How Hollywood Ruined Me for Romance

by Benjamin Svetkey

寒星 譯

How Hollywood Ruined Me for Romance

怪我過分“浪漫” —一位好萊塢娛記的羅曼史

by Benjamin Svetkey

寒星 譯

Track 7

I once1)fondledAngelina Jolie’s elbow.

This was back in the early 2000s, when I was a writer for Entertainment Weekly. I had flown to Montreal, where Ms. Jolie was shooting2)Taking Lives, to interview her over lunch for a cover story.

While I watched the star slice into a bloody steak at a fve-star hotel restaurant, she told me how she had chipped a bone in her elbow doing a stunt, and the tiny bone chip kept migrating under her skin. Then she put down her knife and fork, took my hand in hers, and invited me to squeeze and3)pinchher arm to see if I could fnd it.

I nearly fainted.

我曾經(jīng)撫摸過安吉麗娜·朱莉的手肘。

那是本世紀(jì)初期的事情了，當(dāng)時(shí)我還是《娛樂周刊》的一名撰稿人。我搭乘飛機(jī)到加拿大的蒙特利爾，準(zhǔn)備在午餐時(shí)為朱莉小姐做一篇封面故事采訪，那時(shí)她正在當(dāng)?shù)嘏臄z電影《機(jī)動(dòng)殺人》。

我看著這位明星在一家五星級(jí)酒店的餐廳里切著一塊血淋淋的牛扒，她告訴我她是如何在一次特技表演時(shí)摔碎了手肘里的一塊骨頭，而那塊小碎骨一直在她的皮膚底下游移。接著，她放下手中的刀叉，抓起我的手，邀請(qǐng)我捏一捏她的手臂，看能否找到那塊碎骨。

我?guī)缀醵家獣炟蔬^去了。

Of course, millions of men fall in love with movie stars every day, but usually from the safety of a theater seat. As an entertainment journalist I didn’t just rub elbows, I occasionally fondled them.

Over the past 20 years, I’ve sat in restaurants and engaged in conversation—what in another context might be called a date—with4)Michelle Pfeiffer,5)Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts and many others. It was one of the best parts of the job, meeting such women and watching them chew, but it was also, frankly, one of the most challenging. It totally6)fouledmeupwhen it came to real dates with unfamous women.

無可否認(rèn)，每天都有數(shù)百萬男人愛上電影明星，可是他們都是安安穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地坐在電影院的座位上。作為一名娛樂記者，我不僅常與明星們摩肘擦踵，偶爾還真會(huì)摸起他們的手肘來。

過去20年來，我曾坐在餐廳里和米歇爾·菲佛、哈莉·貝瑞、妮可·基德曼、茱莉亞·羅伯茨，還有許多其他女明星談天說地—換個(gè)方式說，也算是在約會(huì)。那是我這份工作其中一個(gè)最棒之處，約見這些女士，欣賞她們咀嚼食物，不過坦白地說，這同時(shí)也是最具挑戰(zhàn)性的一點(diǎn)。我會(huì)因此搞砸自己真正的約會(huì)，完全不懂怎樣和非名人女子約會(huì)。

Actors are professional charmers. They also have a7)vested interestin making journalists like them. And to a young reporter starting out, and even to a seasoned veteran, it can be8)headystuff, having a star flirt with you. Sometimes, that thin line can get awfully blurry.

For instance, I did go on one real date with a star I interviewed. At least I considered it a real date. I won’t tell you her name because I don’t want to embarrass anyone other than myself. But when I frst interviewed her at a coffee shop on Sunset Boulevard on a drizzly afternoon two decades ago, just as she was breaking out, I thought she was the most Bambilike creature ever to wander into Hollywood. I was so smitten I went home and wrote a profle that, between the lines, all but begged her to go out with me.

演員們擅長施展自己的魅力。贏得新聞工作者的青睞對(duì)他們也定然有好處。而對(duì)于一個(gè)剛?cè)胄械挠浾?，甚至?duì)于一個(gè)經(jīng)驗(yàn)豐富的老手來說，明星對(duì)自己拋媚眼是挺令人心眩神迷的一件事。有時(shí)候，那細(xì)微的界線會(huì)變得十分模糊。

例如，我確實(shí)與其中一位我曾經(jīng)采訪過的女明星真正約會(huì)過。至少我認(rèn)為那是一場真正的約會(huì)。我不會(huì)公開她的名字，因?yàn)槌俗约?，我不想讓任何人難堪。然而，20年前，某個(gè)細(xì)雨迷蒙的午后，我在日落大道一家咖啡廳里第一次采訪她，就在她開口說話時(shí)，我就覺得她是好萊塢里最像小鹿斑比的人物。我被她徹底迷倒了，回家之后，我寫下了一篇人物傳記，字里行間無不流露出邀請(qǐng)她與我約會(huì)的請(qǐng)求。

1) fondle [?f?nd?l] v. 愛撫，撫弄

2) Taking Lives 《機(jī)動(dòng)殺人》，一部2004年上映的犯罪驚悚類電影， 根據(jù)英國小說家Michael Pye同名小說改編。 由安吉麗娜·朱莉和伊森·霍克主演

