美式閑聊，想要“愛(ài)”你不容易

By+Karan+Mahajan

"Hows it going？" I ask the barista1）. "Hows your day been？"

"Ah， not too busy. What are you up to？"

"Not much. Just reading."

This， I have learned， is one of the key rituals of American life. It has taken me only a decade to master.

I immigrated to the United States in 2001， for college. I brought only my Indian experience in dealing with shopkeepers and tea sellers. In Delhi， where I grew up， commerce is brusque2）. You dont ask each other how your day has been. You might not even smile. Im not saying this is ideal—its how it is. Youre tied together by a transaction3）. The customer doesnt tremble before complaining about how cold his food is. Each side believes the other will cheat him， and each remains alert4）. Tips are not required.

"God， Mahajan， youre so rude to waiters！" Tom， an American friend， said， laughing， after he watched me ordering food at a restaurant， in the West Village， years ago. Considering myself a mild5） and friendly person， I was surprised. "Youre ingratiating6）！" I countered7）. Tom always asked servers how they were doing or complimented their shirts or cracked8） jokes about the menu. At the time， this seemed intellectually dishonest to me. Did he really care what they were wearing？ Wasnt he just expressing his discomfort about being richer than the person serving him？ If you did this little number9） with everyone， was it genuine10）？

American life is based on a reassurance that we like one another but wont violate11） one anothers privacies. This makes it a land of small talk. Two people greet each other happily， with friendliness， but might know each other for years before venturing12） basic questions about each others backgrounds. The opposite is true of Indians. At least three people Ive sat next to on planes to and from India have asked me， within minutes， how much I earn as a writer （only to turn away in disappointment when I tell them）.

So， for years in America， I would tremble when reporting to the front lines to order coffee. It felt like a performance. I had a thick accent and people didnt understand me and I was ashamed and I fumbled13）. I radiated14） an uncertain energy； sometimes baristas sensed this and wouldnt try to talk to me， and then an insecure voice in my head would cry， "Hes racist！"

During these years in the small-talk confusion， I also wondered why Americans valued friendliness with commerce so much. Was handing over cash the sacred rite15） of American capitalism—and of American life？ On a day that I dont spend money in America， I feel oddly depressed. Its my main form of social interaction—as it is for millions of Americans who live alone or away from their families.

Everything is subject to analysis until it becomes second nature to you. Living in Brooklyn and then in Austin， Texas， coffee shops became the loci16） of my movements. Meeting the same baristas day after day bred context， and I got practice. People no longer heard my name as "Kevin" or "Carmen"， though they still misheard "to go" as "to stay" and vice versa17）. I was beginning to assimilate18）. It felt good and didnt seem fake anymore.

Still， sometimes， when I make small talk at cash registers， I am reminded of a passage from a novel called The Inscrutable19） Americans， which was popular in India in the nineteen-nineties. In the opening of the book， the scion20） of a hair-oil empire， Gopal， comes to the U.S. for college. When an immigration agent at J.F.K. asks， "How is it going？" Gopal replies the only way he knows：

I am telling him fully and frankly about all problems and hopes， even though you may feel that as American he may be too selfish to bother about decline in price of hair oil in Jajau town. But， brother， he is listening very quietly with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.

“最近好嗎？”我問(wèn)咖啡廳吧臺(tái)的服務(wù)員，“今天過(guò)得怎么樣？”

“嗯，不算太忙。你在忙什么呢？”

“沒(méi)什么。就是看看書。”

我已經(jīng)知道，這樣的對(duì)話是美國(guó)人生活中的重要儀式之一。我竟花了十年的時(shí)間才掌握個(gè)中技巧。

我是2001年移民到美國(guó)上大學(xué)的。那時(shí)的我只有在印度和店鋪老板以及賣茶葉的小販打交道的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。我在德里長(zhǎng)大，那里的人們買賣東西都是直來(lái)直去的。人們不會(huì)互相問(wèn)候過(guò)得怎么樣，甚至可能都不笑一下。我不是說(shuō)這樣很好，但現(xiàn)實(shí)就是這樣的。買賣雙方因?yàn)橐粯督灰锥唤壴谝黄?。買家不會(huì)在抱怨食物太涼之前發(fā)抖。買賣雙方都相信對(duì)方會(huì)騙自己，因此雙方都保持戒心。在那里不需要給小費(fèi)。

