給未來的自己

By+Steve+Gardiner

When Charles Lee handed me the small red notebook in 1974， he changed my life. “While you are traveling， you should keep notes on the things you see and do，”he explained.

I was 20 years old， a junior in college， spending a semester at the University of London. Charles was a retired traveling salesman. I was staying with him in his cottage in Kendal， located in the Lake District of northern England.1 It was a one-week homestay2 the university arranged for us before classes began.

“You are young and doing a lot of exciting things，” Charles said. “It seems as though you will always remember these things， but I promise， you will forget them if you dont write them down.”

I took his advice. I wrote in the notebook every day during the homestay. Back in London， I recorded weekend trips to Wales，Yorkshire，3 France， and Spain. I commented on my classes， professors， and classmates. I contrasted my life at a small college in western Nebraska with my wandering through the streets of London， my introduction to life in a big city， my initial travels outside the United States.4 I tracked5 ideas I had about my life and my future.

When I wrote in the notebook， I struggled with a sense of my audience and purpose. Who would read this？ Were these writings just for me， or did I want others to read them？ Was I recording events and ideas just as a prompt6 to memory， or was there some larger purpose for this daily exercise？

I developed a sense of vision7 for the task. I was recording events， thoughts， words that were important to my life. I imagined a future me sitting down to read the pages. I wondered what it would feel like to read those words later. I wondered where I would be， what my life would be like.

I filled the notebook Charles gave me. I bought a new one and filled it. Then another and another. I continued writing in notebooks for four decades. By that time， they filled two boxes in my garage.

I had reread some of the journals. Specific volumes had provided me with the background I needed for dozens of articles for magazines and newspapers.8 But I had never read them all.

Recently， I decided to bring my collection of notebooks into my office and replay my life. As I opened the first box， I suddenly became nervous. Would I like the former me portrayed on those pages？ There was a risk in opening that first notebook. I did it anyway.

Charles had been right. I remembered the big events， the central happenings， but on each page were details I hadnt retained9.

The pages revealed highlights from college classes and stories about roommates and friends.10 I read anxious comments Id written as Id launched my teaching career， learned to write lesson plans， assigned grades for student work， and solved discipline problems.11 I reflected on my coming marriage， then the wedding， and eventually the proud moments when I held each of our three daughters. I recounted more trips—returning to Europe， teaching in South America， taking a photo safari in Africa， exploring Greenland.12 I relived memories of trails hiked， rivers paddled13， mountains climbed， dreams shared.

The writings in those journals framed14 my life. I hadnt written every day. I often skipped a few days or even weeks， but I always picked up the writing when it felt important. Journals went with me when I traveled， and I often wrote in them at school when my own students were writing. I modeled the behavior I wanted my students to perform.15 I encouraged them to keep journals of their own， passing on the lesson Charles had given me.

These writings formed a continuous thread through events in my life， a connection between my own past， present， and future.16 They gave me the chance to record my life， sort out17 my thoughts and emotions， play with ideas， see patterns and themes in my experience， decide what was important to me and what was not.

It took several long evenings to read through the notebooks， taking me on a retrospective tour spanning 42 years.18 As I read， I could recall sitting on a bench in Trafalgar Square in London， in our apartment in Peru， on a mountaintop in Wyoming，19 writing to the future me. It was then I realized： I am now the person I was writing to throughout those years.

1. cottage： 鄉(xiāng)村小屋；Kendal：肯德爾，是英格蘭湖區(qū)南部的一個小鎮(zhèn)；Lake District： 英格蘭湖區(qū)，位于英格蘭西北海岸，因其湖光山色和湖畔詩人（尤其是華茲華斯）而聞名。

2. homestay： 寄宿家庭，為外國留學生提供住房和基本生活設施的服務。寄宿家庭在發(fā)達國家已經(jīng)有很長時間歷史，主要是為了幫助外國留學生解決住宿問題，提高外語水平，更好地融入當?shù)厣鐣?/p>

3. Wales： 威爾士，位于英國西南部，東臨英格蘭；Yorkshire： 約克郡，位于英格蘭東北部，是英國重要的文化之鄉(xiāng)。

4. 我在倫敦街頭漫無目的的閑逛、我第一次在大城市中的生活以及我走出美國的最初幾次旅行——我把當下的生活與之前在內(nèi)布拉斯加州西部一所很小的大學中的生活做了對比。Nebraska： 內(nèi)布拉斯加州，美國中西部大平原區(qū)的一個州。

5. track： 跟蹤（表現(xiàn)或進展情況）。

6. prompt： 提示，提醒。

7. vision： 構想，遠見。

8. 某幾本特定的日記還為我的數(shù)十篇報刊投稿提供了所需的背景材料。volume：（書的）一本，一冊。此處指代作者這些年來寫滿的很多個日記本。

9. retain： 記住。

10. reveal： 展現(xiàn)，顯露；highlight：最突出（精彩）的場面。

11. 我讀著自己剛剛步入教師行列時寫下的種種焦慮：學習寫教學計劃、給學生作業(yè)打分，還有解決紀律問題。launch： 開始從事；assign： 分配，分派。

12. recount： 敘述，描述；safari：（尤指在非洲的）野外觀獸旅行；Greenland： 格陵蘭，全境大部分在北極圈內(nèi)，氣候寒冷，隔海峽與冰島和加拿大兩國相望。

13. paddle： 用槳劃（小船）。

14. frame： 勾畫。

15. 我為了教育自己的學生而以身作則。

16. 如同一條連綿的線，這些文字將我的一生串連起來，系起我的過去、現(xiàn)在和未來。

17. sort out： 整理，梳理。

18. 我花了幾個晚上翻看這些日記直到深夜，完成了一次跨越42年的人生回顧。retrospective： 涉及以往的，回顧的；span： 持續(xù)，貫穿。

19. Trafalgar Square： 特拉法爾加廣場，英國倫敦著名廣場，名勝之一；Peru： 秘魯，南美洲西部的一個國家；Wyoming： 懷俄明州，位于美國西部落基山區(qū)。