幽默小故事

侯冬意

1. The cigarettes will be on fire

Mary was so disgusted at her husbands cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day， “I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.”

“Dont worry， dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.” He said with a smile.

煙卷會(huì)點(diǎn)著的

瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸煙，一天對(duì)他抱怨說(shuō)：“我希望有一天所有卷煙廠都失火。”

“不用擔(dān)心，親愛(ài)的，所有的煙卷遲早都會(huì)點(diǎn)著的?！闭煞蛐χf(shuō)。

2. Put your feet in

The school girl was sitting with her feet stretched far out into the aisle （n. 過(guò)道）， and was busily chewing gum， when the teacher see this. “Mary！” called the teacher sharply. “Yes， Madam？”

questioned the pupil， “Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in！”

把腳放進(jìn)去

一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了。“瑪麗！”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她?！笆裁词?，老師？”這女學(xué)生問(wèn)。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來(lái)，把腳放進(jìn)去?！?/p>

3. Sharing the apples

Harry was given two apples by his Mum， a small one and a large one. “Share them with your sister，” she said.

So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started eating the large one.

His sister said， “If Mum had given them to me Id have given you the large one and had the small one myself.”

“Well，” said Harry， “thats what youve got， so what are you worrying about？”

分蘋(píng)果

媽媽給了哈里兩個(gè)蘋(píng)果，一個(gè)大，另一個(gè)小?！案妹梅种浴！眿寢屨f(shuō)。

所以，哈里就把小個(gè)的給了妹妹，自己開(kāi)始啃那個(gè)大個(gè)的。妹妹說(shuō)：“如果媽媽給了我，我會(huì)把大的給你，把小的留給自己的?！?/p>

“對(duì)呀”，哈里說(shuō)，“你拿到的不就是小的嗎？還著什么急呀？”

4. Two birds

Teacher： Here are two birds， one is a swallow， and the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which？

Student： I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher： Please tell us.

Student： The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥(niǎo)

老師：這兒有兩只鳥(niǎo)，一只是燕子，另一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？

學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請(qǐng)說(shuō)說(shuō)看。

學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

5. A dollar per point

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $ 100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point.”

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $ 64 change.

一分一美元

一天，教授正在給學(xué)生們監(jiān)考。他發(fā)下試卷，然后回到講臺(tái)前等待。

考試結(jié)束了，學(xué)生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發(fā)現(xiàn)一張?jiān)嚲砩蟿e著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫(xiě)著：“一分一美元。”

第二堂課，教授把試卷都發(fā)回學(xué)生們手中。其中一個(gè)學(xué)生不但拿回了試卷還得到64塊錢(qián)的找零。

8. The Kings Brother

A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain， asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother. The king desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him. The poor fellow replied， “We all have one common father and mother—Adam and Eve.” Upon which the king gave him a little copper piece of money. The poor man said， “Is it possible that your Majesty should give no more than this to your brother？” “Away， away， ” replies the king， “if all the brothers you have in the world give you as much as I have done， youll be richer than I am.”

國(guó)王的兄弟

一個(gè)窮漢去見(jiàn)西班牙國(guó)王，說(shuō)自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周濟(jì)。國(guó)王想知道他何以攀認(rèn)親戚。窮漢回答說(shuō)，“我們有共同的祖先——亞當(dāng)和夏娃?！甭?tīng)了這話，國(guó)王就給了他一個(gè)小銅子兒。于是窮人叫屈說(shuō)：“難道您國(guó)王陛下就給兄弟這么一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)錢(qián)嗎？”“走開(kāi)，快走，”國(guó)王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟們都像我這樣給你一個(gè)銅板，你就比我還有錢(qián)了。”