讓愛融化恨意

Lets be honest： It feels good to be loved. After a performance in Arizona last summer， a young teenage girl waited in a long line of fans to give me a clay heart she had made. Upon receiving it， my own heart melted， as if it were made of the same soft clay.

You dont have to have a performing career to have a following of admirers these days. With the rising of online communities in the last decade such as YouTube， Facebook， Twitter， etc.， most of us have had the experience of building our own followings， whether our circle of family and friends or as part of a business or organization that we run. Who doesnt enjoy getting "likes" and reading through the re-affirming comments of others？ Indeed， being admired is a validating1） experience and I dont know many people that dont want to be respected and loved.

But what happens when you are openly and publicly criticized and even hated？ Does it knock you off your center？ Along with the benefits of these online social communities comes a platform for negative voices that we may not always be able to control. Ive had my fair share2） of haters. Sure you can "block3）" or "unfriend4）" anyone who wishes you emotional harm， but once a malicious5） comment has blindsided6） you， it can really shake you up7）. Here are a few tips on how to come out of these situations unscathed8） and even more confident than before.

實不相瞞：被愛的感覺真的很好！去年夏天，有一次在亞利桑那州表演完后，一個十來歲的年輕姑娘排在長長的粉絲隊伍中，等著要把她用陶土做成的心送給我。拿到手的那一刻，我的心就融化了，仿佛自己的那顆心也是用同樣的軟泥做成的。

現(xiàn)如今，你不用非得從事演藝事業(yè)，也能擁有一大批仰慕你的人。近十年來，隨著諸如視頻網站YouTube、社交網站Facebook和推特等各種網絡平臺的興起，我們大多數人都已經有了打造我們自己的追隨者的經歷，不管是我們的家人、朋友也好，還是我們生意上、團隊里的伙伴也罷。誰不喜歡得到別人的“點贊”，誰不喜歡從頭到尾地讀完別人再三肯定自己的評論？的確，被人仰慕是一種得到認可的體驗，我認識的人當中也很少有人不想受到尊敬與愛慕。

但是，如果你遭到公開的批評甚至是憎恨，你會怎樣？你會因此失去內心的平衡嗎？這些網絡社交平臺在帶來種種好處的同時，也會給網友提供發(fā)表各類負面聲音的機會，而我們也許并不一定總能掌控這些負面聲音。我也免不了有恨我的人。當然，你可以“屏蔽”任何想傷害你感情的人，或者與他們“解除好友關系”?？墒?，一旦有條惡意言論出其不意地攻擊了你，它就真的會讓你感到心煩意亂。那么我們如何才能毫發(fā)無傷地走出這些困境，甚至做到比以前更加自信呢？下面有幾條建議。

The way we see others tends to be a reflection of how we see ourselves. In other words， if someone is bothered by you or even hating you （or vice versa）， that person is only bothered by what they cannot accept about themself. This makes it much easier to stand back9） and make compassions with those who are struggling to find something within themselves to love. Likewise， if someone consistently sees the good in others and in life， they are likely to be confident about who they are as a person and attract like-minded10） personalities11） into their sphere of influence.

1. validate [?v?l?de?t] vt. 證實；確證

2. fair share： 應得的（或應承擔的）一份

3. block： 指在社交網站上屏蔽他人，不讓對方看到自己的任何動態(tài)消息。

4. unfriend： 指在社交網站上與某人解除好友關系。

5. malicious [m??l???s] adj. 惡意的，惡毒的

6. blindside [?bla?ndsa?d] vt. 偷襲，出其不意地打擊

7. shake up： 使不安；使心煩意亂

8. unscathed [?n?ske??d] adj. 未遭受傷害的；未受損傷的

9. stand back： 置身事外，退一步（考慮問題）

10. like-minded： 志趣相投的，想法相同的

11. personality [?p??s??n?l?ti] n. 個人

12. disarming [d?s?ɑ?m??] adj. 消除怒氣的，寬慰人的

13. get even： 進行報復，算賬

14. come out on top： 出人頭地，獲得成功

15. bug [b?ɡ] vt. 使厭煩；使惱怒

Avoid the temptation to fire back to a hater. Respond instead with a disarming12） approach. It will always make things worse to get even13） by firing back and you wont come out on top14）， even if you win （I speak from experience?。? If you must say something， then I find it extremely effective to say something totally disarming. For example， I once had someone comment on one of my music videos. They said， "Your nose bugs15） me." Not that big of a deal， but still， its not fun to have your face criticized.

