A Page from My Diary

Sunday， May 18， 2014 Sunny

It was Sunday today. We decided to have a picnic on top of the mountain near our school. How exciting① we were！ We set out early in the morning. After nearly two hours walk， we got to the top. We didnt feel tired at all. We were fascinated by the beautiful scenery. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The mountain was covered with green trees and colorful flowers. After we had a good enjoyment of the scenery， we began to collect some dry branches， make a fire and get ready to do some cooking. Then we were busy to take photos②， playing games， singing and dancing. None of us paid attention to the fire. Suddenly a shout came out， “Fire， fire， the mountain is in fire③！” We were very frightened to hear that. It was such a sunny day and it hadnt rained for several months， so the fire burnt quickly. We tried our best to put the fire out， but we couldnt. The fire was burning faster and faster. Just then， a group of peasants were working in the fields at the foot of the mountain. They came up to help us as quickly as they could. Under their help④， the fire was finally put out.

After that we were tired and hungry. We sat down on the ground looking at the forest. We had destroyed the balance of nature and brought great loss to our country. We felt very sorry. We decided that from then on we would plant trees as more⑤ as we could and remember the lesson for ever.

安徽省濉溪縣四鋪中心學(xué)校八年級（3）班 丁世玉

1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

這篇日記記敘了星期天和同學(xué)們到山上進(jìn)行野炊、觀賞山景的時(shí)候，大家不小心引起了山火，后來在農(nóng)民伯伯的幫助下?lián)錅缌嘶?。全文采用過去時(shí)態(tài)，邊敘邊議，層次分明，使讀者一目了然，遣詞造句和句型的運(yùn)用都恰到好處。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① exciting應(yīng)改為excited。“exciting”意為“令人興奮的、令人激動(dòng)的”，指事情經(jīng)歷或感受令人激動(dòng)興奮，通常是事物作主語。而“excited”意為“興奮的”，指人感到興奮激動(dòng)的，通常是人作主語。

② to take photos應(yīng)改為taking photos?！癰e busy （in） doing sth.”是習(xí)慣搭配，意為“忙于做某事”，其中的doing不可換成to do。

③ in fire應(yīng)改為on fire。英語中，表示“著火”，應(yīng)用“be on fire”。

④ Under應(yīng)改為With。英語中，表示“在某人的幫助下”應(yīng)用“with ones help”。

⑤ more應(yīng)改為many?！癮s…as…”中間應(yīng)用原級。

3. 評分：

按中考英語作文滿分20分的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得18分。