3) pinch [p?nt?] v. 捏

4) Michelle Pfeiffer 米歇爾·菲佛，美國著名電影女演員，1958年出生，曾多次獲得奧斯卡和金球獎(jiǎng)提名，1993年以《槍聲響起》登上柏林影展 后座

5) Halle Berry 哈莉·貝瑞，美國影視演員，1966年 出生，第74屆奧斯卡最佳女主角獎(jiǎng)得主

6) foul up 搞砸

7) vested interest 特權(quán)階級(jí)，既得權(quán)利

8) heady [?hed?] adj. 興奮的，令人陶醉的

And she did! After the article appeared she phoned—well, her publicist did—to thank me and invite me to dinner. We met at an Italian restaurant in Brentwood and she was every bit as charmingly vulnerable as during our interview.

But I began to notice that Bambi had a few issues.

“I know this is going to sound weird,” she confessed during the meal, “but I have a phobia about talking on telephones. I’m working on it, I’m getting help, but you should know about it, in case you ever try to call me.” She said it with such pained sincerity, I couldn’t help but nod. And for the first time, it dawned on me that dating a celebrity might be a bit of a nightmare.

I called the next day and left a voice mail message thanking her for the date and requesting another. When she didn’t call back, I tried calling a few days later. Then again. And again. Until it dawned on me I was phone-stalking a celebrity who had confessed to having a phobia of phones.

That “real” celebrity date definitely gave me a deeper appreciation for the nonfamous women in my life. I came to realize the advantages of normal dating. For one thing, I didn’t have to jot down a lot of questions to ask before arriving at the restaurant. For another, I discovered that all the time I spent talking to famous strangers had given me good skills for romantic socializing. Most men try to impress women by talking about themselves. Thanks to my job, I learned a better way. Ask a lot of questions and — this is critical — listen to the answers. Even unfamous women, it turns out, really like that.

From time to time, I found myself in longterm relationships (some of them for whole months at a stretch). But movie stars still came between us. Girlfriends would become insecure whenever they knew I was about to interview a starlet, jokingly hinting that they might show up at the restaurant to keep an eye on me.

她真的答應(yīng)了！文章出版之后，她打電話給我了—好吧，是她的公關(guān)助理打的—感謝我并邀請(qǐng)我一同用餐。我們?cè)诓紓愄匚榈碌囊患乙獯罄宛^里見面，她就像那次采訪時(shí)一樣散發(fā)著柔弱的魅力。

可是，我開始發(fā)現(xiàn)斑比也有一些小麻煩。

“我知道這聽起來也許很奇怪，”用餐時(shí)她坦白地說，“但是我很害怕在電話里聊天。我正在克服，也在尋求幫助，但我要告訴你這一點(diǎn)，以防你想打電話給我。”她說話時(shí)是那樣痛苦和真誠，我不得不點(diǎn)頭應(yīng)諾。就這樣，我第一次意識(shí)到，和名人約會(huì)也許會(huì)是一場噩夢(mèng)。

第二天，我給她打電話并留了一條語音信息，感謝她與我約會(huì)，并再次邀約。眼看她沒有回復(fù)，幾天后我又打了一次。接著打了又打。直到有一天，我才醒悟到自己正在用電話追蹤一個(gè)曾坦言自己有電話恐懼癥的名人。

那次“真正的”名人約會(huì)著實(shí)讓我更懂得欣賞我生命中那些非名人女子。我逐漸意識(shí)到普通約會(huì)的好處。一方面，我不必在到達(dá)餐廳之前先寫下一系列想要詢問的問題。另一方面，我發(fā)現(xiàn)與陌生名人聊天的這些時(shí)光讓我學(xué)到了許多關(guān)于戀愛的社交技巧。許多男士為了討好女士會(huì)主動(dòng)談?wù)撟约?。多虧了我的工作，我學(xué)到了一個(gè)更好的方法。詢問很多問題并且—這點(diǎn)很重要—聆聽她們的答案。事實(shí)證明，即便是不出名的女士，她們也都非常喜歡這樣的交談方式。

有些時(shí)候，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己處于長期的戀愛關(guān)系之中（有些持續(xù)好幾個(gè)月）?？墒请娪懊餍莻冞€是會(huì)介入到我們中間。女朋友們知道我將要采訪年輕女明星時(shí)，總會(huì)變得不安，開玩笑地暗示她們也會(huì)去餐廳以便好好看著我。

I would wave away their concerns, explaining how interviewing stars was simply part of my job, that I was as professionally detached as a doctor. But9)in retrospect, they may have been right to be jealous. Because I still got a rush from dining with famous actresses. I still got a buzz from the pretend firting and the faux intimacy and the fake seduction of the celebrity interview. I enjoyed it so much, I felt guilty when I got back home. It felt as if I had been unfaithful.

In a way, maybe I had.