I commented back and said something to the effect of16）： "I got my nose from my dad. I love it because it reminds me of him and what an amazing person he is."

On another occasion， I had a commenter criticize me for wearing what she deemed as "an immodest17） dress" in one of my music videos and publicly pointed the finger at me for being a bad example. I wrote back and said （paraphrasing）， "Whoever you are， wherever you are， I just want you to know that I love you no matter what decisions you make in your life."

She sent me a private apology shortly after that.

It doesnt take much to totally shift the energy of a negative comment into something positive. As a result， you will feel infinitely better too.

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我們看待別人的方式往往會反映出我們是如何看待自己的。換句話說，如果有人對你感到厭煩甚至對你心懷怨恨（反之亦然），那么那個人僅僅對其不能接受的關于自身的東西感到厭惡。如果能夠這樣想，那么置身事外就變得容易得多，也就更容易同情那些正竭力在自身尋找可愛之處的人。同樣，如果有人不斷發(fā)現(xiàn)他人身上和生活中美好的一面，那么他們很可能就會對自己的為人十分自信，從而吸引志趣相投的人到他們的圈子里。

避開誘惑，不去反擊仇恨你的人。相反，要心平氣和地做出回應。若是為了報復進行反擊，永遠只會使情況變得更加糟糕，即使你贏了，你也不會成為最后的贏家（我這樣說是有親身經歷為依據的?。?。如果你非要說些什么，那么我覺得說些能徹底消除敵意的話是非常奏效的。例如，有人曾經這樣評價我的一個音樂視頻，他們說：“你的鼻子讓我覺得很煩！”雖然這沒有什么大不了的，但是你的長相被人指摘也不是什么有趣的事情。于是我做了回復，大意是：“我的鼻子隨我爸。我喜歡它，因為它讓我想起了我爸，想起他是一個多么了不起的人。”

還有一次，有個評論者認為我在某個音樂視頻里穿了“一件不合禮儀的裙子”，因而對此頗有微詞，而且還公然指責我?guī)Я藗€壞頭。我回復道（大致是這樣）：“無論你是誰，無論你身在何處，我只是想讓你知道我是愛你的，不管你在生活中會做出什么決定。”

在那之后不久，她私下向我道了歉。

沒費太多事，負面評論的負能量就完全轉化成正能量了。最終，你也會感覺好很多。

16. to the effect of： 大意是，意思是

17. immodest [??m?d?st] adj. 不端莊的，不合禮儀的

18. Alison Krauss： 艾莉森·克勞斯（1971～），當今美國藍草音樂（Blue Grass）的領軍者，已獲得27座格萊美獎。

19. fuss over： 過分關心

20. report： 指在社交網站上舉報某人。

21. bonus [?b??n?s] n. 額外的贈品（或好處）

22. vibration [va??bre??n] n. （感情上的）感應，共鳴

23. in ones wake： （= in the wake of sb.）在某人身后；隨某人之后而來

Sometimes its easy to forget that theres a real person on the other side of the computer screen. We could all stand to be a little more generous with the positive comments we leave and a lot more cautious about the criticism we make. But when it comes to others leaving waves of negativity in their wake23）， remember that its not about you and it never was.

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In the words of Alison Krauss18）： "You say it best， when you say nothing at all." Ask yourself if its really worth it to spend any energy at all fussing over19） a hater. Most of the time， its not. So do what you have to do： "Block"， "Delete"， "Report20）"， and go on with your day. （Bonus21）： Send out a prayer， a wish or a good vibration22） for the one who tried to hurt you. Youll feel amazing. I promise.）

Teen Topics

青春話題·成長之惑

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用艾莉森·克勞斯的話說：“此時無聲勝有聲。”捫心自問，花費精力去對付一個恨你的人究竟是否真的值得。很多時候，這是不值得的。所以只管做你需要做的就好啦：“屏蔽”“刪除”“舉報”，繼續(xù)過自己的日子。（附贈：為那些試圖想傷害你的人祈禱、祝?；蛘哒f一句讓他們有好感的話，我保證，你會感覺棒極了。）

有時，我們很容易忘記電腦屏幕的另一端坐著一個活生生的人。我們若能稍微大方些，多發(fā)點兒積極的留言，而在發(fā)出批評指責時小心謹慎些，那我們都能從中受益。但若是別人甩下滾滾惡評，請記住，這與你無關，從來都與你無關。