery of its twists and turns may be out of reach for most foreigners， it is a good idea to at least attempt to understand it.

Miànzi—Saving face

Face is a complicated system of shame and stature measurement. “To have face”， you mianzi， means to be respected by your peers. In China， one must always protect their “face” but also take care to save the “face” of others.

The “l(fā)oss of face”， diu mianzi， is one of the worst things that could happen to a Chinese person. To avoid this “l(fā)oss” it is recommended that you dont insult， yell at or criticize someone in public. Criticism—even if constructive—should be given in private in a very calm manner.

Guānxi—You are who you know

Directly translated guānxi means “relationship”， and it is basically how much “pull” you have in society.

About 2，500 years ago Confucius preached a system of morals and ethics designed to bring order to the then rather hedonistic1 and chaotic times. These rules have stuck around and have come a long way in defining guānxi. Confucius broke it down into five key relationships： ruler-subject， father-son， friend-friend， husband-wife and brother-sister. These are the core relationships and offer some insight as to who gets top say. The relationship that isnt defined by this， but plays most heavily into guanxi is that of your “connections”.

While visitors will likely not need much knowledge of this culture point， long-term residents are sure to hit it full force—whether it be visiting a hospital， starting a business， or just getting the best seat in a restaurant.

Kèqì

Kèqì， or politeness， is another area where Chinese culture differs a bit from Western norms. It can be a bit off-putting2 and confusing to foreign visitors that “thanks” is not as casually or frequently said. In the West we tend to say ‘thank you for everything. Its become an instinctive courtesy in English. It will often baffle a waitress or shop assistant when you thank them for something that is part of their job or “duty”.

As such， foreigners tend to hear the phrase “bú kèqì” quite a lot. This is the appropriate response to “xiè xie/thank you” but does not quite mean “youre welcome.” Rather it translates more like “no need to be so polite.” This is particularly so between family members， where too much politeness can be seen as treating family in an overly formal way， which can be a sign of disrespect.

Generally speaking， Chinese people strive for modesty or humbleness， and boasting or bragging will not win you any favours in China.

Whats in a name？

Addressing people the proper way is made doubly hard by language barriers coupled with a complete reversal of how we look at names in English. In China the family name comes first—and though there are about 3，000 surnames in use， nearly a quarter of the countrys large population use “Lǐ”， “Wáng” or “Zhào”. The second part of the name is the given name， of which there is usually much pride attached to. It is a parent-honouring tradition for the owner of a name to know precisely its meaning.

Unless you are on quite close terms with someone， it is best not to refer to them by their given name， but rather by their whole name. For example， unless you are good friends with a guy named Li Yaqin， you would not refer to him by either “Li” （surname） or “Yaqin” （given name）; but rather call him “Lǐ Xiānshēng” or the complete “Li Yaqin”.

Intimacy

Though attitudes of physical interaction are changing quickly among Chinas youth， traditional society still prevails. Its no problem to shake someones hand when you meet them， but a hug or kiss is reserved only for close friends and family members. Also note that you need not give that big， from-the-waist bow—though close in geography， China is very much not Japan. Nor is it Thailand， so lotus-bud hand3 thing will also leave your Chinese hosts feeling awkward and confused.

Public displays of affection are sometimes frowned upon between Chinese people.

Should you get your romance on with a Chinese person， be sure to at least consider that the cultures are different. Chinese people are generally much more reserved than Westerners are used to. Guys， expect to do most of the groundwork with Chinese females， and girls， bet on being considered quite forward if you initiate things with a Chinese man. Also be aware the position you put your Chinese partner in if you break social norms and initiate affection in public. Of course your partner may not mind， but it is sure to get them a lot of possibly unwanted attention from looky-lius4.

“No” is uncommon

Its no coincidence that there is no Chinese word for “no”， only the rather open ended “not yes/búshì”. Chinese etiquette tends to be such that unless the circumstances are extreme you would generally not be so direct as to say “no”. Being direct is just not how communication is done in China， Chinese prefer to talk indirectly， or around the issue. For example， instead of giving a direct “no”， a Chinese person would prefer to say keneng you xie xiao wenti， or “maybe theres a little problem”）， or wo kaolü kaolü （， or “Ill think it over”）. This can seem frustrating and inefficient to outsiders， but in the reverse， English speakers are sometimes considered brutish for their forcefulness and lack of suave5.