In romantic comedies, there’s a perfect woman for every man, and they always manage to fnd each other. But as I entered my 40s, still a bachelor, I had to accept the fact that my skewed idea of perfection was ruining my life. Except that’s when I met the perfect woman.

This was in Prague, in the spring of 2002, while visiting the set of an action movie called10)XXX. I had been on the sound stage no more than 15 or 20 minutes, just long enough to watch Vin Diesel blow up a terrorist11)bunkerwith a12)bazooka, when I spotted her: a gorgeous woman with honey-blond hair and green eyes, sitting on top of boxes of sound equipment, reading a thick Czech book.

With those cheekbones, I assumed she had a part in the movie. So I turned to the flm’s publicist and asked if I could interview her.

我會(huì)消除她們的擔(dān)憂，解釋說采訪明星只是我工作的一部分，我和醫(yī)生一樣專業(yè)，不會(huì)摻入私人感情。不過反省一下，她們的妒忌也不無道理。因?yàn)樵谂c著名女演員用餐時(shí)，我依然心潮澎湃。采訪中，明星們那些佯裝調(diào)情、虛情親昵、假意誘惑，依然讓我陶醉其中。我十分享受，回家之后卻深感歉疚，感覺就像做了出軌的事情一樣。

從某種程度上說，也許我真的出軌了。

在愛情喜劇里，每個(gè)男人都有一個(gè)完美的女人，他們總能找到對(duì)方。然而，當(dāng)我步入不惑之年，我卻依然形單影只，我不得不接受現(xiàn)實(shí)，我那些關(guān)于完美主義的歪理毀掉了我的人生。直至我遇到我的完美情人。

事情發(fā)生在2002年春天的布拉格，那時(shí)我正在探訪動(dòng)作電影《極限特工》的劇組人員。走進(jìn)攝影棚才不到15或者20分鐘，時(shí)間僅僅夠看完范·迪塞爾用一枚火箭炮炸掉一處恐怖分子的燃料庫，我就注意到她了：一位金發(fā)碧眼的美人，坐在音響設(shè)備的箱子上面，讀著一本厚厚的捷克語圖書。

擁有如此美貌，我猜她也是影片的演員之一。于是我轉(zhuǎn)身走向那部電影的公關(guān)員，詢問我能否采訪她。

9) in retrospect 回顧，追溯

10) XXX 《極限特工》，由羅伯·科恩執(zhí)導(dǎo)，范·迪塞爾、 艾莎·阿基多等主演的一部冒險(xiǎn)電影，另有兩部續(xù)集

11) bunker [?b??k?] n. 地堡，燃料庫

12) bazooka [b??zu?k?] n. 火箭炮

“She’s not an actress,” he said, rolling his eyes. “She’s a translator.”

I interviewed her anyway. Repeatedly. During long walks around Old Town Square and across the Charles Bridge and over sips of13)Becherovkainside Prague cafes. She had a sexy Slavic accent right out of a Bond flm, but as a translator her English was flawless, even if she did occasionally mangle an14)aphorism(“Ugh, I am like an15)elephant in Chinatown!”she said after spilling her drink).

Sitting across a table from her, I got the same dizzying high that usually happened only with my celebrity dates. But this time there were no fake intimacies or phony familiarities. We just talked about books and movies and music and growing up in our different countries. Over dinner, she playfully taught me the Czech words for knife and fork and salt and pepper. After dinner, she taught me the Czech word for kiss.

We’ve been married now for almost 10 years. Sometimes, when I’m really lucky, she even lets me fondle her elbow.

“她不是演員，”他不以為然地說?！八且幻g。”

我還是采訪了她。采訪了一次又一次。我們走在舊城廣場上、走過查爾斯大橋、也在布拉格的咖啡廳里喝冰爵酒促膝長談。她擁有一副性感的斯拉夫嗓音，就像從《007》電影里走出來一樣，然而作為一名翻譯，她的英語無可挑剔，即便她偶爾還是會(huì)弄錯(cuò)一句格言（“哎，我真是頭唐人街的笨象！”她不小心把飲料弄撒之后如是說）。

和她隔著桌子相對(duì)而坐，我感受到通常只有在我與明星約會(huì)時(shí)才會(huì)感覺到的眩暈似的興奮感。不過這一次，沒有虛偽的親昵或者弄虛作假的熟稔。我們只是談?wù)摃?、電影和音樂，以及各自在不同國家的成長史。用餐時(shí)，她調(diào)皮地教我說刀叉、鹽和胡椒的捷克語。餐后，她教我如何用捷克語說“接吻”。

如今，我們結(jié)婚已近十年。有時(shí)，如果我足夠幸運(yùn)的話，她甚至還會(huì)讓我愛撫一下她的手肘。

13) Becherovka 冰爵利口酒，也叫草樂苦酒，捷克特產(chǎn)，主要成分是藥草和溫泉水

14) aphorism [??f?r?sm] n. 格言，警句

15) elephant in Chinatown 這句諺語的正確說法是“elephant in the (living) room”（ 客廳里的大象），形容明明顯而易見卻被人刻意回避及無視的事物