“天哪，馬哈詹，你對(duì)服務(wù)員太粗魯了！”幾年前，在紐約西村，我的一個(gè)美國(guó)朋友湯姆看著我在一家餐館點(diǎn)餐后大笑著說(shuō)道。我自認(rèn)為是一個(gè)溫和、友善的人，所以他的話讓我很吃驚?！澳隳墙信鸟R屁！”我反駁道。湯姆總是問(wèn)服務(wù)員過(guò)得怎么樣，或者夸他們的襯衣好看，或者拿菜單開(kāi)玩笑。那個(gè)時(shí)候，在我看來(lái)，他的所作所為從思想上來(lái)說(shuō)似乎是不誠(chéng)實(shí)的。他真關(guān)心他們穿什么嗎？難道他這么做不就是在表達(dá)他比為他服務(wù)的那個(gè)人富有的那種不適感嗎？如果你對(duì)每個(gè)人都這么說(shuō)，那你還是真心的嗎？

美國(guó)人的生活建立在一個(gè)令其安心的基本認(rèn)知上，即我們彼此喜歡，但不會(huì)侵犯對(duì)方的隱私。這使得閑聊在這片土地上深受歡迎。兩個(gè)人見(jiàn)面會(huì)開(kāi)心地打招呼，態(tài)度也很友好，但可能會(huì)在認(rèn)識(shí)好多年后才敢問(wèn)一些關(guān)于對(duì)方背景的基本問(wèn)題。而印度人卻恰恰相反。在我乘坐的往返印度的飛機(jī)上，至少有三個(gè)坐在我鄰座的人跟我見(jiàn)面才幾分鐘就問(wèn)我當(dāng)一個(gè)作家掙多少錢（結(jié)果在我如實(shí)回答后，他們就失望地轉(zhuǎn)頭不理我了）。

因此，在美國(guó)有好幾年，每當(dāng)我要點(diǎn)咖啡而開(kāi)口說(shuō)那些開(kāi)場(chǎng)白時(shí)，我都會(huì)緊張得發(fā)抖。我感覺(jué)自己像在演戲。我口音很重，人們聽(tīng)不懂我說(shuō)的話，我覺(jué)得很難為情，于是變得結(jié)結(jié)巴巴。我流露出一種不確定的能量，有時(shí)吧臺(tái)的服務(wù)員會(huì)感受到這種能量，也就盡量不和我說(shuō)話，然后我腦子里就有一個(gè)非常缺乏安全感的聲音叫道：“他有種族歧視！”

在我被這種美式閑聊弄得困惑不已的這些年里，我也很好奇為何美國(guó)人如此重視商業(yè)活動(dòng)里的這種友好氣氛。難道付錢是美國(guó)資本主義以及美國(guó)生活里的一種神圣儀式？如果某一天我在美國(guó)一分錢也沒(méi)花，我會(huì)莫名地覺(jué)得沮喪。消費(fèi)是我進(jìn)行社交互動(dòng)的主要形式——對(duì)于數(shù)百萬(wàn)獨(dú)居或離家的美國(guó)人來(lái)說(shuō)也是如此。

所有的事情在成為你的第二習(xí)性之前，總是要被分析研究。我在布魯克林住過(guò)，之后又在得克薩斯州的奧斯汀市住過(guò)，咖啡店成了我的活動(dòng)中心。日復(fù)一日，我見(jiàn)到的都是同一個(gè)吧臺(tái)服務(wù)員，這慢慢孕育出了聊天的環(huán)境，我也得到了實(shí)踐練習(xí)。人們不再把我的名字聽(tīng)成“凱文”或“卡門”，不過(guò)他們還是會(huì)把“帶出去吃”錯(cuò)聽(tīng)成“在這里吃”，或是正相反。我開(kāi)始融入這個(gè)環(huán)境。這讓我感覺(jué)很好，感覺(jué)我們的閑聊看上去不再是裝出來(lái)的。

盡管如此，有時(shí)候，當(dāng)我在收銀臺(tái)和人閑聊時(shí)，我還是會(huì)想起20世紀(jì)90年代在印度很火的一部小說(shuō)《難以捉摸的美國(guó)人》里的一段話。在這本書的開(kāi)頭，一家發(fā)油企業(yè)帝國(guó)的小少爺戈帕爾來(lái)美國(guó)上大學(xué)。當(dāng)肯尼迪國(guó)際機(jī)場(chǎng)的一位移民官問(wèn)他“最近好嗎？”時(shí)，戈帕爾用他唯一知道的方式做出了回答：

我完完整整、十分坦白地告訴了他我所有的難題和愿望，雖然你可能覺(jué)得，作為一個(gè)美國(guó)人他可能會(huì)很自私，根本不會(huì)為Jajau鎮(zhèn)的發(fā)油價(jià)格下跌而煩惱。但是，老兄，他注視著我，安安靜靜地聽(tīng)我說(shuō)了整整十分鐘，然后我們又友好地聊了聊關(guān)于堅(jiān)果的問(wèn)題，然后他就巴不得讓我走了。