中國(guó)的禮節(jié)錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜，已經(jīng)發(fā)展了數(shù)千年之久。雖然對(duì)于大多數(shù)外國(guó)人來(lái)說(shuō)精通其中門道或許遙不可及，但至少嘗試?yán)斫猓且彩呛玫摹?/p>

面子——保存臉面

臉面是一個(gè)復(fù)雜的概念，用以衡量一個(gè)人的羞恥感與聲望?！坝忻孀印币馕吨艿酵叺淖鹬亍Ｔ谥袊?guó)，一個(gè)人必須時(shí)刻保住自己的“臉面”，同時(shí)也要小心行事，保住他人的“臉面”。

對(duì)于中國(guó)人來(lái)說(shuō)，“丟面子”是可能發(fā)生的最糟糕的事情之一。為了避免面子的“丟失”，建議不要在公共場(chǎng)合侮辱別人、朝別人大喊或批評(píng)別人。即使是建設(shè)性的批評(píng)，也應(yīng)該在私下里以比較平和的方式進(jìn)行。

關(guān)系——你所認(rèn)識(shí)的人造就了你

中文“關(guān)系”一詞直譯成英語(yǔ)就是relationship（關(guān)系），基本上就是指你在社會(huì)中有多大的“影響力”。

大約2500年前，孔子講授倫理道德，旨在為當(dāng)時(shí)比較耽于享樂(lè)、混亂無(wú)序的時(shí)代帶來(lái)秩序。這些禮教留存了下來(lái)，并在定義“關(guān)系”這一概念上經(jīng)歷了漫長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程?？鬃觿澐至宋宸N主要的關(guān)系：君臣、父子、朋友、夫婦、兄弟姐妹。這些關(guān)系在一定程度上顯示了尊卑。在這里沒(méi)有被定義、但是對(duì)于“關(guān)系”卻作用重大的便是一個(gè)人的“人脈”。

雖然外國(guó)游客可能并不需要對(duì)這一文化現(xiàn)象了解太多，但長(zhǎng)期居住在中國(guó)的外國(guó)人一定能夠全面感受到這一文化——不管是去醫(yī)院、創(chuàng)業(yè)或者僅僅是在餐館找一個(gè)最好的位置。

客氣

客氣，或是禮貌，是中國(guó)文化略微不同于西方規(guī)范的另一方面。中國(guó)人并不隨意或經(jīng)常說(shuō)“謝謝”，這可能會(huì)讓外國(guó)游客感到些許不快與疑惑。西方人傾向于在每件事上說(shuō)“謝謝你”，這已成為英語(yǔ)文化中一項(xiàng)本能的禮節(jié)。而在中國(guó)，當(dāng)你向女服務(wù)員或店員表示感謝時(shí)，她們經(jīng)常會(huì)感到困惑，因?yàn)樗齻冎徊贿^(guò)完成了分內(nèi)之職或是應(yīng)盡之“責(zé)”罷了。

同樣地，外國(guó)人似乎經(jīng)常會(huì)聽(tīng)到“不客氣”，這是對(duì)“謝謝”的合適的回答，但又不完全等同于“不用謝”（Youre welcome），而是更接近于“不需要這么禮貌”。這在家庭成員之間尤其突出，過(guò)多的禮貌會(huì)顯得對(duì)于家人過(guò)于正式，而這是一種失禮的表現(xiàn)。

總體而言，中國(guó)人力求謙遜。在中國(guó)，太多的吹噓與自夸并不會(huì)給你帶來(lái)任何好處。

一個(gè)人的名字意味著什么？

由于語(yǔ)言障礙，加之漢英語(yǔ)言完全相反的名字排列方式，在雙重阻礙下，恰當(dāng)?shù)胤Q呼他人變得很困難。在中國(guó)，姓氏放在最前面——即使有大約3000個(gè)姓氏在用，在全中國(guó)的廣大人口中，有將近四分之一的人使用“李”“王”“趙”這幾個(gè)姓氏。姓名的第二部分是一個(gè)人的名，名中通常會(huì)有諸般讓人自傲的含義。知道自己名字的具體含義是對(duì)父母的一大敬意。

除非你與別人特別親密，否則最好不要直呼名字，而是稱呼其全名。比如，除非你和一個(gè)名為李亞秦（音譯）的人是好朋友，否則不要稱呼他為“李”（姓）或“亞秦”（名），而是叫他“李先生”，或叫他的全名“李亞秦”。

親密關(guān)系

盡管中國(guó)年輕人正在快速轉(zhuǎn)變對(duì)于肢體接觸的態(tài)度，傳統(tǒng)的社會(huì)理念依然盛行。與人見(jiàn)面時(shí)，握手并沒(méi)有問(wèn)題，但是擁抱或親吻僅限于親密的朋友或家庭成員之間。同樣要注意，這里并不需要一個(gè)90度彎腰鞠躬——即使中國(guó)和日本在地理位置上比較接近，中國(guó)很多地方不同于日本。中國(guó)也不是泰國(guó)，像蓮花花蕾一樣的雙手“合十禮”會(huì)讓招待你的中國(guó)朋友感到尷尬與困惑。

有時(shí)，公開(kāi)示愛(ài)會(huì)讓中國(guó)人感到反感。

如果你和中國(guó)人談戀愛(ài)，請(qǐng)務(wù)必至少考慮一下文化的不同，通常中國(guó)人要比西方人保守得多。因此，和中國(guó)女性談戀愛(ài)，大多時(shí)候男生要主動(dòng)，外國(guó)女生跟中國(guó)男性談戀愛(ài)，如果在關(guān)系中主動(dòng)肯定會(huì)被認(rèn)為太過(guò)大膽。同時(shí)，如果打破社會(huì)規(guī)范，公開(kāi)示愛(ài)，你要注意是否會(huì)讓自己的中國(guó)伴侶處于尷尬境地。當(dāng)然，你的伴侶可能不介意，但這肯定會(huì)引來(lái)一些看熱鬧的人，給你的伴侶帶來(lái)許多可能不必要的關(guān)注。

“不”很少見(jiàn)

沒(méi)有漢語(yǔ)詞語(yǔ)對(duì)應(yīng)“no”（不），只有開(kāi)放性的“不是”，這并不是巧合。在中國(guó)人的禮節(jié)中，除非情況很極端，否則人們通常不會(huì)很直接地說(shuō)“不”。直截了當(dāng)并不是中國(guó)人在交際中的做法，他們喜歡委婉地或拐彎抹角地談問(wèn)題。例如，中國(guó)人喜歡說(shuō)“可能有些小問(wèn)題”或“我考慮考慮”而不是直接說(shuō)“不”。對(duì)于外國(guó)人來(lái)說(shuō)，這可能會(huì)看起來(lái)令人沮喪同時(shí)又毫無(wú)效率，但是反過(guò)來(lái)說(shuō)，英語(yǔ)國(guó)家的人有時(shí)會(huì)由于態(tài)度強(qiáng)硬、不夠柔和而被視作蠻橫。

（譯者為“《英語(yǔ)世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎(jiǎng)?wù)?，譯者單位：北京外國(guó)語(yǔ)大學(xué)）

1 hedonistic享樂(lè)主義的。? 2 off-putting使人懊惱的。

3泰國(guó)人在交際往來(lái)中不喜歡與人握手，見(jiàn)面時(shí)通常采用“合十禮”。行合十禮時(shí)，要立正站好，雙手十指并攏掌心相對(duì)，其狀若蓮花花蕾。

4 looky-lius是英語(yǔ)單詞looky-loos的變形，意指逛街時(shí)只看不買的人;也指喜歡圍觀（尤其是交通事故等）的人。? 5 suave溫和的;文雅的。